Read Torn by Love (Scarred by Love #4) Online
Authors: C. A. Harms
Tanner
My head was spinning and my heart was racing. The way she was looking at me had my mind picturing all sorts of nasty things, but I had to maintain control. I could feel myself getting hard, and the need to attack was growing uncontrollably strong. The taste of her still on my lips wasn’t helping my aching want. It was sweet, a slight hint of cherries from her lip gloss.
Lily wasn’t like the other girls I had been with; she was delicate. Well, at least I thought she was, but the look that was currently in her eyes had me second-guessing my earlier observations. Our bodies were pressed together, and she looked up at me through those long lashes of hers. Her lips were reddened from the kiss we had just shared, her chest rising and falling quickly as she panted.
“What do you want, Lily?” I asked, caging her in, trying to maintain control by gripping the edges of the counter at her sides. “What are you thinking?”
She tilted her head back farther, giving me a better view of her face. “I don’t want you to hurt me,” she confessed.
“I would never hurt you,” I assured her.
She smiled, lifting her hand to place it on the center of my chest. “I know you would never do it on purpose. That’s not what I’m saying.” She toyed with the collar of my shirt. “But you could hurt me so easily, and I’m not sure I’m fully ready for you.”
The front door opening startled us both. I stepped back, placing some distance between us, my gaze never leaving hers. I wanted to know what she meant. I needed an explanation for her words.
“Hey, you two,” Sam said as he set the groceries on the countertop. I was forced to look away from Lily for the first time. “Where’s Logan?”
“Um, he…uh,” Lily stuttered. Clearing her throat, she busied herself putting the items on the counter in the cabinets. “He should be home soon. He had a few errands to run.”
“I figured you two would be tackling one another by now,” Sam said. I looked over at Lily just in time to see her cheeks redden. “Don’t you two usually hit the gym about this time every day?”
“Yeah, we were just getting ready to go,” I replied.
Today’s session was definitely going to be a little harder to handle. I already found the distance between us to be too much; I needed her close. Touching her without devouring her would test me, and it was a test I was sure I was going to fail.
***
We had been at the gym for less than an hour when my phone began ringing in my bag. After about the third time I decided to answer.
“Yeah,” I barked, winded from our workout.
“Where are you?” Carson’s voice was stern on the other end of the line.
“We’re at the gym.”
“Is Lily with you?”
“Yes,” I replied as she stepped up next to me. I must have had a strange look on my face, because she crinkled up her eyebrows and stared up at me in question.
“We got ’im, T,” he announced, sounding relieved.
“Wait, what? You got Randy?” I reached out, wrapped my arm around Lily, and pulled her closer. She came without hesitation and gripped my waist firmly.
“Yeah,” Carson assured me. “He was staying with some young girl that barely knew him. He saw it as a way to hide out. Apparently they met at a bar, and he’d been mooching off her ever since. She got a little suspicious when he started acting crazy. He wouldn’t go outside, was really limited in talking about his personal life. She called her concerns in last night, and the cops brought him in thirty minutes later.”
A huge relief washed over me. I squeezed Lily a little closer, letting her rest her head on my chest. Then it hit me—this wasn’t over for her. She would have to testify. She would have to face him in court, and I wasn’t sure if she was strong enough. This would be yet another test of her will.
Lily
I’ve crawled back in to my shell. You’d think I would be happy and celebrating, but the impending court date weighed heavy on my mind. I’ve spent the last three weeks avoiding Tanner and anyone else who tried to comfort me. The only person I had talked to was my attorney.
Today I would face the man who took away my willpower to fight. I had to go in front of a judge and convince the jury that Randy had attacked me and intended to do more. I had to describe the times he had attempted to assault me. I was the only one who could make them see that he needed to be punished. I just wasn’t sure how strong I could be.
Logan and Sam were waiting for me at the kitchen table when I walked out of my bedroom. They were both wearing suits and ties, looking handsome and ready to support me when I needed it most. I decided to go with a simple dress, dark blue, cutting off just above my knees, accompanied by a pair of nude-colored heels. My eyes filled with tears the moment they met theirs. Logan immediately stood and rushed toward me, then took me into his arms.
“We’re here for you, whether you want it or not. You’re strong, Lil,” he whispered, and I shook my head. “Yes, you are. You’ve been through so much, and I know you don’t want anyone there, but you can’t keep us away. We love you and we’re here for you. No matter what, we’ll always be by your side.”
Sam followed us as I allowed Logan to lead me to his car. The ride to the courthouse was quiet. I kept my head down most of the way, but when we parked I looked up at the front of the big stone building. A lump rose in my throat as the tears began to fall once more, only they were happy tears this time.
All of my friends were standing on the front steps. Carson stood next to Kate wearing his uniform and holding her hand. Riley and Zander were to their left, and Max and Bree stood just behind them. Tanner sat on the top step, resting his elbows on his knees with his head hung low. Mason and Kelly, who I barely knew, had even taken time out of their day to show me support.
