TROUBLE, A New Adult Romance Novel (The Rebel Series) (9 page)

Leaving the guys to their car repairs, I go up the stairs.
 
I want to think of nothing, but my head keeps wanting to twist to the right and look at Colin.
 
Maybe he’ll be looking at me too.
 
Or maybe he won’t.
 
I don’t want to know.
 
Either scenario is bad news.
 
My eyes remain forward and I focus on dealing with my next obstacle: Teagan and Quin. The dynamic duo of pains in my butt.

I open the door and peek inside.
 
No one’s in the living room.
 
My heart lightens at the idea of getting to bed early.
 
It’s dinner time, but I’m not hungry.
 
Maybe I got lucky and they went out somewhere.

I sneak in quietly, taking a quick potty break before claiming the couch.
 
After putting out my sheet and unfolding my blankets, I settle down on my side, resting my giant baby bump on the cushion.
 
My eyes close in blissful silence.
 
Thank God, I’m finally alone.

A few seconds into my relaxation, I hear a noise.
 
I ignore it, hoping it’s just the air conditioner kicking on or something.
 
Then I hear another noise.
 
And then the paper I put on the coffee table rustles.

I’m not going to open my eyes.
 
Someone is here, but maybe they’ll leave if they think I’m sleeping.

More noises come.
 
Someone is sitting down in the chair near me.
 
I try to keep my eyes from fluttering under my lids, but it’s impossible.
 
If I weren’t so darn big, I’d roll over and give them a view of my big butt, but moving is a major operation at this point in my life and there’s no way I’d be able to play possum and get away with it.

I breathe slowly and deeply, waiting it out.
 
Maybe this person, whoever it is, will get the hint and go far, far away.

Yeah, right.
And maybe pigs will start flying and we’ll be able to order bacon take-out.

My eyes open slowly and take in the situation.
 
Quin is on my right.
 
Teagan is on my left.
 
They’re both staring at me with straight, serious faces.
 
It’s more than unnerving.
 
They’re almost never serious like this unless they’re in the lawyer’s office.

“What?” I say.
 
“Who died?”

“Nobody.
 
Yet,” says Quin, staring me down.

I roll my eyes.
 
“I’m so scared.”

“You should be,” says Teagan.
 
“You’ve been acting like a serious turd mobile and without us you’d be in a homeless shelter.”

I get up slowly, using my left arm to leverage myself into a sitting position.
 
“Well, don’t candy-coat it,” I say, torn between being angry and ashamed.
 
There’s just a little too much honesty going on right now for comfort.
 
I’m afraid I’m about to hear about all the terrible things I’ve done, being ungrateful at the top of the list.

“What’s this all about?” Quin asks, waving the paper around.
 
“Colin says you had to do an emergency run to the clinic?
 
Why didn’t you call us?”

I hold my hand out for the paper, which she gives to me.
 
“I just had a pain, okay?
 
It was no big deal.”

“That’s not the way he explained it over the phone,” says Teagan.

“Who cares how he explained it?
 
He’s not in charge of me or my health.” I know I sound childish, but I can’t help it.

“He was nice enough to bring you to the clinic,” says Quin. “What would you have done without him?”

I refuse to answer.
 
These two are like my conscience speaking out loud, and it’s highly irritating.

“Listen, we don’t mean to be riding your ass, but we need to get some things straightened out, here.
 
We’re about to move into our new place, and I want things to go smoothly and for there to be no misunderstandings about what’s what.” Teagan is looking at me.
 
I’m supposed to be her roommate there too.

Since I don’t really disagree with her, I relax a little.
 
“Fine.”

The two girls exchange glances and then Teagan speaks.
 
“Who is the father of your baby?”

I try to school my features to remain bland, but the heat in my cheeks makes it not nearly as effective as I want it to be.
 
“That’s none of your business,” I say, my voice only wavering a little.

“It kind of is our business,” says Quin.
 
“Or at least Teagan’s business.
 
And whatever you tell her she’s going to tell me, so you might as well say it in front of both of us and save her the trouble of repeating everything you say.”

“I don’t believe it’s either of your business.
 
It’s mine and mine alone.”

“See?” Quin said, looking over at Teagan.
 
“I told you she hasn’t told the father.”

I struggle to stand up.

“Where are you going?” Teagan asks.

“Away from you guys.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” says Quin, standing up too.

I’m finally on my feet and fuming.
 
“How dare you!”
 
I have my hands on my hips and I’m practically spitting I’m so angry.

“How dare I what?
 
Speak the truth?
 
Hurts sometimes, but that doesn’t change what it is.”
 
She smiles at me like a total b-word.

“Get out of my way,” I say, pushing past her.
 
I briefly consider leaving the apartment, but it’s really hot outside and I’m exhausted.
 
I wouldn’t make it a mile.
 
So instead, I go to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Teagan asks, following Quin who’s following me.

I get inside the bathroom and slam the door shut, locking it before Quin can follow me in.

The door handle jiggles.
 
“Open up,” Quin demands.

“Go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks!” I yell, sitting down on the closed toilet.

“She just cussed at me.
 
Did you hear it?” Quin doesn’t sound very mad about that fact.
 
In fact, I think I hear her giggling.

“Good for you, Alissa!” Teagan says, definitely happy.
 
“Let it all out!
 
Just say what you’re thinking!”

“I’m thinking you two need to get psychological help.
 
Now leave me alone.”
 
I sit on the toilet and stare at the wall in front of me.
 
I have to open my legs a little so my belly can hang between them.
 
I am the grossest girl on the entire planet, I’m sure of it.

