“Hello? Is there someone there?”
Max sucked in a breath.
Thank goodness.
“Is Carl okay?”
“He’s pretty upset. Did he say what was wrong?”
“Something about Jackson getting taken away. With whom am I speaking?”
“Nancy. I’m one of his day nurses. Jackson had to be taken away, the bear was filthy and it’s washday. Okay, we’ll try to settle him down. Could you tell Mr. Claymore to stop by as soon as possible? Carl could use a little extra attention.”
“Wait…” Max hesitated for only for a second. Ryan was in meetings all afternoon. Only one solution sprang to mind. “Where are you? I mean, what’s the address?”
***
Ryan swore violently as he tried to find a parking space at the nursing home. What a fuckfest. His meeting had run late and he’d exited to find a series of panicked messages from his brother’s care center. When he attempted to call Maxine to apologize for having to cancel their plans, he had no luck getting through.
He slowed from his run as he reached the door, taking time to calm himself. Whatever was wrong with Carl, arriving angry or anxious would be inappropriate, and there was no way he wanted to upset the boy more. Once he could speak normally, he headed toward his brother’s rooms, his route leading him past the nurse’s station.
He waved a greeting. “Evening, ladies. I came as soon as I got the message. How’s Carl?”
The two nurses on duty smiled at him.
“He’s fine. We were worried for a while we’d have to sedate him, but as it turned out he settled down amazingly well.” She led the way toward one of the side halls, away from Carl’s room.
“Where are we going?” His brother did best in familiar settings. He rarely left his room for any other part of the care center, no matter how hard anyone urged otherwise.
“The library. Your fiancée started reading to him and before we knew it, Carl insisted they go to the library for the rest of the books in the series.”
Ryan stumbled. “My fiancée?”
The nurse gestured toward the door. “He’s very taken with her. Ms. Turner has been wonderful with him. Still, if you can try to get him back to his room in the next half hour, it would be best. He’s tired from his earlier tantrum, and an early night would do him good.”
His fiancée? Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
Ryan peeked through the doorframe. Carl sat in his wheelchair, rolled as close as possible to the edge of the couch where Maxine sat, her long legs curled under her. She held the book toward him and read with exaggerated expression as Ms. Frizzle shrank the Magic School Bus and flew into the center of a flower patch. Carl stared at the book but his hand rubbed Maxine’s arm, his fingers moving in steady repetitious strokes.
Something in Ryan’s belly tightened and it was hard to breathe. He never dreamed keeping his mouth shut was going to come and bite him in the ass this hard. What the hell was he going to do?
Maxine’s reading trailed off and their eyes met. She flushed and unfolded herself, rising to greet him, her gaze darting warily at the nurse by his side. “Hi,” she said softly, then tucked herself into his arms and kissed him.
The room spun.
“I’ll leave you for a bit,” the nurse announced, smiling sweetly at them. She strode to Carl’s side. “It’s almost time for bed, Carl. Set your watch for thirty minutes, then you need to get ready.”
He nodded and fidgeted with his watch. Ryan held Maxine until the nurse left, then released her to greet his brother. “Hey, Carl. How’s everything?” He needed time and space to figure a way out of this landmine of a situation. Both things he was unlikely to get.
“Twenty-nine minutes until bedtime. Maxine knows Ms. Frizzle. They might be related. Jackson is back.” Carl held out his watch and showed it to Ryan. “Bedtime soon.”
“Right about that, buddy. You want me to take you to your room so you can get ready?”
Carl shook his head. “Maxine will take me.” He resumed stroking his hand repetitively down his own arm, and Ryan’s stomach took the final plunge. There was going to be no explaining this away.
Forty-five minutes later Ryan led Maxine out of the complex toward the parking lot. His mind continued to churn. How could he want two things at the same time? How could he want so badly for Maxine to know about his brother and still wish she were ignorant?
“Where’s your car?” he snapped. He damned himself for his reaction but…
fuck
.
Maxine had grown quieter and quieter over the past half hour, no doubt reacting to his increasing tension. “I took a cab. My car had a flat tire.”
