Trust (4 page)

I waited for her. She was gone a moment then returned, collecting my arm and leading me to the front door. Just as we arrived, I stopped her and turned her towards me. "Josie, this is going to be a little awkward, but there's something I want to say."

"Oh, dear," she said, her hand creeping to her throat. "Should I brace myself?"

I smiled. "No. I just want to be clear." I offered a frank, appraising look, maintaining the smile. "You're very striking and lovely. This is a date. I hope you'll treat it like one."

"Oh, dear," she said again. "Haven't I been treating it like one?"

"You know how you feel about clutter?" She nodded. "Well, for me, it's ambiguity."

"Well then," she said. "We can't have that. Let us erase any possible ambiguity." And with that she stepped into me, wrapped one hand behind my head, and pulled me into a kiss.

I wasn't expecting it, and she caught me by surprise -- pleasant surprise. I wrapped my arms around her and enjoyed the kiss. When she released me, we hugged for a moment, and I sighed into her ear.

"Is the ambiguity erased?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Thank you."

* * * *

As I drove, Josie directed our route to the restaurant. Once we climbed from my car, she directed me with light touches on my back, and we were soon seated across an intimate, candle-lit table.

"What's good?" I asked her, picking up the menu.

"Everything," she said. "I'll be having the lobster bisque and the crab cake dinner."

"You don't even have to look or listen to the specials?"

"I've been looking forward to taking you here since your first reply. I've had ample opportunity to consider what I was having."

I smiled. The water boy stopped by to fill our glasses, and on his heels, our waitress appeared. She introduced herself, assured us we would have a lovely meal, and took our drink orders.

I set the menu down and looked across the table at Josie. She was watching me with a gentle smile. "Have you decided?"

"I haven't heard the specials," I said.

We spent a few minutes making small talk. The waitress returned with our iced teas and recited the specials. "Do you need a minute?"

I shook my head. Josie placed her order, and then I ordered a dinner salad and the lamb. "Excellent choices," and then the waitress was gone with a promise to be back shortly with a breadbasket.

I turned to Josie. "Tell me about your cruises."

* * * *

Dinner was lovely. The food was fantastic, and Josie was articulate. She kept me fascinated by her stories, causing me to laugh often. I shared my own stories and enjoyed her reaction.

As Josie paid the bill, the waitress said, "It's so nice to see a mother and daughter with such a comfortable relationship." I stiffened but stared down at my hands, not saying anything. Josie finished with the bill, and neither of us spoke for a minute.

But then I looked up, smiled, and asked, "Where are you taking me on our next date?"

Josie smiled in return, and we sat in the restaurant, talking for another twenty minutes. But all fine dinners eventually come to and end, and as we walked together to the car, I sighed.

"Why?"

"The sigh?" I asked, and she nodded. "I'm not ready for the evening to end."

"And this is why you will drive us to my home and accept my invitation to come inside."

"I will, hmm?"

"Yes."

"Well then..."

During the drive, I let her do the talking, but when I reached over, she took my hand.

"You're a lovely woman, Sable," she said quietly. "I am enjoying myself immensely."

"I am too," I agreed.

We pulled into her driveway, and as we did, the garage door began to open. I looked over at her to see she had her hand in her purse. I lifted an eyebrow, and she smiled but didn't say anything.

I drove in, parking beside her car. In the light, I didn't see what it was, only that it was some sort of dark colored sedan. She met me at the front of the car and took my hand, leading me into her house.

Josie led me to her great room, gesturing me onto the sofa. Once I was seated, she knelt down before me, took one of my feet, and began to unstrap one of my shoes.

I'd done that before, knelt before another woman to help her with her shoes. I'd been helped with my own shoes before, but never quite this way. I said nothing as I stared at the top of her head. Josie caressed my calf before switching to the other foot. She treated me tenderly as she set the shoes aside and slowly stood to look down at me.

"I'd like a small after dinner drink."

"That sounds lovely," I said. I started to rise, but she gestured me to stay where I was. She moved behind me, and then I heard the clinking of glassware. I waited patiently, and soon she returned, handing me a small snifter half filled with an amber liquid. I sniffed at it and smiled.

"Grand Marnais," I declared.

"You recognize it." She took a place on the sofa, the center seat, near enough to touch, but not so near as to crowd me. She lifted her glass in a salute, and together we sipped.

We chatted for a while, our voices low, our eyes locked on each other most of the time. I held my glass against my chest, allowing the scent to waft towards me. Then, while Josie was in the middle of a story involving two of her employees and, of all things, a llama, I dipped one fingertip into the glass and slipped the finger into my mouth.

