“When I met Maggie I was twenty-two. I was a handsome man then, and I had plenty of girls chasing after me. I’d never felt an instant attraction to any woman the way I did her, though. It was on a Saturday. Our church was hosting a picnic for the church in Citrus. Maggie came off that church bus wearing a dress with pink flowers all over it. She had on one of those pillbox hats. Her hair was the same color as yours. I’d just gotten a job as a teller at the bank. I guess that’s why I mustered up the courage to talk to her. I was feeling like a big man. The way she smiled at me…”
During his pause, Lacey didn’t know what to say. She’d never seen such a dreamy expression on her grandfather’s wrinkled old face.
“Anyway,” he went on, “I went about courting her. She was almost twenty and lived at home. Although they seemed to be nice enough people, she was unhappy living with her parents. She said they were too strict and she wanted to get out in the world. It only took me a few months to ask her to marry me. I was so taken with her I couldn’t wait. By the very next year, John, your father, came along. I was so proud I could have popped my vest buttons. However, Maggie was already getting restless. She constantly complained that we didn’t have enough money. I’d work harder at the bank to try to get a raise, and she complained that I was never home. I desperately wanted to make her happy.
“My hard work at the bank paid off. John was two-years old the day I was made Loan Manager. I came home early. I wanted to take her out for dinner at the diner in town to celebrate. One of the neighbor ladies was here, taking care of John. Maggie was out shopping. I found out she went shopping every Friday afternoon. I waited for hours. When she came home she was wearing that same pink flowered dress she’d worn the day I met her. She also had on a new gold necklace shaped like a heart. She told me she bought it for herself with some of the money she’d saved using coupons. I believed her.”
When he paused again, Lacey didn’t think she wanted to hear any more. Then, she decided this might be exactly what her grandfather needed. She poured them each more coffee.
“She was happy with the extra money for a little while,” Clarence continued. “But you know how it is. With some people, it’s never enough. Soon, we were fighting more than ever. It was a Wednesday when I came home to find the same neighbor as before watching John. He was three-years-old by then. She told me she’d been watching him almost every day for months. I waited for hours again. Finally I decided to change clothes. That’s when I saw that her side of the closet was empty.” He lifted his hands, palms up, and shrugged.
Lacey couldn’t leave it at that. She had to know the rest of what had poisoned her grandfather’s life. “Did you ever hear from her after that?” Her voice felt as weak as her grandfather looked.
“Two years later.” Clarence took a deep breath. “She called from a honky-tonk in Texas. She was drunk. She wanted a thousand dollars. She said I owed it to her for stealing her youth.” He chuckled. “I wonder how much she thought my heart was worth, because she’d taken it with her when she left. I didn’t divorce her until after that call.”
“You never loved anyone after she’d gone?”
“No. I’d never let myself be such a fool a second time. I’d been weak and vulnerable. I didn’t want that for your father, but I couldn’t tell him about his mother and he wouldn’t listen to reason anyway. When I learned what was happening between you and the Benson boy, I wanted to spare you that pain too.”
“But you didn’t, Granddad. Instead of Alex, it was you that broke my heart. I don’t know if I can ever get past that.” Lacey walked to the sink with her cup. She rinsed it out and set it on the counter. Without turning to face him, she added, “I don’t know why, but I love you. I’m sure the kids do too. You’re all the family we have. We’re all you have. I’m sorry for what happened, but I want you to think about how you want the future to play out. Think about how different it could be, if you were to put the past behind you.”
“Leopards don’t change their spots, Lacey.”
“Your spots were painted on by your own brush. My grandmother had no right to treat you that way, but you had no right to make everyone around you suffer for it. Now, you can wash those spots off and start living again, or you can die a lonely old man. It’s your choice.”
On her way home, Lacey chided herself for not taking her own advice. Maybe it was time for her to forgive the past as well.
She wanted to move forward. Perhaps that’s why she still hadn’t opened any of Alex’s letters. But could she say, after all these years that Alex was definitely the man for her? All her feelings for him were tied to their past, or she thought they were.
