Torrid Affair (22 page)

Me: Leave her.

Nicole: Tell me when.

Me: What are we doing?

Nicole: I don’t know. It feels too perfect to stop.

I stared at his message. It was perfect.

My phone buzzed with a new statement.

Nicole: You're avoiding me. 

Me: You know why. 

Nicole: Tell me you don't want this, and I'll leave you alone. 

Me: This is wrong. 

Nicole: But it feels right. 

Me: We can’t keep doing this.

Nicole: What? Texting?

Me: Ass! I don't want to be your dirty mistress. 

Nicole: I want to be with you. 

Me: You know that's not possible. 

Nicole: Why?

Me: Julian. Delaney. Caleb. 

Nicole: So we should be miserable because of them? My life is like the people in a picture frame at a store. The people look happy, their life seems perfect. But I was a stranger in it all. I love my son, and that will never change, but whether I’m with you or her, he will still be my son.

Me: No, we can't be together. I’m not some random girl you fell in love with. I was her roommate in college, her best friend. And let’s not forget that I married your brother. Every which way we look at this, it’s wrong.

Nicole: But I need you. 

Me: I know. Me too. But we can’t.

Nicole: Just one taste. 

Me: Stop. 

Nicole: I still remember what your body feels like. I could never forget. 

Me: Stop talking like that. 

Nicole: Tell me you forgot about me and I'll stop. 

I exhaled the visions that bombarded my mind.

Me: Your office is red. 

Nicole: If it were up to me, I'd paint the whole damn house red. Everything reminds me of you, but the red on the wall reminds me of a night I could never forget It’s a constant reminder of everything I lost.

I sighed. My heart ached in my chest as I remembered a time where it was only the two of us breaking into a school to paint a Christmas tree on a wall.

Me: I should go. I have an early day tomorrow. 

Nicole: Tell me. 

Me: What? 

Nicole: That you still love me. 

Me: You know I never stopped. 

Nicole: Me either. 

Me: Maybe in a different lifetime. 

Nicole:  Maybe. 

Maybe in a different universe, Nate and I could be happily married. Maybe then we could have had our happily ever after.

N
athaniel

She was living only a few feet away yet I couldn’t have her. Not the way I wanted. Most of the time I felt I was in front of a candy store and the doors were locked. I spent hours in my office looking up into her bedroom hoping to get a glimpse of her. Even a smile was enough.

Our text messages continued back and forth, and my phone was glued to me at all times. It got to the point that Delaney brought it to my attention.

“Are you going to put that thing down?” Delaney said from across the room. We were in the living room watching a movie with Caleb late Friday night.

“Huh?” I said and placed the phone on the coffee table. Face down.

“You’re always on that thing. It’s literally glued to your hand.” Delaney stood and walked over to the bar. She uncorked a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. My gaze was on her. She had already polished off one bottle during dinner.

“Are you . . .” Words failed me. There had to be a way to ask her if she was planning to drink another entire bottle.

“Don’t.” she barked from across the room.

“I didn’t say anything.” I lifted my hands in defeat.

“Your eyes say it all, Nate. It’s been a hellish week at work. I need a drink.” Delaney brought the glass to her lips and sipped the Merlot.

“How’s work going?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you’ve been drinking almost every day. If work is bad maybe you should sell the boutique.”

“First.” She placed her glass on a side table. “I’m not drinking every day. I usually have a few glasses throughout the week and that’s to unwind. Second, I’m doing something I love. I’m not one to sit home and be your desperate housewife who waits for you to come home.”

“Whoa.” I held my hand up to stop her. “I’m concerned. That’s all.”

“Yeah, sure you are.”

“What’s with the backhanded comments?”

Delaney sighed, her facial features softened, and she sat back on the couch. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. I think I just need a vacation.” She shifted on the couch and sat on her foot. “Do you think maybe you can take some time off? We can get away.” She looked over at Caleb who had tuned us out, and then back over at me. “Just the two of us.”

“Sure.” I nodded.

