Authors: Electa Rome Parks
“Hello?”
No response was heard.
“Uh. Uh, hello?
Deadly, total silence. You could hear a pin drop.
“Hello? I know you’re there. How are you, dear? It’s been awhile.”
“I know this isn’t who I think it is,” Dorothy Logan whispered into the phone, clutching it with all her might.
“Yes, it’s Robert.”
“Robert?”
“Yes, your ex-husband. Please don’t hang up.”
“Kennedy informed me that you wanted to talk, but I didn’t think you’d actually have the audacity to pick up the phone, dial my number, and face me like a man. Not after all this time.”
“Dorothy, please. Let’s not start arguing. This is hard enough for me as it is.”
“Robert Logan, don’t you tell me what to do. You hear me? Don’t start with me. You don’t have that right. You threw that right out, along with thirty years of marriage. Just like throwing out the bathwater. And let’s not talk about what is hard for you. I don’t give a damn. What about me? It hasn’t been smooth sailing for me either.”
“You’re right. Absolutely right. About everything.”
There was another long moment of silence. Awkward strained seconds that passed by in slow, strained motion. Both Dorothy and Robert were thinking of better times. Times when conversation wasn’t forced, or filled with angry words and even harsher realities.
Again, Robert broke the reflection.
“I’m not going to beat around the bush, so let me come out with it. Loretta left me. Packed her bags, waltzed out the door, and never looked back, not once.”
“Ump.”
“I know Kennedy told you because you got that child trained to be both your eyes and ears.”
“Good. Serves you right. I’m glad she left your ass. Old fool trying to hang with a young fool. So now, who’s the bigger one?”
Robert knew this thrashing was coming and he accepted it like a man. Sucked it up. Actually, he knew it was long overdue. Five years ago, so many words were left unspoken. There was never real closure.
“For your information, that child worships the ground you walk on. Kennedy stays out of our business; has from the very beginning. She doesn’t want to take sides and hurt you or me,” Dorothy stated. “Tell me, why are you calling to tell me that hussy left you?”
“I feel like I owe you that because her leaving made me stop and think.”
“Ump. You haven’t thought in five years.”
“I deserved that. I’ve lost so much; given up so much. I hurt so many people in the process. But you’re right, I didn’t know what I was thinking,” Robert shared.
“I don’t either. You gave up all our years together to run off with a woman twenty years your junior. We had a lot of history together, decades. Most of it was good. I thought we’d built a solid life together; I thought we were happy. We had beat the odds that my parents said were against us. What got into you?”
“You’re so right, Dorothy. Hindsight is twenty/twenty. There’s much to be said about thinking the grass is greener on the other side.”
“Will you stop saying I’m so right?”
“I can’t argue with you about anything you’re saying. It’s all true. And now, you can gloat and tell me you told me so as many times as you please, if that makes you happy.”
“I haven’t been truly happy in a long time, Robert, and your misfortune doesn’t bring me joy. I’m a good Christian. I used to think it would, but now I just don’t care. I’ll pray for you. Is that all, Robert?”
“I just wanted to talk; hear your voice. Say I’m sorry, I apologize. Now, I see what my leaving must have felt like for you. We do reap what we sow. I’m truly sorry, Dorothy, for any pain or sorrow that I sent your way. I hope that one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. That’s all I wanted to say. I know it’s a little late, but it’s from the heart.”
Another tense moment of uncomfortable silence passed like the sand in an hourglass. Dorothy had a moment of clarity and realized what was done was done. Water under the bridge. They couldn’t change the past, or go back and rewind the hands of time. And really, she had gotten what she wanted all these years: an apology. There were still many questions to be asked and many answers to be heard, but she had gotten her much-needed and desired apology.
“I accept it and I forgive you, Robert.”
“Thank you. You don’t know what a relief that is, to know that you truly forgive me, “he cried into the phone.
“I forgive you, but I’ll never forget. Fools forget and I’m not a fool.”
“I can accept that; I have no choice.”
“How are you doing, Robert? Really?”
“Living. I’m hanging in here. I’ve seen better days, but I’m old and wise enough to count my daily blessings. What about you?”
“About the same. Just living and looking to better days. I can’t ask for more. I’m blessed to have my health and strength.”
“Dorothy, regardless of all that happened between us, I never stopped loving you. I mean that sincerely from the bottom of my heart. You will always hold a special place there. No one can replace that.”
Dorothy laughed a tired, weary laugh. “Well, you have a funny way of showing it, old man.”
“See, you hit the nail on the head. I felt like an old man when I was with you and I was terrified of living my last days just waiting to die.”
“What? What are you talking about? I never knew you felt like that.”
