True for You (22 page)
Fans
of Downward Spiral rush the stage again, and adrenaline rushes
through me and all conflicting thoughts fade away. I play their cover
of
Behind
these Blue Eyes
,
achieving my own music high in minutes. We don’t stop playing
for what seems like hours, just like in the studio.
This
is what I’m meant to do, not play country. I want gritty, dark
bars and long nights. A kickass lead singer and a beast on the drums.
Freedom is in my grasp.
Nothing
but magic is happening right now.
June
places one foot on the speaker in front of her, bending at the waist
and holding out her hand to the audience.
Suddenly,
I come down from my musical high.
Though
I know Bliss has gone home, I look for her, for her sweet smile and
sexy body. Cameron is still in the bar, watching me and nursing his
ego.
I
flip him off, and he gives it to me right back. In a couple of days,
we’ll be completely fine, but I’m pretty damn sure I’ve
messed up with Bliss again. How damn hard would it have been to say
I
love you
?
Because
I do love her and she deserves to hear it. My fingers hit the wrong
chord, and June looks at me, eyes narrowing.
Dancing
over to me, she leans up and bites my ear so hard that I wince. “Last
song and then it’s play time.” She snaps her teeth at me.
I
force a smile and wonder if my tetanus shots are up to date. My
initial assessment of her was completely wrong; June isn’t
anything like Violet, or even Callie. She’s not nice, and she’s
not a bitch.
She’s
just her, singing her heart out and clawing her way to the top like
any other musician. I can admire that. Really, I can.
Her
hands slides around my hip and grab my ass. I take a step back,
forcing her hand away.
But
I can’t admire that. She knows I’m with Bliss. Hell,
catching us in the dressing room, right after I’d taken Bliss
against the wall, was more than enough to prove where my interest
lies.
June
stalks me, like a cat, and grabs my junk, squeezing.
“Cut it out,”
I growl.
She
does it again, twisting a little, and my eyes water. I hit her hand
with the guitar. June makes a face, like I’ve just hit her
sweet spot. Grabbing the waistband of my jeans, she shoves her hand
down them.
“That’s
it.” Immediately, I stop playing, grab her wrist, and take off
the guitar. “Get your fucking hands off me.”
Drummer
boy keeps beating on the drums and the bassist is keeping time, so at
first no one notices.
“Don’t
be a pussy,” she says, meowing at the crowd.
“Personal
space, June.” Somehow, I manage to get her hand out of my pants
before she can twist my balls off. “Stop getting in it.”
She
rolls her eyes and lowers her voice, saying, “No such thing,
Jackson Morgan.”
“You’re
one crazy chick, you know that?”
She
hangs out her tongue, like Miley did at the VMAs, and wiggles it at
me. “Go home, country boy.” Then she starts doing some
kind of do-si-do, while singing my biggest hit,
Break
it Down for Me, Country Girl
.
“If
you don’t stop singing, you’re going to start owing me
royalties.”
“Music
should be freeee!” She twirls around. “Capitalism is for
pigs.”
The
crowd goes wild, making oinking sounds.
I
grab the mic from pig girl and shout, “Drinks on the house, for
everyone, courtesy of Downward Spiral!” I punch my fist into
the air.
The
roar is deafening. Drummer boy drops his sticks, and the bassist runs
a hand over his face, “Not again,” he mumbles.
Jumping
off the stage,
I tear off my t-shirt and throw it into the crowd. After paying my
tab, I grab my original shirt from the back. Then I text my driver
and leave the bar to wait out front.
Cameron
joins me outside.
“I
wasn’t trying to take your girl,” he says.
“Yeah,
well, you weren’t trying not to either.”
A
taxi stops at the curb, and Cameron opens the door. “Treat her
well, Jackson. Girls like her only come around once in a blue moon,
and you’ve had it happen twice. I’m pretty sure you won’t
be so lucky a third time.”
I
tip up my chin. “Safe flight home.”
