Authors: Rose Harris
****
Ashlyn settled into the guest room beside hers, the transition easier than Ava thought. The moment she laid the little girl down in the playpen, she stuck her right thumb in her mouth and began to fall to sleep.
Ava left the door slightly ajar so she could check on her a little later without waking her, and she tiptoed out. Entering her own room, Ava felt restlessness unfamiliar to her. Having always been eager to complete her homework before, now it felt like a meaningless chore. The fact was she had taught a group of children the importance of books today, and watching the expression of joy and relief on the tiny faces as they discovered the wide and wonderful world of reading had given her a sense of peace and importance she wasn’t getting out of textbooks.
The reality was in only a few short weeks she would be a college graduate and that alone had her stretching across the bed to finish the last of her assignment so she could forward it to her professor.
Unfortunately, her mind wasn’t on schoolwork but on the call she’d received from Cal Johnson, Jace’s biological father. The man sounded exactly like Jace; the timbre of his voice was identical, and the way he casually answered had her confused when she’d picked up the phone.
She didn’t have the guts to tell Jace about the message when she’d told him about his harem of girls who had called. The truth was she didn’t want to burst the bubble of domesticity that had surrounded them. When Ashlyn had blurted out “Daddy,” you could have knocked Ava over with a feather. What she couldn’t have expected was Jace’s casual acceptance of the title.
Actually, the boyish grin that crossed his face was one of happiness and longing.
I just have to figure out if this is something he truly wants, or if it is just because we’re here
.
The image played out in her mind, as the thought of leaving him broke a tiny piece of her heart.
With a shake of her head to remove all bad thoughts from her mind, Ava got down to business and finished her last assignment for her professor. She would be free from homework for the next week and a half, and she couldn’t have been happier. Finally being able to hit send was exhilarating.
Ava slipped out of her room and headed toward the kitchen for the bowl of ice cream that was calling her name. She almost missed Jace pacing in his office.
She watched him from the dark corridor as he passed in front of his desk over and over; she recognized the fact he’d read all of his messages. Not understanding why yet another call from his biological father would cause such a nervous reaction, Ava blindly headed into his office.
She stepped into the room with the shiny wooden floors that surrounded an Oriental rug in deep blue and green. The walnut desk shone as if spotlights had been placed on it from the frequent waxing it received. The housekeeper made the office look untouched. Ava hesitated when he turned her way with hatred etched across his face. With her eyes attuned to the stress and anger that emitted from him, Ava considered backing out, but it was obvious he needed someone, whether he knew it or not.
So that she didn’t disturb the solitude he had cloaked around him, she spoke quietly. “Jace, are you all right?”
“What?” he practically shouted in the still room.
Stunned by his harsh voice, she braced herself against his attitude and controlled her own temper before responding. “I saw you in here and thought you might want to talk.”
“Yeah, that’s what I want to do with you…talk.” Turning cold, hard eyes toward her, he continued, “You prance around my house with your shorts and tank tops and expect me to think about anything but fucking you. I don’t think so. Your body screams fuck me, more often than some women in porn.” The words that came from him were mean, almost as if he wanted to hurt her.
Disappointment filled her, and she turned abruptly to leave him the way she found him. She got all the way to the door before she whipped around. “Stop being such an asshole. I came in here to ask if you wanted to talk, but as far as I’m concerned, you can kiss my ass.”
“Yeah, just like you talked to Cal. I just got off the phone with him, and he told me a sexy young chick answered my phone…”
His accusatory tone had her standing partially in the room with her mouth gaped open. She’d only taken a message, but before she could speak coherently with her jumbled emotions, he continued his tirade about being used by people.
“Every-fucking-body wants something from me. Coach wants another ten yards. Alex and Chris want perfect fucking throws. Mom expects me to be a fucking saint, and now I have to wait another fucking week for my life to get back to normal.”
He ranted and raved about people she’d never heard of, events that made no sense, and when he finally turned to her, Ava was sure he wasn’t really looking at her. “That bitch cancelled her appointment again. She didn’t make another one until late next week.”