He breathed out, long and slow, before escorting her to his car. Heading toward her home he kept his teeth tight together, refusing to say anything because he wasn’t sure he could speak politely. The situation wasn’t her fault, he had to keep that in mind. This mess was of his own damn making for not telling her sooner, but shit, what was he going to do now?
She didn’t speak until they’d traveled a fair distance, as if she was hesitant to brave his mood. Her fingers tangled together on her lap. “Why didn’t you tell me about your brother?” Her big green eyes bored into him.
“I can’t talk about it yet.”
Maxine turned away to stare out the window, her back twisted toward him. She sat silently, her head resting on the glass and his muscles tightened into a mass of knots.
Damn it. Hurting Max more wasn’t making this any better. He sighed and relented, speaking quietly. “He’s my half brother. I didn’t even know he existed until a couple of years ago when my father passed away and it came out in the will. This summer Carl and his mother were in a serious car crash and she died. He’s still in physical therapy, relearning to walk. There’s a list as long as my arm of his syndromes and symptoms, but the bottom line is he’s not socially capable. He’s fifteen and not much more advanced than a six-year-old. He has to live in the care facility, but I get out to see him daily.”
She nodded then returned to staring out the window. They sat in silence until he pulled into her yard, the tension between them building like a tangible wall. Maxine sniffed and he hardened his heart, fighting the need to drag her into his arms and comfort her.
She tugged him to a stop at the base of the stairs. “I’m sorry I lied and told them I was your fiancée, but they wouldn’t have let me in otherwise. Is that why you’re upset with me?”
He paced away a few steps. “You have no idea what you’ve done, do you?”
“I had to go. He was upset and crying and—”
Ryan dragged a hand through his hair, lowering his voice to keep from yelling at her. “So he was upset and crying, but he would have settled down eventually. Now he’s going to be wanting to see you all the time, and when you don’t show up, he’ll get upset and start crying and we’ll be no further ahead than we were at the start.”
She dropped a hand on his arm. “I’ll go see him. I don’t mind. He’s a lovely boy.”
“Fuck, Maxine, you still don’t get it. Carl has the mind of child, and he always will. But one thing he’s got is the ability to fixate on people. He’s never going to forget you, he’s going to ask for you daily. You should never have gone, never let him know about you.”
A flash of fire shot through her eyes. “Then if it’s such a big deal, and something you desperately wanted to avoid, you should have told me and I would have known not to go.” The hurt in her voice choked him. “You didn’t tell me about your brother and it’s obvious you don’t want me involved. So you’re saying I’m good enough to eat dinner with, and have sex with, but other than that you don’t want me in your life. Got it.”
She turned her back on him and stomped up the stairs. Ryan wanted to shake her. He followed, slamming his hand on the door to prevent it from opening. “That’s not it at all. I didn’t tell you because it’s a huge commitment and I didn’t want you feeling trapped into anything. It’s also not fair to Carl for people to wander in and out of his life. He doesn’t understand why they don’t come back and it hurts him. There was no way I was going to introduce you to him unless I knew you’d be in his life long term. With his issues he’ll be my responsibility for the rest of his life. It’s like I have a child.”
“So what? Big deal. Holy cow, you’re the one acting like a child. He’s your family. How could you put him in a little box, and me in another, and think it was going to be okay?”
“I wasn’t putting anyone in a box,” he denied. “I was trying to protect you both.”
“Bullshit. You take off for a couple hours every day and I didn’t know why. You get calls and take them in another room. I had no idea Carl existed and he’s your
family
.” She stood at the door, her fists resting on her hips. Her eyes were bright with tears and her anger brought bright color to her skin.
Ryan took a deep breath and stared off into space. His blood pounded through him like he’d just finished a marathon. “Yeah, well, sweetheart, not everyone’s family is like yours. Some of us have families more like Attila the Hun’s than the Brady Bunch.” Maxine gave a little gasp, and he balled his hands into fists. “Crap, I didn’t mean that. I was trying to do what’s right by Carl, and by you, but I don’t even know what the right thing is anymore. You
said
you wanted no more extended family commitments. You told me one thing you appreciated was not having to deal with my relatives. What else was I supposed to think?”