“Of course you didn’t. You never asked. You had a tendency to talk and not listen. You heard what you needed to hear. Loretta, she brought excitement and a new zest for life my way. She made me feel young and vibrant.”
“I don’t care to hear about that home wrecker. But, you have many more productive years before you leave this earth.”
“I hope so, God willing, but I felt like I was missing something. I needed some excitement, something different from our day-to-day existence. I know you don’t understand, but—”
“I do, Robert. I’m human. Sometimes, I have the same feelings. I dream of vacationing in Europe and traveling the world. And by the way, I never stopped loving you. I just placed it somewhere where I couldn’t feel it.”
The next two hours were spent on catching up with each other’s lives and obtaining the answers to many unanswered, lingering questions. Barriers, anger, and resentment were slowly crumbling away, chip by chip. Bit by bit.
Dear Journal,
As more and more time went by, I found myself changing. Changing to fit what Drake wanted me to be. Normally, I was more reserved, laid-back, and not really a party person. Drake loved being the center of attention and adored being the life of the party. Such differences in personality traits should have told me we were incompatible. However, I was under the illusion that opposites attract. Plus, Drake was hinting that I was exactly the type of woman he wanted as a wife, lover, and confidante. I immediately had images of our perfect family: the babies, white picket fence, minivan, and an almost perfect, adoring, and loving husband.
My transformation to please the man I loved was gradual. Nothing major. Just minor things. A change here. Something different there. An action that was out of my norm. Yet, they all added up to what Drake desired. His idea of a perfect woman. I stopped drinking sodas. I started drinking alcohol more socially. I began to dress sexier. We started going out to clubs instead of spending quiet nights at home or going to a good movie or play.
I started doing what Drake told me to do. If he told me not to cut my hair, I didn’t cut my hair. If he wanted me to get a bikini wax, I got one. If I made plans with Taylor or Mother and Drake wanted to spend time with me, I cancelled my previous commitments with no hesitation, even at a moment’s notice. I tried things sexually that I’d never done with previous lovers. Soon, that became a problem. A major one.
Traffic in Atlanta was horrific. Even driving a few blocks took forever and if it rained, or there was an accident, who knew when you’d arrive at your destination. The problem was that no one carpooled in Atlanta and everyone and their mama was “discovering” Atlanta and moving to the area. The HOV lanes were rarely congested. I envied the driver and passengers in those cars and trucks that just whizzed by while the rest of us drove at a snail’s pace. I knew they were laughing at us and screaming, “See you later, suckers.”
As I briskly walked through the restaurant door, I glanced down at my watch, again. I wasn’t too late. Taylor had kept me waiting many times without complaints from me, so today was her turn to wait patiently. It didn’t take me long to spot her at the popular after-hours bar. As usual, an attractive gentleman was hanging on her every word. They were seated at the far corner of the bar. Taylor threw her head back and laughed at something he whispered in her ear. She still hadn’t spotted me. For good measure, I saw her touch his arm a few times. I swear, girlfriend had the art of flirting down to a science and men just ate it up like a gourmet meal.
I walked the short distance to the bar and noticed I was receiving some admiring glances. I knew from experience not to make eye contact with anyone if I didn’t want to be hemmed up by some man with weak conversation trying to get my cell number. Taylor looked up in mid-sentence and spotted me walking her way. She smiled and winked.
“K, there you are. I was wondering what was keeping you,” she said, standing, kissing me on the cheek, and offering a warm hug.
“K, this is Walter Roberts. Walter, this is my best friend, Kennedy Logan.”
He held out his hand and gave me a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you, Kennedy.”
“Same here.”
“How did two beautiful women end up best friends?”
“No one else could put up with us,” Taylor joked.
They laughed, I didn’t. In college, women didn’t let Taylor and me get too close to them. They always thought we’d take their men.
“Walter is an attorney at a prestigious law firm in Midtown.”
“Great,” I stated half-heartedly. Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less. At the moment, I didn’t care if he was the president of South Africa.
“Actually, he’s a partner,” Taylor drooled, with her eyes never leaving his. Walter instinctively puffed out his chest just a little further.
“Wonderful.”
Walter and I stood there grinning at each other for a few seconds. I glanced at Taylor and gave her that look. The look that screamed, “Dismiss Walter. Like now.”
“Well, Walter, you have my business card. Give me a call sometime. Maybe we can hook up for drinks.”
“I sure will. Count on it. It was nice meeting you, Kennedy.”
“You too, William.”
“It’s Walter.”
“Okay, Walter.”
“Take care, ladies, and enjoy the rest of your evening.”
Taylor and I excused ourselves and found a table quicker than I expected due to the size of the professional, after-work crowd that had already congregated. Many were still dressed in office attire. Expensive suits and shoes were the uniform of choice. This was truly buppie America at its best.