Cameron
shakes his head. “Later.”
I
shut the door and smack the top of the cab twice.
My
phone buzzes. It’s a text from Violet. It takes off, merging
into traffic.
Still
coming tomorrow?
“Shit.”
I need to go to Bliss, but I owe it to Violet to be there for her.
After all we’ve been through, after all the times I wasn’t
there for her, this is the least I can do.
Yeah,
taking first flight out.
Thank
you, Jackson. It means a lot.
Glancing
at my phone, I note the time. “Son of a bitch.” I have to
be at the airport in less than an hour. Since I don’t have use
of the Morgan jet anymore, I had to book a commercial flight, and I
have a layover in Wisconsin.
My
driver shows up, parking beside the curb. I don’t bother to
wait for him to open my door.
“Home,
sir?”
“Airport.”
As
soon as the car lurches into traffic, I’m dialing my home
number, wishing like hell I’d bought Bliss a cell phone. I hit
my forehead with the heel of my hand a couple of times. She doesn’t
answer, and it goes to voice mail.
“Hey
baby do—er… Bliss. I have to catch a plane to Charlotte
and the only available flight has a long ass layover in Wisconsin.
So, I can’t come home right now and tell you… what you
want to hear.” I let my head fall back. Yeah, that’s what
she wants, a guy only saying
I
love you
,
because she wants to hear it.
“Anyway,
I’ll call you again when I get through security.”
I
hang up the phone, and in no time at all, I’m at the airport,
in the line for a
first class ticket,
and then through security. I call Bliss again, but she still doesn’t
answer.
So
I try again and again, hoping against hope that she’s sleeping,
in the shower, or just mad at me and won’t answer the phone.
I start to panic and call my driver, like I should’ve done in
the first place.
He
answers on the second ring.
“Did Bliss make it home okay?” I
ask, heart hammering in my chest.
“Yes
sir,” he replies and I almost double over in relief. “I
saw her up myself.”
“Thanks.
While I’m gone, please take her wherever she wants to go.”
I press END.
Despite knowing she’s safe, my brain is screaming at me to go
to her. I take a step away from the Gate..
“Sir,
you need to board.”
I
rub the heel of my hand into my forehead. I’d made a promise to
be there for Violet, and if I get this behind me, then Bliss and I
can move forward. It’s for the best, really.
Or
so I assure myself.
With
a heavy heart, I hand my ticket to the flight attendant and board the
plane.
Jackson
There
are only a handful of people at the memorial. I’m standing
beside Violet, wearing a dark suit I thankfully had the presence of
mind to purchase at the Armani store in the Charlotte airport.
The
ceremony is short. There’s no body, just a tiny gravestone with
a name and date.
“I
hope you don’t mind, but I named the baby,” Violet says.
She slips her hand into mine, and it’s just the two of us
standing there.
Noah—the
name we’d picked out, when we feeling good about our future.
Violet was sure we’d have a little boy first. I didn’t
care. I just took comfort in the fact that she would be mine forever.
My
eyes tear up, and I sniff. My throat closes up, and there’s a
lump the size of Tennessee in my chest. “I don’t mind.”
My voice cracks. “It’s a great name. I think Noah would
have been beautiful, like you, and made us happy. He would have had a
little guitar to play, and we would have loved him.”
Violet
lays her head against my shoulder. “It’s okay, Jackson.
He’s in Heaven, healthy and happy. One day we’ll see him
again, and he’ll forgive me for what I did.”
A
large hand falls on my shoulder. “It’s not your fault,
Rae,” Cole says.
Violet
turns, tears in her blue eyes as she looks up at both of us. “I
made the decision to drink and drive, not Jackson, not Callie…
not anyone else but me.”
“Damn
it, Rae.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I told you to
stop beating yourself up.”
“Cole.
I’m okay. One day, you and I will have babies of our own.”
She smiles at him. “Just a little differently from most people,
that’s all.”
“Yeah,
we will,” he says, kissing her lightly. “As many as you
want.”