She needed time to think, time to figure out what was holding her back, what was missing.
Chapter Eighteen
Alex paced the floor in his private sitting room. He couldn’t concentrate on a book. When he tried to watch a television program his mind wandered and he lost track of the story line. Thank goodness he’d had his work and unpacking to keep him busy earlier. Otherwise he would have gone bonkers by now.
He’d tried to call Lacey on Saturday to set up their date for that night, but Jenna answered. After leaving him waiting for several minutes, she’d said her mom wasn’t feeling well and planned to go to bed early. She didn’t feel up to going out.
On the third attempt Sunday, he got through to Jerrod. The boy explained that he and his sister had been at church that morning, and then gone fishing in the afternoon. He said his mom had just gone upstairs to take a bath and he would tell her to call back. She didn’t call.
Now it was Monday evening. Alex was determined to wait for Lacey to make the next move. He wasn’t going to act like a love struck teenager.
Maybe Lacey was right to take time to think things over. Perhaps he should do the same. His original intentions had flown out the window the minute he’d touched his lips to hers. His body came to attention, just from the memory. Things were moving too quickly.
Alex decided he’d gone too far when he’d accused her of making him her lap dog. Or perhaps it was that inexplicable
more
that was coming between them. He definitely should have kept his hands to himself, but he’d had a head of steam and once he started he couldn’t stop himself. Dammit, why couldn’t women make sense?
Wearing only a white ribbed undershirt and boxers, Alex passed his reflection in the mirror. He rubbed his right palm over his left shoulder and down his arm. Maybe the
more
she needed was a man that hadn’t had so much of himself burned away.
How long had it taken for him to be able to touch his own scars without feeling nauseated?
Sure, she could be clinical and compassionate about it in the light of day, but maybe this isn’t what she wants to hold on to in the night. Could he blame her?
Alex pulled on a pair of old blue sweatpants. He exchanged the undershirt for a long-sleeved gray T-shirt. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d gone for a run at night to burn off negative energy. At least Indian Lakes was safer than Orlando and had a lot less traffic.
To his surprise, the front doorbell rang. Maybe an old friend had heard he was back in town. He hadn’t had time to socialize since he moved in. He didn’t care if it was a vacuum cleaner salesman or a Bible thumper. Anything would be better than driving himself crazy worrying about Lacey.
He found Jenna standing on his doorstep wearing a backpack. She had a pillow under one arm and a beat-up teddy bear under the other.
“What are you doing out at this time of night?” She walked past him and laid her things in the nearest chair. “Were you planning to move in?”
“I was at Stacy’s house for a sleepover, but then I started feeling really sick.” Her bottom lip poked out. “Maybe I ate too much raw cookie dough.”
“That would do it for me,” Alex grumbled. “Does your mom know you’re here?”
“No, I was just down the street and I thought I’d see if you could take me home.” She looked at him with innocent, puppy dog eyes. “If I call Mom, I’ll have to wait for her to get here before I can get back to the farm.”
“If I drive you, are you going to barf in my beemer?” Alex cringed.
“I promise I won’t,” Jenna smiled. “But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll carry a plastic bag.”
“I’ll get my wallet and keys,” Alex sighed, “You get the plastic bag.”
****
Lacey had been avoiding Alex for days, but she could hardly refuse to open the door to him when he had her daughter in tow. Her motherly concern overruled her embarrassment, and really that’s all it was. She’d been embarrassed by her weakness when she’d seen his letters. She’d been embarrassed that she allowed him to lie in her bed and hold her the whole night. Her life was out of control and Alex had a front row seat to witness it.
After Jenna was tucked into her bed and checked over, Alex kissed the girl on the forehead. “At least she’s not running a fever. I hope she feels better soon.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’ll feel better by tomorrow,” Lacey replied drolly. She knew when her kids were sick and when they were faking. Jenna was definitely faking. But why?
She turned off the light and went back down the stairs. Alex followed. As soon as her foot left the bottom step he said, “You broke our date.”
“I don’t remember you asking me on a date.”