He’s not mad at me. He’s mad at the situation.
The realization his anger should be directed at someone else entirely helped ease some of the hurt she’d experienced by his words. When he walked up to her and looked deep into her eyes, Ava was convinced he was going to ask for forgiveness, but nothing could have been further from the truth.
Eyes the color of blue of turbulent waves during a hurricane bore into her with disgust.
“Don’t look at me like you can fix me. You’re no better than that tramp accusing me of fathering her kid. You both are using your children to try and get a piece of me.”
The pain that coursed through her body was excruciating, and she honestly didn’t know how she was able to continue to stare at the only person in the world who could hurt her so deeply. The anguish on his face meant nothing to her. His repulsive words continued to sink in.
Ava watched him closely. She witnessed the moment he realized what he’d said, but before she could allow him to apologize, if he even wanted to, she did something she never thought she’d ever do to him. She walked out and sent a one-finger salute. She couldn’t even bring herself to speak.
The pounding on her door continued for several minutes, before it turned to gentle knocking for another hour. Lying in her bed, Ava contemplated leaving and going to stay at a hotel for the remainder of her two weeks, but the reality that the paparazzi continued to stalk the gates and would have access to Ashlyn was the deciding factor against her plan. No matter how upset she got with Jace, Ashlyn came first.
Time passed quickly, and when she noticed the midnight hour approached, she came to the decision to go home over the weekend. She and Ashlyn would leave right after school Friday and wouldn’t return until late Sunday night before her interview. The long trip would tire out the baby, but she needed the separation from Jace.
Jace’s accusations had hurt more than she ever wanted to admit, not because they weren’t true, but because they were. She really wasn’t better than Felicia Frampton; the only thing separating them was she’d continued to keep her secret. Now Ava didn’t know if she ever wanted to tell him. But their families knew.
What are you going to do about them?
With her decision made, sleep came quickly, but not soundly. She fell asleep with damp cheeks, a moist pillow and fitful dreams.
Nightmares kept Ava from resting the entire night, and when Ashlyn’s wakeup call came earlier and more unexpectedly than she would have liked, she realized life went on. She had only three days to get through before she could head home.
Luckily, Jace had left before she’d come downstairs for the day, and she was able to sneak out without a confrontation. Slipping a pink jacket on Ashlyn, she walked out into the garage to notice her car wasn’t in the spot it had occupied before.
Confusion and aggravation at having to deal with a missing car wasn’t something she had time for, and with the possibility of being late for work, Ava made the decision to deal with her car later. How far could it have gone? It was in a locked garage in a gated community. Jace probably moved it.
Ashlyn slipped willingly into the car seat in the Escalade. Making sure she buckled her securely first, Ava shut the door gently. When she got in, she tossed Ashlyn’s bag and her own purse into the passenger seat.
****
It was as if her day was destined to be shitty. A blue car stalked her every turn, she ran a red light trying to drop the tailgater, and a cop pulled her over.
The officer thankfully only gave her a warning, once she explained the circumstances. The request for Jace’s autograph had surprised her. Once she agreed to get it for him, he’d actually turned pleasant, and she noticed he followed her from a safe distance until she’d reached the school.
Luckily, she hadn’t been late for work, but with a case of strep throat going around the class, she’d spent most of the day carting whiny children back and forth to the school nurse.
The group she normally worked with was cut down from seven to two, and Ms. Hawkins had her working with some of the other more highly strung children. The stress of the day had her contemplating the intelligence of her decision to become a teacher. The only thing that convinced her it was the right choice was when one of the more rambunctious students thanked her at the end of the day for helping; his unexpected hug did wonders to her fragile psyche.
On her way home, she pulled into a Pizza Hut and picked up a medium pizza she could share with her daughter. Purposefully putting black olives on the pie was spiteful, but the satisfaction she got knowing Jace wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole gave her pleasure. He’d always hated black olives, and whenever she and Roxi wanted to insure they would have an entire pizza to themselves, they made sure the offending black circles covered their dish.