I
back up, trying to leave this moment for them. My heart is breaking
for the son I never met, for the games of catch I’ll never
play, and the stupid S’mores we’ll never make on camping
trips.
Friends
don’t say stupid, a little girl with big green eyes and curly
brown hair whispers.
I
grit my teeth and clench my jaw, cursing at my wayward thoughts and
memories. Tears run down my face, but I don’t bother wiping
them away. I want to hurt. I want to feel the pain.
Cole
turns to look at me, and then he does the unexpected.
Letting
go of Violet, he walks up to me. I think he’s going to hit me,
but all he does is take me in his arms and hug me. “I’m
here for you, Jackson. You want a relationship, then I’m all
for it.”
In
that moment, he sounds and looks so much like our dad, the dad I
wanted to have, the dad we both deserved, but didn’t get, that
I fucking lose it.
I
wrap my arms around him and sob like a baby.
***
Later,
while we’re eating dinner at Violet’s Nana’s house,
I check my phone for messages. Unfortunately, none of them are from
Bliss.
“Nice
ring,” Cole says, staring at my hand. He’s sitting
directly across from me, with Violet on his left side and Kelly on
his right. My half-sister, I guess, since we have the same mom. She
and Parker, my half-brother, didn’t come to the memorial.
“Wedding
present from Bliss.”
The
entire table goes silent.
“You
really got married?” Violet asks. “I thought that was
just a rumor.”
“Is
she pretty?” Kelly asks.
“Beautiful.”
I take a bite of ham.
“Bliss
is very pretty.” Violet taps Kelly on the nose. “She has
curly hair like yours, skin like yours, but instead of brown eyes,
hers are green.”
“That
girl’s body was banging in high school,” Parker says, and
this time, everyone looks at him.
He
holds up his hands. “Just saying what I was thinking.”
Cole
levels him with a look. “Little more thinking and less talking
next time.”
“Why
didn’t you bring her?” Kelly asks.
“I
didn’t think she, uh… it’s not an easy topic for
us to discuss.”
Violet
exhales. “Jackson, you should have brought her. I didn’t
realize you two were together
together
.”
“You
knew she was with me?”
Cole
and Violet share a look. “We saw y’all leave in Everett’s
car,” she admits. “But after that, I didn’t pay
attention.”
“We
were occupied with other things.” Cole picks up Violet’s
hand, holding it up to the light. She’s wearing an engagement
ring.
I
feel… nothing. And that feels so damn good. “Congratulations.”
“Back
to Bliss.” I take another bite of ham. Violet always was
tenacious. “If she didn’t feel comfortable coming to the
memorial, she could have stayed here, during the ceremony.”
“I
didn’t want to drop her off in a strange place.” I glance
at Violet’s Nana. “No offense, ma’am.”
“None
taken, but I’ve known Bliss since she first moved here with her
parents.” She set her glass of tea down. “Sweet child.
Very quiet, but sweet.”
“She’s
still like that,” Violet says.
I
stab a carrot with my fork. “Sometimes she’s not.”
Cole
cocks his head to one side. “Maybe we should change the
subject.”
Laying
down my fork, I wipe my mouth with my napkin and push my chair back.
“I need to get going. My flight leaves in a couple of hours, so
I’ll need enough time to get back through security.”
Violet
perks up. “Cole will be happy to drive you to the airport.”
“He
will?”
“I
will?”
We
say it simultaneously.
“Jinx!”
Kelly shouts, and then giggles. “You owe
me
two cokes!”
“Use
your inside voice, bug,” Cole admonishes, but he’s
smiling a little too.
Kelly
makes a face, and then goes back to pushing her vegetables around on
her plate.
“If
you don’t mind, I won’t have to pay out the,”
everyone glares at me, “
nose
for
a cab ride.” What kind of manners do they think I have? Parker
slurps at his bowl of May Peas. Well, with family like that, I guess
I can cut them a little slack.