Torn by Love (Scarred by Love #4) (13 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Tanner

“Motherfucker,” I screamed as I ran out into the street after her as she began to drive away. With my heart thumping rapidly and the ache in my chest leaving me almost breathless, I watched the tail lights of her car disappear down the road. I jogged back to my house and searched for my keys on the hook just inside the front door, only to come up empty. Both of my brothers stood before me, staring in silence.

“I didn’t do shit,” I growled. “You assholes can both stand there and glare at me all you want. I didn’t do it. She was fucking drunk and followed me out of the bar. That’s it.”

My anger was boiling, and I was about to blow. “Where the fuck are my keys?” I tore through the living room, flipping up the pillows on the couch and knocking over things on the coffee table. Then it hit me. Lily had moved my truck.

I ran from the house, and just as I was about to jerk open my truck door, I looked down. The keys were lying on the ground next to my truck.

The crunching of shoes against the gravel in the driveway caused me to spin around. Max was walking toward me with a grim look on his face. I chose to ignore him as I climbed inside the Tahoe.

“You think going after her right now is a good idea?” he asked.

“Don’t give me that shit, Max. If this was you and Bree took off, you wouldn’t let her get away.”

He knew I was right, so he bowed his head and stepped back, letting me back out.

I didn’t even know where I was going, but how many dress shops could there be in town? It couldn’t be that hard to find her.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and dialed Lily’s number. It rang twice before going to voice mail. I knew then that she had hit Ignore.

“Baby, please come back home,” I said. “I wasn’t messing around on you. I love you. I wouldn’t do that to you, to us.” I hung up and then called Bree’s phone.

“What happened?” she asked after picking up on the first ring.

“Just a misunderstanding. Will you put her on the phone?” Silence filled the other end of the line, and a sick feeling settled in my stomach. “Is she there?”

“Uh, no, she called, and I could barely understand her with how hard she was sobbing.” Hearing about how upset Lily was made me sick. “Her dress didn’t really have any adjustments besides the straps, so she said she wasn’t coming.”

“What?”

“There isn’t a reason she had to be here, Tanner, so she isn’t coming.”

I pulled over at the gas station near my office. Resting my head back against the seat, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know where to start, B. I don’t know. How do I fix this?”

Bree sighed. “I don’t even know what happened, Tanner. But from the way Lily was crying, it had to be pretty bad.”

***

Six days. That’s how long it’d been since I kissed Lily. Six days since she got in her car and drove from Arizona to her brother’s place in Texas.

She wasn’t taking my calls. In fact, she wasn’t taking anyone’s. Logan promised to have her here for Bree’s special day, as she was part of the wedding party. That gave me at least a small amount of hope, but the time we’d spent apart was only making me grow angrier and frustrated over the entire situation.

Logan had even tried to talk to Lily after I told him in detail what had truly happened with Olivia. After a day or two he felt she was coming around, because she’d actually listened to his explanation, yet I still hadn’t heard from her.

Logan and I had spent over three hours talking, and by the time we hung up, I felt like the biggest pussy. But he knew after that conversation just how much I loved his sister, so spilling my guts had been worth it.

I wouldn’t willingly admit to anyone, well maybe except Lily, how I slept on her side of the bed. I could still smell her there, and her scent helped soothe the ache that was still heavy in my heart.

***

When the day of the wedding finally arrived, I was cranky, my stomach was in knots, and I felt like a caged bear. I guess not sleeping more than an hour the night before didn’t help, either.

The guys were all meeting at my parents’, and the girls were getting ready at Bree and Max’s place. Time seemed to drag on, and it took everything I had not to be there waiting on the doorstep before sunrise.

“Hey, sweetheart, how you doing?” my mother said from behind me.

I didn’t even bother to turn around. I had been staring out the back window of my childhood home for the last hour, fighting an inner battle of anger and love as hundreds of scenarios ran through my mind. “All right, I guess.”

“Tanner, look at me.” She placed her hand on my arm. When I turned around to meet her gaze, she looked worried. Her brows were pinched together, and the fine lines around her eyes were more noticeable. The worry etched in her features was obvious as she stared up at me. “I know that’s a lie. Tell me the truth.”

“You really want the truth?” I asked, and she nodded. “I feel like shit. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.” I took a deep breath and looked back out the window, toward the backyard. “I’m pissed she never gave me the chance to explain. I’m mad as hell she didn’t believe in us enough to know I would never cheat on her.”

I look back over my shoulder. “If I’m being completely truthful, I’m not sure I can be with someone that could walk away from me so easily.”

“Well, that’s a decision you have to make on your own. The only thing I want is for all my children to be happy.” My mom reached up and gripped the back of my neck. “If Lily makes you happy, if you truly love her, then you need to make the choice. Decide if that love and happiness is something you can live without. No one else can do that for you.”

She walked away, leaving me standing alone once again as I considered her words.

***

Max climbed into the car with Mason, Carson, and Dad. Mom had left an hour ago to help Bree finish getting ready. They were getting married at a small church, the same one my parents were married in years ago.

I hung back and decided to ride in Riley’s car with Zander. He wanted to drive in case he had to cut out early due to Riley and her tendency to push herself too hard lately.

“How you holding up?” Zander asked as we pulled out of the driveway behind my parents’ Buick.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? Do I look that bad?” I stared out the side window. “If this wedding was for anyone but my brother and one of my best friends, I would bail.” I had no desire to smile for some fucking photographer or make a cheery toast to the bride and groom.

“If it’s any consolation, Lily looks like shit too. Riley said she spent the entire morning in the bathroom throwing up.”