This was where things always seemed to be complicated. I was in love with my brother’s wife, who also happened to once be best friends with my wife. Any man would love a child-free vacation that consisted of sex whenever the mood arose. But going away with Delaney meant a week away from Brielle.

Brielle said we should keep our lives the same. She didn’t want me to change the way I was with Delaney. There was only one way to solve this problem.

I’d be inviting Julian and Brielle on vacation with us.

* * *

T
he following morning
, I strolled the long hallway of City Hall until I found Julian’s office. I worked on the opposite side of the building with the town’s Architectural Department; Julian worked for the Department of Social Services.

Tapping on the door, I waited for him to invite me in. “Hey.” I said when he didn’t look my way.

“Oh, Nate,” he said. I stepped further in and sat on the leather chair opposite his desk. “What brings you to this side.”

My eyes scanned the surface of his desk. A dollar bill was rolled up near his hand. “I . . . uh.” I couldn’t pull my gaze from the narrow tube he’d fashioned from the money. He caught my gaze and dragged it inside a drawer. “I wanted to ask what your plans were for the beginning of the year?”

Julian wiped the tip of his nose with the back of his hand. “I have no idea what I’ll be doing in six months. Why?”

It was then I paused and took note of my brother. His pupils were dilated, and his tongue ran over his teeth. His fingertips tapped over the papers on his desk. He was jittery. I’d seen this behavior before. Gerald, one of my very first foster parents, carried a rolled up dollar bill with him when he was blowing coke.

I nodded, leaned forward so my elbows were on my knees. “Delaney wants to go away. I figured I’d invite you and Brielle.”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t see why not.”

I waited a few seconds, gauging his movements. “Is everything okay with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure? Nothing you want to talk to me about?”

“I’m good, Nate. Not everything I do needs to be run by you.”

I stood. There was no need to push it. I knew without a doubt that Julian was using drugs. He had merely replaced one addiction with another.

“I’ll see you later,” I said and walked out of his office. When I rounded the corner I muttered under my breath, “Fuck.”

How the hell could I tell Brielle that I suspected Julian was using?

* * *

T
he following morning
, I was walking out of the house when Brielle was walking out of the garage. She was in her work uniform and carrying a traveler’s mug. She stopped when she noticed me.

“Good morning,” I said with a grin.

“Morning.”

“Have a good day at work.” I pulled open my car door. She smiled and climbed into her car.

Brielle pulled out of the driveway first, and I followed behind her. We were around the corner when I called her.

“Hello.”

Pulling up behind her at a traffic light, I noticed she was staring at me through the rearview mirror.

“Hi.”

“We already went over pleasantries,” she said softly.

“What are you doing for lunch?” The light turned green, and I continued to follow her.

“Eating lunch,” she retorted

“Can I eat lunch with you?”

“Nate . . . I—I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She stopped at another light and I pulled up behind her. “Are you following me?”

“No. Maybe. Yes. I will follow you all the way to work until you agree to meet me for lunch. We’re friends, we can have lunch together.”

She sighed. “Fine. Come to the dinner.”

“No.” She glanced up at the mirror, and I smiled. “I know you. If I go to the diner, you’ll wait on me. That’s not what I’m asking for. I want to have lunch with you.”

“What if someone sees us?”

“See what? Me having lunch with my brother’s wife?” “I won’t touch you.” My tongue ran across my lower lip. “Unless you ask me to.”

“I’m not asking.” She sighed again. “We can meet for lunch.”

F
or an entire week
, I had lunch every day with Brielle. I worked my schedule around hers so I had an hour when it was us. Each day it was a different place. It all seemed to be going well until we ran into someone who knew me.

Brielle and I were at Chick-fil-A when Eric, Caleb’s soccer coach, approached me. “Nathaniel,” he called out.

I turned to face him. “How’s it going? Are you guys ready for next season?”

“Good.” He nodded and glanced over at Brielle.” Yeah, I think the kids have a good shot at the championship next year. How is Caleb doing? And Delaney?”

“Good. Caleb is enjoying the summer. He’ll be off to camp soon. And Delaney is great.” I glanced over at Brielle. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights. “This is my sister-in-law, Brielle. She just moved here from Chicago.”

