‘I did love him, I still do,’ she sobbed. ‘I can’t bear to think of him all alone.’
‘Yes, but the kind of love you feel for him isn’t the kind good marriages are made of, it’s sisterly, friendly love. And don’t you worry about him being alone, you know perfectly well he’s a loner by nature. I promise you in a week or two he’ll be back down the pub, shooting off to Kalgoorlie with his mates, and you know he’ll be happier too, because he won’t be hurting you any more.’
Dulcie sank into silence for some time. Bruce went off to the kitchen and made her a cup of coffee, lacing it with some brandy.
‘But what do I do?’ she said, looking up at him as he handed her the coffee. ‘I can’t just tell Rudie I want to go to Sydney on Tuesday with him, and expect him to look after me.’
Bruce almost felt like laughing at her naivety. ‘You know perfectly well Rudie will be only too pleased to put you up for a bit. But you don’t need someone to look after you, you’re the girl who looks after everyone else. Go to Sydney, find yourself a job and a place of your own.’
He stood up. ‘I’m going to leave you on your own for a bit,’ he said. ‘You sit here and think it all out. Maybe have a little nap. I’ll make the sandwiches for the boys, we can’t work outside in this rain anyway. Then when you’ve got your head straight again, you come on over.’
‘But what about the shopping!’ she said.
‘I can get that,’ he said. ‘I saw your list on the window-sill.’
He was gone before she could say anything else, the door slamming behind him, and she lay down on the couch and burst into fresh tears.
A whining sound and a scratch on her arm made her open her eyes. Jigger was beside her, one paw on her arm, his brown eyes big and mournful. His coat was very wet, he must have slipped in as Bruce left.
‘Did you chase after your dad?’ she asked him, petting his silky ears. ‘He’ll be back, Jigger, he wouldn’t leave you.’
She had to get up then and find a towel to dry him off, and just the act of rubbing him all over, feeling his tongue licking at her bare arms, made her feel a little better.
Moving over to the window which looked out on to the lake, she stared out. The rain was slowing down now, there were patches of blue sky among the dark clouds. She knew that within an hour it would be gone, the sun out again. To her right the paddocks of wheat were pale gold – as long as it didn’t rain again now, it would be a bumper harvest this year.
‘But you won’t see it,’ she whispered. ‘You won’t be here to make a celebration supper, not for your birthday, or for Christmas.’
But as she said this to herself she thought of the sun shining on Sydney Harbour, felt the wind in her hair as she rode on the ferry, and saw the rose beds in the Botanical Gardens.
A strange feeling crept up her, starting from her feet, a warm, tingly feeling like lemonade bubbles bursting in her veins. It seemed to gather momentum as it went up her legs into her belly and beyond, and suddenly she felt lighter and full of hope.
She turned and looked at her living-room. It was as lovely to her as it had been when they first moved in, yet surprisingly it didn’t hurt to think she would soon be saying goodbye to it. Walking over to the jarrah desk Ross had made her, she slid her hand along the smooth surface and felt a pang at leaving that behind. She could almost feel the love he’d made it with.
But Bruce was right, it was the wrong kind of love for marriage. Ross would be happier without her eventually, maybe one day he’d even meet a woman he could make love to.
It was nearly five when she went back over to Bruce’s house. She had had a bath, washed her hair, and put on a pretty pink and white gingham dress she’d made herself.
The three men were sitting at the table talking. As she walked in they all moved to get up. Three anxious faces, each one so very dear to her.
‘Stay where you are,’ she said with a smile. ‘I’ll make us all a cup of tea.’
‘I’m so sorry, Dulc!’ John said, his handsome, usually smiling face glum and troubled. ‘Strewth, I’ve got to admit there were dozens of times I wished something would happen to make you see Ross wasn’t for you, but I never expected it to come so sudden.’
‘It’s better this way, John,’ she said. ‘I’m all right about it now. But I shall miss you all so much.’
‘I didn’t know whether to phone Rudie or not,’ Bruce said. ‘We’d just been discussing that, and if we ought to book a plane ticket for you.’
‘I won’t be going with him on the plane,’ she said, looking to each of their faces in turn. ‘I don’t want Ross to be hurt still more when he comes back. I’ll catch the train tomorrow night to Sydney.’
They all looked stunned. ‘But it’s such a long trip.’ Bruce exclaimed.