No, hearing that she was falling apart too didn’t help. I was pissed, but knowing she was hurting didn’t make me feel any better.

The ride was short but silent after that point. In just a few minutes I would see her. I just wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about that yet.

As we pulled up in front of the church, my stomach clenched. Lily stood on the front steps along with everyone else. But she was the only one I could focus on. Her hair was piled up on top of her head, her curls hanging loosely around her face. A snug lavender dress contoured to every curve of her body. The material stopped just above her knees, exposing her calves, and matching heels gave her a few extra inches of height. She took my breath away.

“Hey, you coming?” Zander asked as he stepped from the car.

“Yeah, I just need a few minutes,” I assured him.

I sat in the car in silence, attempting to calm myself. Lily stood to the side with her arms crossed over her stomach, looking frail and thinner. Her smile was forced, and I could tell she was faking her happiness. The conversation I’d had earlier with my mother rang in my mind.

Could I live without Lily? Could I easily forget the happiness I felt when I was with her? Was I willing to let go of my anger?

Those were all questions only I held the answers to. Questions I knew had to be decided.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Lily

Today was so hard. I had spent the entire morning sick to my stomach. I wasn’t sure I could face Tanner. Everyone was here. Everyone was happy and laughing. Everyone but him.

Bree was glowing, and Max couldn’t take his eyes off her. The intensity in his gaze even made me feel flushed. He was staring her down like she was the last steak and he hadn’t eaten in a week. He was for sure ready to pounce, and we hadn’t even made it inside the church yet.

I stood to the side of the group, quietly observing everyone, feeling a little out of place. I twisted my hands nervously in front of me and looked down at my feet, trying to calm my nervous stomach. The sick feeling was once again consuming me.

The laughter that had been flowing so freely suddenly stopped. I shifted my gaze up to find everyone looking out toward the parking lot. I was afraid to follow their stares; my stomach had bottomed out. I didn’t miss the continued glances in my direction before everyone slowly turned their attention back to the parking lot.

I regretted leaving Tanner, but I couldn’t convince my heart to accept the truth. I had told myself over and over that I wasn’t enough for him, that he needed more than I could give him, and it was only a matter of time before he figured that out, and then I truly would be devastated from the loss.

A strong hand gripped my hip, and I froze. Taking in a deep breath, I prepared myself for the unexpected. Slowly Tanner turned me to face him, and our eyes connected.

Without allowing me to speak a word, or before he spoke any of his own, he covered my mouth with his. Momentarily stunned, I closed my eyes. A few seconds passed before I responded by weaving my hands into his hair. Tanner’s tongue probed my lips, and I opened for him, accepting him. He used his grip on my hips to pull me in tighter until our bodies couldn’t get any closer. When our lips parted I took a deep breath as he rested his forehead against mine.

“I’ve decided I can’t live without you. I can’t go on without the happiness you give me. The love I feel for you isn’t something I can just get over. I need it to live,” he said.

Tanner ran his hands up my back and gripped the nape of my neck in one hand. “I love you, Lily. I never cheated on you. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I ever hurt you.”

“I know,” I whispered, then leaned back and looked up at him. “I’m sorry I left.”

“Don’t ever leave me again,” he demanded. His lips took mine once more, and a moan escaped me.

Clapping surrounded us, followed by hooting and whistles from his brothers. The heat rose in my neck and cheeks, but I continued to kiss him. I didn’t even care that we were in the presence of his entire family, including his parents.

***

The ceremony was beautiful. I had never, in all the time I’d known him, thought I would see Max tear up. The moment he confessed his love for Bree in front of everyone, the room was in tears as well. It was such a heartwarming, overpowering experience.

I wanted what Bree had. I wanted the undeniable love.

Tanner stared at me over Max’s shoulder throughout the entire wedding. Bree matched us up to walk side by side in the wedding procession, and the moment we began to follow each paired-up couple, he kissed me softly. It was as if he was unable to take his eyes off me.

“Did you drive?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Can I ride with you to the reception?”

I smiled up at him as he pulled me close just outside the front entrance. His hands locked together behind my back, and our bodies meshed at our waists.

“Yes,” I sighed.

I’d overreacted when I found Olivia’s wallet in his truck. I know I was feeling hurt, but I should have listened to his explanation. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache. Right now I felt like we couldn’t get close enough. Our closeness was sensual, not sexual, and it was much needed.

I teared up as I relished the feelings he brought out in me.

“I missed you,” I whispered against the base of his neck. He pulled me in a little tighter and kissed my temple. My eyes fluttered shut as I fought off the tears.

“I’ve missed you too.” He took a deep breath, making his chest move against mine. “I went through being sad and angry. I was so mad at you for leaving me. I was pissed that you didn’t believe in me enough to know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

“I was afraid of what I would say when I was able to talk to you. I told myself I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t believe in me, in what we had. But that was all over the moment I saw you,” he whispered.

His confession broke my heart, but a relief washed over me at the same time. I wasn’t sure what I would have done if he told me we were over instead of kissing me. But in all honesty it would have been my own fault. He was right, I should have given him the trust he deserved. Tanner had never given me a reason to doubt him. In fact, he’d proved on more than one occasion that he was committed to me fully.

“I’m so sorry I ran off,” I whispered. “I love you…so much. Losing you wouldn’t be easy.”

“I’m in this completely, Lil. Don’t doubt that, okay?” He forced me to look at him, a fierceness in his eyes. “Don’t doubt what we have.”

All I could do was nod.