“Oh.” Eric’s face softened. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Brielle said shakily.

“I’ll let you two enjoy your lunch,” Eric said before walking away.

“Oh my God,” Brielle said when he was out of sight. Her hands rested flat on the table.

I chuckled. “What are you so scared of?”

“I don’t know. Him, running back and telling Delaney? Julian being the one who walks in and finds us?”

“It’s our word against theirs.” I paused and waited for her to look up at me. “And we’re having lunch.”

Brielle nodded. “Can I ask you something?”

I nodded and took one of her waffle fries.

“Do you ever feel guilty?”

“Do you want the truth?” She nodded. “No. There’s not a single second that I’m with you that I feel guilty. I
know
what we’re doing is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop this. Trust me, I’ve tried. Do you?”

“I don’t know.” She looked down at her tray. “I feel horrible because she’s my friend. So it’s not like I’m betraying just him.”

“If I was to leave her, would you leave him?”

She snapped her head up at me. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“It’s not that simple. You have a kid. I’d be breaking my marriage and yours but most of all I would be hurting Caleb. This isn’t college when we’re all only dating. What would your mother think?”

“Brie.” I took her hand in mine. “As long as I’m with you I don’t care what anyone thinks.”

“And your son?”

“Like I said before, he’ll be my son regardless.” I shrugged. “You tell me to leave her and I will. For you, I will.”

Brielle pulled her hand away from mine and covered her face. “I came here to help your brother.”

“Maybe there isn’t anything we can do to help him. Maybe this is the universe giving us another chance.”

She sighed. “Maybe.”

O
n the Fourth of July
, Delaney insisted on having a barbecue. She invited most of her employees and a couple of Nate's co-workers to the big party. The side dishes were catered, the grill was warming up, and I'd gone upstairs to take a shower. The guests would be arriving shortly, and I wanted to seem presentable when I met Julian's new boss.

Walking past the window in our living room, I spotted Nate in the back yard. He was unfolding chairs for the guests to sit on. I paused a second, admiring his polo shirt and khaki shorts. His hair was slicked back and his Ray-Ban’s dangled from his shirt. He looked up at me and our eyes locked. I heard Julian behind me. 

“Whatcha looking at?” 

“Nothing.” I spun around and faced him. Julian closed the gap between us with long strides. His hand laced around my back and pulled me toward him. His eyes were filled with desire.

“Brie,” he whispered into my wet hair. “I want some.” 

I swallowed. We'd been intimate a few times since being here. I'd never said no to Julian. Before, it was from fear of the backlash, and now it was from fear he'd go back to drinking.

I was the dumping ground for his pent up energy. 

“Julian, the party is about to start.” He still had me against the small table that leaned up against the window. His hand lowered and cupped my ass cheek. 

“I'll be quick.” His voice was low. “Turn around.”

“Julian,” I protested. 

He ignored my request and yanked the towel off my midriff. His fingers dug into my core.

I was dry.

I had no arousal when it came to sex with him.

“I'll be quick, babe.” He lowered his mouth to my bare chest and sucked on my nipple. He was so rough that I whimpered in pain. “Turn around,” he ordered.

“Your brother might see us.” My voice was weak. I didn’t want to say no to him, and I didn’t want Nate to see what we were doing.

“No, he won't.” He spun my hips so my back faced him. My gaze locked with Nate and I gripped the console table. Nate’s eyebrows pinched together, and I shook my head silently, letting him know everything was okay. “And everyone should know how good I fuck my wife.”

My eyes were glued to Nate’s as wet fingers circled my core.

Nate held the chair, and his jaw tightened. Could he see Julian behind me? Did he know what we were doing? Julian pressed his dick to my core, and I whimpered from the pain. Most of the time I let my mind wander, reciting the constitution or painting a city in my head. But I couldn’t do that this time. Not when Nate was looking at me. 

It was wrong for him to see this. But worse was that I grew aroused from his gaze. I imagined it was him behind me, and that he was the one driving into me.

