Authors: Lynda LeeAnne
But I didn’t have that anymore.
There was a time in my life when I forgot my
past. Tony made me forget everything. He hadn’t even done it
intentionally because he didn’t know what I’d been trying so
desperately to forget, but he didn’t have to. His love and
affection, his possessiveness and tenderness, his greediness of me…
consumed me without even trying. I’d been madly in love with him.
No, it was more than love. It was an out-of-control, soul-stealing,
life-changing, world-rocking, universe-tilting feeling that dug
itself so deep into my heart I was terrified I’d never manage to
shovel it back out.
I was still in love with him, but I couldn’t
have him.
That stung.
“You keep saying you’re fine, Trish, but
you’re lying to me and youself, and I don’t like it. You’re not the
same anymore. You used to be so full of life… you still are, don’t
get me wrong, but you’re different now. I miss the old you,” Lex
said gently.
I glared at her. Then I glanced at Layla to
make sure she wasn’t listening, but I could hear “Little Things”
blaring from her earphones, so I glared at Lex again.
She rolled her eyes and continued, “Remember
eighth grade; when you laced Maegan Harrow’s Gatorade with Ex-lax
because she called me fat? She started dripping with sweat, her
hair was plastered to her neck and face, she was practically
twitching in her seat and when she took off running to the
restroom, we laughed so hard through Ms. Sanchez’s Science class
that we gave ourselves away and got detention for a week?”
“What’s your point?” I asked, but again, she
ignored me.
“Remember ninth grade; when Rita the Sperm
Cleaner, told the varsity football team that you and I were
lesbians and they all laughed and pointed at us in the hallway?
During lunch that same day, you dragged my ass to the table where
the players sat and you kissed me. You put your hand on my cheek so
it covered the view of our mouths to make it look like we were
frenching. Then you faced them and said, ‘Not lesbians, boys, we
just like to have a good time. Too bad you’re all a bunch of
pussies.’ The whole room stared at us, but you still dragged me to
Rita’s table. Her eyes were huge because of the show we just gave,
and you told her, “Don’t fuck with us again, bitch. You will
not
win.”
She paused to add ingredients to her
sauce.
“Lex,” I warned. Again, she ignored me and
spoke as she stirred.
“Remember senior year; when you found out
Jacob Geery told Jordan Sisson, that you were a lousy lay, even
though you only went on one date with him? You walked up to Jacob
at his locker before third period, whispered in his ear that you
wanted to show him a good time under the bleachers in the gym. When
he turned to slam his locker shut and take you up on your offer,
you kicked him in the junk so hard that he fell to his knees and
squealed like a girl. We were in tears and I almost peed my pants
from laughing so hard. I remember Landyn had to kick Jacob’s ass
when he tried to come after you.”
“Lex-” I started, but she cut me off with a
wave of her hand.
“I have a thousand more stories where those
came from, but that’s the Trish I miss.”
“We’re not in high school anymore,” I
informed her because she’d clearly forgotten. “Life happens and we
have to grow up.”
Her expression softened at my words.
I stiffened.
“I know that, T. If anyone can understand
that, I can. Look at me, I got pregnant at eighteen, did some
stupid shit and made even worse decisions. I would never expect you
to do anything close to what we did back then, but the point I was
trying make is that I know you’re not happy. You were so happy back
then… so carefree. Even when you and Tony were together--” Lex
said, about to start on a subject that was unchartered territory so
I backed her ass up and put a stop to it immediately.
“Don’t. I’m warning you, Lex. Do not bring
him up right now. I have a lot of shit going on in my head so it’s
not a good idea to start with me.” Not to mention, it was highly
likely that I’d have a meltdown talking about Tony, but I wasn’t
about to tell her that.
I was still heartbroken. Even after two
years, I thought about him every day. Knowing that I was the only
person to blame for the demise of “Trish and Tony” only made the
pain that much harder to endure.
But I didn’t want Tony back; it was too late
for that.
I tried for months to call him, to find him,
to talk to him, to explain, but it was impossible. He refused to
talk to me, he refused to see me, he changed his phone number, and
other than having heard the horror stories of his man-whoring
skills, he basically fell off the face of the planet.