“Actually, this is perfect,” Quin says, her voice coming easily through the thin door.
 
“You go ahead and sit right there and we’ll do the talking.”

“I’m plugging my ears,” I say.
 
“I won’t hear a word of it.”
 
My fingers begin to rise, but just before they get to the sides of my head, Teagan speaks and I do hear it.
 
My hands freeze in midair.

“Better not.
 
You won’t want to miss this.
 
Trust me.”
 
Her words give me a chill.
 
She is my landlord in a way, and if I make her angry enough, I don’t doubt that she’ll show me to the door.
 
She’s a nice person, but she’s no saint.
 
There’s a toughness to her that is undeniable.
 
Maybe that’s how she was able to pick herself up and dust herself off after her father died and her stepmother put a knife in her back.

My hands lace themselves over my belly and I lean against the toilet tank while I listen to Teagan speak.
 
Her tone is all very reasonable, even while her words cut me open.

“We guessed that you haven’t told the father of your baby that he got you pregnant.
 
And since you’re the ultra-responsible type and totally uptight about everything, and your parents are religious wack-a-dongs, we figure you getting pregnant wasn’t exactly planned.
 
Beyond that, we were thinking maybe it was more than that.
 
You’re too sensitive about it. So some guy did you really wrong.
 
Either you told him and he basically told you to eff off, or you’re too scared to tell him for another reason.
 
Either way, you need to come out and face the music.
 
The moving truck will be here in a few days and we need to know if your stuff is going to be on it or if you’re on your way out of here.”

I tap my finger on the toilet paper roll, slowly, slowly unraveling it.
 
The first square hits the floor and then the second joins it, folding over on top and then flopping in another direction.
 
The pile builds as my mind swirls and my finger keeps tapping, tapping, tapping.

Charlie.
 
Charlie. Charlie
.
 
Charlie the golden boy.
 
Charlie, the guy who could do no wrong.
 
My future.
 
My everything.

And now, my nightmare.
 
Charlie
.

How much have they guessed about him?

“Alissa!” Quin’s angry voice comes through the door next.
 
“You’d better not have your stupid fingers in your ears, you pregnant …”

“Shhh, don’t say it.”
 
Teagan is putting on the brakes.
 
That’s a new one.

“I was just going to call her a …”

“Don’t.
 
She’s freaking out.
 
Just give her a minute.”
 

I almost want to stay in the bathroom so I can hear Teagan being the voice of reason some more.
 
Being with Rebel has completely changed her as a person. She’s so much calmer.
 
Wiser. I guess I can appreciate that. Being with Charlie has changed me.
 
I’m not calmer, but I’m definitely wiser.
 
I’m so wise now I feel like I’m a hundred years old.

Quin ignores Teagan’s advice.
 
“She doesn’t need another minute.
 
She’s had tons of minutes.
 
Hours.
 
Days.
 
Weeks!
 
Listen up, Alissa.
 
You better unlock this door and come out here with your lady-balls on and talk to us.
 
You’re acting like a child and you’re about to give birth to one. Time to grow up and act like a fucking adult.”

I wish the door opened out so I could smack her in the forehead with it.
 
“I
am
an adult, Quin, unlike some people around here who can’t speak a single sentence without swearing.”

“Oh, for chrissake, would you get off your high horse already? Who gives a fuck about a few cuss words?
 
They don’t mean shit.
 
Just get out here and talk.
 
Stop playing the fucking martyr and trying to get everyone to join your stupid pity party.
 
No one’s interested anymore.”

That last line is what does it.
 
I was strong and angry and full of righteous indignation until she said that.
 
Now all I want to do is find a razor or a bottle of pills.
 
She’s right.
 
No one is interested in me or my life or my problems.
 
Why am I even here?

I stand up and take a step over to the mirror.
 
Staring at my reflection, I try to see what anyone else might see.
 
Ratty, thin brown hair that hasn’t been properly brushed or styled in weeks, with bangs that hang way too low on my face.
 
Sunken, dark blue eyes with matching smudges underneath.
 
Pale skin.
 
Fat, pale lips that used to be my pride and joy but now look chapped and too big for my face.
 
Arms puffy and blotchy.
 
Chewed off fingernails, no good for fighting anyone off.
 
And a great, big, giant watermelon belly.
 
My eyes scan the shelves, looking for pharmaceuticals.

And then the baby moves.
 
I see it happening in the mirror.
 
My belly bulges out one way and then the next as she rolls around inside me.
 
My hand brushes over the front of me, my fingers bumping over my bellybutton.
 
Something, maybe a hand or a foot, pushes out directly under my palm.
 
I feel like she’s talking to me.
 
Telling me that she’s there.
 
Giving me a teeny, tiny high-five.

Tears come, first just a trickle and then a waterfall.
 
I see a bottle of pills and swipe it off the shelf, sending it flying across the bathroom and into the shower stall.
 
I cannot believe I almost considered taking them and ending not just my life but hers.
 
What kind of monster am I?

I collapse onto the floor, sobs overtaking me.
 
My life is over, but hers is just beginning. How am I ever going to be able to take care of her … to show her right from wrong … to teach her to be a confident girl who won’t get stuck in situations she can’t get herself out of, when I can’t even do that for myself?

CHAPTER NINE

I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG it is that I’m in the bathroom losing my mind.
 
Maybe it’s ten minutes.
 
Maybe it’s two hours.
 
There’s no way for me to grasp the time since I have no window, no watch, and no phone.
 
Besides, my brain is elsewhere.
 
All I can do is think about my failures and the doom and gloom that is my future and the future of my baby.