Translated Accounts (33 page)

I have said it. Strangers come. I do not fear strangers. These people are in this country, I am not in their country. People can be foreign, to us foreign, they may be. This country is my home.
I may go to other countries. I never have been to the other country, any one. To what other country? I can go to Brazil, see football. Eetalee, Engaland, Nederland, Braseeleea, Braseeleea.

Strangers are in all countries. They may give money to myself, myself, that I may visit their countries, thank you.

Amereeca, give me passport and visa card that I may boarda ship.

From our own city there is such a ship, give me money I can go, give me visa card passport

What.

I can play football, handball, bodyball, what is bodyball, I do not know bodyball. If I would kill then with the pistol, such a weapon. If this man was kicked. If he is dead, by kicking, I did
not kill him. He was kicked in the body, I did not kick him in the body, in the head, everywhere. Football player, not bodyball.

Strangers are tourists. All times not all times. But also strangers can be strong men, if they are, who thinks that, yet some can be. If he who is dead thought to rob some one, if he did, who
can say, the tourist is a big man and strong and too a fighter, who is to say, heavy heavy man, tourist man, some are dangerous to others, to ourselves.

He who is dead, skin and bone, what age he was, twenty-seven years and weight, skin and bone, if he could fight, I do not think so.

I did not say political. Some are political, he was not. I did not know him, if that he was, perhaps so, some may be, not political political, if he was. Some also are robbers, yes they are
political and also they are robbers. All of we ourselves, we are human beings. He too was human being, waiting at this club where women and girls will be, and for tourists.

If he was there why was he there. Yes, he who is dead. If he was younger, if he was older, older than who younger than who. He liked women, yes, girls too, and was waiting for tourist men, why
he was so waiting, taking their money, robbing it from them. And if tourist men wanted him, if then. Some say women but it is men, they say women but if it is women it is to men they look, if these
tourist men wanted him, perhaps they did so, he was young man, if he was, I do not know

all things

People say to me political, what is that, I say football, yes, we know football. I walked over the hill, I followed the road, I crossed to the street, I followed it down, I went to there. Here
is the club, there is the football, stadium, grass for it. I have played football and [k]now football what of football. Here is the girls here is the women, the tourists

I do not know. Political not political. I do not know.

What is political? Some one will come and take your money, will take your property, raping your women. I do not know. If he was angry with tourist men, he might be. What is to happen. Some are
in power, some in authority, holding this over others. Yes there is security, there is also terrorists, as he who is dead, as is known. He was no problem to me, mister skin and bone, if he might
be, what, what problem? Political robber terrorist robber, mister brittle bone, what might he be? He is not tobe there at that club, club is for tourist men, what is he there for, to rob these men,
strangers to our country, bringing cash goods to our country, who are fools, these men are not fools, if he thought they might be

Anywhere, it was just to anywhere, needing that I had, yes escape from this territory. I could not understand my fellows. I was an adult. I did not ask for children’s
things. Offerings for children. We had our children, own children, looking to us for guidance. How were they to mature, they required to develop. They would become adults. What sort of adults would
they become. They required our presence. But human beings as responsible, as adults, individuals, not images of themselves.

And we were as children. And if we were, yes, why was that. We had become so. How had this happened, what had we done, had it been done to us.

Yes it is true. We were not regarded as full beings. And we were not. It could not be said of us. None enjoys humiliation.

(I had to be going, to be anywhere, just so, as so.)

They spoke of us within our hearing. Yes, we then were present, we did not deter them. If the plight of a people is not recognised.

Our plight was lacking respect. Much would be asked of us, that we take part in our own subjection.

It was asked of us. What does it mean. This was asked of us. I had to be going. Not now, not then. Thus not respected and now I can say as human beings. I understand that. Nor could it have been
other, yes, also, I understand it. But I had to be going.

How are we to accomplish that.

How are we to agree our subjection.

