Trapped with the Blizzard (4 page)

A tiny voice in my head was kind enough to point out I was caressing a toilet with my cheek, but I wasn’t sober enough to care. It’s disgusting, but the cold porcelain felt too good against my hot skin. I’d lost count of how many times I’d thrown up, but unfortunately remembered the first… right in front of the whole town. I was completely mortified, but still a little too drunk for the full shame to set in.

There was a knock. “How are you doing in there?” Bryan asked through the bathroom door.

I groaned in response. “Better than some, worse than others,” I replied with a
hic
.

“Can I come in?”

“Whatever you’re into,” I muttered.

Bryan slowly opened the door, a glass of soda water in one hand and a sleeve of crackers in the other. Even though I knew they would soak up what was left of the alcohol in my system, the thought of eating was nauseating. I opened one eye groggily and gestured for him to set them on the counter.

“Thanks. It’ll make a nice change from throwing up stomach bile,” I grumbled.

“You sound a lot more sober,” Bryan chuckled. “You’ll have one hell of a hangover tomorrow morning, though. Don’t worry, I won’t tell your mom.”

“God, I hadn’t even thought about that.” It’s not like I cared about her knowing. She’d found me drunk plenty of times. I just didn’t want to listen to her harping on for a half hour on the phone tomorrow.

Bryan took a seat on the side of the bathtub. Just the sight of the cold bottle of beer in his hand made my stomach turn, but I said nothing. He was being so nice to me already. Since Mom abandoned me in Tellure Hollow, Bryan had been the only person I felt any connection with. Even though we were cousins, we’d never spent any real time together. It wasn’t because he was family. He was the only person who didn’t put pressure on me or demand too much.

I sensed he wanted to talk about something more serious, but was unsure of how I would take it. Always full of tact, I groped along the floor to pat his foot. “If you need to lecture me, go ahead. I won’t hold it against you.”

“It’s not a lecture. Liz is really trying her best, you know,” he said tentatively. “She can be kinda harsh sometimes, I know that. But she has a big heart.”

I leaned against the cabinet, grabbed a towel from the bar above my head, and wiped my face. With my eyes closed, I tried to stop the room from spinning like a tilt-a-whirl. “I honestly didn’t mean to mess anything up tonight.”

“I know you didn’t,” Bryan murmured. He took a long drag from the beer. It clinked against the side of the tub when he set it down. “Do you remember my dad at all?”

“Vaguely,” I said as I tried to dredge up the hazy images. Bryan’s dad was my mom’s brother. It was difficult for me to separate my genuine memories from the media coverage that haunted the family. Between Bryan’s career-ending wreck, his dad’s death, and the public fascination that surrounded all of it, I wasn’t sure if the images I had of him were my own or ones the tabloids used during the frenzy.

“I know it’s not exactly the same, but I really lost my shit when my dad died. It took me years to get my head on straight, and it was Liz who helped put me back together.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’s very
healing,
” I snickered. I pulled my knees into my chest and held them close as I let out a wry laugh. “If this is your idea of proposing a threesome with your wife…”

Bryan thankfully laughed, understanding my humor for what it was. It wasn’t ever easy for me to talk about my dad’s accident, even with somebody who I knew had felt similar pain. I could feel him trying to steer the conversation towards a schism I’d rather ignore, but I knew I owed him an explanation for my behavior.

“It was a year ago today,” I muttered.

The air between us grew still. “Ah.”

Yup,
I thought, staring at the ceiling.
What can you say to that?

“Did you know that her dad is in the Marines, too?” Bryan pressed.

I shook my head, a mistake given my current condition. That fact surprised me, though. Maybe that’s what I sensed about her, that harsh military upbringing I knew too well. I liked to imagine all military families walked around with a green camo aura.

“He deployed during the first Gulf War, when she was a little girl. That’s a pain and stress I could never understand.” Bryan leaned forward on his elbows, swinging the bottle of beer from his fingers. “You two have a lot more in common than you think.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” I snorted. I’d meant it as a joke but found it tinged with too much truth to be funny.

“Maybe,” he responded. “I know your head is all fucked up right now, and I’m not saying you need to un-fuck it straightaway. Lord knows there’s a lot of therapy to be found in self-destruction. But all of us are here to make sure you don’t slip too far down that slope. We understand a lot more than you think we do.”

I was stunned to silence. Bryan and I were practically strangers, sharing only blood and no history. But this man had managed to cut straight to the core, spoke to me like an adult when all the others in my life never had. Everyone sympathized with my pain while Bryan empathized. He understood and he didn’t judge me for trying to cope in the only ways I knew how.

I forced myself to meet his gaze, still a little unsettled by seeing such similar eyes looking back at me. “I get it. I am trying, really. I… sometimes, it’s like I’m sabotaging myself.” Blaming the alcohol, I couldn’t believe I gotten that honest.

Bryan nodded sagely, necked the rest of his beer, and stood up. “I think you’re going to be all right,” he said, smoothing the top of my head. “Except for tomorrow,” he chuckled. “You’re gonna be hurting something awful tomorrow morning. Let me know if you need anything, but you should get to bed as soon as you’re sure you’re done retching.”

“Good night. Thanks.”

I sat by the toilet, feeling more sober than I had in months. I didn’t think my mom had deliberately done it, but she’d sent me to the one place in the world where I had half a chance of healing.