Josie stopped speaking, mid-sentence, and stared at me. Or more exactly, she stared at my finger, or maybe at my lips. Slowly I withdrew the finger, sucking the liqueur away. I smiled and did it again. Then I slowly finished the small glass and set it aside on the coffee table.

Josie never took her eyes from me. But finally she spoke. "Sable, you are a very naughty girl. I'm of half a mind to lay you across my knee and paddle your bottom."

"That's at least the fourth time you've called me a naughty girl, and the second or third time you've threatened to spank me." I smiled, rotated towards her, then shifted until I was partly kneeling with one leg on the sofa, partially standing with the other on the floor. Then I crawled forward, maintaining eye contact as long as I could, until I was kneeling over her lap. I reached down, pulled my dress up to my waist, and then settled down across her lap.

Josie squeaked.

I let one hand reach down along the front of the sofa and clasp the bottom edge tightly. With the other, I reached forward and clasped one of the cushions. Then I looked over my shoulder.

Josie was staring at my ass, her mouth opened slightly, and she was flushed. I was flushed, too. She tore her eyes away to glance up at me, and our eyes met.

"Well?" I asked after a moment.

"Sable..." her voice was low, and it cracked. "Don't tease."

"I'm not teasing," I said throatily. "You wouldn't keep mentioning it if you didn't want to do it."

"Sable..." she said again. I could hear the agony in her voice. But her eyes darted back to my ass, and then she raised a hand and set it on my ass. She began to rub.

I squirmed a little.

She rubbed and fondled for a good half minute before I whispered, "This doesn't feel like a spanking."

"Oh," Josie replied. "You are
so
naughty."

"You seem to like that word, Josie," I said. "You said you wanted me across your knee. I suppose technically I'm across both. What are you going to do?"

"You really want me to spank you?"

"It's not about what I want." I squirmed.

She hand stilled and hesitated. She lifted it away, and then she gave me a single, gentle swat on my right cheek.

Then she looked into my eyes, perhaps to judge my reaction.

"Is that the best you have?" I asked. I squirmed again. "Maybe I should just get up." I started -- slowly -- to rise, but she used one hand to press me back into place.

"You will stay where you are," she said firmly. "And accept what you have coming."

Then she proceeded to deliver nine firm swats, alternating cheeks. She hesitated halfway through, but I squirmed, and she delivered the rest.

After the last stroke, she rested her hand in place on my ass, not moving. "There," she said. She sounded a little breathless.

Slowly I climbed from her, and as I sat up, I could see she was deeply flushed, her eyes a little wild. Instead of returning to my place, I snuggled against her, and she wrapped arms around me.

"Are you just teasing an old woman, Sable?"

"You're not an old woman," I said. "And I wouldn't call it teasing. I hope you consider it
enticing
."

She pulled me firmly against her, squeezing the stuffing out of me. I went with it, closing my eyes. But then, rather suddenly, she stood up, slipping away from me, but then turned and took my hands.

"Come with me."

I rose and followed her to her bedroom.

I opened my eyes, blinking a few times before I found myself staring into Josie's, six inches away.

"Good morning," she whispered.

"Good morning, Lover," I said, offering a smile. Under the covers, I stretched. I felt good, really quite good.

Across from me, Josie was watching me. Her smile faltered. "I need to ask you something. Or maybe tell you something. If last night-"

"Last night was amazing," I said, interrupting. "You are quite talented."

She slipped two fingers in front of my lips, but her smile returned for a moment. "I deeply enjoyed myself, too."

I spoke past her fingers. "Are you kicking me out of your bed?"

She shook her head. "No."

"And so if I were to use the bathroom, would I return to find you waiting for me?"

Her smile broadened. She didn't say anything, but she smiled.

* * * *

I found a new toothbrush waiting for me. I didn't know when she'd managed that. But when I returned to the bedroom, she was watching for me. She looked nervous, and I didn't enjoy the lack of confidence. I moved to the side of the bed and knelt on the floor, lowering my head as she turned sideways to watch me. I laid my head on the bed in front of her, and a moment later, I felt her fingers in my hair.

"What's wrong, Sable?"

"You doubt me."

"Oh, Sable," she said. "I-"

"I don't know how to be more clear than I've been, Josie."

She hesitated just a moment. "Come back to bed."

I did, and we didn't emerge for hours.

* * * *

"I'm keeping these," Josie said, holding my undies and camisole. I was still in bed, watching her. "You may borrow something."