“K, why you looking so down? I thought you’d be jumping for joy now that you have your apartment back,” Taylor asked, sliding herself into our booth.
“Am I that obvious?” I brushed my hair back from my face with both hands.
“Yes, you aren’t good at hiding your feelings. You wear them on your sleeve like a badge of honor.”
“That’s what Drake used to say all the time,” I half whispered to myself. “Said anyone could read my face like an open book.”
“You mean Drake and I actually agreed on something. Umm, that isn’t good. But this mood isn’t about Drake. Is it?”
I didn’t respond. Just looked out the window as the cars passed by at a snail’s pace. I imagined them en route to their families. It appeared everyone had somebody but me.
“K, aren’t you over that fool yet? Damn, was the dick that good?”
I instantly looked down and sensed tears forming in my eyes. I blinked rapidly, trying to contain them.
“Kennedy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but it has been awhile now. It’s time to move on. There are definitely more fish in the sea.”
“That’s the problem. He won’t leave me alone.”
“What do you mean?”
“Taylor, at first he was calling me at home. Now, he harasses me at work.”
“You’re kidding. What kind of harassment?” Taylor questioned with an anxious look on her face.
“He touches me and says disgusting sexual things to me.”
“What?”
“Yes. You heard right. I’m not kidding.”
“Report him. Report his ass. That’s sexual harassment and you don’t have to tolerate that. His ass will be fired in a New York minute.”
“It’s not that simple,” I whined.
“Why not? It sounds pretty cut-and-dried to me.”
“Well, it’s not. It’s much more complicated.”
“Do you have any witnesses?” she asked.
“No, Drake is pretty good at covering his tracks. He talks a good game and comes across as downright charming. No one would ever think he was capable of the things he has done to me.”
“Kennedy, what exactly has he done?”
“Just the other day, he asked to speak with me after a staff meeting. Behind closed doors he started talking about us getting back together and then he had the nerve to fondle my breasts through my blouse.”
“Oh, hell no. That dirty dog. And what did you do? I would have slammed him in the balls so fast and hard, he wouldn’t have been able to walk straight for the rest of the day. He’d have to crawl back to his office. I guarantee you, he’d think twice about touching me again.”
“Well, I’m not you, Taylor.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. What was I suppose to do? I couldn’t cause a scene at work and Drake and I, at one point, did have a relationship.”
“Kennedy, sweetie. I don’t care. The relationship is over. ‘Had’ is the key word. Drake had absolutely no right to touch you, to put his hands on you. And now, he probably thinks he can do it again since you didn’t set him straight. That arrogant bastard.”
I looked over at the bar. The crowd had thinned out some, but the drinks were still flowing heavily.
“I knew there were multiple reasons I can’t stand his tired ass. And you mentioned things; what other things has Drake done to you that I’m not aware of?”
Our waitress chose that moment to walk over and take our order. I was no longer hungry. Eating took too much energy out of me. As Taylor rattled off an order of hot wings, side salad, and whatever else she could gulp down without gaining a single ounce, I walked over to the bar to get us two apple martinis. I needed some air and, for once, a good stiff drink.
I placed our drink orders and was patiently waiting for the bartender to return. I glanced around at the crowd and noticed a few couples huddled up together. I imagined they whispered sweet nothings in each others’ ears. Why couldn’t I meet an attractive, nice, decent man? What made me attract dogs?
“Hi, Miss Logan.”
“Hello, uh…”
“Michael. Michael Hanson.”
“That’s right. I never forget a face, but I’m horrible with names. You work in the communications/marketing department, don’t you?”
“Yes.” He smiled. “And you work in customer service.”
Michael’s department worked on my floor, on the opposite side. They were a small group of six people: three women and three men. Michael was an average-looking guy who I’d passed in the hallway on occasion, or saw in the company cafeteria, usually eating alone. He wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous or anything, but he appeared to have a warm, inviting personality that shined through and made you look twice.
“I haven’t seen you around lately.”
“Huh?” I asked, coming out of my trance.
“I was just saying, I haven’t seen you on the floor lately.”
“I was out sick for a while and now I’m keeping a low profile; trying to catch up on my work.”
“Oh, I see. That explains it. Well, I’ve missed your pretty smile.”
As if on cue, I looked up and smiled brightly.
“That’s the one.”
“Thank you.” I blushed.
“You’re welcome. You always wear such a lovely smile for everyone. Sometimes, when I pass you in the hallway, that smile is just what I need at that moment. It stays with me for the remainder of the day, like a ray of sunshine.”
I beamed again. “Now, you have me blushing like a schoolgirl.”