The act may have been childish, but today she would take the little things that made her happy. She opened the door to an empty house; she felt momentarily deflated she wouldn’t be able to flaunt her deep-dish piece of heaven in his face.
The dinner finished, she placed the leftovers into the fridge. Ava took her active toddler out to play in the back yard before her bath.
****
What kind of man was scared to go home and face a five-foot-four woman? A six-foot-three football player who had laid his heart out in a note, asking for a call if she felt the same way, a call that never came. The day had dragged on, and his lack of sleep the night before had put him in such a foul mood that, unfortunately, Alex noticed.
“Woman troubles?” Alex questioned.
“You couldn’t even begin to imagine.” Normally, he wouldn’t have burdened his friend with personal stuff; hell, guys didn’t talk about feelings, but he had to get someone else’s perspective.
“I fucked up. I accused Ava of dangling Ashlyn in front of me to get something out of me.”
The shake of Alex’s head proved he’d royally screwed up.
“I found out last night after a call from my lawyer Felicia Frampton cancelled her appointment again and didn’t reschedule until next week. I took out my frustration on Ava. I tried to apologize, put a note in the car right where she couldn’t miss it. Radio silence.” He conveniently left out the part about his biological father contacting him and his comment about what a sweet, sexy girl he had answering his phone. Cal had all but said she flirted with him. The absurdity of his accusation should have hit Jace immediately, but after learning about Felicia, his faith in the opposite sex was low. He could kick himself for not having faith in Ava.
“If it helps, everyone thinks you’re pissed about the paternity thing. Hell, it could be any one of us in your predicament.” Alex was a good friend, and his attempt to commiserate helped, but the one person he wanted to hear from had never called.
“How about we grab dinner and discuss your epic stupidity over beers?” Alex shoulder bumped him toward the door.
Leaving the facility and heading straight to their favorite dive bar for greasy burgers and fries made Jace’s mood moderately better, he would have to add an extra daily hour on the treadmill with all his unhealthy eating habits lately. A couple games of pool and he finally sat down across from Alex to get his advice.
“So when are you going to face the reality that you are Ashlyn’s father?” Alex questioned casually.
Sputtering and coughing up the beer he was drinking, Jace felt his heart drop to his stomach.
Alex continued, “Come on, man, you had to know or at least suspect. She is the perfect combination of you two. Your eyes and coloring combined with Ava’s dark hair and facial features. I didn’t notice it immediately, but I saw you two together the other evening and the way Ava watches you with her kid.”
Jace watched his friend take a long pull of his beer.
Ashlyn is my daughter.
“I can’t believe it. I mean I noticed something when I saw the two of us in the mirror the other night, but I guess I just didn’t want to accept it. When I look at her all I see is Ava, but she does look like me.” Jace sat dumbstruck for several moments.
Ironically, the panic and dread he felt finding out he could have a son was minor compared to the joy and excitement of discovering he had a daughter.
“I have to go home. I need to see my daughter. I have a daughter!” He yelled to the entire bar. “Next round is on me!” Tossing his credit card to Alex across the table, he stood to make his way out the door, stopping only to accept congratulatory slaps on the back.
The drive home gave him time to accept his newfound fatherhood and just enough time to plot his apology.
If only he hadn’t blown it with Ava, he would be welcomed home with a hug, kiss, and a “Daddy’s home.” He’d be lucky to not get shot when he walked through the door let alone a casual “hi.”
The picture that presented itself when he entered his home was eerie. The house looked perfect; nothing was out of place. The counters gleamed, and there were no fingerprints on the refrigerator. The housekeeper had come the day before, and only this morning he’d seen the telltale signs a toddler had invaded his home, but now it seemed immaculate.
The Escalade sat in the garage, proving they were there. Right? He’d noticed Ava’s car was leaking oil and had arranged for the repair the day before. The guy would have called him if he were going to return it. Wouldn’t he?
His chest ached. The pain that ripped through his heart felt so powerful his knees buckled at the thought that she could have left. Racing through the house and bounding up the stairs as if it were on fire, he hurtled himself into Ava’s room to find her curled up in her bed sleeping.
