“No it’s not a fucking joke, Doc. What’s a fucking joke is the woman I’m attracted to, the woman who manages to haunt my damn dreams at night—freaks out at the thought of going on a date with me!”
“You said we were friends!”
“Friends turn into lovers!”
I back away from him. I’m reacting wildly, I know. The thing is, he’s offering something I want, but have told myself I can’t have. Bull is a mistake that would be too big to recover from.
He’s not safe
. He’s the complete
opposite
of safe. I took that leap once before and it left me knocked up and totally alone. I need to be smarter now.
Matty
needs me to be smarter
.
“I have a kid, Bull. I can’t just decide to date someone like you.”
“Someone like me?” he asks, his voice cold.
“You have sex like other people change their clothes. A different woman every day, and you admitted sometimes two or three times a day.”
“Not since…”
“Maybe not since me, if I trust what you say. I’m not sure I can trust you though.”
“Damn it, Skye…”
“
But even then
,” I carry on, interrupting him. “Even then, Bull, you had so many different drugs in your system. How could I ever let someone like that around my child? Not to mention you exposed yourself to HIV and AIDS and it can take three to six months for that stuff to show up. How could I let you in my bed, knowing I have a child who depends on me? I’m all he has, Bull. Even if I wanted to be crazy and throw caution to the wind, I can’t. I have to think of Matty, first.”
He steps back from me, and there’s a look that comes over his face. He doesn’t say anything, but I can see he’s deep in thought. There’s part of me scared. I’ve come to depend on Bull this last month. Which is crazy, because we have just been friends. What happens if he leaves and doesn’t come back? The thought of not seeing him every day or having at least some contact with him frightens me.
“We could still be friends, Bull,” I offer because I don’t want to let him go, even if I should.
“Woman.
I don’t want to be just your friend
. You haunt me. I can’t sleep at night. I have fucking callouses on my hand, because the minute my eyes close I see your face. My goddamn dick gets so fucking hard, I have to stroke it over and over, imagining it’s you jacking me, begging for my cum. And when I come, Skye? It’s always to the vision of coming all over your fucking body, while you beg for more. But hell, even in my sleep you still haunt me. I dream of fucking you over and over—only to wake up needing you again.”
“Bull…” I back up as his words brand me. My stomach flutters. I look into this dark eyes and see the way he’s watching me fills me with heat. “You said we were going to be friends…”
He closes the small distance between us. His hand slides under my hair as he cups the back of my neck. His thumb brushes the side of my face, before stopping beside the lobe of my ear and applying pressure, so I can’t move.
“Do you think of me, Doc? When you’re in bed alone, do you wonder what I’m doing? Do you want to hear my voice? When I call to tell you goodnight and we hang up, do you find your hand sliding down between your legs? Do you touch yourself and imagine it’s my touch making you come? Do you cry out my name when you climax?”
His words make my knees weak. I feel my face heat, because
I do
. I do all of those, even knowing I shouldn’t. I do them, thinking no one will ever know, and yet he somehow does.
“Bull, we’re too different,” That’s what I keep telling myself, though in truth, the more time I spend with him, the less I believe it.
“I’ve been clean for four months now, Doc. I’ve proved what you thought of me is wrong. I’m going to keep proving you wrong—on every count. What I’m wondering is what you’ll come up with after that to stop this?”
“This?”
“You and me, Doc. Because you need to fucking set your mind to it. We’re happening.
You and me.
And you need to mark it down, because we’re going to be kissing, making out, and fucking. It’s
going
to happen and you will enjoy every damn minute of it,” he growls at me.
Then it happens. That moment I’ll never get back, but will always remember. His mouth slams down on mine. It’s an angry kiss and I do my best to keep my lips closed, until he sucks the bottom one into his mouth. His tongue teases and tempts to the point I can’t stop my gasp, needing oxygen. He swallows the sound, his tongue forcefully moves in my mouth, and then he devours me. His kiss is unlike any I’ve ever had before. He not only explores, he
owns
. I can do nothing but follow his lead, and our tongues twist and mate, tasting each other. I strain into him, pulling him down to me, even more—afraid he will leave. I never want the kiss to end. A shudder rakes through my body and I can’t help the restless way I move against him, as moisture pools between my thighs.
