Trinity - Defying Destiny (13 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

I was unsure how long I had lain there, staring into the eyes of the man I had killed. I began hearing Garth and Jason’s voice in the distance. I wanted to move. I wanted to hide and never show my face again. The shame and despair that were going through my mind was painful. It hit me harder because I still had not dealt with the guilt of the other two people I had killed.

They rushed to me, checking me over to see if I was hurt. I shook my head and nodded at the right moments, but no words would escape my lips. I did not dare open my mouth because I was worrying about the words ‘I am a murderer’ coming out and then it would be even more real than the actual situation.

Tears still ran down my cheeks and as Jason’s face came in front of mine, I could see him clearly through them. My body was itching to run, jumping from the blood I drank, but my fear of whom I had become was keeping me right where I was.

Jason pulled me up and started hugging me close. I could hear his rapid heartbeat pounding through his chest. He smelled good with his wolf scent mixing with cologne. I embraced him, hugging and crying, as though I had never cried before. All my shame and despair came rushing out with my tears.

They finally slowed as they ran dry. I felt Garth’s hand touch my shoulder for comfort. I needed it more than ever.

“It’s ok, Trinity. You had to,” he said in his deep voice.

I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. I could have knocked him out. I don’t even remember thinking of eating him, I just did,” I said in a whisper.

“You were starving. You’d used up too much energy and only had one bag with you. It was not enough,” Garth replied.

“You should have checked before letting her go,” Jason snapped.

I pulled back and looking at his face. He was angry at Garth and at me.

“I thought one would be plenty,” I said, defending both Garth and myself.

“That was Vex’s responsibility of telling you, you were new, untrained. You do not know your limits yet,” Jason said still angry.

“But if I was both all along, why didn’t I need so much blood from the start?” I pointed out.

“Your beast hadn’t awoken at that time. You still had to wait until the full moon. You now have two predators in you and both are using up your energy. You need twice as much as what Lachlan will need,” he replied.

“We can talk about this later. Let’s get her somewhere safe and away from here!” Garth snapped back.

Jason gave a nod, took my hand in his and started walking us away. I looked back at the man I killed. I knew his eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life. If I could scratch the image out of my head, I don’t think I would. I will use it as a reminder of what I had been before coming here and I made a vow never to do that again.

We had walked for hours in the rain, which was showering down, but was now easing to a slow drizzle. My feet were not sore. I was not tired in the worn out sense, just my mind. I couldn’t stop seeing the soldiers’ face, Marie’s or the wolf girls. I know I had to, but why didn’t I just turn him. Then I could have given a life back.

“Over here,” Garth said, pointing to where a sort of cave entrance was in a rock face.

We walked over, crouched down and went inside.

“I will go get some kindling and sticks for a fire,” Jason said going back out, letting go of my hand for the first time since grabbing it.

I watched him bend his head as he was leaving the cave. I craved him the moment he was gone. I felt tiny and cold without his hand in my own. I felt somewhat protected when he held it. I had tried not to think of those haunting dead eyes and concentrated on the feel of his touch. The slight ripples of the creases in his hand. The tough and sturdy feel of his skin from years of working on… well, I wasn’t quite sure that I believed he worked in a mine, yet, somehow I think the few callouses and toughened skin was due to building his relatives a sanctuary, which is now believed to be burnt to the ground.

I sighed out loud and leaning my back against the cave wall.

“Trinity?”

Garth’s hand touched my leg, which made me jump slightly. I was not expecting his touch and it caught me by surprise. So did the tone of his voice. He was clearly concerned.

I was glancing in his direction with what I presumed were dead eyes and I noticed the skin on his brow creased together. Conflicted or worried even more.

“It’s not your fault, Trinity,” he said cautiously as if I was a wild animal ready to scratch his eyes out if he made any sudden movements.

He was right to be cautious because that was exactly how I felt.

His chuckle bouncing off the cave walls like a squash ball.

“What?” I half snapped.

“Your mind is amusing,” he replied with a grin.

“Stay out of my bloody head!” I snapped again.

“I can’t, sometimes it is like you are talking to me,” he said with a kind of apology in his tone.

The corner of my mouth turning up in a slight smirk.

