Trinity - Defying Destiny (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Garth had been right. I awoke in the morning drenched in sweat, tears streaming down my face, my soul feeling like it would explode with regret and shame. I couldn’t help but let the thoughts swirl through my head as I contemplated what I could have done to save that man’s life from the monsters inside me that thought only of themselves. Jason hugged me tight again, just letting his lips slightly skim off mine and I knew it was because Garth was awake. I could feel his eyes on me as my head rested on Jason’s chest with the tears falling onto my lap and soaking into his shirt. I felt embarrassed that I was not strong enough to hold all my tears in as they fell freely without my consent. It was as if they had a mind of their own, giving up all strength and collapsing when I didn’t want them to. I would much rather fall apart in silence than have my shame shown for them both to see. But it wasn’t just the deaths, it was everything. All my fear from the new life just thrown at me. Every bit of terror I have had hidden deep inside just pouring out. That was my problem, I didn’t deal with any of it and they all thought I just handled the change well. I obviously hadn’t and it is only now that it decided to show its self.

Finally, the tears slowed and I was able to hold myself upright against the wall. I shut my eyes and let my mind ease. I heard Garth and Jason speak for a moment and then the smell of blood hit my nose like a roast to a starving child. I looked at the source with precision as the blood bag was handed to me.

I felt my eyes bulge and knew a blue gleam slightly shone out of them. I wasn’t hungry, or at least I didn’t think I was but the smell brought on a burning sensation in my chest and throat that I knew only the blood would quench.

I bit the corner of the bag and drained it in three large gulps. I went back to closing my eyes and let the sensation of the blood rush run its course through my body riding every wave. I could see how some would become addicted to it like a drug, especially what fresh blood did. It was harder to explain, but the rise of ecstasy that followed each mouth full had pulled me in even with Nikkee. I had stopped myself with her. How? Was it because I loved her? How was I supposed to have that same restraint against someone that was attacking me?

Garth had gone hunting and left Jason and me alone in the cave. He did not speak, only kept his hand at the base of my spine moving his thumb around in slow circles. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk, but more that I couldn’t. I was more afraid to speak today than I had been yesterday. I also felt more tired, not from my body, but my mind. The fresh blood I had had yesterday still buzzed through me with the new dose. I wanted to run, run away from everything but my mind felt like it was going to collapse in a heap if left to its own vices.

After we had breakfast, which I barely touched, we were off at a walk again. Jason was up ahead scoping the place out to make sure no one else was going to try another attack.

I was thankful that he had gone ahead because I collapsed in a heap on the ground and started crying again. Garth bent down and held me close to him. It seemed weird that he would be gentle as he was such a large, sturdy man, with his shoulder length wavy hair a bit in taters and a marred face with deep eyes. He looked more like a man that would kill anything rather than comfort it. Nonetheless, I welcomed it. I inhaled his scent and treasured it. I was feeling myself change slowly over the past few weeks, more in my own mind. I felt sharper and in a sense more integrated, even if I was still so confused about everything. It was as if I was no longer 18, but 30. I knew that had something to do with Carra’s blood. I cried harder at the realization that my youth had now been stolen from me; I myself felt responsible for all the monsters’ and beasts’ lives and I had failed them miserably.

“Hush, you know that is not true,” Garth spoke in my ear.

I shook my head in his chest, “No, I have and I have failed myself.”

Saying the words out loud made my body shudder and tremble with more tears. I knew they would dry up soon enough and that I would, in time, come to terms with the deaths by my hand. I also knew that they would not be the last. With my eyes leaking more liquid now than in their whole lives, I wondered if the next one would be as bad.

“It gets easier,” Garth told me.

This didn’t really make me feel much better. How can one live with themselves after this? Yes, he was trying to kill me. I did it in self-defence. I knew that, but it still felt wrong and not what I had wanted for myself.

Jason came back while Garth and I were sitting in front of each other plucking up bits of grass and pulling them apart. I looked up giving him a small smile, which he returned with what looked like relief. He sat down crossing his legs as well.