It was at least an hour past my normal bedtime, but I was still so wired from the festival and the fire I knew I would never get to sleep. Plus, I wanted to wait for Bryan. He’d been upstairs with Dani for quite a while, so I made myself useful. After quietly loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher, I double-checked our emergency supplies, just in case. After pacing around the house a few times feeling at a loss, I sat back down on the sofa. Hot coals glowed in the fireplace, the fire dying down for the night.

I took a moment to take in our Christmas tree, the first real one of our marriage. The Marsh family house where we lived for the first couple years of our relationship was nowhere big enough to have a tree like this. We made do with an artificial one covered with a hodgepodge of ornaments and homemade decorations.

But this tree… this tree was something else. Ten feet tall, miles of Christmas lights buried deep inside so it looked as though it glowed from within. Bryan’s mom had even sent us a few boxes of heirloom ornaments to add to our collection. This time the year before, I was about halfway through my pregnancy with Jack, just coming out of my horrible morning sickness phase. All I could think about was making sure Jack’s first Christmas was perfect. I bought eighteen different “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments, all of which found a spot on the tree.

These were rare moments of peace when I could stop and reflect. Through the busy, hectic pace of day-to-day life, there were times when I felt like I hovered above my body, just a few feet up and to the side. It was like watching somebody else live my life, move my hands, run my errands. I couldn’t believe this was actually how I turned out. Surely, this had to be an alternative universe I woke up in one day. How could I have gone from all that shit with Rick and Kayla to this?

I’d married a wonderful man, was mother to a beautiful son, living a life I never would’ve dreamed of, even in my most stretching fantasies. Sure, we had our ups and downs, like everyone else. Unfortunately, our downs were a lot more dramatic and public compared to others. But I learned to embrace the fame that came with being the Blizzard’s wife. The good with the bad.

Dani’s behavior had thrown me into an introspective mood. I tried so hard to empathize with her; it brought back so many old memories. My mom’s death, the Christmases we had spent together, how badly I wished she were around to meet Jack. The girl was hurting, I could see that, but her dad hadn’t died. Suffering a traumatic brain injury meant a long road of recovery, sure, and there was no guarantee of complete healing. But he didn’t die over there. He came home and she still had him… I tried to sympathize, but it was difficult to view her actions as anything other than childish, even selfish.

I was so lost in thought, I didn’t hear Bryan return. I jumped and spun around when he tapped me from behind, only to see a chilled glass of wine hovering over my shoulder.

“Oh, I could kiss you,” I said as I took the glass.

“That can be arranged.”

“Did you look in on him?” I asked, nodding towards the monitor.

“Yeah, sleeping like a little angel.” He stoked the fire, turned off the lamps, and took a spot next to me on the sofa. He curled an arm around my shoulders and I settled into the crook of his armpit. “What do you have going on tomorrow?”

I sighed, a deep weariness threatening to seep into my bones. “Oh, not a lot. Just all the prep and baking for Christmas. I still have presents to wrap and I said I’d help run out some of those donated dinners at some point. I’m gonna go up to the lodge and hand out the staff gifts. How about you? The fire hall all set up?”

“As much as we could. They can only hold twenty people at most. But it’s the only solution we have right now. I’m afraid it isn’t enough. We’ve already gotten triple what they predicted and the storm hasn’t even started. Still, we have to do something to help people out.”

“And it took forever for the fire trucks to show up tonight. What’s it going to be like a day from now? Two? The weatherman didn’t have good news.” Bryan grunted and I shook the thought clear. Too many crises building at once. “Did you and Dani have a nice talk?”

“It was good, actually. She seemed more receptive than usual. Maybe we should get her drunk more often.” Bryan gave my shoulder a squeeze and lovingly kissed the top of my head. “I know you two will work it out. You just have to keep trying. Don’t expect too much from her right now.” I hadn’t given him the full details of our arguments, half because I didn’t want to worry him and half because I hated the light it painted me in. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t connect with her. Every little thing I did seemed to annoy or insult her. You’d think after nearly a month together, we’d have
something
to talk about.

I snuggled in closer. We sat in silence for a few moments, just watching the lights twinkle on the tree, the flicker of the fire. Shadows danced across the darkened room and for the briefest moment, everything felt right in the world.

Just then, the floodlights flicked on outside and bathed the living room in bright light. They were controlled by motion sensors, meaning something large enough to trigger them was within range of the house. Bryan stiffened beside me, shifting as though he wanted to investigate.

I grabbed his arm and hushed him. “It’s probably just a deer or raccoon. Those damn lights are too sensitive to begin with,” I said, hoping to reassure him. I wanted to stretch this moment as long as possible.

He hesitated and gave my hand a squeeze. “Lemme look real quick.” I watched as he made his way to the windows, his frame silhouetted against the bright light. He still walked with a bit of a limp, but I was probably the only person who didn’t notice it anymore.

“You remember we met around this time of year,” I said with a soft smile. The statement drew his attention away from the windows.

He gave me a funny look, as if he were wondering what I was up to. “Of course I do,” he replied. He slowly returned to my side, plucking his beer from the table and clinking it with my wine glass. “And I haven’t had a moment of peace since,” he joked.

I rolled my eyes and paused with the wine at my lips. “Do you ever regret it? Getting involved the way you did?”

His brow furrowed as he turned to face me fully. “Why would you ask something like that?”

“I didn’t
mean
anything by it,” I said, patting his leg. “It’s just… well, meeting me certainly brought a lot of chaos into your life. There must be moments when you…”