“I didn’t mean to. I’m only being honest.”
“Do you come here often?” I asked.
We laughed at the same time because my comment sounded so cliché.
“No, actually, a coworker is celebrating a birthday. So, my team brought him over here for a quick drink or two.”
“That’s sweet.”
“This is convenient to the office.”
“I’m here with my girlfriend.” I pointed to Taylor who was looking at me and silently screaming for me to hurry up.
“Listen, since you and Mr. Collins aren’t dating anymore, I would love to take you out to dinner sometime. Get to know you and that smile better.”
Everything around me slowed down. “What did you say?”
“I’d like to take you out to dinner sometime?” Michael repeated with confusion registering on his face.
“No, the other comment.”
“What? Since you and Mr. Collins aren’t—”
“Yeah, that part. What would give you the idea that Drake—Mr. Collins—and I were dating?”
Michael shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “You know how people talk. People hear and see things and the gossip mill gets to running. I apologize if I—”
“No, no, it’s okay. I can’t believe this,” I half murmured to myself.
“Are you all right?” Michael asked with concern clearly written on his face.
“Yeah, sure.” The bartender had returned with my drinks. I quickly paid him and was about to walk off. My temporary smile had vanished and Michael was forgotten.
“Do you need any help with your drinks? I’d be happy to carry them over to your table.”
“No, thank you, Michael. I can handle them.”
“Well, don’t forget about my offer.”
“Huh?”
“My offer to take you out sometime. For dinner and drinks.”
“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not dating right now.”
“Too bad.”
“And I’m not interested in starting a new relationship right now.”
“I understand and have to respect that then.”
“Thank you.”
“Well, I’ll see you around, and I hope you’ll change your mind in the near future. I’m not looking for anything deep. I’d just love to get to know you better.”
“I don’t think so,” I said, shaking my head.
“Well, that’s my loss.”
I made it back to our table without spilling the drinks, and my head was still spinning over the news I’d just heard.
“What was that all about?” Taylor asked, pointing back in Michael’s direction.
“Oh, that was a guy who works in communications on my floor. He was just being nice and saying hello.”
“He’s kinda cute in a geeky sort of way,” Taylor explained, glancing back at him.
“Geeky sort of way?”
“Yeah. He’s no Drake in the looks department, but he does have a presence about him.”
“Quit staring.”
“I’m not.”
“He knew about me and Drake.”
“Knew what?” Taylor asked, sipping on her drink.
“That we had a relationship outside of work.”
“You’re kidding,” Taylor said, stopping in mid-drink.
“No. I wish I were. He said several people on the floor know.”
“I’m not surprised. It’s hard to keep office romances a secret. People can pick up on that sort of thing. A certain look exchanged. An insignificant touch. People, especially women, can tell when a woman has been intimate with a man. You just get this vibe. I can’t explain it. It’s in the body language.”
“That’s all I need,” I cried, putting my head in my hands.
“K, I know there is more going on here. It’s not the end of the world. So what if they know? I’ve tried to be patient and wait for you to tell me the entire story in your own time.”
“And I will. I’m not ready yet.”
“K, I don’t judge. You know that. You can tell me anything and that’s not going to change my opinion of you. I love you, and my opinion of Drake is already set in stone. You have always been this way with me; afraid I’m going to judge you. So you tell me things on a need-to-know basis.”
“I’m just trying to get my act together right now and figure out some things. Try to be patient awhile longer.” I managed a stiff smile.
“Talking about a situation can work wonders. Verbalizing it puts situations into perspective.”
“Soon, I promise.”
“How is your search coming? You haven’t updated me in a few days.”
“Not much has changed from the last time we talked. I provided what little information I knew and faxed the documents Mother had. Now, I’m playing a waiting game.”
“Don’t worry, it’ll work out like it should. I’m still so honored you confided in me about your desire to find her.”
“I am glad too. You’ve been such a great support system.”
“Now, hand me your plate. I ordered thirty hot wings, extra crispy, extra hot. Dig in. I can’t eat all these by myself.”
I laughed and shook my head.
“What?” Taylor asked with sauce on her fingers, looking up with no clue.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I smiled. I was happy to have Taylor as a friend. She made my day and didn’t even realize it.
“What do you think of Walter over there?” At that exact moment, Walter looked over and waved at us.
“I only talked to him for a few minutes. He’s all right.”
“He has a cabin on Lake Lanier.”
“Cool.”
“And, he’s only thirty-two and already a partner at his law firm.”
“Impressive.”
“Is that all you can say?”
“Taylor, what do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know, but something other than
impressive
.”
“When are you two going out because I know you will?”
“I predict I’ll be hearing from Mr. Roberts by the end of the week.”
“I’m sure you will.”