The feeling of unfinished business between
us sat heavy in my stomach and I only prayed that, one day, I’d get
the chance to make things right with him. Maybe when or if that
ever happened, I’d finally get over him.
Forever
.
“Trish--” Lex started a-freanin-gain.
“Just drop it. Let’s finish making dinner
and start decorating so you and Landyn can celebrate the new baby
news. I’m begging you,” I said softly. She was only being a good
friend, I knew that, but now was not the time. By the angry scowl
and narrowed eyes, I knew she didn’t like it, but she nodded
anyway.
When Landyn finally got home and the
surprise ensued, I was more than ready to go up to my garage
apartment, watch Real Housewives of New Jersey reruns, eat Mint
Chocolate Chip ice cream and go to sleep. Then, wake up, go to work
and do it all over again tomorrow.
But all of that was made impossible when
Landyn asked… no, he
ordered
me to stay for dinner. He said
he considered me his sister and that a new baby should be
celebrated with family.
I mean,
really?
Who could say “no” to
that? Not to mention, the smell of steak and Lex’s special mushroom
wine sauce made my stomach growl and reminded me that I hadn’t
eaten much today.
God, I was exhausted.
My life was exhausting.
Lex assumed that I drained myself and body
of energy because I was depressed, but that wasn’t necessarily
true. I wasn’t depressed. I admit I worked twelve hour days at the
VA Animal Clinic to keep my mind occupied, but I’d only been
working there a little over a year so I was paying my dues. It was
something all new Vets were required to do.
I spent the majority of my extra time taking
care of or spending time with Layla and Laura. Like today, I
offered to watch them while Lex and Adam (Landyn’s hot as hell,
also crazy obsessive, somewhat whacky, overbearing half-brother.
The brother I always wanted… or never wanted… I couldn’t decide)
went grocery shopping for this surprise dinner.
I loved Layla and Laura, and I loved Lex and
Landyn, so I’d do anything for them.
However, it took a while for me to like
Landyn, but he grew on me. He was like a fungus. The kind people
got under their toe nail. They treat it and treat it, but
eventually they just have to say “Fuck it” and cover it up with
nail polish to forget it’s there.
Not that I had that problem, but I knew
someone.
That’s how I felt about Landyn, or not so
much him as a person, but it was what he did to Lex that made me
want to rip off his finger nails one by one with tweezers. It was
years ago, that Landyn cheated on Lex. He’d destroyed her. I’d
vowed to hate Landyn until the day I died, but when Lex told me she
was four weeks pregnant, I’d decided to kill him and the bitch he’d
cheated on Lex with.
Destiny
; the whore whose gift in life
was the ability to ruin people’s lives. Whether my ruined life was
actually her fault or mine… semantics.
I didn’t agree with Lex when she kept the
news of Layla to herself though. It was cruel, really, but there’d
been no persuading her otherwise, and ultimately, it was her life
and her decision to live with.
Gotta say though, I was pretty fucking happy
when Landyn came back into their lives, and in my opinion, he saved
Lex and Layla from a life full of misery. Now that they were one
big happy family, Lex was popping out babies like a popcorn vending
machine.
And I had no one.
“Aunt T, can I sit next to you?” I heard
Layla ask at my side as we walked to the dining room. I was happy
to be taken out of my inner trip down memory lane before my
emotions got the best of me. I looked down at her beautiful face,
long, shiny black hair, bright amber eyes and said, “Sure, babe,”
as I pulled out a chair for her and moved to sit in the next seat
over.
“Lexi, baby, you wanna say grace before we
eat? I think we have a lot to be thankful for,” Landyn said as he
looked longingly at my best friend. I knew right then that I was
going to have to force dinner down my throat because my stomach was
already full of ridiculous jealousy.
Lex opened her mouth to say something, but
just as quickly snapped it shut when the sound of a car horn filled
the dining room.
“What the hell?” Landyn growled as he stood
up.