“I can’t find much apart from the first trace of the human,” Jason announced.

“We were tracking the human; we couldn’t find you at all,” Garth explained seeing me frown slightly.

“Oh, he said something about that too. That he lost me at some point,” I said, still looking down at the grass I was pulling to shreds.

“How so? Where were you?” Garth asked.

I gave a slight shrug off my shoulders, “I camped at the base of Wisdom Rock. I was too tired to continue and needed rest. I had gathered firewood and ate and then slept ‘til the morning.”

There was a small pause, “Did you do anything special?” Jason finally asked.

I shrugged again, “Only thought about a boarder, a fence, to protect myself. I just thought it would help to soothe me to sleep so that I felt safe and protected.”

“Maybe you really had protected yourself with a boarder,” Jason thought aloud.

“Magic? I can’t have magic!” I protested.

“Trinity, everyone has a small piece of magic in them. Some people know it, some people don’t. If you didn’t have any I would be surprised, your bloodline was, after all, created by magic,” Garth stated.

I shook my head. “Maybe, maybe not,” letting it drop and both of them took the hint following suit.

We ran for a few hours. In my mind, I said, ‘Finally.’ My body had been itching to run and my muscles needing to be put to good use. We were still a while away as we had mostly walked while heading back, which meant either we kept running until the morning or we would be camping again. Garth took us in a different direction. I didn’t question him, but went along. We came to a stop in a large clearing and I knew where we were before he told me.

The ground green with grass that stretched out over a vast expanse. I started walking through it, reaching my hands out and running them along the tops of each strand. It tickled slightly, but my mind was set on its destination and my eyes fixed on where I was walking. The rock structure was not overly large, but big enough that when Sherra stood upon it everyone would see and hear her as she spoke. It looked like a large rock sofa with another rock behind it. I closed my eyes and imagined her throne of sticks and all the bones of the spiritual ancestors around the rock edge like an archway.

I opened my eyes as I approached and reached my hand out with just a slight hesitation and placed my palm in it. The stone was hot from the beating sun beaming down, but that was not what had me pull my hand away fast, it was the invisible electricity that seemed to shock my hand and burn its way into my body. No, not electricity, but power, lots of power.

“I thought you might like to come here,” Garth said from my left while Jason grabbed hold of my right hand. He flinched slightly as if I stung him.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, “so quiet and peaceful.”

“Yes, we always regretted leaving here. Paro could have flourished more if we stayed but Carra said our best chance was beyond the sea. We left with a heavy heart and always thought of our home.” He spread his hands out as if showing me, “It may not be much of what you are used to, but it was our sanctuary for a long time. Huts were in numbers around this area. In the centre over there,” he paused pointing to the middle of the grass field we had just walked through. “There was a large fire pit that had many wood stumps around it. Every night we would sit and feast while Sherra sat up with the bones and her children. Some nights our feast was merely berries and leaves, but when we had a fresh kill the tribe would rejoice in song and dance while we drank fermented fruits and forgot all about our worries and cares, for just one night.” I looked to him meeting his cocked smile with a twinkle in his eye, “Our heads in the morning were not too welcoming though.”

I grinned at him, “Fermented fruits, alcohol?”

“Yes, a lot of it. They were mostly grapes and potatoes, tasted like piss, but you forgot about it after a few cups.”

I laughed out loud at the thought of Garth drunk.

“You think I would live this long and not get myself intoxicated. I met your mother in quite a drunk state. Made a bit of a fool of myself, tripping over my own tongue and all,” he waved a hand with a smile as if dismissing what he had told me, my smile grew wider.

“She must have been quite a woman for you to have been lost for words,” I said, still grinning.

“Yes, she was. You also have me lost for words, but with you it’s different, you seem to allow me to collect my thoughts before I need to speak them, your mother however…” he started to say stopping.