Julian continued to grunt. He sped up the thrusts and for the first time in a few years, I enjoyed it. It was only because I knew the arousal was for Nate. 

I scanned his face. I imagined his body on mine. His lips caressing my skin. My hands dug into the table as an orgasm began taking over. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed to Nate and closed my eyes. The wood was cool against the skin of my forehead and I moaned in pleasure.

When I looked up, Nate was gone. Instantly, I felt empty.

Julian’s limp body fell over mine, and I knew he had finished. He pulled out and walked to the bathroom. My knees buckled, and I sat on the floor, my mind and heart conflicted.

Why did it feel as though I cheated on Nate with Julian?

* * *

N
ate avoided me
. I felt his anger radiating off his body. He was short with Delaney, and wouldn’t even look at Julian, who of course was oblivious to it all because he was busy schmoozing up to his boss. But I felt his coldness. When he smiled at his guests, it was fake. He kept his head lowered, and any time I tried to approach him, he found an excuse to walk away.

I wanted to hug him. I needed to apologize to the man I was having an affair with that I slept with my husband. That fact made me sick to my stomach.

Later that night, Julian left with his boss to test drive his new Maserati, Caleb had departed for a sleepover, and Delaney had enjoyed one cocktail too many and was passed out on the hammock.

Nate was saying his farewells to a couple while I cleaned up the plates and cups off the tables. I felt him come up behind me before I heard him. I turned and looked at him. He wouldn’t meet my gaze.

“You’re not talking to me now?” I kept my voice low.

“What is there to say?”

My tensed shoulders relaxed when he finally spoke to me. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why should I be?” He brushed past me. “He’s your husband. You can fuck him anytime you want.” He threw a casserole dish with force onto the table, and I jumped. “You can fuck him right on this table if you want.”

“Asshole,” I muttered and turned to walk away.

“Brie, wait.” His voice softened.

Hesitantly, I turned to face him. “I’m sorry.” He closed the gap between us. “I have no right to be mad.” Nate’s hand brushed my cheek. “I hate that he has you, and I don’t.”

“Nate.” I closed my eyes.

“I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am.” He lifted my chin, and I opened my eyes. “Give me some time and I’ll get over what I saw.”

I nodded and swallowed thickly. “I’d feel the same way if you slept with her.”

Nate brushed his lips against mine, and I sighed. “She’ll never be you.”

I whispered back, “He’ll never be you.”

Nate deepened our kiss. My mouth opened for him, and my tongue twirled around his. “Wait.” I pressed my hands on his chest. “Julian will be back any second, and Delaney is right there.” He took a step back. “You’re right. But I don’t know how much longer I can hold out without having you in my arms.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Not having you is driving me crazy.”

“I know.” I inhaled and placed a hand over his heart.

“Leave him and I’ll leave her.” He took my hand in his. His eyes scanned mine.

“Nate . . . ”

“You don’t have to answer me right now, but think about it.”

Before I could answer him, bright LED headlights turned up the driveway, indicating that Julian was home. Nate released my hand and walked over toward Delaney.

His request wasn’t that simple.

* * *

L
iving right
on top of Delaney and Nate caused us to know what happened in each other's marriages. Things most married people hoped stayed hidden behind closed doors.

Caleb was home from camp, and with the new school year approaching, Delaney and Nate had hired him a tutor. It was a warm Thursday afternoon, my first day off in a few weeks, so I took the opportunity to clean the apartment. All the windows were open and a fresh air breezed through the house. Caleb sat on the deck, and Stephanie, his tutor, sat next to him as he busied himself with his workbook. From my apartment I could see that Delaney was busy on the phone with what I assumed was work related business. The kitchen window and sliding glass door were open in the event Stephanie needed her.

I tuned everything out and pulled out the bleach that I planned to use in the bathroom. A few hours later, I was finishing up the kitchen when the screaming began. Chills ran up my spine as Delaney's voice bellowed through my house. 

“What's so difficult? It's fractions, Caleb!” Quickly, I rushed to the window. Peeking from the corner, I saw that Delaney was pacing the kitchen, shouting at the top of her lungs while poor Caleb kept his head down on the kitchen table. “I spent all this money on a tutor and yet somehow I'm still stuck with the stupid kid.”

