True for You (20 page)
Jackson
I
fall against the couch, sweating my ass off. June falls down right
beside me, just as sweaty and breathless.
“God,
that was good.” I take a drink of water and then screw the cap
back on. “Hell, the past couple of weeks have been amazing.”
“Yeah
they have.” She takes a sip from her own bottle. “Hey,
you should come out with me tonight. We’re playing at The Blue
Fire Lounge. It’s not honky tonky though, more like rock.”
Affronted,
I grunt. “Do I look like I play honky tonk?”
Her
blue eyes rake me up and down. “Never know.”
The
intensity of her gaze makes me uncomfortable, so I scoot down a
little. If I had a cushion, I’d probably wedge it between us.
Then I give myself a mental shake. How old am I—thirteen? I can
sit with an attractive woman, with the name of my muse, one that
makes me play better than ever before, and not act like an asshole,
like I’d been with Bliss.
Oh
shit.
I jump to my feet. “Where’s Bliss?” I glance at my
watch and groan. We’ve been singing for hours, as in all damn
day, and I haven’t heard a peep out of my wife.
She’s
been patient with me as I relearn my place in the industry, something
that I’m entirely grateful for and have been trying to show by
making love to her every chance I can—even when I’m
mentally exhausted as hell from writing songs, or physically
exhausted trying to make sure I stay in shape.
But
I feel like something’s off with us.
“Who’s
Bliss?” June asks.
I
level her with a look. “The woman who’s been sitting in
the studio, day after day, and leaves with me when we’re done.”
June
give me a blank stare.
“
My
wife
,”
I say, trying again. Hadn’t I introduced her—oh shit. I
hadn’t, not once.
She
glances at my ring, and then up at my face. “You’re
married?”
“Yeah.”
I stride to the booth and peer inside. All I see is Bean and Patrick.
“Where’s Bliss?”
“She
went outside.”
I
struggle to maintain calm. “When?”
Bean
shrugs. “A few hours ago.”
“And
you didn’t think to let me know?” Anger eats at me, not
just at them, but at myself. I can only imagine what Bliss thought
she saw. Or what she’s been thinking lately. God, I’m
such a selfish asshole.
“Dude,
we’re here to record, not babysit.”
June
walks up behind me. “Want me to help look for her?”
“I
don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“If
she’s old enough to marry you, then she’s old enough to
take the time to tell you where she went.” June takes my phone
from my pocket and, before I can comprehend what she’s doing,
she hands it back. “Call me. Tonight would be amazing. You, me,
my band, and about a hundred fans screaming Downward Spiral’s
name.”
“Seriously?”
I whistle. “Maybe I can talk Bliss into coming.”
If
she’ll talk to me. I’ve screwed up, on purpose or not,
and I have to make it right with her. I don’t give a damn about
June’s old-enough speech.
“And
if you can’t…” She shrugs. “You know where
to find me.”
*** *** ***
Bliss
I’m
reading my favorite
Junie
B. Jones
book, trying to get my mind off what Jackson and
his
June are doing.
Cameron suggested I
read books I’m familiar with, and then work my way up. That way
I can build my vocabulary and reading comprehension level gradually,
until it starts to take off for me. But as my tongue trips over a
word, I start to doubt that anything will ever take off for me.
The
elevator doors open and Jackson steps out, his gaze landing on me.
“I was worried
about you,” he says, striding my way.
I shove the book
down into the seat cushions and stand up, backing away from him. “You
weren’t too worried.”
Taking
off his beanie, he tosses it into a nearby chair and runs a hand
through his hair. “Time got away from me. It happens
sometimes.”
“It
happens a lot,” I point out and he has the grace to blush.
“I
know, and I’m sorry.”
I
hadn’t expected him to acknowledge that fact so quickly or to
apologize. Honestly, I thought he’d argue with me. “Bean
and Patrick thought you and June had great chemistry.”
“They
were right,” he says. “But
only
when we’re singing.”
“I
can’t sing like June,” I point out, my shoulders
slumping. “I can’t sing at all.”
“Don’t
need you for that,” he says, holding out his hand. “Let’s
sit down and talk.”
I
take his hand and allow him to lead me to the sofa. He sits down and
makes a face. “What’s under—?” He digs into
the side and pulls out my book. He blinks. “I haven’t
seen one of these since I was—”
My
face goes hot, and before he can finish his sentence, I snatch it out
of his hands. “That’s mine.”
Dark
blue eyes ringed in violet regard me thoughtfully. “I know,
baby doll.”
The
endearment, usually so sweet to my ears, makes me feel young and
stupid. “Don’t call me that.”
“What
would you like for me to call you?” He takes my hand, kisses
the palm, and then settles it on his thigh.
Angry
tears bite at my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I’ve
cried enough over him. “Bliss.”
“Okay,
Bliss.” He’s being so nice, sweet, and considerate that I
just know he’s done something wrong. I just know he’s
been with June. She’s perfect for him, while I’m…
nothing
.
“What
do you need me for? Because I’m pretty sure sitting around
here, doing nothing, isn’t helpful.”
“Classes
start soon,” he says.
“They
won’t start until summer,” I point out. “Besides,
I’m not paying for them. You are.”
“When
you’re done, get a job and pay me back. Problem solved.”
He scoots closer to me, taking my book out of my hand and setting it
down carefully. “Maybe you could read to me one night. Cameron
says reading out loud is very helpful.”
“How
would you know what Cameron has to say?” I snap.
“Because
I called him on the way over here to make sure I didn’t say
something ignorant or hurtful. Sometimes he knows what he’s
talking about.”
A
tiny bit of my anger melts away. “I don’t know what I’m
supposed to do after classes are finished.” I don’t know
what I’m supposed to do at all. All I ever wanted was a family.