I reached my hand out and touched his arm. “What?” I asked as a way to keep him talking while the butterflies swirled around my stomach hearing him speak of my mother.

He looked down at me with half a grin, “She was very demanding, you see. She knew I had been at the pub she was working at only to watch her. I drank a lot. I am not sure why, but I think it was to build up the courage just to talk to her. I wanted to hear her talk, even if it was to ask me what I was having. I suspected most of the males in there were drinking so fast waiting for the same thing.

Her voice was so sweet and it made the hairs on my arms stand up every time I heard it. So I ordered quite a lot of drinks, as a result, when she pulled me up short outside where I had been waiting to take her picture, she was rather forward and demanding. It caught me off guard the way she acted while working,” he finished with a wistful look over his face.

“I know the feeling.”

I spun and looked at Jason.

“What?” he asked, “It’s true.”

“I have you stumble over your tongue when I am around?” I asked.

“Well, it’s more like I used to be lost for words and could only seem to form a few adjectives and possibly one verb,” he smirked.

“And what about now?” I asked, squeezing his hand slightly.

“Maybe a few adjectives and verbs and possibly a noun.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“Thank you.” I said to Garth from across the fire he had built in the same spot his people used to have a more impressive one burning.

“And you as well Jason. Thank you,” I said, giving him a smile, which he returned.

“There is nothing to thank us for,” Garth spoke, the flames flicking away reflecting shadows and orange light over his large body.

“Yes there is and I am sorry for being a bit of a cry baby,” I said, blushing as I remembered all my mental breakdowns.

“Trinity,” Garth said in a deep voice, “You don’t need to be sorry. We would think something was wrong with you if you didn’t fall apart. It is a big thing to take a person’s life, even if it was in self-defence. Most of our kind has been right where you are. Some, however, find the taste for it. That was the point of ‘Mutual’, where we could come together and help those that are in the same spot as you,” he finished.

“What like a counsellor?” I asked.

“We have those on hand, but just others to help talk them through it or just be like we have with you. You are not the monster you think you are. Well, we know you are not anyway. That’s all that counts. Your friends will also not feel ill about what you had to do to bring yourself back to them. I for one am grateful,” Garth said like a proud father.

I gave a small smile looking back to the flames. “You were right in us taking our time. I feel a lot better now that I have cried myself stupid, but in a way it has allowed me to process it without everyone fussing over me.” I put up a hand to stop Garth, “Yes, I still feel horrible and guilty and I know you know what I am feeling,” I paused looking to Jason who seemed puzzled a bit. “I know I will move forward in my own time, but for now I feel satisfied that I can’t cry anymore. I only fear seeing their blank dead eyes in my dreams,” I confessed.

“Did you know what she was feeling?” Jason asked Garth.

He gave a nod.

“He has always been able to feel me, in some way,” I said to the fire more than to Jason.

I was looking at it again, snapping a small twig into little pieces between my hands.

“Not always, not when there is some sort of magic block involved. She has become quite good at it I must say,” he mentioned to Jason.

“Mine just comes and goes now that she knows.”

I smirked at the stick.

“Well, it’s not very cool having three guys being able to know what I am feeling, especially one that I lo….” I cut off feeling the heat rising in my cheeks and knowing it wasn’t due to the flames.

I snuck a glance at Jason only about half a meter away from me. He leaned back keeping himself propped up on his elbows, he looked over at me and smiled. His green eyes grew bright, his hair a shade darker because there was not as much light showing on it. I could see his muscles in his arms contract slightly as they held him in place, his shirt showing the curves of his chest and abdomen muscles, the ones I knew were hiding underneath that not many noticed, but I had stared at them more than once.

“I imagine that is as annoying as me being able to feel more than I want also,” Garth said giving Jason a pointed look.

His grin grew wider. “You can block me out anytime,” he said.

“That is true,” he countered. “It’s hard sometimes when you’re screaming it so loud you could wake the dead,” he jeered back.

Jason lifted up a hand, waving him off, and looking into the fire as though deep in thought.

