“Where’s your stuff?” I asked.
“I left it in my rental car. I wasn’t sure I’d be staying here.”
I wanted to roll over and pull her into my arms, especially since I could hear that she was getting annoyed from carrying on a conversation with my back, but keeping my eyes closed would be more difficult if she was facing me. She was probably expecting me to get her suitcase, since that would be the chivalrous thing to do, but that wasn’t an option. “Where are your keys? I’ll have someone get your bag while you’re in the shower.”
“They’re in my purse. I think the make and license plate is on a tag hanging from the key ring. It’s in the visitors’ lot.”
“Okay. Go grab a shower, and I’ll take care of it.”
She leaned in to kiss my shoulder. “Thanks, but I’m in no hurry. You wanna grab a shower with me before I hit the gym?”
“No, thanks. I think I’ll just lay here for a bit.” I couldn’t even offer to order room service, since eating with her without my contacts wasn’t an option. This was so fucked up, but I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to be with her. Coming clean wasn’t an option. At least not until I knew who was responsible for her attack.
“Is something wrong? You’re acting kind of strange.”
I cursed myself for feeding her insecurity when we’d taken such great strides last night. “No, I’m fine.” My lips curled into a smile, the only outward sign I could offer her. “But you might as well know now, I’m not a morning person.”
“Oh.” She threw back the covers. “I guess I’ll just go grab a quick shower then.”
I’d slipped my contacts case into my overnight bag last night, so at least I could I put them in before she got out of the shower. Of course, I’d have to take them out before my own shower, but she would be downstairs by then. The logistics of leading a double life were wearing on me, making me more determined than ever to uncover the truth.
As soon as I heard the shower turn on, I took my bag into the other bathroom and slipped the contacts in before putting on the hotel robe. I looked at my reflection, bracing my hands on the counter and hanging my head. There was no trace of the guy I used to be. The doctor had even managed to reshape my broken nose. For the first time since the surgeries, I despised the likeness staring back at me. She’d fallen in love with the man I used to be, broken nose, chipped teeth, and all. The person she’d fallen in love with this time was a mirage.
I heard the shower turn off, and I scrambled to find my cell phone. I arranged for someone to pick up her keys and retrieve her bag before I called room service to order a light breakfast. I knew she wouldn’t want much before her workout, just some protein and coffee. She used to be a runner, and she would often run first thing in the morning until I convinced her to have a serving of protein before she hit the streets. I couldn’t stand the thought of her passing out and hitting her head or laying in the street with no one to help her.
I sat on the edge of the bed as my mind replayed our time together all those years ago. The conversations that had seemed unimportant then had served a purpose. They’d helped build the foundation upon which our love had survived fourteen years apart.
“Hey,” she said, standing in the doorway and watching me. “Is this a bad time?”
“No.” I reached for her hand. “Come here.” Pulling her into my arms, I leaned my head against her stomach. “Sorry if I was short with you earlier. I have a lot on my mind.”
“Anything I can help with?”
I loved that she cared enough to ask, but I was the only one who could dig myself out of the cavern of deception I’d fallen into. “No, but thanks for asking.” I looked at her. “I ordered some breakfast for us.”
“Great.” She smiled, running a hand over my head.
“They should be up to get your keys in a minute.”
“No hurry. The shower helped. I wish you would’ve joined me though.”
“Next time.” Though I knew that was one intimacy I would have to avoid for the foreseeable future. A knock on the door gave me an excuse for a reprieve. “Let me get that.”
She sat on the edge of the bed as I handed her keys off to a bell hop. Before I could close the door, someone pushing a serving tray appeared.
“Hey, that was quick. Just set it up over there.” I pointed at the table in the corner of the room as I reached for some cash.
The young man smiled at Maura, but he looked decidedly uncomfortable as he set our breakfast on the table.
“Thanks,” I said, slipping a twenty into his palm.
“Sir,” he said in a low voice, “a young lady asked that I deliver this note to you.”
