Authors: Holly Hood
I nearly slammed into Slade.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted, stopping before I stepped on his feet.
Slade looked between me and
Hutch,
Audrey and Erica came to stand on both sides of him
, Audrey for once had nothing to say,
and she
just stared me down in silence
. “My sister asked me to come with her to the carnival.” He concentrated on me now. I avoided his
stare down
, jerking my head away.
Hutch extended a hand to Slade. “I’m Hutch.”
Slade accepted, catching me off guard with his coolness. “Slade, and this is Erica my sister and Audrey her friend.” He shot me another look as he established Audrey’s place in his life.
Hutch waved at the two of them. “Nice to meet you, how long has Cherry been having the festival by the boardwalk?” He easily made
conversation;
it was weird to see him as cool as a cucumber around my old boyfriend. But he was and it was admirable.
I pulled at my
earlobes,
and suddenly I could hear it as clear as day. Slade’s voice, he was talking to me. I spun
around. He
was talking to Hutch, smiling
a
cool
even
smile, but
his
words
were
clear
as
day
.
“I got your letter. I guess I agree with the most of it. Just wish you would trust me. And what’s with this guy?”
His
word echoed
through
my mind, blotting out the passing people, even making the music and voices
nothing but a
jumbled
mess.
“Focus, if you focus you can do the same thing too. This is the only way I can speak to you without Audrey overhearing anything.”
I shook my head again
even harder,
trying to dislodge his
words;
the sight of Audrey made me not care about anything Slade had to say. I closed my eyes.
Leave me alone, Slade.
And when
you’re
ready to get rid of her then we will have something to talk about.
I came back over to Hutch and Slade. I took Hutch by the arm,
gaining
his attention. “Let’s go on the
Ferris
wheel.”
Hutch nodded. He said
good-bye
to Slade and followed me far away from all of them.
“I don’t get it,” I said immediately
once we were away from all of them
. “
He was talking to me
while he was talking to you.”
Hutch paid for the tickets. “That wouldn’t be surprising considering,” he looked at the couple behind us keeping our secret just that—a secret.
“
But why
now, he's
never done it before.” I followed Hutch to the line for the
Ferris
wheel. He handed over the stuffed bear to the attendant.
“I think you should ask yourself that.” Hutch ran a hand over the stubble on his chin.
“He said it was the only way he could speak to me without Audrey overhearing.” And then it dawned on me.
Everything that was happening was on purpose, but not because Slade was trying to hurt me. He was trying to protect me—from Audrey.
I closed my eyes.
I don’t need protection. I can take care of myself.
But
sadly,
there was no response. Slade wasn’t answering back this time. Hutch helped me into
one
of the seats of the
Ferris
wheel. Everything was like a dream.
He locked the lap belt on his side securing us in place and after a few
minutes,
the ride jerked to
life,
and we were rising. I stared down at the twinkling light
s
and people underneath them.
I gasped, tears stinging my eyes. Audrey’s hands were securely wrapped around Slade’s neck. She dropped her head back as Slade
kissed
her neck, and then that’s when I saw it. The two of them sharing a kiss, one that Slade looked just as invested in as
Audrey,
a
kiss that made my stomach ache and anger course my veins.
I gripped the belt. Hutch grabbed my arm keeping me in place before I spilled over and plummeted to my death. His
fingers stroked the stark white knuckles on
my hand.
“He’s confused,” Hutch insisted.
I huffed. “His tongue doesn’t look confused.” Slade’s hand traveled down to Audrey’s blue jean shorts. He squeezed her backside.
“He’s indebted to them, Doll. I tried explaining that to you just the other day. He doesn’t know what he’
s doing. H
e’s trying to save face. He’s trying to
please
them
,
so he can be happy.”
Hutch pulled my hand from the belt and placed it in his lap. He tugged me by the
chin,
so I would look at him.
I blinked back the tears ready to spill out. “It doesn’t
matter, b
ecause I don’t care anymore.” I looked away.
Slade didn’t care ab
out me. T
he proof was right in front of me. I felt small. I felt
wounded,
and
nauseous.
I stared at the
ceiling. The many
cracks stared right back. Cracks were
flaws. We
all had flaws. Some of us were just better at showing them. Others tried to hide them because they didn’t want others to see them.
I couldn’t forget the kiss I saw between Slade and Audrey. And even though I thought I was
finished
feeling bad about Slade’s
action. The
kiss opened up my old
wound,
and there I sat bleeding out.