‘I think I need some breathing space,’ she said simply. ‘When I get to Sydney I’ll find a room and a job. I won’t be going to Watson’s Bay except to visit Rudie and Noël.’
‘Fair dinkum?’ John said. ‘You’re gonna do it on your own?’
She laughed. ‘I’m a big girl now, John, and I don’t intend to jump from the frying pan into the fire. I can make it on my own.’
‘Is there anything I can do for you?’ Bruce asked. His eyes were wide with surprise and his lips were trembling with emotion.
‘You could ring up and book me a berth on the train,’ she said. ‘And lend me a suitcase too if you’ve got one spare. I’ve got an awful lot more stuff than I arrived with. Can I ask one of you to drive me to the station tomorrow evening too?’
All three of them simultaneously offered, and Bruce laughed. ‘Reckon all three of us’ll be taking you. We’ve got to give you the royal send-off.’
It was after supper that Dulcie phoned Rudie to tell him. She had considered every possible aspect of her move to Sydney during the afternoon, and she had it completely straight in her head now.
‘I’m leaving Ross,’ she began, after only the briefest of pleasantries about Noël, then launched into what she intended to do.
‘You don’t have to do that,’ he began, but she cut him short before he could offer her a plane ticket or a room in his house.
‘I know, but that’s what I’m going to do. I know it’s right.
There was a brief pause. She supposed he was as shocked as Bruce and the men. ‘How did this all come about, Dulcie?’ he asked.
She told him the story as calmly as she could. ‘Then he took off on his bike,’ she finished up. ‘The last thing he said was that he wanted me to be happy for evermore.’
Dulcie thought Rudie sounded very odd – when he questioned her more closely, his voice seemed a bit croaky. ‘So you understand why I don’t feel able to go on the same plane as you?’ she said finally. ‘I have to leave him some dignity.’
‘Yes, of course,’ he said. ‘Would it be wrong for me to still come up there tomorrow?’
‘No, of course not. We all want to see you and Noël. I’ll be leaving in the evening, so come about ten so we can all have a nice long day together.’
Rudie wept when he put the receiver down. However he looked at it, whatever benefits his actions would have on the rest of Dulcie and Ross’s lives, he would always feel ashamed that he’d blackmailed Ross and caused him such pain.
He hadn’t expected the man to act so quickly or so honourably. Clearly there was a great deal more to him than a mere braggart. In his stupidity, too, he hadn’t realized Dulcie had always known this, nor had it occurred to him that if she gained her freedom she wouldn’t necessarily come running crying to him.
In fact he could see now that there was far more to Dulcie too than he’d ever imagined. He’d seen and admired her sweetness, compassion and stoic acceptance of whatever life threw at her. She was the perfect companion because she delighted in the simplest things – a sandwich made for her, a paddle in the sea, a ride on a ferry or bathing a baby. That night after May’s funeral when he kissed her, everything had come together in his mind to tell him she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
But she had a steelier side that he’d never even guessed at. He ought to have seen it when she showed him her marvellous paintings, for she had advanced so far in her technique that it was obvious she had been persistently working night after night on them. Now she was intending to travel alone to Sydney, to find a job and a home all by herself, and though he admired her spirit and the pragmatic view she’d taken of Ross asking her to leave, he was afraid that there might not be much room in her new life for him.
He poured himself a stiff brandy and his thoughts went back to Ross. Tonight he would almost certainly have the longest, loneliest night of his adult life and it was bound to take him back to his childhood where he would relive again all the hurts, humiliations and shame.
‘You poor bastard,’ Rudie muttered to himself. ‘But you can take some pride in doing the right thing by Dulcie.’
At six-thirty the following evening, John put Dulcie’s two large suitcases and a smaller one containing the things she needed on the journey into the boot of Bruce’s car, then got in the back with Bob. Bruce came out of the house next and got into the driving seat.
‘I left her in there to say goodbye to Rudie and Noël in private,’ he said over his shoulder. It had been a strange sort of day – he felt unbearably sad that Dulcie was going out of his life, yet joyful that she was finally going to get the kind of life she deserved.
It had been good to spend more time with Rudie, he liked the man so much, and Noël was a delight, anyone’s dream grandson. Yet that was tinged with sadness too because although he might be able to get to Sydney once, perhaps twice, to see them, he knew in his heart that time was running out for him. Then over and above all that he was mystified as to why Ross suddenly let Dulcie go. Ross was many things, a complex and often contradictory man, but he wasn’t known for putting other people’s needs before his own. Why would the man shoot himself in the foot?