"Borrow, is it?" I asked.

"Yes. Which implies temporary custody but to be returned."

"Well then, I believe you will pay for those with breakfast."

She laughed. "I think we both need showers first."

"Go ahead," I said. "I just need a robe for now."

She found one for me then held it open. I smiled, slipped from the bed, and let her wrap me in the robe -- and her arms. We kissed deeply, but then I pushed her away. "Go. The sooner you shower, the sooner you can feed me."

As soon as I heard the shower, I headed downstairs and out into the garage. I was glad she'd had me park inside. I knew when she did it, she was inviting me to stay. I was glad she did.

I keep a gym bag in the trunk. It has a simple change of clothes, tennis shoes, jeans, a blouse, and the like, along with a small bag of toiletries and simple makeup. I carried it into the house, and by the time I returned to the bedroom, Josie was half dressed.

"Darn it! I was too slow."

She turned and laughed. "I thought about inviting you to join me, but I think we both need a break."

I nodded. "I'm glad to know you tire eventually, Superwoman."

She smiled and turned away to finish dressing. "Hurry up. I'm hungry."

"Hurrying," I said, heading for the bathroom.

I didn't exactly hurry, although I didn't dawdle, either. When I finally made it downstairs, I could smell breakfast cooking, and I made my way to the kitchen. Josie glanced at me, but she didn't smile. I stepped behind her, wrapped my arms around her, and sighed happily.

She let me hold her for a moment then began directing me, telling me where I'd find the things she wanted on the table. Minutes later we found ourselves seated kitty corner at her dining room table.

"It smells wonderful," I said.

We ate in silence. I kept offering her smiles, but hers were tentative, and I felt my stomach turn into knots. I stopped eating far sooner than I might otherwise.

I set my fork down and without taking my eyes from my plate, I said quietly, "I didn't think you were the type."

"Sable..."

I started to push away from the table, but her hand reached out and clasped my wrist.

"I had a lovely time, Josie," I said, my head still down. But then I looked up. "I would have welcomed a great deal more. But apparently, you don't feel the same way."

"Sable, let me explain."

"No explanations are necessary. I'll just go."

I pulled away and climbed to my feet, but before I could get three steps, Josie was standing in front of me, and she grabbed both my wrists before I could get any further.

"Sable, you're misunderstanding."

"I don't think so. You only wanted a one-night stand. That's fine. I had a lovely time. I wish I'd known that's what it was to be, but I wouldn't have changed a thing otherwise."

I tried to pull my wrists from her, but she held tightly, and I wasn't ready to make that big of a scene over it. "Sable, please. Go wash up and let me explain."

"I don't need to be told what a silly girl I am," I said.

"Good, because that's not at all what I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you I want to see you again."

I stopped trying to pull away, stared at her for a moment, then nodded. "I'll go wash."

When I exited the powder room, she was hovering right outside the door, perhaps intending to intercept me in case I tried to flee. She captured my wrists before I could step past her, her hands a little damp. I wondered if she'd washed in the kitchen.

She stepped backwards, drawing me after her, until we were seated back on the same sofa as last night. I lowered my eyes to my lap.

"Sable, I couldn't have enjoyed myself more last night."

"Me, either."

"You make me feel so good, in so many different ways."

"I could say the same thing." Then I looked up. "Now, tell me the 'but'."

"I would love to continue to see you. Hell, I'd love to tie you to my bed and never let you go."

"But..."

"But... anyone who sees us together is going to assume one of two things."

"I don't care. And frankly, I didn't think you did, either."

"I don't care what they think about me. I do, however, care what they think about you."

"Josie..."

"I could never introduce you to my daughter, Sable. Or my friends. They would all assume you were after my money."

"I'm not!"

"I know that."

"Anyone who saw what we were doing not that long ago would know that."

"I'm not exactly going to perform for my daughter, Sable."

I lowered my eyes again.

"Sable, my friends would think horrible things about you. And your friends and family would think horrible things about me, and probably about you."

"So we're going to let what other people think make our decisions?"

"Partially."

I looked up. "What does that mean?"

"It means I would like to continue to see you. But I don't want to meet your friends, and you won't meet mine. We'd probably have dinners in. I didn't care for the comment about mother and daughter, and I don't care to invite more. I would expect you to continue to look for a more complete relationship, and to stop seeing me if another relationship comes along."

I stared for a while before looking back down into my lap. I picked at my fingers for a while. "If I don't care about the difference, why do you?"

"Because I care about your reputation."