I need him.
All the pent up attraction I’ve kept hidden the last month is dying to be unleashed. His kiss manages to excite me in a way that no foreplay has ever managed previously. Before I explore it though, Bull pulls away.
“You said it would be six months before you could trust my test results.”
My mind is foggy and I have no idea what he’s talking about, “What?” I ask, trying to stop the way my body trembles with need.
“Six months. It’s been four. I’m going to give you two more months to get used to this, Skye. But I’m not backing down from us. I am kissing you and spending time with you. You need to get used to it and wrap your mind around the idea that you and I are going to happen.”
I don’t say anything, because I’m not sure what to say. The doorbell rings and neither of us move for a second. Then, he kisses my forehead, wraps his hands around my upper arms and just holds me like that.
“Get us some drinks. I’ll pay for the pizza and we’ll watch a movie.”
“But…”
“For now we’ll cuddle and watch television, Skye. I’m not asking for anything else.”
“Oh…okay,” I answer. I’m lost. I’m so confused, I don’t know what I want or feel.
“Tonight at least,” he tags on ominously, and my brain refuses to think about that.
I’m going to be Scarlet O’Hara for now, and think about it all tomorrow.
Skye
I
look at
the note on my locker.
Another damned note
. Not threatening, or even scary—but they are getting irritating.
You look nice today—Always Watching
That’s how he always signs it. Always Watching. If anything that’s the part that’s creepy. I wad it up with a sigh.
“Secret admirer again?” Judy asks, she’s a resident too, and she and I have become pretty good friends.
“I guess. He must be trying to up his game. This is the second note I’ve had this month.”
“I still think you should report it to the police.”
“I tried once, they pretty much laughed me off. I’ve reported it to hospital security. What could I tell the police now? That I’m getting more notes bragging on the way I look? If anything else happens maybe. It’s nothing. Heck, it’s probably just someone trying to scare the new girl,” I tell her, dismissing it all.
“Or some perv whacking off to you every night.”
“Eww… that’s too gross to even think about Judy.”
“Hey people are fucked up.”
“Well, if he does anything else besides write me more notes, I’ll worry about it then.”
“Yeah, I guess there’s not much to worry about with weird notes. He can’t be bad, or he’d be jealous of that hot hunk of man-meat you’ve been eating lunch with.”
“Bull and I are just friends,” I lie. Hell, I’m not sure what we are. We kiss. We have lunch or dinner. We’ve even met at the movies once. It’s never went beyond handholding and kissing. Bull says he’s giving me time to accept things, until he get his all clear for six months. Then, he says all bets are off. That’s not that far away. I have no idea what to do, and time is quickly running out.
“Then girl you are insane. If I had that man sniffing around me, I’d push him up against the wall, climb him like a damn tree, wrap my legs around his neck, and introduce him to the original southern comfort. Hell, I’d keep him there until I died or he was smothered to death.”
I laugh, while tossing the note into the back of my locker. Her words make me picture doing exactly that to Bull. If I’m honest, my hormones are going crazy for this man, and I’m weakening with each hot look he gives me. I’m just…
scared.
That’s what it all boils down to. I pull my phone from the locker to listen to my messages. If anything urgent happens with Matty the school always calls the hospital and has me paged, but I still worry. So, I don’t like to leave them unchecked.
I smile when I see the text from, Bull.
Can’t do lunch today, Doc. Club business. I’ll call you later. Miss you, beautiful.
P.S. Three more days.
I can’t stop the goofy smile and I’m so engrossed in thinking about him, that I don’t notice Judy reading over my shoulder.
“Damn, Skye! Remind me again why you haven’t tied him to your bed?”
“I’m starting to wonder that myself,” I whisper.
“If you girls are done gossiping in here, there are patients out there who could use our attention.”
I look up at Dr. Eldridge standing in the doorway. The man is such a douche bag. I can barely stomach him. Had I known he’d be the chief attending physician, I would have never ended up here in London. When I think of Bull, I know that would have been a mistake. I don’t know what our friendship is, but I know that I wouldn’t want to miss it.