But what is the form that it takes. We are to become peasants, children, infant children, in the play-area, servants in a kitchen, waiters waiting, waiting.

I ask now, asked then, tomorrow. We can be asked. Neither indefinitely. I am one who will wield a weapon, any weapon, what is there, if I may reach let me reach, I can .It is something that can
be said of me, also

not also, I would be anywhere

I may wish that it had been the case. I have a child.

But I was battered and could not make any movement, not to make any movement. My ankles and wrists, and shoulders too, unable to become free, or to sleep, even that ,I could have wished. Before
I could sleep, the spirit refreshening, strengthening, and bruises can heal, the body is beautiful. In sleep we recuperate.

All had ceased to be. In that way, it was how

That I may choose.

Each morning to drag myself into consciousness. I could be dead and would have wanted so to be, many many occasions and the continuation, existing through hatred, a perversion. Is this for
children.Children kill, lacking in sensibility.

I can say it that none wished our survival. Finding thisdifficult to accept!

I could be anywhere

nor that to accept it was necessary, also, I knew that. I looked at our children, did they too understand, did they accept it. I think that they did. All children. What age are children, three
years, twelve years. This difference may not be in the intellect.

We saw our children. Yes, again yes, yes yes yes yes. And girls, of course women, our town your town any town.

Some did not have women. They were not with us, but then later.

Neither beside us.

What difference.

My body felt that way, it was as though dragging myself, I knew not what to do.

No.

I knew nothing, except that to be anywhere, being anywhere

what do we say

I had been walking steadily, for how long I do not know. Of course in my own thoughts. Also there is a bend in the track, it is slight but enough. I thought the shape was of an
animal, a large hare, motionless, by the centre of the way. This was when first I could see it. Not until fairly close did I understand that it was a person. It was a male, a small man. I took him
to be in a seated position. It did not seem abnormal. Closer and almost upon him I heard and spied the insects buzzing, flies, varieties of them, also their sizes.

And his eyelids were closed. I did not inspect fully. I had my own business. If the man was dead there was nothing could be done for him. Later I would think of it. I would return short of two
hours.

It was simply that I was easing my head. I had been under great stress in that recent period. I was coping. It was such as then that allowed me that I can state I was coping, now.

His legs and arms were bare, a form of covering about his feet, this man on the track. Not shoes, I would say not. I cannot remember clearly. A form of covering. I do not know.

His hair straggled, thinning and grey, dirty in appearance. Perhaps only this was the colour, this grey. I have the strong impression of dust on his head, I would say there was. The flies buzzed
here and around exploratory. There was no smell. I walked on walked on.

Yes, I had put it from my mind. I can put things from my mind. Of course such a thing is disturbing and certainly I was disturbed.

It did not spoil my time. I have become adept, it is no insult to me. I have acquired this. Resolve, it is resolve, my own will that I have developed, I am contented with it.

I walked on by the side track, by the edge of the forest. The branches are overhanging. I do not know enough about that country, the kinds of tree there, but of course varied. The track here
never meets the sunlight so that if rain has fallen days previously then the mud lingers, even many days.

It was then a common outing for me, that place. I would go there by the same route, rarely deviating. The sameness of things was no draw back, I would say a pleasurable thing.

But that country always can be changing. From the autumn period, which was then at its beginning, the colours shift daily, and for me always enjoyable. I did detect here once odours. It might
have been sickening. I do not know, I did not breathe through my nose.

Things that we learn, they come instinctively to us. Often they do, resulting from experience.

In what I do I am experienced, yes. I should notice changes. I do notice them. It is right that I do. n the other occasion in this vicinity it was by the shore I recall and that it was a catch
had been dumped.

It is my recollection that it was a catch.

Shellfish, whelks, this is what it was. A dry-spell, rotting in the sun. The stench then was a sweetness. These odours at the edge of the forest differed. I would have known if otherwise.