However, the longer I stay married to Jackson, the less like family
he feels, because it seems like he’s found a new family with
June and his music.
Only
how can I say that to him without sounding selfish or unreasonable?
He had his career before we ever got together, and I knew how
important it was to him. So, none of this should be a surprise.
But
it doesn’t stop the pain in my heart.
“Whatever
you want.”
“Stop
being so agreeable.”
“Nope.”
I
growl at him. “That’s not funny.”
“Why
don’t you come out with me tonight, to a bar downtown? June
invited us.”
“She
invited you, not me.”
A
slow grin kicks up the corners of his mouth. “Same thing, as
far as I’m concerned.”
“Did
anything happen while I was gone?”
He
nods. “I
figured out a few things, but I’m still working on some
others.”
My
heart almost stops in my chest. “And those
would be?”
His
phone vibrates and he pulls it out, his brows crashing together.
“Violet.”
*** *** ***
Jackson
“I
have to take this call.”
Damn
it
.
I don’t want to take this call. Bliss and I need to finish our
talk. She needs to tell me what’s bothering her and what I can
do to fix it. But Violet… “She never calls me, so it has
to be important.”
Hurt
flashes in Bliss’ eyes and I want to take back the words, but
Violet picks up before I can apologize or explain myself.
“Jackson?”
Her
voice sounds off. “What’s wrong?”
Bliss
grabs her book and leaves the room, taking my heart with her.
Son
of a bitch!
“Nothing’s
wrong. It’s just—no. I can do this. Promise.” She’s
speaking to my brother. More than likely he’s pissed that she’s
even calling me.
“Does
Cole need another concert for his bar?”
“What?
Oh that, no.” She clears her throat. “Actually, I want
to, um…”
“I’m
right here, no matter what,” I hear my brother say,
“I’m
having a memorial service, for the, my, our… for the baby. I
need closure, and I thought you might like that, too.”
Closure.
For a child that I never knew, never knew existed, until after the
fact? Regardless, once I found out, I had been devastated. Unable to
comprehend that something I had helped create in love had been killed
in a matter of minutes, by one girl’s decision to drive drunk.
Not
drunk—she’d been drugged out of her mind by some sicko
waiter testing out a new date-rape drug, but I hadn’t know it
at the time, and I hadn’t stopped her from driving.
I
rub my jaw, tug at my ear, and clear my throat a couple of times
before trusting myself to speak again.
“When?”
“Tomorrow,
two o’clock, at my nana’s church. I know it’s last
minute, but I had debated on asking you, but Cole said I should at
least give you the choice.”
“My
brother—Cole said that?”
“Yes.”
I can hear the smile in her voice. “He’s all about
choices. Seriously, Jackson, if you can’t or don’t feel
comfortable… it won’t hurt my feelings if you choose not
to come.”
For
about a second, I debate bringing Bliss with me, but the subject of
kids isn’t the best one for us. Maybe this is exactly what I
need to help me decide and have an honest conversation with her,
without my past clouding my judgment or clawing into my heart.
“I’ll
be there.”
“Thank
you,” she breathes into the phone.
After
we say a quick good-bye, I go to find Bliss. Maybe we need to go out,
as a couple, have a good time, and then talk some more. Though I
doubt Bliss feels like going anywhere with me after I took that call.
“We’re
going out tonight, baby doll, and having fun, whether you like it or
not,” I mutter, striding to our room.
“Go
away,” she says as soon I walk inside.
“Get
dressed.”
She
tips up her chin. “I am dressed.”
“Not
to go out, and I
want
to take you out.”
“June
won’t be happy.”
I
grunt. “Like I give a damn.”
“Fine.”
Bliss crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at me behind her sexy
glasses. “I’ll go out with you, and then you can check it
off your box of things to do with Bliss before—” She
smashes her lips together.
“Before
what?”
“It
doesn’t matter,” she says, marching to the closet.
About
three minutes later, she leaves the closet and heads to the bathroom,
wearing the shortest skirt I’ve ever seen on her. It barely
covers her ass, not that I’m opposed to outfits like that and I
had bought it for her, but I’ve kind of gotten used to being
the only one to see my wife’s
assets
.
While
she’s doing whatever it is women do, I change my clothes and
wait for her by the door.
“I’m
ready.”
“Damn,
baby doll.” I walk up to her, taking in the heavy makeup on her
eyes, the hair curling down her back, and the shoes—heels that
I’d picked out for her. They make her legs seem miles long.
There’s nothing I’d rather do than press her against the
wall and wrap those legs around me. “You’re missing one
thing.”
Black
lashes flutter, green eyes, so seductive that I almost forget what I
was about to do, gaze at me. “What’s that?”
I
walk to the dresser, pluck her glasses from the top, and gesture for
her to come closer. “Let’s put these on.”
“They
don’t go with my outfit,” she protests, but she comes to
me anyway.
“It’s
dark in the club, and you won’t be able to see without them.”
I slide them in place. “Much better.”
“But
now I look like me,” she whispers.
“I
know.” Taking her hand in mine, I tug lightly. “Let’s
go.”
Bliss
The
bar is crowded when we walk in, full of sweaty bodies and music.
Jackson
leads me to a high table and sits down with me, motioning for the
waitress. She brings him a beer and looks at me.
“Water.”
Jackson
smiles. “If you want something a little stronger, like a soda,
I don’t mind.”
I
know he’s trying to be funny, but I’m not in the mood. My
outfit is too short, too tight, and my shoes are killing me. I have
so much mascara on my lashes that they actually feel heavy, and I’m
afraid that by the end of the night I’ll look like a raccoon.