“You are right to beat yourself up over this. It is only human to have sympathy for someone you killed, even if they had meant to kill you first,” he mentioned frankly.

“There is nothing human about me, Garth,” I said in a dead voice gazing up to the ceiling of the cave.

“You are more human than you know.”

I heard him shuffle for a moment and when I glanced at him he was mimicking my own sitting position. His hands in his lap and his legs were stretched out only crossed at the ankles.

“How do you know?” I asked curiously. I wasn’t sure why? Maybe it was so I could believe I was not as monstrous as I thought, trying to find a way to think that there is still hope and that just maybe I could live with it.

“You are a very special case,” he said and tilted his head down so I could see the truth in his eyes.

His hair was a bit more dishevelled than normal with dark rims under his dark eyes.

“You know when a new vampire is made, they want to go and eat anything and everything in their path for about two weeks. You didn’t, I think you have more humanity in you than you give yourself credit for.” He chuckled again, “Lachlan was a wild one; he was hard for Vex to tame. If that boy didn’t have Vex as a master, I fear he would likely be the type of vampire we hunt and kill ourselves.”

I just looked at him while blinking, it felt like it was in slow motion.

“Yes, he may not seem so now, but that boy had a hunger for blood like none other I had come across. They all go through it; it’s the shock you see. Like a drug addict. It just takes one taste for you to forget who you were and what purpose you had in life. And I don’t mean blood from a bottle, I mean from the vein.”

His tone and look was still cautious.

“So you think I didn’t go like that because what? I had more humanity?” I scoffed.

He looked away, back up to the ceiling of the cave and said, “No, I think it has to do with both the how and the why. You already had wolf blood in you as well as immortal blood. I think it’s because you had already fought the blood hunger deep down before you needed to.” Sighing he continued, “I remember watching you when you were eight; you were in the back yard of your permanent home, the grass long and dead from not being mowed often enough. There was nothing much in the yard, but some rusted bits of tin sheeting and blocks of wood. You used to play out there for hours and hours, since you were not allowed inside that is.”

His eyes glanced at me for a moment as if making sure I was listening intently, which I was, then his eyes flickered back.

“I would watch you the whole time, listening to you sing to yourself, talking away as if someone were there listening and talking back. You had a very clear imagination. I was captivated and you held my attention through every word spoken.” He gave a small laugh at remembering. I couldn’t help but blush and smile thinking back as well.

“One day, you found a dead cat in the back yard. I didn’t know it was there even though I can turn on my ability to sense things as I wish. I would not let my full wolf side take over whenever I was near, I used enough to know if anyone should or should not be there, but not too much to expose myself putting you at risk of finding me. Anyway, I watched as you inched closer and closer, bending down onto your knees, you bent over and sniffed. It must have been fresh, as you didn’t repel back from the smell. You put both hands on either side and bent your head down closer. I thought you were going to eat it. You seemed frozen just millimetres away from touching its gaping flesh. I was getting ready to jump down from the tree and stop you, but you stopped yourself. You sat back on your feet with a rather large frown on your face for a short time. Finally, you stood up, went, got a stick and started digging a hole with it to bury the cat. Therefore, you see, you may not realise it, but deep down inside you, your subconscious knew what you were to become, and was preparing you for it the whole time. Also with Carra’s blood flowing through your own you had the restraint,” he finished, turning to look at me.

“I remember that,” I told him.

“But what about Nikkee and Sky?” I asked.

“For the same reasons. Nikkee knew of our monsters and beasts, she was also prepared. Don’t get me wrong, the young woman is struggling with the temptation but she has a lot of help and support. Mostly she has your strength that helps her.”

I frowned to myself.

“And Sky?”

“Wolves are not as blood hungry as vampires, we are happy with a good fresh animal or rare steak. Our urges are less overbearing, but our bite is so much more infectious. We do not need to feed a victim our blood to turn. One bite and they are already changing. And the same as Nikkee, Sky knew about us, it was still a shock, but not as bad as most people,” he said smiling.

“What about… What about Jason?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“That is for him to tell you, not me,” was all he said.

I flicked my thumbnail looking down at it trying to find the words I was searching for.

“I couldn’t help myself with that man, I had no restraint,” I whispered.