Lex jumped up and looked at me, “I’m gonna
go check it out,” she said excitedly. She stood, followed Landyn
out and it was only seconds later that I heard banging at the front
door.
Damn, someone was impatient
.
I double checked that Laura was locked
securely in her high chair and told Layla to keep a close eye on
her while I went to check things out.
What could I say? I was nosy too.
The only thing I could see as I turned the
corner was Landyn and Lex’s backs, both rock solid. Landyn’s hand
held the front door open so I had to walk a little closer to peek
around him, but when I heard that voice…
his voice
, I
froze.
“I need Trish. Where is she?” Tony demanded
to know deep, low and anxiously. I peeked over Landyn’s shoulder
and around the edge of the open door. I saw him. My body shook and
butterflies filled my already knotted stomach.
He was absolutely, undeniably breathtaking.
I got chills.
He wore a red and blue plaid, long-sleeved
flannel over a plain white t-shirt, just like he used to. But he
held his side like he was hurt and his t-shirt was torn. His jeans
were dirty, so were his knuckles.
Is that blood
?
He didn’t look like he was bleeding, but his
eyes were bloodshot. He looked like a man possessed.
“What happened to you?” I asked softly. I
was freaked and I had no idea what to do. I knew he wasn’t here for
any reason that I’d hoped for, but something about this situation
was wrong…
all wrong
.
Landyn obviously heard me, because he
replied in a deep, irritated voice, “She’s here,” as he opened the
door wider, silently inviting Tony back into my life.
When Tony’s desperately searching eyes hit
mine, his body locked tight. His face grew taut and his eyes
speared mine with hatred. He looked murderous. I already knew he
hated me, but if I ever thought for one second he might forgive me,
the look on his face told me I didn’t have a shot in hell.
I could feel them. The damn tears burned
behind my eyes, but I had too much pride to let him see me cry. And
why, on top of everything, did he have to look so much more
beautiful than I remembered? Angry expression, dirty clothes and
all, he was a dream; a panty wetting, moaning in your sleep,
dream.
He still kept his raven black hair trimmed
short on the sides, longer and messy on top. My hands clenched at
the memory of running my fingers through his silky hair. His
eyebrows were dark and thick, but not wild or unruly. They defined
his
almost
innocent eyes perfectly; eyes the color of liquid
caramel.
Those eyes screamed vanilla ice cream and I
wanted to be drenched in him. I wanted roll around in him and make
him to lick me up… every… last… drop.
He had strong cheek bones, a perfectly
straight nose and an equally chiseled jaw line that was covered by
at least two days’ worth of scruff. He was six-foot-two and looked
every bit of it. He was still lean and muscular, but his shoulders
were wider. The muscles at the base of his neck near the top of his
shoulders were still prominent, yet broader. My teeth clenched at
the memory of nipping him there.
He wore his flannel long-sleeved shirt with
the sleeves rolled up and it made his defined forearm muscles
visible. His sexy olive skin glowed as Latino blood ran through his
veins and the memory of his deep, smooth voice speaking Spanglish
made my stomach quiver.
And his smile...
If you looked at his angry face now, you’d
never think he actually knew how to smile, but it was so wide, and
bright, and flawless, and genuine, that it lit up any room he was
in. The little crinkles at the corners of his eyes told a story;
one filled with laughter. There was a playful, yet seductive twist
to his smile. He was trouble with a capital T, but from the moment
I laid eyes on him, I couldn’t stop myself from falling hard.
Silly ole me, had to go falling for somebody
way out of my league.
I was pretty, I knew that. I’ve always known
that. I wasn’t one those women that only said they weren’t pretty
just to get attention or an ego boost, but I was in no way
conceited. My hair was long, layered and the color of dark
chocolate. I had brown eyes, long lashes, high cheek bones, big
lips and a small nose. My wide hips and my ass was fat. I also had
huge size ‘D’ boobs too and it sucked since I was only five-six and
one hundred thirty pounds. They were big, but they looked bigger
than they actually were.
As I moved around Lex and Landyn’s frozen
bodies to get a closer look at Tony, as impossible as it should
have been, his body tensed even more, and I stopped in my
tracks.