Tolerance (Heart of Stone) (36 page)

Mason stirred and mumbled something and then his eyes
flicked open. It took him a few seconds to focus and then his eyes widened on
me and he shot out of his chair and over to me. “Baby” he breathed as his hand
stroked my hair of my forehead so he could plant a tender kiss “Jesus Ava…I’m
so sorry baby” he exhaled heavily and I palmed his cheek “Hey” I scolded as his
eyes closed in relief “Oh god Ava…” he choked and planted another kiss, this
time on my cheek and I winced at the pain “Sorry” he grimaced “How are you
feeling?” he asked, his fingers touching all the wounds on my face as he grimaced
with each one. I shrugged “The babies?” I asked and he smiled “They’re fine,
Kerrie and Courtney are watching them” he explained and I nodded.

I glanced at Teresa “Could you leave us a moment please?”
I asked and she smiled understandingly “I’ll be back in about ten minutes, I
can’t give you any longer with the head trauma you’ve had, I’m sorry” I nodded
an acknowledgement as she closed the door quietly behind her.

My eyes turned to Mason and he looked down and sighed
“I’m so sorry Ava; if I’d have known he’d…he’d…” I grasped his hand “I know
Mason, he was your best friend” I expressed and his eyes found mine again,
confusion, relief and gratefulness displayed in them. He nodded slowly “I
tried, after he did what he did, I so wanted to kill him Ava but…” he shrugged
and sucked on his lips “We’d been friends for years and I just couldn’t do it”
he stood up, took a deep breath and chewed on his bottom lip “But I won’t make
the same fucking mistake again Ava” he closed his eyes and tried to steady his
breathing as his fists clenched.

I patted the bed to the side of me “Come here” I said
softly and his face screwed up in pain but he did as I asked and perched beside
me. I took his hand “Mason, I need to tell you something” I took a deep breath
“He…he raped me” I closed my eyes and swallowed, waiting for the outcry but his
lips brushed over mine “I know baby, I know…I’m sorry…” I opened my eyes to see
the devastation in his “Why
are you
more worried about
me than yourself Ava?” he asked, confusing marring his face. I frowned “I
dunno” I scoffed “It’s not exactly new for me Mason, although…it doesn’t get
any easier but I know what this has done to you, how you must feel knowing that
Dane…that he…touched me when I’m yours” I shivered and he stretched out on the
bed beside me and turned to face me, his fingers tracing the contours of my
face “I can’t believe you at times Ava, you never stop amazing me. You’re
strong, confident and so fucking incredible. I thought you’d have my balls for
the biggest fuck up I’ve ever made” he sighed sadly and I knew he was torturing
himself “Mason, I understand…hell, if it was Courtney I don’t think I’d be able
to hurt her never mind…” I closed my eyes and relished him as his lips found
mine and he kissed me so softly I could barely feel him

 
“Did you find
him?” I asked and sighed when he looked away “No” he said simply and I gulped
“He was a mess Mason, what did you do to him?” I probed but he shook his head
“You don’t wanna know Ava” I grimaced at the thought “Did you set fire to him?”
I asked cautiously. He glanced at me quickly but looked away and his actions
confirmed my thoughts. I pulled in a breath as visions of Katie’s gruesome
death swam in my head. I gagged as the smell and sound of her horrifying
screams flooded my memories. Mason clung to me tightly “Baby, don’t” he
cautioned and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“What do I tell the police?” I asked, knowing Mason would
want to deal with this himself “He wore a hood and you have no idea who he was”
he informed me levelly and I nodded “It was him who stabbed Greg” I divulged
and he sighed “We thought that”

I frowned “You knew!” I was gobsmacked “You knew he was
out there and you left me alone with Courtney and the babies!” I shook my head
in shock and despair “Ava…we weren’t sure” he defended and I could see the
shame and guilt on his face but it was too late for excuses and I was stunned
he would do this