My heart ached at this show of unity and at the realization that this group had accepted me as one of their own. Even though I wasn’t blood, they loved me regardless, and whether or not Tanner and I were a couple, I knew they were part of my family.
“They all insisted on being here,” Sam said as he looked back at me from the front seat.
I was overwhelmed by their love and could only nod.
***
I spent ten minutes hugging and receiving encouragement from everyone who was there to support me, then we entered the courthouse.
I sat on one of the benches, twisting my hands in my lap nervously and looking down. My stomach was in knots and my heart racing. I just wanted this to be over. I wanted to move on and forget Randy had ever existed. I hated what he had already taken from me and what he had turned me into.
“You got this, Lily,” Tanner whispered from behind me. I couldn’t look at him. I knew I would only break down if I did. I was already on the verge of losing it.
“You’re so strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for,” he continued. “Don’t let him take anything more from you. Show him he doesn’t win. He’ll never win. Show him the fighter in you. Take back your life, pretty girl.”
His words gave me something to hold on to and made me feel like I could get through this. Tanner was right. Randy didn’t deserve to have any power over me. I had to show him that I wouldn’t be weak. I would break him. I would be more than happy to see him behind bars. It was time he met the Lily I vowed to become, and Tanner had given me the inner strength I needed to become her.
I lifted my head, squared my shoulders, and uncoiled my hands from my lap.
When the doors opened and the bailiff led Randy in, I locked eyes with him. I refused to look away, even when his lip curled into an evil smile. Instead, I narrowed my eyes and offered a disgusted glare in return.
***
“I’m proud of you,” Bree whispered as she hugged me. We were standing just outside the courtroom after the hearing. It was hard getting up on that stand and describing my attack. At times my voiced cracked, but then I would look to Tanner for strength. He never looked away from me. He was there, offering me a nod every time I needed encouragement to continue.
I never knew just how important he had become in my life until today. The realization was both scary and enlightening. It terrified me because I knew Tanner was not the kind of guy who committed to just one person. And I wasn’t the kind of girl who was okay with sharing him with any other woman.
He stood back while everyone hugged me and told me how well I had done. After the last person stepped away, he grinned and stepped closer. “You were pretty badass in there,” he said. “I told you that you’re strong.”
“Your words helped,” I replied. “Thank you for that. I’m not sure I would have been able to get through today without them.”
“There you go doubting yourself again.” He took my hand in his and threaded our fingers together. “I just gave you a little push. You did the rest.”
Silence filled the air between us as I looked down at our hands.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
Closing my eyes tightly, I took in a deep breath. “I’ve missed you too,” I confessed.
I had missed our time together, our talks, and the fun we’d shared. A friendship had developed between us, and I had grown used to having him around.
As I stepped back from the hug, I realized hiding my feelings for Tanner was a mistake. He was so much more than I had ever thought he could be.
“Can we go somewhere?” he asked. “There’s something I would love to show you.” I looked up and met his hopeful gaze. “I haven’t shown anyone else because I wanted you to be the first person to see,” he explained
I nodded, and he led me toward the exit as we waved good-bye to everyone.
In the courtroom today, I learned information I hadn’t known. Randy was not only charged with aggravated assault and attempted rape, he had also been stalking another college student, who gave her testimony today. We would now both sleep better knowing we were free of him and the fear he instilled in us. I felt lighter, like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I could breathe again. It finally felt like things were going to be okay.
Hand in hand, Tanner led me to his Tahoe and helped me into the passenger seat. The smell of his cologne hung heavy in the air as he shut the door and walked around the front. I closed my eyes for a moment and appreciated his scent.
Our eyes met as he climbed up into the SUV and placed his key in the ignition. “You ready?” he asked.
I smiled, nodding in return. “Yes, I’m ready.”
Those words had another meaning to them. I was ready to move forward, to stop being afraid. I wanted to live again.
Tanner
Today was one of the hardest days I had ever experienced. Sitting calmly in that courtroom while Lily relived her nightmare was a test of my restraint. More times than I could count, I wanted to jump over the half wall that separated Randy and me and beat him senseless. I know I wasn’t the only one; each one of my brothers, even Zander, who in my eyes was my brother even if not by blood, held the same look. If you hurt one of us, you hurt us all, and that didn’t sit well with the Parks.
But Lily was so strong. A few times she seemed to be breaking, but then she took a moment, regrouped, and fought through her emotions. The Lily I had grown to know was in that courtroom today—a strong woman who was tired of being a victim. She gave him hell, and I couldn’t be more proud of her than I was inside those walls.
I had bought my own place two weeks ago. A rundown home that was in desperate need of a facelift, but it was mine. The moment the keys were placed in my hand, she was the first person I wanted to share it with. That was when I realized I had feelings for Lily. I mean, I knew I cared for her, but I hadn’t realized just how much until then.
The way I felt went beyond sexual desire, because she had become a big part of my life over the last couple months. She was the best part of my day, and during the last few weeks without her, I felt as if a part of me were missing.
