Authors: Rebeca Ruiz
“I just get lost in my head sometimes. I'm fine.” I've said those words so many times, I'm not even positive they hold any meaning anymore.
“If you say so.” I know she doesn't believe me.
She's one of the first people to realize that I am not fine when I say I am. The other person is Mathew, that day in the hospital, it's like he knew I wasn't, I didn't have to say anything. Everyone just believes me because they're too invested in themselves to notice otherwise. That's just the way humans were created.
Chapter Eight
Mathew Pennington
I can't stop thinking about her. Presley. She's on my mind all the time. I just want to get to know her better. I want to kiss her more. I want her.
James is going to fucking kill me.
I'm not going to tell him anything right now. He doesn't have to know. We're both not sure where this is going. This could end up just being a friends with benefits kind of thing. Fuck. Now I'm lying to myself.
I needed more than just the taste of her mouth. I needed to know why she was in pain, why she had panic attacks, and why she harmed herself. I want to fix her to save her. I can't imagine a world without her now. I don't want to even think about what could happen to her if she had a bad night that she couldn't handle alone. I wanted to be there for her.
I spotted Dessie a few days later. Presley wasn't with her. I ran up to her. I had a game I had to get to, I knew Presley went to go see her brother play, but now that he wasn't playing...I still wanted her to come.
“Dessie!” She turned around and her eyes widened.
“Well, look who it is, lover boy.” She smiles. “What can I do for you?”
“Where is Presley?”
She doesn't say anything for a few seconds, like she was contemplating whether or not to tell me. I wonder how much she actually knows about Presley. Presley doesn't look like the type to spill her secrets to everyone she meets, maybe Dessie has picked up on stuff like I have.
“She's in the photo room developing some photos. Presley was a little upset earlier and she went to clear her head.” I nod.
“Thanks.” Before I could turn, she stops me.
“I know I have no right to say this, I've only known her for a week and a half, but...Presley is broken. She's strong but there are pieces of her missing, she thinks we don't notice. Please don't hurt her, I don't think she can cope with losing another part of herself.” She was right.
“I don't want to hurt her.” She nods. Dessie cared about Presley, proof of how easily Presley was to get along with and care about.
“Good luck at your game.” She reminded me that I had to hurry. I started running to the media building which is not far. It's empty and quiet compared to all the other buildings, but there were photos everywhere and accomplishments of people who have come through these hallways. I saw a photo of the week posted.
It was a picture Presley took of a shattered mirror. In the broken bits I could make out some of her features. It was hauntingly beautiful.
“Beautiful, isn't it?” I turned my head to see an older man. He had his hands in his pockets and from the tag around his neck I could see he was the photo teacher.
“Yes.”
“Do you know her?” I nod. “I truly believe she can go far with her photographs. She is beyond amazing, there is just so much truth behind her photos. Presley Masters is wise beyond her years.” He was right about that.
“I'm actually looking for her, is she in the photo room?” I ask.
“You just missed her said something about frozen yogurt cravings, went out the other exit. I'm sure you can catch up to her if you hurry.” I did hurry. I ran out the other exit and my luck when I saw she was not far. I caught up to her and grabbed her hand.
Presley got a little startled, but smiled when she saw it was me. “Hey, Mathew.” She didn't let go of my hand and I was happy.
“Are you going to the game?” She shook her head.
“I wasn't planning to. Why?” She bit her lower lip. Fuck. Presley wasn't even trying and I wanted her up against a wall now.
“Because I would love it if you came.” I paused. “I actually want to take you out on a date afterward, if that would be alright?”
I'd surprised her with my words. She let go of her lip. I realized that her lips were naturally pouty. It was so fucking hot on her.
“That's fine. I would love to.” I could see her get a little nervous. I leaned in and kissed her, I couldn't help it. I didn't care if her brother saw us or if someone went off and told him that they saw us. I didn't care.