“Whoa Mason, I can understand why you let him go before
but he stabbed Greg for fucks sake. Did you not think he would come for me?” I
rubbed my face with my hands and then jolted at the pain. “Baby, I didn’t know
he would do this…” I snorted and stared at him “He killed our baby Mason, he
tried to rape me before, he beat me up and you didn’t think he’d come for
me...” I shrank back from him “You knew Mason; you knew how much he hated me
for how I split you two up, yet you left me alone with your babies…YOU RISKED
YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN MASON!!!” I screamed “how could you?” I stared at him
with utter disgust.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, placing his
face in his hands “I know…” he whispered so quietly I struggled to hear him. He
looked at me and his hand reached for me and I reared back “Don’t fucking touch
me!” I spat “Just go, I don’t want you anywhere near me” I turned away from
him, the sight of him sickened me “Ava please…” he begged “GET FUCKING OUT” I
cried and curled up within myself. How could he do that? He left us alone while
he must have known Dane would come for me, he risked me and his children when
he left

“Ava…” he breathed, his voice was raspy and low “Go and get
fucking high Mason, I know that’s what you want. Block me and your children out
of your poor fucking excuse of a life!!!” I snarled. His sheer disregard for our
safety hurt so badly, it was like a physical pain ripping my inside. The
thought of what would have happened if Dane had got hold of Katie or George was
too terrifying to think about.

“I’m not leaving you Ava” he growled and a sudden thought
occurred to me and I spun around, disregarding the pain that shot through me “
Who’s
with Courtney and the twins?” I asked slowly, my heart
was speeding up and my breathing became erratic at the chilling thought of them
being alone “Ava calm down, Sam and John are with them” he said quickly and I
breathed a sigh of relief “Oh thank God” he smiled as though he thought he was
forgiven “Shame you didn’t think of us before he beat the shit out of me and
raped me!” I spat as I curled my lip in abhorrence.

He looked down at the floor “I’m sorry Ava; I don’t
know…” he lifted his head and his eyes pleaded with me “Go!” I hissed as the
nurse returned. She looked between the two of us but Mason just sat in the
corner chair and crossed his arms over his chest and I sighed heavily “Why do
you never do as I ask?” I yelled at him but he just shrugged “I told you, I.
AM. NOT.
LEAVING.
YOU.
AVA”
he said slowly and dominantly and I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him
“The police are here Honey, you ready to talk?” Teresa asked and I saw Masons
eyes flit to mine in a warning. I sighed “Bring it on”…again!!!

I was allowed home two days later and against my wishes,
back to Masons. I had wanted to return to the cottage after what Mason had done
but he wouldn’t let me, refusing to let me be alone. I hadn’t told Courtney
what Mason had done, I was too angry and I was frightened how she would react
about Greg’s stabbing. Greg was doing brilliantly and would be home in a few
weeks and Mason had insisted Courtney stayed at his for her protection until
they found Dane.

The first thing I did when I walked through the door was
huddle my babies up and kiss and kiss and kiss them, I had missed them so much;
they were now my life and I couldn’t bear to be apart from them. Mason was
desperately trying to win my forgiveness but this latest fuck up was huge and I
was struggling to even look at him. I was also fraught with worry about Dane
getting to the babies, I wasn’t coping well over the rape; I felt dirty, used
and guilty and I was frightened in the house in case he came back and the
memories were haunting me…I was a mess, mentally and physically and I knew it
was only a matter of time before I broke.

Once I had put Katie and George to bed after enjoying
bath time I went straight to the freezer and pulled out a bottle of vodka,
needing to obliterate my inner turmoil. Mason eyed me sceptically but I just
glared at him and downed the first glass, pouring another immediately after.

I closed my eyes and exhaled as the alcohol hit my sore
throat and trickled into my stomach, but the effect wasn’t instantaneous and I
downed the second one. I needed to feel numb, stop the emotions and thoughts
that were drowning me “Ava…” Mason warned and reached for the bottle “Don’t” I
snarled as I moved it away from him “I need it…I need to blot it out!” I warned
and walked away from him and into the lounge.

Courtney was curled up on the sofa watching a movie and
she eyed me when I walked in “Hey babe” she smiled and I settled down beside
her and poured another glass full. She frowned and tipped her head to the glass
“You okay?” she asked as Mason sat in the chair opposite; his eyes firmly fixed
on me “It’s been a bit of a shit week so I thought I’d get fucking pissed” I
shrugged and swallowed the full glass and filled it a fourth time.