“I kind of know what you mean, Nikkee was….having…….errrm… thoughts about Lachlan in the car and it made me feel them too,” I stated matter of factly.

Garth had been taking a sip out of his drink bottle and then nearly gagged on it with what I said.

He choked a little, cleared his throat, and then said with a slight laugh, “No, I don’t feel it the same way as you. You won’t either, in time. I have had many years of practice to know, though I only turned two wolves, the first one was a lot different. He was blood hungry and wanted to just kill everything in his path. It was very hard for me not to feel the same. Carra and Vex had helped me a lot in trying to sort between his feelings and mine. Some days I wanted to just kill and eat everyone, including Carra and Vex. We were fighting our own demons as well as the ones we created. It was very tiring.”

I looked over to Jason, whose face had gone slightly white with a dead stare at the flames. It had not occurred to me when I spoke about Nikkee and Lachlan that he did not know, or just did not believe it until it was spoken aloud.

“Jason?” I said, calling him to attention. “It could be worse,” I smiled.

“How?” he asked in a somewhat interested voice.

“She could be with Steven,” I said smirking.

He smiled back only to watch as mine faded. The mention of his name brought me back to reality and why I was here to begin with. I needed to find Carra’s book that could in some way help guide me and help Sab, who as we spoke would still be searching for the people that stole the spirit bones from the police station. My joke was light hearted as I actually thought Steven was a nice guy if not a bit rough around the edges. He may hate my wolf boyfriend, but he seemed to have a good heart and one that could be loved as well. He was not ugly at all; in fact, I thought he was quite attractive, not as sexy as Jason and definitely not enough to tempt me away from him, if there was anyone that would be able to.

I felt drawn to Jason like magnets; I wanted to be touching him with every breath of my body. However, I knew that would have to wait. I had gotten, or rather helped get, us into the mess of being exposed by letting myself be captured and not listening to Lachlan’s warnings. Perhaps, if everything had come to light sooner I may have been able to hold myself back from being reckless, though I very much doubted it. I was after all only 18. I was not, had not been, mature enough in my own mind to realize the dangers that had led me to where I was already. I still wasn’t able to help feeling a guilty pain in my chest, knowing that Steven and some others had been taken captive by humans that had long since stopped believing that monsters really did exist. The main question that came to my mind was why and what were they planning to do with my newfound friends?

Images of them being touched and prodded with needles and stuff made me shiver. Was I looking in the wrong spot? Was I supposed to search elsewhere for them rather than looking for Carra’s journal that wasn’t even here? Did she even know it was taken?

Carra, the thought of her name had me wondering how she was wherever she was and how she knows so much stuff. Vex, Garth and I visited her… but where? I must ask her what and how because I couldn’t think of any coherent explanation. My mind raced away with itself as all my questions seemed to be looking for answers. It was getting too much to try to understand it all. Magic.

Could I have magic in me and that is why I can go see her like Vex and Garth? Did I put up a protection spell of some sort that had shielded me from that military person? The way he had spoken was as if he would have killed me in my sleep if he’d had the chance at all.

A shiver ran up my spine as I wondered what would have happened if I didn’t accidentally put a barrier around me. I could be dead right now and Jason and Garth would have found me with dead eyes staring upon the sky, lifeless and unseeing. At that very thought for the first time since yesterday I felt slightly glad at the outcome as my chest ached thinking of how my friends would have been broken if I had been killed while running off on a whim thinking that I could what, save us all?

I scoffed in my own head, all the while just staring at the fire as the coals and wood crackled breaking the small silence.

I needed training, I needed it soon, and I also needed to learn restraint and discipline in feeding. I knew I could do it if shown the right way. I had not had much time to be shown anything since the full moon. I looked up at the very thing that brought out my wolf side. It was not so full anymore, but still shining bright in the clearing. I looked out over the vast landscape and sighed. It was so peaceful and yet it was a luxury I would not be able to endure. Not for a long time.