He tried to shield the transfer with his body, but I knew Maura saw it.
“Thank you.” I slipped the note into the pocket of my robe as I closed the door. I turned toward her and said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Let’s eat.”
“What did he give you?”
“Just a message.” I knew she wouldn’t let it go. In her position, I probably wouldn’t have either.
“From who?”
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “I haven’t even looked at it yet.”
Maura narrowed her eyes as she crossed her arms. “It’s from a woman, isn’t it?”
“That’s what the guy said.” I made my way to the table and poured two cups of coffee, hoping that would distract her. “Your omelettes are getting cold, baby.”
“I don’t care. I want to know why you’re keeping secrets from me.”
Secrets.
The word ricocheted around my head, pinging painfully off my skull. “It’s probably just a note from Lana. I ducked out without saying good-bye to her last night.”
“May I see it?” she asked, holding out her hand.
I curled my fist around the note, crushing it before withdrawing it. “It’s not important. Can we just forget about it?”
“That depends. Do you want me to trust you?”
“Of course I do.” I sighed. There was no way I could win this battle.
“Then let me read the note.”
“Fine.” I tossed the crumpled ball of paper on the bed. “Read it. I have nothing to hide.” I was lying. I had everything to hide.
She unfolded it carefully before smoothing out the creases. When her eyes widened as her mouth formed a soft O, I knew it wouldn’t be good.
“What does it say?” I asked.
Maura held the note out to me, her hand trembling. “Read it for yourself.”
In neat block lettering, Lana had written,
I should be mad at you for bailing on my party, but I know you’ll make it up to me tonight. You promised me a birthday fuck, and I’m holding you to it. Don’t forget the lube. L
“Fuck.” I crumpled the paper and tossed it in the wastebasket. “I’m sorry you had to read that, baby.”
“You said you’d fuck her on her birthday?”
“I… yeah, I guess I did.”
“You’re such an asshole.” She leapt off the bed, crossing the room to retrieve her bag.
“Maura, that was months ago, when she asked me to the party. We talked about a private celebration afterward. I sure as hell didn’t intend to follow through after I met you.” I knew I couldn’t get her to listen to reason when she was so upset, but I still felt compelled to try.
She spun around to face me with her bag clutched tightly in her hand. “Let me get this straight. You accompanied this woman to her party knowing full well she expected to sleep with you?”
“Yeah, but—”
“You had all night to tell her that things changed, that you weren’t into her anymore, but you didn’t. Why?”
“I didn’t want to bring her down,” I said, lifting my hands in a helpless gesture. “It was her birthday.”
Maura’s eyes spit fire. “It was her birthday, and you didn’t want to disappoint her. So if I hadn’t shown up last night, would you have fucked her?”
“No.” I didn’t sound very convincing, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “No.”
“Who are you trying to convince, Blaise? Me, or yourself?” She looked at my phone flashing on the desk. “I’m willing to bet that note wasn’t her first message. It was probably sent as a last resort when you didn’t respond to her texts.” She held up my phone. “Shall we find out what else she had to say?”
I swallowed, knowing this could only go from bad to worse if Maura checked the texts on my phone. There were messages from other women. Lots of them. I hadn’t responded to any since I’d hooked up with her, but they were still damning. Not to mention my back and forth with the private investigator… “I’d rather not. Can we just forget about this? I—”
She pulled her phone out of her purse, offering it to me. “I have nothing to hide. You’re more than welcome to read all of my texts and emails. Can you say the same?”
“No, okay? No, I can’t. I don’t want you to check my phone. I just want you to trust me.” I was asking the impossible. I had a reputation as a player, and given her history with men, she had every reason to doubt my sincerity.
“And if I can’t?” Her back was ramrod straight, her shoulders pushed back as she looked me in the eye. “If I need you to give me reassurance, can you do that?”
“I thought I gave you all the reassurance you needed last that.”