Masons face was dangerously dark but I was in the mood
for a fight so I tipped my glass at him and consumed it all in one
go
. His breathing was getting heavier and faster and I could
sense Courtney’s eyes swinging between the two of us “I’m gonna go to bed, I’m
shattered” she said as she stood and kissed my head “Night babe” she glanced at
Mason “Night” he nodded at her but never removed his eyes from me. I smirked
and poured another glass.

The vodka was just starting to hit my senses and I sighed
contentedly as it started its numbing magic and rested my head on the back of
the couch while I closed my eyes. The room was silent but I could hear his
steady breaths and I bit my lip as tears threatened to surface. No damn it, I
would not cry…or I would not let him see me cry. I sat up, guzzled the vodka,
slammed the glass on the table and walked up the stairs, neither of us uttering
a word.

I checked on the babies and then turned on the shower in
the en-suite and stripped off before I climbed under the hot stream.

My life was a mess! One big fucking mess! I was a mess!
Another man had violated me…again!!! What the fuck was wrong with me? Did I
have a sign hung around my neck saying ‘Hey, come and rape me’? I rested my
forehead against the tiles and closed my eyes. I felt dirty and I knew Mason
was afraid to touch me, I could see the disgust on his face…another man had
violated his woman; fucked the pussy that belonged to him!

I bit my lip severely to try and stop the thoughts I knew
deep down weren’t true but they still kept spinning around my mind, tormenting
and torturing me. Was this payback for Dean and Lee or was its Gods way of
saying I didn’t deserve to be happy. I was a slut, a fucking whore; Dane said
so, Lee said so…I must be the biggest whore around.

I felt something snap inside me and I yanked at my hair
in self-disgust, trying to tear it out in revulsion as I clawed at my face,
wanting to rip away the dirty skin, my filthy, foul skin. A sob broke out as I
continued to pull and claw and scratch at
myself
,
wanting to peel my skin away from me, it was poisonous and toxic. It’s what
held the evilness inside me, the badness and vice held beneath it and I wanted
to rip it away and pull all the sinfulness out and wash it down the drain,
watch it swirl into hell.

 
Blood trickled down my face from under my finger nails as I tore at my
skin, ripping it off me and I heard a keening noise and I didn’t realise it was
coming from me until Mason appeared from nowhere and pulled me from the shower
and pinned me onto his lap.

I could see his mouth moving, his
eyes drowned in worry and anguish but the humming in my ears was getting
louder. It was deafening, a long high pitch hum that was driving me crazy. I
screamed and held my hands to my ears to try and stop it. I couldn’t stop
screaming and scratching and I faintly saw Courtney in front of me through the
blur but I felt the sharp sting of her slap across my face. The singe of the
slap halted the humming and screaming immediately and I froze

 
“Ava…god damn it!” Mason choked out as Courtney patted his shoulder and
smiled tenderly at him before she left us alone

  
“Baby…” he sobbed “Look at what you’ve done!” he reached into the bath
behind him and took the facecloth and started to gently wipe at my face,
wincing and cringing as he wiped away the torn skin and blood “Why Ava…why…?”
he rasped as he continued to clean me up “Jesus baby…” I couldn’t talk, I was
too numb and I wanted to be numb, I didn’t want to feel or think or smell. I
just wanted to die!

Mason gently laid me on the bed and huddled in behind me
“Ava…” he whispered as he stroked my hair tenderly, his other arm gripped round
my stomach, holding me tightly to him. “Baby…Why?” his voice was full of pain
and desolation. I just stared at the wall and wondered what would come next. My
life had been one long fucking struggle, a daily toil

“I need to get it out” I whispered and I felt Mason still
behind me “What? Get what out baby?” I shook my head… was he stupid? “The filth
Mason” I told him “I don’t understand Ava” his voice was quiet and apprehensive
“The filth Mason! The dirt, the smut…the sin. It’s inside me and I can’t get it
out” I shivered at the thought of it crawling round my body, through my veins
and clogging every pore.

Mason swallowed heavily and was silent for a while “Baby,
why do you think that…that you’re dirty?” he asked low and hesitantly and I
huffed “Even you can see it Mason, I feel it, inside me, crawling through me,
attracting monsters and evil…they’re always after me because I’m riddled with
it and they come after it” I hissed. I felt him slip out of bed and he left the
room.