Her face went completely white. “Oh my God, that’s not what I meant. I would never have said I wanted you to deny you had a brother.”
“I’m not denying him. Hell, I’ve changed my whole fucking life to be there for him.”
Comprehension floated across her face and her eyes widened. “He’s the reason you resigned, isn’t he?”
There was no use denying it. “He needs someone around on a consistent basis and damn it, he’s my brother.” Ryan was a tight bundle of nerves, and nothing was going the way he’d planned. “Look, you meant well, and I appreciate that, I just don’t know…
Fuck!
” He turned and paced the length of the porch, desperate to get away for a minute.
The worst part was seeing her with Carl lifted his hopes, making him wonder if he might be able to have it all. To keep his obligation to provide and care for his brother and feed his newfound desire to have Maxine in his life. Shit, it was too unrealistic to be true. She was so young, why in the hell would she consider taking on a situation that would tie her to a person she didn’t even know? Her family monopolized and controlled so much of her time, what right did he have to force more commitments on her? Just when she was finally getting a chance to be free.
He collapsed onto the porch swing, dropping his head into his hands. For all his strength and abilities, it was more than he could fathom. Making instant decisions during missions and about security matters was easy compared to this.
He truly didn’t know what the hell to do.
Maxine watched Ryan storm down the deck, thankful to see him head that direction instead of back to his car and away from her. His words cut deep, causing an aching hurt in her soul, but she didn’t want him leaving before they got a chance to deal with this mess. She slipped into the house with a heavy heart.
He’d been in her life for only a short time, but everything else in their relationship pointed to his depth of character. There was no one he expected more of than himself. She constantly found him taking care of more than she expected simply because he thought it was the right thing to do.
He’d retired from the service for Carl’s sake.
Now she kicked herself for overreacting. Oh, she was still mad as hell he hadn’t told her about Carl, but her responses over the past weeks to her family issues made his reaction far more understandable.
While he made sure she felt comfortable and cared for, he hadn’t asked for anything in return. She wiped away her tears and paced the hallway with nervous energy. Why couldn’t he understand this meant she finally had something she could provide, something she could help with? After all the things he’d taught her, about standing up for herself, about moving forward with her life, now there was something she could teach him. It didn’t mean they were committed for life, just that Carl would have another person to rely on. She was more than capable of being a big-sister figure. With the size of her extended family she was always on call. Yeah, she complained about it, but caring for family was what she had always done, what she’d been taught to do. It was a part of what made her who she was.
Fighting for balance was a good thing, but she didn’t want to be rid of her family.
She wasn’t sure how long she walked, trying to figure out the correct response when movement on the porch caught her attention. Ryan stood outside her living room window, his forehead resting against the glass. He lifted a hand and splayed it against the pane, a pleading expression in his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and she moved toward him.
He mouthed the words “I’m sorry”.
Maxine refused to let the tears come. Lifting her own hand, she matched fingers to his on the opposite side of the glass. They stood for a long time, staring into each other’s eyes, before he smiled wryly. “Can I come in?”
She licked her lips and nodded. When he joined her there was no hesitation. He scooped her up and hugged her tightly, squeezing away the hurt clinging to her soul. He smelled like a fall breeze, fresh and sensually masculine. She shifted in his arms, slightly embarrassed at the scent of her own perspiration. She’d been in such a hurry to reach Carl she still wore her sweaty running clothes.
He leaned back and brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckles. “I really am sorry. I was wrong. I should have told you. We’ll figure out some way to keep Carl happy and not lock you into any commitments.”
She laid a hand over his mouth. “Stop it. Just stop, don’t try to solve the whole problem right now. I know about your brother. I’m glad. We’ll deal with the rest one day at a time. But there’s one thing—you told me before not to keep secrets that hurt. Feeling like you’re all alone with no one to help you hurts. You need to trust me more. I don’t know where this relationship between us is going, but we’ve got to be friends first. You don’t always have to be in control. Okay?”