“Blaise, a woman just delivered a note saying you’d promised to fuck her last night. Forgive me for having reservations. Until very recently, I was engaged to a man I was certain I could trust—”
“Don’t compare me to that asshole! I’m nothing like him.” But wasn’t I? He’d lied to her. So had I. Granted, I’d never been tempted to cheat, but I was still giving her so much less than she deserved.
“Prove it.”
“How?”
“Let me see your phone.”
“I can’t.” I could try to come up with an excuse, but the lies were wearing me down. “There are more texts. More women.”
Her lip trembled as her grip on the overnight bag tightened. “How many?”
“I don’t know. A few.” I was desperate to wipe that look of disappointment off her face, but I knew she wouldn’t let me get any closer. “They were before I met you. It was casual, just sex—”
“How many women were you having casual sex with?”
“Jesus, do we really have to do this?” I turned my back to her, mainly because I needed a reprieve from that ravaged look on her beautiful face. “Can’t we just wipe the slate clean and forget about whatever happened before we met?”
I sank into a chair, taking the lid off my bacon and eggs. I thought if I engaged in an act as mundane as eating, I could convince her this wasn’t a big deal. “You don’t hear me asking you how many lovers you’ve had.” Just the thought of her with other men made my toast difficult to swallow.
“I’m happy to tell you.” She held up four fingers. “Four, including you.”
Which meant she’d had three lovers. Me, Jeff, and the douchebag I’d caught her dancing with the night of her attack.
“No one else?” I asked, unable to believe she’d only had three partners in more than fourteen years.
“No.” She shrugged, resting a hand on the back of the desk chair. “I had a hard time even thinking about sex for a long time after I was raped. How could I trust anyone when the last man I’d trusted had violated me that way?” She shuddered. “Just thinking about it makes me feel sick.”
“So don’t think about it.” I sounded flippant. I wasn’t trying to diminish her experience, but no good could come of dwelling on it. “Sit down and have breakfast with me. We can make plans for the day. Maybe take in a—”
“You really think I’m going to let this slide, don’t you?” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out black yoga pants, a red racer-back tank, and a red bra. “Well, I’m not. You can either tell me the truth about the other women you’ve been seeing, or I’m outta here.”
I watched her dress, trying to think of some way to convince her to stay. The thought of losing her made my gut churn. I was breaking out in a sweat. My muscles were tense, and my head was spinning. Still, words wouldn’t come.
“I guess this is good-bye then.” She looked at me a long time, her face an impassive mask. “I should have known this was too good to be true, that you weren’t who you pretended to be.”
I wanted to stop her. I watched her collect her things and walk out the door. I sat immobilized, staring at the closed door, listening to the faint elevator ding before she stepped on.
“Fuuuuuuuck!” I threw my cell phone as hard as I could against the wall and watched it shatter into dozens of pieces. Like my life. Fucking destroyed.
I was stepping out of the shower half an hour later when I heard the door open and close. I ignored it, assuming it was housekeeping. They would knock on the bathroom door before walking in, and I could tell them to come back later. But when the door swung open, I realized it wasn’t housekeeping.
Maura’s eyes met mine in the mirror. She gasped before her eyes traveled over my body and landed on the tattoo. Her eyes were wide and frantic as her hand flew to her mouth, her head madly swinging from side to side. “No. It can’t be. You’re not— Oh. My. God. You are.”
I stepped toward her, and she stepped back, reaching for something solid to hold on to.
“If you’ll just let me—”
She choked back a sob, her eyes brimming with tears. “Oh God, please, don’t hurt me. I swear I won’t tell anyone you’re him. Please, just don’t hurt me again.”
Her words hit me like a sledgehammer between the shoulder blades, bringing me down. “I don’t want to hurt you. I just—” Before I could finish, she ran for the door.
“Please,” she sobbed, reaching for the door handle. “Please, just let me go.”
I grabbed her from behind, her legs flailing as she tried desperately to connect with me. “You know I can’t let you go.”
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