“I wasn’t going to force you to go out with me. You had your chance to say no. So what’s the problem? Did you decide you didn’t want to be seen with me in public?”
Lacey suddenly remembered his scars. He’d told her how people had reacted to them in the past, especially women. She couldn’t let him think she was like them. All she could think to do was tell him the truth. “It’s not that I didn’t want to go.” She groped for the right words. “The truth is…I was embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed, by what?” He narrowed his eyes and tightened his jaw as if preparing himself for a blow.
She was handling this badly. “I don’t usually break down like that. You must think I’m an emotional train wreck.”
“Do you remember our first kiss?” His body visibly relaxed and his eyes softened. “It was after your parents’ funeral.” He stepped closer and she stepped back. “You were devastated.” He came closer still and she kept backing away. Why did she keep resisting him? “Mrs. Dell made that nasty comment and you ran to the woods by the lake. That’s where we found our secret place.”
The back of her legs came in contact with the edge of the sofa. Alex gently lowered her down and knelt in front of her. “I followed you. I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, tears and all.” Alex moved up to kiss her. A soft touch on her arm, a little nudge on her shoulder, and she found herself lying on her back. “I kissed you and we made love for the first time.”
Lacey did remember. It had been the most incredible night of her life, and yet, Alex the boy couldn’t compare to the man that kissed her now. His kiss was soft and tender, slow and gentle. Her ears buzzed and she felt as though warm honey ran through her veins.
When his lips left hers, she whimpered from the feeling of abandonment, but the warmth of his body stayed with her. His hands started at her quivering belly and slowly moved up. Her shirt and bra moved with them. The hot wet touch of his mouth on her breasts caused a sensation in her body she’d almost forgotten existed. The tug of his lips caused her back to bow, begging for more. Instead of words, she released another pleading whimper. He answered with a growl.
He trailed kisses down her stomach, stopping to lick her belly button. She knew it was a promise of better things to come. When his hands gripped each sides of her waistband her hips instinctively rose.
Suddenly, the back screen door slammed in the kitchen. She’d forgotten that Jerrod would be coming in from the barn. This couldn’t be happening again.
“You have to go.” Tugging her clothes into place was difficult with his body hovering over hers. She pushed him away and stood.
Alex took a deep breath and looked down at her. The tight bulge in his pants revealed his intention and frustration.
“I’m being as patient with you as I know how, Lacey,” he whispered. “But sooner or later, I’m liable to go very caveman on you. There’s only so much I can take.”
Lacey had just closed the door behind him when Jerrod called out. “Do we have anything to eat?”
“Help yourself to some leftover cornbread and honey. Jenna came home sick and I need to see to her.”
After taking several minutes to calm her nerves, Lacey leaned against the doorframe to Jenna’s bedroom. “Perhaps I should give you a nice big dose of castor oil before you go to sleep.”
“Mom, no, really. That would only make me feel worse.”
“You’re no sicker than I am. What is up in that devious little mind of yours?”
Jenna sat up and pretended to pick lint from her comforter to keep from making eye contact. “I just wanted you and Alex to get back together. I thought if I could get him over here, the two of you might…talk…and maybe kiss…and hug…and stuff like that.”
“You shouldn’t be thinking about stuff like that.” Lacey went to her daughter’s bedside and turned on her little lamp.
“Honey, please don’t do this.” Lacey sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed her hand down Jenna’s braid. “Alex isn’t part of my life anymore. Maybe, he never will be.”
“But he’s part of mine, isn’t he, Mom? How long am I supposed to pretend I don’t know?”
Lacey sprang from the bed and closed the door. She turned back to Jenna. Trying to keep her voice even, she asked, “What is it that you think you know, sweetheart?”
“Mom, please don’t treat me like an infant,” Jenna pouted. “I see the way you and Alex look at each other. The letters Granddad brought yesterday proved I was right. Alex is my dad.”
“You read the letters?”
“Of course not! But I did read the envelopes. There were dozens of them. They were dated from July to November of the year we were born. I did the math.”
Jenna had always been a smart girl. Lacey knew she could no longer deny the truth. “Does your brother know?”