“I didn’t say you were perfect Trinity. You may be human, but you also have two beasts that need taming. That is why Vex didn’t want you going alone. You are young, and not used to the temptations that are laid out in front of you. Most of the time you have someone with you, you are rarely alone,” he told me.

“But would anyone be able to stop me if I did go over the edge?” I asked with a lump in my throat.

“I have not seen you at your full strength, but no, I don’t think anyone will be able to. You will only have yourself to rely on there.”

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat that was growing faster from his honesty. Was I even safe to be around people? Would I even be able to stop myself if no one else could? I knew the answer before I asked myself that question. No. A sinking feeling grew darker in my stomach as I also came to realize that the soldier will not be the only person that I will end up killing. What scared me more was that I didn’t think it fazed me as much as it did a few hours ago.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jason had come back a short time after my talk with Garth; he had enough wood for a fire and a couple of fresh rabbits to cook. We didn’t say much more and the silence was so thick I could have chewed it. He told me we would be staying in the cave for the night to rest.

“But I am not tired, I feel as though I could run the whole way back,” I complained.

“You may be able to but we have already been running since the morning you left. We also have not fed. We need rest Trinity and so do you. You need to learn to use your power in moderation so you don’t burn yourself out again,” Jason replied.

He was sitting next to me, his shoulder touching my own. His hand was resting on my thigh while his fingers moved across, back and forth stroking my leg and soothing me.

“I lasted a while with Nikkee’s blood,” I pointed out.

“You did, but you also didn’t do a week’s worth of walking in two days either,” Jason said.

I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was smirking, I could tell by his tone.

“Besides, taking our time will be a good thing, it will let you collect your bearings before facing the others,” Garth said.

“Collect my bearings?” I asked.

“You killed a man today Trinity, you are still in shock, the realization will hit you hard sometime tonight or in the morning if you manage to sleep long enough, also the other two deaths you had not been able to bring yourself to face. You will crumple within yourself a few times before you come to terms with the fact that it was either you or him and the situation was out of your control.” Garth was answering, he put a hand up to stop me, and adding, “You had to come alone to find the place Carra was showing you, we tracked you as best we could, but you were right, this was a journey you had to make alone and there may even be something about the why of what happened today. Fate is a funny woman,” he finished.

“Why do you say fate is a funny woman?” Jason asked.

“Because only a female will have so many paths for others. Males are straight forward,” he was smirking.

I smiled too. “I didn’t think you had a sense of humour Garth,” I said and asked more seriously, “How do you know I will go through all that?”

“Because I went through it the first time I killed someone,” he replied.

“And so did I,” Jason also said.

I shifted to the side so I could look at him, I was sure my mouth was gaping open, “You killed someone?” I wasn’t sure if it was disbelief that had me so stunned or that he said it so casually.

“When? Who?” I asked.

He shook his head, “For another time Trinity.”

I let it drop, he sounded more stern and serious than usual. A warning that he did not want to discuss it. I frowned looking down where his fingers had stopped moving side to side, but instead they now looked stiff and seemingly forced to be there, as if my question had repelled him from wanting to touch me. A moment later, his hand relaxed again going back to moving his fingers back and forth.

I stared back at the crackling fire where the rabbits appeared to be just about ready to eat. Jason proved to be a good hunter and skinner. The aroma was nice and filled the cave, which made my stomach grumble every few minutes.

I sat wondering about who Jason had killed and why. Was it because of me? I felt a twinge of regret for even being born with everyone around me being forced into something they didn’t want to do or be.

I sat upright fast. Jason’s arm that had been over me slid down to my waist with tiny droplets of water falling on it. No, not water, my tears.

I had relived the events of the day in my dream, that man’s eyes, then Marie’s and the werewolf’s staring so close to my own I could see every imperfection and detail in them. Dead and lifeless, but a knowing stare. ‘You killed me, you killed me,’ was floating around in my head. ‘You made me,’ I was screaming back without letting the words leave my lips. ’You killed me, Monster.’ ‘You made me.’