Judy and I don’t respond, instead we slam our lockers shut and go around Dr. Eldridge without comment. We are walking down the hall towards the nurse’s station when Judy whispers, “Fuck girl, I think he’s gotten more hateful since he stopped screwing that ho-bag Melissa. I wish someone would step up and take one for the team.”
“
Ew
. I don’t know anyone that desperate.”
“Especially after Melissa told everyone about his pencil dick.”
“Eh, she’ll find a way to weasel back up to him soon, and then maybe we can get a breather.”
“One could hope. By the way, what’s so special about three more days?”
“You’re nosy.”
“It’s a gift.”
I laugh, and then take a deep breath. “We haven’t had sex.”
“What?”
She yells out and I wince and feel my face flush. All the nurses and other staff are looking at us. I hiss at her—feeling my face blush as Alex and some of my other friends look at me. I’m afraid they know exactly what we’re talking about.
I want to kill Judy
.
“Will you keep it down? I told you how we met and who he had been doing the mattress mambo with!”
“Damn girl, everyone has a past. No one says you have to marry the guy, but don’t go passing up a little fun.”
“Yeah well, the clap is a big price to pay for a little fun.”
“You’re a doctor. You know safety is our friend. Shit, girl. Go get an itch scratched. Fuck. Scratch one or two for me.”
“Like you have any. You have Tony.”
“Yeah, and I love him, but marriage kills sex. I swear I’ve been thinking about calling a code blue on his dick and seeing if the paddles will bring it back to life.”
I laugh so hard, I literally snort. “Like I believe that. You have four kids, Judy. That doesn’t just happen by divine intervention.”
“Yeah, but the youngest will be one next week, and since then it’s been as dry as the Sahara Desert. Hell, I think knocking me up this last time, broke him.”
“Maybe it’s time you climbed him like a tree and offered him some southern comfort.”
“Maybe, but I got a feeling your man would be a lot wilder ride.”
I know he would be, and maybe that’s what scares me.
What if I don’t survive the ride?
AW
I don’t think
she even noticed me today. She was too engrossed in talking about that Neanderthal biker. I knew if she kept hanging out with him, there would be trouble. That other doctor, with the brown hair, she’s filling Skye’s mind with impure thoughts. I may have to do something to keep her away until I’m ready to start Skye’s training.
Accidents happen so easily. Especially to women who have no morality.
It’s definitely time for Judy Greene to learn that.
Past time.
Bull
I
made Skye
a promise to give her time so she would know I was serious. To go slow—to go day-by-day. That seems to be how I live my life these days. It’s something this support group that Dani hooked me up with has taught me. I look at the round medallion I got tonight.
Six months clean
. It doesn’t sound like much. In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably not. Still, it means a hell of a lot to me. It’s a milestone. I’m slowly getting my life back together. It didn’t take long to fall into the gutter and maybe I wasn’t there long, but it felt like a lifetime.
Losing Red to Dancer was a fool’s game. I knew as I was falling for her that she was in love with him. I just couldn’t help myself. I was drawn to her. Like a moth to a motherfucking flame, the heat and the color catches your eye and even though you know it’s bad for you, you keep going towards it—unable to stop. Hell, I’m not sure I was in love with her. She represented something I wanted, something I’d never had. An innocence that shown even in the darkness that surrounded me. I grieved her loss, even though I didn’t have a right.
I came close to dying and even that didn’t bother me. The fact that I let Red down, the fact that Dancer had to save her, and that he and Drag also saved my sorry ass,
that
hit me. It hit me down into my gut and set up a poison there that ate at me. I’m the club enforcer. The strong arm that is supposed to make sure shit like that doesn’t happen, and I got my ass handed to me while I was lying in bed drunk, dreaming about another man’s woman.
It’s stupid, but I know that was the beginning. The beginning of my fall into hell.
In my mind, I deserve the migraines I’m plagued with and the tremors I get in my hands. They are my punishment for being the weak asshole that let down his family, just when they needed him most. The pain is bad. There are nights I can barely function from the headaches, but they don’t outweigh the bitterness in my gut.