That thought was a foreign one. I had never felt I truly needed a woman. Yeah, I dated, if that’s what you wanted to call it, yet I had never cared if the relationship went anywhere.
As I rounded the last corner before reaching the road I could now call mine, I reached across the console and took her hand. She had been staring out the window, taking in the scenery along the ride. Now she smiled and looked down at our joined hands.
Looking back out at the road, I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles. Her smile grew wider, and I couldn’t deny that it lit up my world. Just another thing I had grown to love about her.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked.
“You’ll see.”
I turned onto my road, and the two-story home came in to view. Lily began scanning the street and wrinkled her brows in confusion. When I turned into the driveway, she whipped her head in my direction. “Who lives here?”
“It’s mine,” I said, placing my truck in park. I turned off the ignition and opened my door. Looking back over my shoulder, I offered her a grin. “Come on, I want to show you.”
I waited for her as she walked around the hood to meet me. “You bought a house?” I nodded, watching her eyes scan the property. “Does anyone else know?”
“Max and Bree, my parents. No one has been here, though. I was waiting to show you first.” She cocked her head to the side, staring up at me. “Yeah, I got a lot of shit from my brother for that, but Bree stood up to him for me.” I chuckled, remembering Max’s comments about being whipped and sunk. “It was time to get my own place. Bree and Max said I didn’t need to, but I did. I had to grow up, in more ways than one.” She didn’t know what I truly meant by those words, but I intended to tell her.
I led her inside, and she wandered from room to room. The place was old and neglected, but I had visions of what I wanted it to be. I hoped Lily would fall in love with it as much as I had. I wanted her to find the potential in what it could be some day.
“Wow,” she whispered.
“I know it needs a lot of work—”
“I didn’t mean wow in bad way. I mean it’s obvious that the previous owners didn’t give this house the attention it deserves, but it could be beautiful. It has so much charm,” she said as she stepped farther in to the living room. “This fireplace is gorgeous and here…” She walked to the windows that overlooked the backyard. “You could open this up, put in a set of French doors leading out to a deck on the back. Could you imagine sitting out there and seeing that view every morning while drinking your coffee?”
I had long forgotten about the view. Lily was the only thing I could see in that moment. Knowing she could stand in my home and envision what it could be just made me want her in my life even more.
I couldn’t stop my next move. It was as if my reserve of self-control was gone. I stalked toward her and spun her around. Her eyes grew wide, and I gripped her face in my hands before covering her mouth with mine. She melted against me as she held on to my hips.
Intertwining my fingers with her hair, I lowered my other hand down her shoulder and brought it to rest on her lower back. We were both lost in the moment. The familiar taste of cherries only reminded me of how much I missed her flavor. Cherry had never appealed to me as much as it did now. It was my new favorite.
I released her mouth and rested my forehead against hers. My heart was racing so fast I needed a moment to catch my breath.
“Don’t wig out on me,” I breathed. Taking in another deep breath, I pulled back and looked down at her puzzled expression. “Just let me say this before you stop me.”
She nodded, still holding my hips tightly. She never tried to pull away, which gave me hope that what I was about to say wouldn’t freak her out.
“I want you, I want this,” I assured her. “Over the last weeks I’ve missed you. That shit’s not me, Lily, I don’t miss girls. But I went out of my fucking mind when you withdrew from me. The girls said give you time, and your brother and Sam kept me informed about how you were doing, but it wasn’t good enough. I have never in my life missed someone as much as I missed you. That’s gotta mean something.”
She watched me without speaking a word, still holding me securely in her clenched hands. “I can’t promise you that I won’t screw up. In fact, I can admit that I probably will on more than one occasion. What I can promise is that I will do everything I can to make you smile—and laugh. I just want a chance to be with you. I’m willing to take a step I have never taken before and see where this takes us.”
I felt like I had just run a marathon; my heart pounded so rapidly, I felt like it would beat straight out of my chest. This was unlike me. A relationship had never been something I wanted. Until now.
Lily stared back at me, her chest rising gently as she breathed. She slowly inched her hands around my waist and locked them at my back. My stomach tensed at the thought of her rejecting me—another feeling I had never worried about before now. The strong urge to kiss her filled me, and I thought maybe I should give her something more to seal the deal. Only I refused that urge.
“You scare me,” she confessed, and my stomach dropped. I started to speak only to have her shush me with her finger against my lips. “Not in the way you’re thinking,” she assured me. “You scare me because you’re intense. You’re something I’ve longed for yet never thought I would be given the chance to experience. Now that you’re offering, I’m terrified to take the risk.”
Panic hit me. Was she telling me no?
“There’s this guy,” she said. Jealousy filled my gut, and rage began to take over. “He taught me how to be stronger—for me. He taught me I wasn’t a weak link but a fighter.” She paused, smiling up at me. “Thank you for all you’ve given me.”
This was it. She was about to tell me we could never be more than friends, and the thought of that made me sick.