Touching Scars (18 page)

After Kat and I had breakfast, we headed over to The Hole so I could have a look around. Beaver was planning to meet us there and I wanted to ask him if he had found anything out of the norm. When we walked in, everything was seemingly the same. There weren’t any broken bottles or glasses, all of the tables were the same with the chairs turned upside-down on top of them, the liquor bottles were still lined up neatly behind the bar, and there wasn’t a hair out of place. I scanned the room, hoping that my eye would catch
something
amiss, but so far I saw nothing. Growing more and more aggravated, I stepped away from Kat and moved towards the hall that cased the stairway to Kat’s apartment. I had come to the conclusion that whoever had been here had been here for one thing. And that one thing was following behind me up the stairs.

As I opened her door, Kat tried to take a tentative step around me. My arm shot out to prevent her from moving any further.

“No, I want to make sure the place is secure first before you go looking around.”

She peered up at me with frightened eyes. “Do you think that someone could still be here?”

“It’s a possibility, but highly unlikely. I think when you ran out, they did too.”

She stayed in the kitchen while I made quick work through her room and bathroom. The closets were empty and there wasn’t anyone under her bed. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I gave her a nod that she could go ahead.

“Start in here. You said your brush had fallen on the floor. Show me where you normally keep it.”

She came in and I stood off to the side as she explained where she kept everything. I listened and did some work in my head. Kat was right. There was no way the brush would have landed where it had been lying if it had fallen from the shelves. We even tried tipping it off one of them just to see. It never once landed near where she’d found it. That meant that someone had been, in fact, here with her, while she had been showering. My blood had already been simmering since last night, but being here and knowing she had been naked and helpless while some fucker was digging around in her stuff, probably biding his time until she got out, made me so angry that my hands were shaking.

As calmly as possible, I said, “Kat, I need you to go check out your room.”

The room was an open floor plan, so I could see her as she went over to where her bed was. She started opening drawers in her dresser, pulling out a change of clothes. I hadn’t even thought about her still being in my clothes. If I had my way, I’d keep her in them. The shirt was baggy on her, and you could barely see the boxers peeking out from under it. Her legs were milky white and smooth. The only bit of color was the tattoo on her thigh. I watched as she pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top, but when she opened another drawer, she paused.

“Timber.” Her voice was a bit higher than normal with an edge to it.

“What is it?” I strode quickly to her.

“My underwear, they’re all gone.” Her eyes met mine.

I looked down in the empty drawer. “Is this normally full?”

She nodded. “It’s usually so full I can hardly close the drawer.” Kat’s eyes were darting around. “Oh my God, my body spray is gone too.” She placed her hand where I assumed it normally sat on top. “Shit, I’m going to be sick.”

She darted to the bathroom and I heard her vomiting the breakfast we’d just had. I followed her and pulled her hair back out of her face, rubbing her back while dry heaves racked her body. If I hadn’t been sitting here taking care of her, I’m pretty sure I’d be bent over this toilet doing the same thing. I felt absolutely disgusted that someone had her personal belongings. It’s not like some pervert had come in here, took a pair of underwear and left. No, he stole all of them. This person also took her smell. The fucking smell that I loved on her, and now someone else had it.

Kat sat back when she seemed to have nothing left. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. I reached over and found a wash cloth to wet down and handed it to her.

“Thanks.” Her voice sounded hoarse.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and we heard Beaver calling out. “Hello, are y’all in there?”

“In here,” I said, directing him to the bathroom.

As I helped Kat to her feet, Beaver poked his head in. “Hey, Kitten, you okay?”

She shook her head and tears welled up in her eyes. “No, I don’t think I am.”

“Come here, baby.” He held his arms out for her to come hug him.

She moved to him and he folded her into his large body. My jealousy bubbled to the surface, but I stamped it back down because I knew their relationship was strictly platonic. He looked at Kat like a little sister, and I had to appreciate the man for taking such good care of her.

Beaver was stroking her hair as she sobbed in his chest. “It’ll be ok. We’re not going to let anything happen to you.”

I piped up. “No, we’re not, because I’m not letting her out of my sight.”