A gnawing anger nipped at my conscience. I never wanted Audrey to win Slade over. I
at no time
imagined it would be so easy. Was I that
replaceable
? Was I that forgettable?
I curled up in a tight ball and let the tears
escape. Warm
trickles slid down my skin wetting my pillowcase. I groaned, wiping them away with my fingertips.
How
was
I upset? Why did I care when everything told me to steer clear of
Slade?
Nevertheless,
like every girl before me, I was drawn to his
bad-boy
ways.
Now I was in bed sobbing like a loser over a guy who had the balls to shove his tongue down another girl’s throat when I was there to see it. If that didn’t spell out the truth—that Slade had moved on—then I didn’t know what would.
I sat up, my heart pounding out a stubborn beat in my chest. Now I was angry.
I flipped page after page in the book Hutch
had
given
me, and hour after
hour, I
poured every ounce of belief into every single word I read. I believed them like I believed in disappointment. I read over each spell until I could recite it without a glance in the
book's
direction.
I closed off the world and sat in my bedroom teaching myself everything I
could learn
. Things I didn’t know anything about, things I never wanted to know anything about.
I read until my brain hurt, until my muscles ached from the position I sat on the floor.
I read until I was angry all over again, and then I read some more until I accepted Slade’s choice.
I dropped the book in my lap and shut it, letting out
an
exhausted sigh. It was four in the morning. I raised my arms above my head getting in a good stretch.
“Now what?”
I said softly. I stood up, my legs stiff and rigid from the Indian style position I had forced them to endure hours on end.
I raked a hand through my untidy hair and shoved my feet into my shoes. I took off out of my bedroom, passing through the dark hallway and slipped out the door and hurried down the steps.
The only light was from the
moon. I
ran across the deserted beach toward the hiss of the ocean. I breathed in the salty
air. The
wind slipped past my
face. It
was calming and gentle.
I took a seat in the damp sand, the cool wetness
nipped at my
shorts,
and I didn’t care. I pulled out the only candle I had in my room and set it before me in the sand.
By the moon and the light
Through the trees
Through the night
I ask for the strength
I ask for the might
Build me up
And tear her down
Grant me the power
Grant me the power
Grant me the power
To take her down
The candle’s flame glowed bright. I repeated the verse
repeatedly
, each
time the flame roared to life
taller
and
taller,
changing from orange to blue to
violet
. I opened my eyes and waved a hand over the
candle. The
flame died out, leaving a faint gray smoke wafting away.
I pushed away the sand, and where the candle sat melting was a smooth stone. I lifted it up, the warmth and glow told me all I needed to know. This was my sign that the spell had worked. I kissed it happily and gently slipped it into my pocket.
I ran to the edge of the water excited for the next spell. If I did exactly as the book said I could see anyone I wanted. I scooped water from the ocean and held it in my hands, tiny drops escaping through the delicate crack in my hands. I concentrated
on the cool water
.
Let it be
Let me see
All the things I want to see
Raven hair,
blue eyes
Show me Slade
Make me wise
I gasped. There before me was the liquid image of Slade in my hands. His eyes were
closed,
and he was lying in his bed—alone.
“Words.
Show me words,” I orde
red. I watched the water change gracefully
, casting away Slade’s sleeping image and replacing it with a more awake alert one. His face was angry, upset even. He tugged at his hair, shaking his head
in frustration
.
“
Words
show me words,” I said again, begging for what I des
ired most, a
peek into the world of Slade when I wasn’t there to get a phony version.
“You got what
you wanted, now leave me alone,
” Slade said. “Does it feel good? Do you feel like the better person?”
His expression pained me. “I did what you asked. If that’s everything I want to go home.” He bit down on his lip in angst. I wished I could see past him to
whom
he was talking to
,
but it was no
use. The
magic only worked so far. And I wasn’t strong enough to push it further.
Dad’s voice cut through the magic turning the water in my hand
back into useless water. I spun around.
“What are you doing out here this late?” He started across the
sand to me. “It’s too late to b
e wandering around alone.” He wrapped an arm around me and headed back to the house.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said.
“Me either,” he stumbled up the steps and finally just took a seat before he made a bigger fool out of his self. I sat down next to him.
I wasn’t going to ask him why he was drinking. I knew why he was
drinking. I
almost understood it anymore. Dad tapped a beat on his leg and elbowed me into motion.
“She’s gone
,
oh why …” he sang softly making me smile. I started singing along with
him
until he stopped and let me take over while he kept
the rhythm
to the song. It took me back to my favorite time, when the only guy
who
m
attered in my life was
him
, s
omeone
who
would never hurt me intentionally.