I sagged my head in my hands and started shaking, the words echoing louder and louder in my mind. I felt Jason’s other arm move around my waist and then he pulled himself closer to me. His body pressed against my side. He lifted his other hand up and moved my hair off my face and out of the way, then grabbed my wrist and moved it away so I was no longer shielding myself fully. I closed my eyes. I knew they would be monstrous. I felt his warm breath brush across my face as he moved closer and then his lips touched my closed wet eyes, then my cheek. His hand went over the other one still shielding my face from my shame, but he made my head move until it was facing him.

His fingers forced their way between my own pulling my hand out of my face, but I kept hiding it.

The tears were sliding down my face so fast that I felt my jeans become wet from the puddles that were created by them.

I finally opened my eyes to his deep green ones staring at me with the hunger of a beast. His wolf side was at the surface. I blinked at their intensity and need. Swallowing hard, trying to calm myself to understand his look seemed pointless. I didn’t get a chance to wonder for long as his lips pressed hard against my own.

His hand let go of my mine as he put it around my back. He held me tight as he parted my lips to meet his tongue with my own.

I sagged in his hold as my mind cleared and the need for Jason took over any emotion that I had just been feeling. My arms went around him as I reached one hand up to his hair brushing my fingers through it. A deep rumbling growl came out of his mouth vibrating my lips. My mind blurred and all I could think was that his taste, his touch, his intensity were overwhelming me, both body and mind. I was thinking of things I knew I shouldn’t. I was craving him more than I should. I felt whole and complete with his skin touching my own and his hold protecting me from myself. He was my other half, a perfect match for my soul. The puzzle piece I never knew I was looking for and he fit right there as if he had always been a part of me.

I clung to him and a small growl came out of my own mouth to match his own.

Jason was the one to break our intense kiss. Leaning his forehead on my own and just staring into my eyes breathing hard.

“You do things to me, Trinity, things no one has done before.”

I smirked as I met his stare, “I could say the same,” I replied.

“If your father were not here, Trinity, I think I would not be able to hold myself back,” he murmured.

I shuddered as a shiver rippled its way down my spine. “And what would that be?” I asked.

He kissed my lips again, only briefly saying, “You will find out when the time is right.”

He sat back and looked at me. His blond hair was dishevelled and all over the place, a corner of his lips showed a smirk on the left side and a shine spread across his eyes, as he looked me over.

“You tempt me too much, I have waited so long to be able to just touch you. You are killing me,” he said in a half-playful whine.

“Is that so?” I asked, matching his smirk with my own.

He leaned back, pulling me with him, I laid my head on his chest, and my hand rested on his stomach. My head moved up and down slightly as he breathed, at first it was rapid, fast like his heart was going to jump out of his chest and then he took deep breaths, then it started to finally slow until it was a quiet rhythmic beat.

I smiled to myself and closed my eyes. He had distracted me and it had worked, I couldn’t get him off my mind. Rather than just soothing me and telling me it was not my fault, he had mauled me and sent me away from my own thoughts replacing them with others. He had that kind of power over me and it was making it hard to resist him. He made me angry at times, as I am new to this whole boyfriend stuff. He is my first, I am a virgin, and I knew he wasn’t. That scared me as I didn’t know whether or not he was expecting me to be with him that way, but his recent words, ‘You will find out when the time is right,’ had me reassured that he was not going to pressure me into anything while also letting me know that the idea was never far from his thoughts. In truth, it was never much further from my own, but I was scared. Sky had given herself to Mark and is now paying the price. I knew she still burned with pain at just the mention of his name. It was a reminder that she had trusted him and given herself to him freely only to then be betrayed. I knew, or at least I hoped, Jason would never do that to me when the time came, but the thought of what happened to Sky did scare the shit out of me. I wanted to be cautious and make sure that I knew 100% in my heart that he loved me because I knew without a doubt that I loved him.

I had known for a while, deep in my core, as my own thoughts swirled back around my mind. He was the missing puzzle piece to my soul.  I had known he was all along, I just wasn’t letting myself believe it. He completed me just as Nikkee and Sky did. I may not have had a very nice upbringing, but it had been filled with love from my friends and their family’s so much more than one person could hope for.

Yet, Jason and I were new even though I also felt as if we had been together for longer. We had time, I didn’t want to rush and I think he knew it. For that, I loved him more.