The relief that rushed through him actually took him to his knees, and he knelt beside her bed to absorb the reality of his feelings. He was madly in love with this hardheaded, obstinate woman with a heart of gold and puffy eyes. Brushing his fingers across her cheek and wiping a few strands of silky black hair off her porcelain skin, he whispered so he wouldn’t wake her. “Don’t waste tears on me. You and Ashlyn are everything I want and need. I love you both, and I promise to become the perfect father to our daughter.” Leaning forward and kissing the smooth skin that stretched across her slim shoulder, he stood and walked out with a purpose.
After peaking in on Ashlyn and ensuring her comfort, he caressed the head of this innocent child he’d created with his perfect woman and headed into his room to get some rest. He had a couple of big days coming up; he was going to meet his father and put an end to the doubts he had about himself.
You’re nothing like him. You’re nothing like him
.
He repeated the phrase to himself until he fell asleep.
****
Thursday and Friday passed quickly and avoiding Jace was easier than she expected. She had to be at the school extra early to prepare for her day, and Jace got home so late from practice and meetings she was able to evade him completely.
Her parents had also called Thursday night about her new car. They asked her what color she wanted her new Honda Accord to be and if she had any specific features in mind. She told them she would meet up with them on Saturday and go to the dealership. Her old car would not take the commute back and forth from home to Nashville many more times before it died.
Ava resigned herself to having to ask Jace about her car, when it reappeared in the garage Friday with a new wash job and an engine that ran better than she remembered. She contemplated leaving a note to say she was going home for the weekend but opted against it. He’d made no effort to apologize after all.
When both Ava and Ashlyn got settled into her battered car, they hit the highway for the long ride home. She knew she should have thanked Jace for having work done on her car, but she still hadn’t come to terms with his insults.
Honestly, they almost overpowered the memory of their encounter. Monday seemed so long ago; the feeling of oneness with him had been so overwhelming she’d almost forgotten they hadn’t used protection. Luckily, for them both, Jace had kept his head and pulled out in time and she got her period that morning.
A quick peek at Ashlyn in the backseat proved she was out cold, her head bobbed with the road, and Ava thanked her lucky stars she hadn’t created another brother or sister for her.
I can barely keep up with everything now
.
She turned the radio volume so she was able to listen to the Top 40 station without waking her daughter and danced to the beat of the music. The freedom she felt, having escaped Jace’s without confronting him, had her heart soaring. She planned to use the next two days to figure out what to do about the situation she’d put herself in.
Dreamlike images raced through her mind as she negotiated her way along the highway. She could picture Jace carrying Ashlyn on his shoulders and the way, with every giggle, his eyes lit up. He laughed even louder than Ashlyn.
Ava remembered his tender caresses when he’d pulled her from the pool and cradled her in his arms until she was able to stop coughing when she botched her rescue effort.
But the one thing that seemed to haunt her wasn’t a visual picture but the sound of his voice saying words he’d never actually spoken.
You and Ashlyn are everything I want and need. I love you both, and I promise to become the perfect father to our daughter
.
The words might never have been uttered, but for some reason they ran like a subliminal message through her mind. Ava watched the red and white lights ahead of her on the highway and replayed the words.
It was funny, she felt more like she was paying a visit rather than returning home. The first thing she noticed when she pulled into her driveway was the front porch. The railings were all new and painted bright white. Common courtesy should have had her cutting off the high beams when Roxi came out on the porch to greet her, but the simple changes in her house caused a feeling of inadequacy to surface.
She and Roxi had agreed to make any repairs to the house together. They had always shared everything fifty-fifty, and with her unemployed, there was no way she would be able to afford to pay for half of the costs. When she had agreed to let Jace put the roof on, it had been hard, but the thought of summer storms, with their heavy rain, had had her sucking up her pride and agreeing. The sight of so many changes had her rethinking the intelligence of giving in to him. The recollection of his accusation she was using him sank deeper into her psyche.