She tasted of chocolate and I had a hard time stopping. Her damn lips were just so fucking addicting. I pulled away slowly.
“Dress warm, alright?” She nods still in a bit of a daze. I kissed her softly one more time and she was smiling when I pulled away.
“I'll see you at the game.” She says and I force myself to walk away. Fuck. This girl was going to ruin my life and I didn't care.
Chapter Nine
Presley Masters
Dessie and I got to the soccer game twenty minutes late, and we sat in the front, but far away from the screaming girls. It was good that they stayed in one spot, they didn't really stray from the group and they were all huddled together.
“Look they're ahead by two points.” Dessie points out.
The reason I brought her tonight was because I was still mad at Finn for kissing me. He didn't get that I didn't want anything with him. Also didn't bring him because I was going on a date with Mathew. I couldn't believe he actually asked me out. He looked so nervous, it was just beyond adorable.
Dessie actually let me know that her favorite sport to watch was soccer. Not because she liked playing because there were always hot guys. I laughed and shook my head at her. Tonight she promised to tell me everything that happened so I could understand what was happening.
“I think someone is looking for you from the bench.” I looked down where the players were to see Mathew looking for me in the stands.
Our eyes met and we both smiled at each other. His eyes shifted to something next to me and I turned to see my brother. Fuck.
“James, what are you doing here?” I could see the other girls heading this way now that James was here.
“It's still my team. I can't play but I'm still a part of that team.” He had his soccer jersey on, representing the red and black team. “Why did I get a call from mom saying that you were going to go back home for the weekend?”
“Because I am.” There was an art gallery in downtown Chicago my photo teacher wanted me to attend, and I'd decided to just stay the weekend and I could get more photos for my portfolio.
“What are you doing?” James was really nosy. He saw the cuts one time. Years ago. I know he still knows I do it. He just pretends not to notice anymore.
“Art gallery.” I was being short with him because it was really none of his business. It was mine.
“James, do you think Matty and you want to come to our apartment and get a drink after the game?” This blonde girl asks. She was really pretty. She also had the package. Her friends did too. I started to feel small in my sweater.
“I don't see why not. Matty is always up for anything.” That's when I started to realize that Mathew wouldn't tell James about us and he would pick James over me. James would hurt him for even messing with me.
I stand up. I can't be here. I go down the stairs and I feel in my pocket for the one thing that will bring me comfort. A blade.
“Presley!” I hear Dessie, but I keep walking. I get pulled and I yelp in pain. She grabbed my bad arm. “Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize how hard I was grabbing you-” I interrupt her, shaking my head.
“I'm fine. I need to go to the bathroom.” I could feel the wounds reopening. I needed to bandage them again. I kept walking, and she didn't follow me.
I went into the bathroom and I rolled up my sleeve to see some blood. Blood didn't bother me like it used to a few years ago. It was a friend to me now.
I ran my arm under the cold water, I wanted the sting. Sometimes creating pain helped not hurt myself. Sometimes it wasn't enough.
The door slammed open and in came in Dessie. She looked at my arm, her eyes wide when she realized what she was seeing.
“You're hurting yourself.” I nod. There was no denying or trying to talk my way out of this. She knew now. “Oh, Presley Beth. How long has this been happening?”
“Almost four years now.” I moved my arm away from the water. I shouldn't be telling her anything, but I can't stop. “It's just to relieve stress. I'm not crazy. I swear.” Her gray eyes were staring at me.
“I never said you were. You're just a little lost, sweetie. We can get you help, to get you to stop.” I shake my head.
“I'm not going to a hospital for help. I've been dealing with this alone for years. I have it under control.” I do. I bandage up my arm again, I needed a new bandage but I needed to go back to my dorm to get it.
“You don't have to go to a hospital. Maybe you just need someone you can talk to. I can be that person for you.” She's realized I won't go get professional help, I will not be labeled as a crazy person. I am not crazy. “I'll listen. If you want my advice, I'll give it to you. But for now I'll listen. I will help you.”