Kat spun around in Beaver’s arms. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You go to the grocery store, I’m on you. You go to the post office, I’m on you. At work, Beaver and I are on you. At night when you close up, you’ll be at my house.”

“You can’t be serious, Timber. Can’t I just get a taser or something? I could go to the range and learn how to shoot a pistol. Besides, you work. How are you going to take care of me and be at your day job?” She shook her head. “No, I don’t need you feeling like you need to be the big hero.”

Ouch. That was a bit of a cut, and the look on Beaver’s face told me he heard it loud and clear too. It was getting harder to shove back my frustration. “I’m serious as a heart attack, Kat. You can’t protect yourself. You made that very clear last night.”

Beaver winced. I was about to get my ass handed to me. “Fuck you and your fucking macho I’ve-got-balls-bigger-than-the faces on Mount Rushmore
! I’ve been taking care of myself for the past twenty one years without your help, and I’m pretty sure I can keep doing so.”

“Really? You think you could have taken on a grown man last night while you were naked and in the shower without anything to help you? You’re lucky you got out when you did.”

“I’m a lot stronger than you think.”

Once the word vomit started, I couldn’t stop it. “Yeah, I find that so believable, Kat, when you weren’t able to fend off your attacker a few years ago.”

The moment I said the words, I wanted to take them back. The look on her face was palpable. I’d pretty much just accused her of allowing herself to be raped, and spilled the beans to Beaver in the process. I watched as the emotions played through Kat’s eyes in a matter of seconds… confusion, hurt, anger, and finally, nothing. She looked completely stoic and impassive. She stepped forward and pulled her hand up and back. I knew it was coming and I didn’t stop her from doing it. I was a bastard and I deserved this. Her open palm came across my cheek with a loud smack, and my face jerked to the side. If I wasn’t already feeling so numb after the words I just spewed out, I’m sure I’d have felt the sting on my skin.

“Get out,” she said in a deadly, calm voice.

“Kat, baby, whatever Timber just said, I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Let’s just sit down. I’ll make some coffee, and we can figure out what we need to do.”

I turned my face in her direction. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

“No, I don’t want coffee, I don’t want to talk, I want him out of here.”

She turned on her heels and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I heard the lock click and I couldn’t help thinking, why didn’t she do that last night while she was showering? I looked at Beaver, and he just shook his head.

“Sorry, man.”

“It’s alright.” I started walking toward the door, but stopped. “Before I leave, I have to ask. Was there anything weird about last night? New customers, anyone taking special interest in her, or stuff out of place?”

“No, everything was just the same as always. The only thing that I saw wrong was that the lock on the back door downstairs had been busted off. I’m assuming that’s how whoever it was, got in.”

“Probably. Listen, I’m just going to go take a walk. I’ll be back after a bit. Stay with her until I get back.”

“I wasn’t plannin’ on leaving, but I’m not sure she wants you around right now.” He gave me a skeptical look.

Scrubbing my hand down my face and feeling exhausted from the lack of sleep, I said, “She’ll get over it. I was a shit and shouldn’t have said what I did, but I’m not leaving her. Not right now with someone out there creeping around. When I said I was going to be on her, I meant it. Kat needs someone to keep her safe.”

“And you’re volunteering yourself?” Beaver didn’t sound pleased.

“If you want to call it that.” I had no plans of explaining myself to him. I wasn’t volunteering myself for Kat duty. How do you volunteer yourself for something that was a necessity?

“What was that all about with another attacker? Has she been hurt before?”

I couldn’t say anything without digging a deeper hole. “It’s her story to tell.”

I turned and went out the door before he could say anything else. When I got outside, the sun was bright so I put my sunglasses on. I had no idea what direction I was headed. Each step I took further away from her, the worse I felt. After I was a good four blocks away, my head was a mess. I had thought some fresh air would have given me some perspective when in fact it was the opposite.

