True Confessions (20 page)

Dear Journal
,

It’s a year after one of the worst times of my life. I’ve learned so many lessons about myself, about love and relationships, and about family. I’ve grown to appreciate all the good things and wonderful people in my life. I count my blessings each and every day. Maybe God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I’m still standing. I’m definitely a stronger and wiser person. And time does help with healing our hurts.

A lot has changed around here, but change is good sometimes. Believe it or not, I’m back at home for a little while. A little while being not over two years. After discussing it with Mother and Daddy, we agreed it’d be cheaper for me to live at home and attend school. Yes, I’m back in school, working on a MBA. I never returned to my old employer because it would be too uncomfortable for me there. Too many whispers when I walked in a room. Now, I work part time, in customer service, for a smaller company, until I graduate with my advanced degree. Once a week I go to counseling for my feelings regarding the rape and my suicide attempt, and it’s helping make my healing process smoother. I am not alone.

I’m learning to appreciate myself and put my needs and myself first. And you know what, it feels wonderful. Taylor and I treat ourselves to a spa day at least once a month. We indulge in everything from massages, and body wraps, to facials, manicures, and pedicures. Our friendship has grown even stronger during this ordeal. I’ve finally come to understand that Taylor doesn’t judge and loves me for me.

Michael, my previous coworker, and I casually date. Nothing serious. We go out to the movies or dinner now and then. We talk on the phone maybe once a week; he keeps me laughing. He’s a really nice and decent man. It’s about time I met one. I didn’t know they existed. And to think, he was right there under my nose the entire time. He respects my decision to be celibate for a while; he simply enjoys spending time with me and vice versa. I don’t know if Michael is the man for me, but I know whoever steals my heart will see a more confident woman.

Mother and Daddy reconciled and got back together, but I guess you suspected that. They remarried, went on a second honeymoon to Hawaii, and could not be happier. Mother still dotes on Daddy too much until he tells her to stop. And guess what? She listens. They are both trying not to make the same mistakes they made the first time around. Communication channels are open. They are adorable. When anyone asks how they are doing, they give a secretive smile and say, “It’s better the second time around.” I watch them and look forward to someday meeting my lifelong mate. I know he’s out there somewhere.

Taylor is still diva Taylor. I love that girl like a sister. She and Mr. Attorney are still hanging strong. I can’t believe it because this is a record for her. I have to admit, though, Walter is a super nice guy. And she received another promotion. Taylor is doing her thing and having tons of fun in the process. That’s what I love about her. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, and down-to-earth black woman who has it going on. Taylor knows what she wants out of life and she goes for it. She’s fierce.

Drake. I never saw him again. I never received an apology or an explanation. It doesn’t matter. Drake got his due justice. Like they say, every dog has its day. After allegations of sexual harassment and inappropriate behavior on his part from at least half a dozen women surfaced, he resigned before they fired his sorry ass. After discovering his other women on the side, I heard Brittany led the crusade against him. Women were coming out of the woodwork with their seduction stories. All concerned parties quietly settled out of court. My settlement was inner peace and joy.

Last I heard, Drake’s back in Los Angeles, but who knows, and I really don’t care. Rumor has it that he had previously tried the same mess at his family-owned business. That’s why his parents shipped him to Atlanta after settling out of court over similar nonsense. So, he still didn’t learn the lesson.

I know he didn’t get exactly what he deserved. Blake either. But I sincerely believe that their day will come. Drake and Blake have some issues to iron out with women. You can’t use and abuse women and not have to pay repercussions at some point. One day, they will meet the wrong one and there will be hell to pay. I just want to be a fly on the wall when the shit hits the fan.

As for my birth mom, I’m learning more and more about her as time goes on. I now understand the enormous pressure she was under. All the chips were definitely stacked against her and my aunt, Louise. I think she made a wise and unselfish decision in placing me for adoption. We don’t speak each and every day, but we do make time for each other. She and Mother and Daddy have met and they hit it off okay. I wasn’t expecting instant friendship or connections. I think they realize what they don’t have in common, they make up for by loving me. I couldn’t ask for more.

These are my true confessions, 2010.