“Why?”
“Because I made a promise to someone a long time ago. To never leave someone and always try and help people out.”
I nod slowly. “Okay.” We get out of the bathroom and started heading toward the parking lot to our cars.
“Lets go back to my apartment and we'll tell Matty t-”
“I'm going to my parents house tonight. I can't stay here. Not this weekend. I need to go.” She nods.
“Call me when you get there, okay?”
“I will.”
Chapter Ten
Mathew Pennington
When I went to go see if Presley was in the stands, she wasn't there. Dessie wasn't there either. I saw James, and he was surrounded by girls.
“Want to go back to Melissa's place?” He asks. I shake my head.
“I feel sick. I'm going to pass.” I pause. “Hey, didn't I see your sister here earlier?” I hoped to come off as casual.
Thankfully James didn't think anything of it or didn't seem to care that I was asking about his sister. “She left about an hour ago. Didn't say anything.” He shrugs.
It was then that I realized that I didn't have her number. I couldn't text her or call her. Had she really bailed on our plans? Had something bad happened? I couldn't help it, all I could think about was the bad things that could have happened.
“I'm going to the apartment, I'll see you later, man. Enjoy your night.” I'm sure he would.
It was a few days later, and I still hadn't seen Presley. I was beyond worried that something happened to her. I passed by the media building hundreds of times and I went to the library every chance I had to see if I could run into her, I couldn't even get a hold of Dessie either.
Finally, I couldn't help not knowing and I went into the living room where James was sat watching some show.
“Have you seen Presley lately? She was supposed to be helping me with something this week.” It'd been five days since the game. She hadn't even gone to her classes. I was genuinely worried about her.
“Help with what?” James doesn't even take a second to look at me.
“I like Dessie, she said she would try to help me out with her.” I lie. Of course I didn't like Dessie like that.
“Dessie King?” I saw something flash in his eyes, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. Did I want to know? “Why?”
“She's hot.” He rolls his eyes.
“Why do you need my sister?”
“She said she would get me an in with Dessie.” I noticed the fist he was making. Was he mad already? Why?
“Presley likes to disappear for a few days. Something must've upset her, and she didn't want to come back from Chicago. That's just the way she is. She always comes back though, so I'm sure she'll turn up soon.” So Presley is a runner. “Last time she did this she ended up in Europe for almost a year.” My heart was beating fast. What if she didn't come back for a year?
His phone began to ring. “Speaking of her.” He shows me his phone. Presley is calling him. He answers. “Presley.” He puts her on speaker.
“Are you at your apartment?” Her voice echoed through the room and I felt this big wave of relief to be hearing her voice.
“Yes.”
There was silence and I could hear traffic. Where was she? “I got a flat and I'm stranded on the express way next to the exit to get to SU. Can you drive?”
“Did you forget I am in a boot? I can't drive, but Matty can.” He looks at me. I nod and reach for my keys. “He'll help you out.” That didn't sound like he was coming, and secretly I was happy about that. I could talk to her alone.
“Alright.” She hung up. Or maybe she didn't want to talk.
“Thanks man for going. Owe you one.” I nod and I head out.
I try not to speed as I get to the express way. I just wanted to physically see her and see that she was fine. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
Sure enough as soon as I get on the express way, I do see her car on the curb. The road is unusually empty for this time of night, it was almost dark, and I needed to fix her flat as soon as possible.
I pulled over and I could see Presley, in tiny shorts and a big sweater. She was pacing back and forth, and it looked like she was talking to herself. I turned off the car and I stepped out. Her eyes found mine, and they took my breath away.
“Hey.” She says.
I motion to the tools I have in my hand to help her with her flat. “I brought back up.” She gives me a smile.
“Thanks for coming to my rescue.”
“It's no problem.” I walked over to her, we had a very limited time to fix this flat.