I gasped at her remark and sank to the floor, hugging my knees as I prayed for it to stop. I wanted to run down and save him, but she was his mother.

“Your father is going to hear about this. No more TV or iPad for you.”

I jumped at the sound of gravel shifting on the ground below. I peeped out the window and spotted Nate exiting his car. 

“Do you want to be the stupid kid in your class?” Delaney continued, oblivious that Nate was walking up the deck. I should have closed the windows and minded my own business, but I couldn't walk away, and my hands refused to close the glass.

The screen door slid on the track as Nate opened it further, followed by his harsh voice. “What's going on?”

“What's going on?” Delaney mocked. “What else would be going on. He's an imbecile.”

My hands rushed to my gaping mouth. Never had I imagined Delaney would be so cruel.

“Del, that's enough.” I didn’t need to see him to know that his hands were clenched at his sides. “Caleb, go to your room. I'll call you when it's time for dinner.”

You could hear a pin drop in the apartment as I waited for Caleb to get upstairs. A door slammed shut, and I jumped with fear. 

Nate’s voice was crisp. “What have I told you about the way you speak with him?”

“He's my child too, Nate,” Delaney complained. “You think it's so easy, but you're always the good parent. He listens to you, and he makes my life a living hell.”

“Delaney, he's a child.”

“Bullshit!” She slammed her hand on a hard surface. “He's lazy, and he knows you'll cover for him. That's why he doesn’t pay attention to anything.”

“Then I'll get him a new tutor,” Nate barked. “I wasn't the best when it came to math, either.”

“Apparently, you aren’t the best at a lot of things,” Delaney said snidely, and immediately, I wanted to know what she was referring to.

“Fuck, Del!” Nate growled. “I’ve given you everything you wanted. I stood by your side when your parents bailed on you. I made an honest woman of you when you knocked on my door pregnant. When you wanted that boutique, I helped you build it. I built this goddamn fucking house for you. You had nannies left and right helping you raise Caleb. You send him to camp for the majority of the summer because you don't want to deal with your own child. And I've never questioned you as a mother. Ever.”

I’d never heard this side of Nate before. His anger had me crouched in a corner, petrified to move.

“So when I say enough—that I've had it with the way you’re treating my son—I mean fucking enough. Going forward, you are not to speak to him that way, do you understand me?”

“You make it seem so easy. Like I’m the malicious bitch.” 

“It's not about being easy, Del.” His voice softened. “Children aren't easy. Raising a kid isn't a walk in the park, but goddamn it, we're doing the best we can. So what if he can't figure out fractions? He's a good kid, and you calling him stupid doesn’t help his confidence.” 

“He runs my patience thin.” 

“Fine. Going forward, I'll study with him.” 

Delaney laughed. “Of course you’ll study with him. Here comes Dad to save the day.”

“What do you want, then? You're never happy. Tomorrow I'll leave work early so I'm here when Stephanie gets here.” 

“I fired her.”

“Of course you did.” 

“Whatever, Nate.” She stomped across the hardwood floors. “You figure it out.” 

My heart ached for Caleb. I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. I wanted to run down there and assure Nate that everything would be fine. That he was a great dad. But I didn’t. I sat on the floor feeling like an intruder.

My phone beeped atop the kitchen counter, and it pulled me out of my trance. When I approached it, there was a message from Nate. 

Nicole: I need your help. 

Me: What's up?

Nicole: Can you tutor Caleb? He's struggling with fractions. 

Me: Of course. You can bring him by the diner after lunch. He can sit in my booth and I’ll give him a few problems to work on.  

Nicole: Thanks. 

Me: Anytime. 

Nicole: Did you hear it all? 

I sighed. 

Me: The whole thing. I'm sorry.

Nate: It's not your fault. 

Me: Is it usually this bad?

Nicole: Over the last few years it’s gotten worse.

Me: Do you want to talk about it?

Nicole: There isn’t much to say. She doesn’t have any patience with him. I don’t think she was ready to be a mom.