The only time my mind felt like it wasn’t in a fog was when I was with her. How could something feel so foreign and yet right at the same time? There was no way I was already that attached to Kat. My feet picked up their pace. Another block down and I had gone from walking, to jogging, and now sprinting. My feet were hitting the cement with such force that the soles felt like they were being stuck with dozens of needles. My lungs were tight, and trying to pull in a full breath of air was impossible. The pain felt good. The pain made feel like I had something else to focus on instead of the fucked up world waiting for me back at that apartment. Up ahead I knew there was a bench that sat in front of a deserted stretch of beach. It was covered in sharp pebbles, so most people gravitated further down where there was actual sand.

I plopped down on the rickety wood, my chest heaving. The burning sensation was running deeper than just my lungs. Staring out at the water, visions began flashing in front of my eyes. Kat running down a dark sidewalk being stalked by some stranger… then I saw Holt, gasping for air. There was a massive hole in his chest, and it was spurting blood. My mind went back to Kat and the stranger now holding her up by her neck against a wall while his hips pumped forward, her screams silent. Holt’s own mouth was opening and closing, gurgling and choking on his own blood. Hazel eyes were looking up at me, lifeless and empty, while long dark brown hair fell over my arms. Then they were both gone.

I fell from the bench onto my knees and threw up. Every violent memory and image that my imagination took me through played over and over each time I heaved. I had nothing left. My whole body was spent from a lack of sleep, running, and thinking about her. Finally I stood, weak-legged. It was dark out and I’d been out here for at least two hours in pure hell. I needed to go to her. I had to put my hands on her and make sure that she was in one piece. It was a slow walk back. I tripped over my own feet a few times, still deep in thought. The locals that passed me probably thought I was three sheets to the wind.

Walking into The Hole, Beaver was sitting at his usual post. He didn’t question me as I made my way to the back hall. I passed Ed, who was behind the bar serving customers. I think he said something but I didn’t hear him. I was pretty sure I had tunnel vision and Kat was who was at the end. Nobody else existed. Climbing the last few stairs, I briefly considered knocking but then said fuck it. She could throw me out after I saw her.

Throwing open the door, I saw her sitting at her kitchen table with her legs folded under her, and Mel was standing at the stove with a mug and tea kettle. Both froze as they stared wide eyed at me in the doorway. The three of us were frozen in time. Mel was watching me, I was watching Kat, and Kat’s eyes were scrutinizing every inch of me. Mel started moving towards me, but Kat rose from her chair and came forward first. There was a softness about her as she approached me. I must’ve looked terrible, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She neared me then stopped directly in front of me. My head was tilted down, but I could see that she was watching me wearily. Kat’s hazel eyes weren’t lifeless like I’d let myself believe. Something passed between us and I was certain she knew where my head was. She could see the shadows hidden inside of me. In this moment, I felt like we were connected. I felt her fear and she felt my demons.

Mel’s voice penetrated whatever was passing between us. “Want me to kick him out?”

Kat didn’t even speak. She simply shook her head no. I heard Mel sigh. “Okay, honey, I’m going to go downstairs then and help out Ed if you think you’re okay.” As she brushed past me, she muttered, “If you hurt her, it will be the last thing you do.”

Not breaking eye contact with Kat, I said, “I’m not going to hurt her, never again. You have my word.” Even though I said it to Mel, my words were for Kat’s ears.

We stood there alone, still in the doorway. I reached up and brushed a few strands of hair from her face and tucked them behind her ear. “I didn’t mean it.”

A stray tear fell from her eye and my thumb caught it before it left her chin. “Don’t say anything like that to me again.” Her voice was firm but I could hear the sadness behind each word. I slid my hand behind her neck and brought her body into mine. As I wrapped my arms tightly around her, she buried her face into my chest. I felt like I could finally take in a full breath of air. I breathed in the sweet coconut scent of her hair as I ran my fingers through it.

In this moment, I felt
something
for this girl. I cared deeply for her, and more than just a friend. Loosening my grip, I pulled her over to her bed and we both laid down facing each other. Because it was only a twin we were as close as we could get. Her legs were entwined with mine, and she had one hand tucked under her head, while the other was resting on my ribs. My own hands were in a similar position except I had one combing through her hair. She sighed contentedly.