I said this day was hot, humid, sweat poured from me. It was beyond the path that I stripped off my shirt, coming out from the undergrowth and ahead stretched the mountains and already my
spirits had lifted so greatly. Always when there is the sense of freedom. And the air too, the whole of it, everything. The freedom may be a real thing. Achievable. Of course achievable.

I carried no burden. I had tied my shirt about my waist. I might have left it by the track but did not. I might have done that, I did not. My return through here was not a thing that was
conclusive, not in advance, advance of it.

Blue sky above the mountains, white clouds.

Emotions, we ourselves, we have them.

I was gone only fifty minutes, one hour. No more. I saw noother human being, no animals, squirrels, rabbits, deer, none. But birds, different birds. Yes at another time two whole hours, easily,
I say that, but this occasion only one hour and it came time. Time that I return, thinking now of the man, the body of the man, the carcass. What I would do .Of course I would report on it, a
corpse, offer an account. But in the meantime, what. I had no blanket nor coat that I might use to shield it, if concealment, I could drag it onto the verge, from the track, into the bushes. But
what then. It would have become the more available to prey, simply that. Others can say what they could have done, what they could have done, if, they can say that. They are entitled to say as
much. I only say what I did, what thoughts occurred that now I remember

Returning along the track I saw ahead the carcass as before. And many more flies now buzzing, many many more, and settled now on it, a horde of them, all over, face and neck, bare limbs, all
over, everything, bare skin and in the hair, buzzing in the hair. Yes it was horrible, as a human being, one to another, to see this happening. Of course my stomach turned, of course.

Having to pass it by, I had to, and so I approached. Now to have left the track and gone at a distance, no, I could not have done so, not that. I approached and was passing, keeping my eyes to
the earth before my feet. Soft here, always soft. I could not look I could not, as another human being, a fellow, this wasa man, yes, of course and this horrible deafening, this buzzing such a
great loudness, I could not stop my ears hearing it, the buzzing. What else. It was deafening, deafening, I have to say it, how strongly, deafening. Many many flies, tiny tiny, yes mosquitoes and
larger, heavy, bloated they looked to me and this oh just the noise of them. Then I roared. I roared. It came out from me. I did not think to do it, neither to stop myself, I could not. To frighten
and scatter them. These fly hordes, vultures, they prey on us, they will survive when we have gone.

Yes I roared.

No I am not a religious man. I can say this in my way, that I have no religion, I believe in no god, no gods, these give me irritation. I become angry by such notions. I am not ashamed. Why. I
become angry. Yes I become angry, I will never be ashamed. These others should be ashamed. Yes I call myself socialist. I am socialist, a socialist.

How should I say this. Is there a way. No, I do not think so. I do not know what is wanted. I do not.

But that the insects are not the enemy. Of me. Of anyone. They are not the enemy. I say that.

Yes my stomach was heaving, I said so. I said so. Turning, it was. But I saw that scarcely were they affected.

The insects.

I had passed on.

I said that scarcely were they affected. A voice is a weapon. As human beings we have different weapons, many weapons. Yet such had been the depth of my roar I felt something of it might linger,
captured there. I do not know. A sound is material. A sound causes vibration. Thunder can shake a house. A woman whose child is dead, her scream. These things are material, things in the world. The
sound I made, that roar. I cannot say but that there seemed no impact, scarcely were these flies affected. I thought that. But now from behind me, not less than ten paces on from the body, there
was the disturbance, I heard it, horrible disturbance. And looking back seeing the carcass, that it moved, I saw it, the body of the dead man moving, it did, moved. From the seated position. The
seated position, where it was. The carcass crumpling. But the legs then kicking out. They certainly kicked out. Then a second time. The flies had scattered. But not far, then returning. And the
body lying still. The body now lying still. A carcass, corpse, yes. I saw also that the eyes were open. Sometime they had opened. I cannot say anything more and nor could something have been done,
if life had been there. Some life had been there, certainly I would say that it was possible certainly possible, but not now.