‘Reckon Dulc and Rudie might make a go of it?’ Bob said, tapping Bruce on the shoulder and ending his reverie.
‘I hope so,’ Bruce said, not trusting himself to turn to look at his men because he was close to tears. ‘They are right for each other. But it’s early days yet. Dulcie’s doing the right thing going on her own. It will make it easier for Ross to bear.’
‘I can’t for the life of me understand why he suddenly told her to push off,’ John said. ‘One moment he was fighting mad about Rudie and Noël coming here, next moment he’s throwing them together. I know he could be a weird bastard sometimes, but this ain’t in character.’
‘I reckon he’ll be back tomorrow,’ Bob said thoughtfully. ‘Maybe he got all fired up and thought it was the right thing at the time, but hell, he’s bound to have second thoughts. Sheilas like Dulc aren’t thick on the ground round here. I bet he comes back fighting mad tomorrow.’
‘Then it’s a good thing Dulcie’s going now,’ Bruce said. ‘I wouldn’t want her to see him after a couple of days’ hard boozing. I don’t relish it myself.’
Silence fell in the car, each of them contemplating how Ross would be when he came back.
In the kitchen Dulcie had just finished stuffing a few last-minute odds and ends into her handbag. Rudie and Noël just stood there looking at her expectantly.
‘One kissy for Auntie,’ Dulcie said, sweeping Noël up in her arms. He obediently opened his mouth like a goldfish, making her laugh. ‘Oh, a big wet one,’ she exclaimed as he put his mouth to her cheek.
‘Any chance that I get a kiss too?’ Rudie said. ‘One with a bit of hope attached to it?’
She put Noël down and went to him. Rudie took her head in both hands and tilted her face up to his, looking into her eyes. ‘I wish you a safe journey,’ he said, kissing her lightly on the lips. ‘You ring me as soon as you get there, so I know you’re safe. You’re very precious to me,’ he whispered. Then suddenly he put his arms around her and really kissed her. Like the kiss he’d given her on the night of May’s funeral, it was tender and sensual, awakening every nerve ending in her body. His tongue flickered against hers, his hands caressing her back and neck, and she felt she was falling through space into a place where nothing mattered but him.
‘Was there hope attached to that one?’ she whispered huskily as they clung together.
‘More than I dreamed of,’ he whispered back. ‘But you must go now. Call me!’
Dulcie hesitated before getting into the car, looking round her one last time, remembering how happy she felt the first time Bruce drove her around the farm. It looked so beautiful now, the sun sinking down behind the pines, the sky dark pink with a hint of purple.
Maybe she hadn’t been happy for the entire six years here, but she knew she would always look back on it with affection, remembering this was where she had been shown love and approval, a place she’d learnt to trust again and to find herself.
Jigger came bounding over to her, wagging his tail and making a whining noise as if he too was saying goodbye. She bent to pet him one last time. ‘Good boy,’ she whispered. ‘Take good care of Ross for me.’
‘See you in Sydney,’ Rudie said, bending to kiss her cheek. ‘Say bye-bye, Noël,’ he said to the child in his arms.
‘Bye-bye,’ Noël said and began to wave furiously.
Dulcie turned to look back as Bruce drove off. Rudie was still standing there, Noël still waving. The fading sun behind them glinted on their dark hair, their faces in shadow.
Chapter Twenty-eight
‘Dr Heinne will see you now, Mrs Proctor,’ Dulcie said to the elegantly dressed middle-aged woman in the waiting room. She smiled encouragingly for it was Mrs Proctor’s first appointment with Stephan, and she could see she was nervous. ‘If you’d like to follow me.’
She led the way up the stairs to Stephan’s consulting room on the first floor, and opened the door. ‘This is Mrs Proctor, Dr Heinne,’ she said.
Stephan got up from his desk and came to greet his patient. ‘Good morning, Mrs Proctor, do come in.’ He smiled briefly at Dulcie. ‘Thank you, Miss Taylor. Hold all calls.’
Dulcie walked back downstairs again to her small office next to the waiting-room, smiling as she caught a glimpse of herself in the large mirror in the hall. She wore a plain white button-through uniform dress with a wide white belt, her hair swept back into a neat chignon. It was the kind of look she’d always admired since she was a small girl – sleek, understated yet glamorous.