"You're ashamed of me."

"I certainly am not! And I will ask you not to put words in my mouth."

"I don't care what those people think about me."

"Sable, look at me." I shook my head and kept my eyes down. "I mean it. Look at me." Slowly I lifted my eyes to hers. "I do not want my daughter to have such thoughts about the woman I would surely grow to love."

I stared for a while but finally nodded before lowering my gaze again.

"There's something else."

"What?" I knew it was sullen.

"Let's assume the absolute best case scenario. We fall madly in love. We pledge our lives together. We're deliriously happy. My daughter eventually sees that. Everyone is happy."

"That sounds good to me."

"And then I grow old and die, leaving you just when you need me the most."

"Don't say that!"

She didn't say a word but simply looked kindly at me.

"That's thirty years away. Heck, modern science says 125 is the new 75."

"We're not quite there," she said. "Thirty years seems like a long time, Sable, but you're the one who might live forever, not me. I don't want to leave you that way. I don't want to give you that sort of life, that sort of love, to yank it away from you."

"Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves? So we don't even try?"

"No, we don't try, because if we succeed, that's what's waiting for us, eventually."

"If we were the same age, then the chance of getting those 30 years is even lower."

"But it's a crap shoot which of us is taking the risk, which of us is going to have to take care of the other one. This isn't a crap shoot. We know the end."

I looked back down. Josie must have said everything she intended to say, as she let me stare at my hands for a long time. Finally I asked in a low, quiet voice, "Are you telling me to go home?"

"No."

"Are you telling me last night was a one-night stand?"

"No. I am telling you there are limits to our relationship. You have to decide if you wish to accept them. If not, then yes, last night was a one-night stand. I'm sorry, Sable. I wish things were different. If I were five years younger, and you five older..."

I sat there, thinking about it for a while. Then, slowly so she could stop me if she wanted, I moved closer until I was draped against her, cuddling tightly. "Hold me," I whispered. She wrapped her arms around me tightly, not saying a word. "I like to cook," I said. "And I don't have to be anywhere until Monday morning."

She tightened her arms and kissed the top of my head.

* * * *

I stayed until well after dinner on Sunday evening. Other than the talk Saturday morning, it was an amazing weekend.

Vic called and asked me out. I told her I didn't think it was going to work and apologized. I offered friendship but told her I understood if she wasn't interested. A week or so later she called me and asked if she could take me to lunch the next day.

"Vic-"

"Friends have lunch," she said. "Don't they?"

And so, we became friends. She taught me to drive her car, which I knew was special, as she didn't let anyone drive her car. I'd never driven a car that was more fun to drive, and I got serious about considering my own. Vic met someone else, but we stayed friends. Vic and Janet invited me to their wedding. I had a very nice time.

Over the next several months, Josie and I continued to see each other. We emailed daily, and talked on the phone frequently. We got together, nearly always at her house, at least each week, sometimes a couple of times a week, and often for an entire weekend. We spent a great deal of time in the kitchen together and a much greater time in her bed.

Where she treated me exactly the way I wanted to be treated.

A few times, I tried to pressure her into accepting a greater relationship. She was always quite firm. But finally she'd had enough. It was Saturday afternoon, and while I was welcome to stay the evening, she told me I had to leave very early in the morning, as her daughter was coming for brunch. I tried to convince her to let me stay, and I wasn't being at all subtle about it.

"That's enough!" she yelled. "Drop those jeans and climb across my lap." She shifted her chair sideways, granting me access.

Since that first night, she'd spanked me periodically, but I'd always invited it, and it had always been done playfully. But I could tell she was truly angry. I dropped my eyes, not saying a word.

"I mean it, Sable. Now. Or leave, and don't come back."

"You don't mean it."

"Now!" she screamed.

Numbly, I did as she ordered, and she proceeded to tan my bottom. I was apologizing over and over long before she was done. Finally she pushed me away, and I fell to the floor. Maybe I should have felt humiliated, but even as I lay on the floor I realized something.

I'd been a brat, and she was right. If I didn't accept her decision on this, we were through, and I didn't want that. I slowly pulled my clothing back into place. I could hear Josie, panting heavily as she looked down at me, not saying a word.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Please don't send me away."

"This had better be the last time, Sable. I mean it."

"I know. Please don't send me away."

She sighed. "Get up." By the time I was standing, she had her arms open, and I moved into the hug.

My ass was flaming, and I realized, I was young. She wasn't. "Is your hand okay?"

"Not really, but I'll be fine." We held each other for a long time.