Twisted Mind (Chequered Flag #2) (18 page)

Chapter

Twenty-Four

Dustin

I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but it hadn’t been that. I’d built my own assumptions on what had happened to her, though never
that
.

Fuck, twenty-six weeks.

I couldn’t imagine what Tazia had gone through, even with my own experiences to draw on. I’d had five weeks to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a father before it Elora ripped it away. Tazia had twenty-six. She’d have seen her baby, felt it move, and then she lost her. She even knew the gender and had a name picked out.

Obviously she held herself responsible. I could see from the way she carried herself when she talked about it that the guilt still weighed upon her. However, I didn’t blame her. Nothing she told me changed any of my feelings for her, except for making me realise she was stronger than I realised.

Our stories were so similar, yet they also weren’t.

Despite having both lost our babies, nothing felt the same. Tazia’s situation was far worse.

Even though I never got a funeral, and I didn’t have a grave to visit, what I’d been through felt like a minor blip in my life. I loved my baby with all of my heart, and I hated I’d never get to see it, but when I compared the two, nothing in my life had changed. I hadn’t experienced what Tazia had, and I hadn’t formed a bond. When I grieved it was over someone I never knew and despite hurting like hell, now it was only a minute sting.

People say it’s hard to miss what you’ve never know and it’s partially true. I would forever wonder what could have been and look back in anger, yet over time I knew it would fade.

It already was.

I was beginning to move on, but Taz didn’t have it that easy.

She approached the car with tight steps, her shoulders hunched and her fist at her neck. When she slid into the driver’s seat I wanted to hold her and tell her how sorry I was, though it didn’t feel right.

Sorry didn’t feel strong enough.

The last thing I had wanted was people to tell me they were sorry.

Condolences didn’t bring the life lost back.

It didn’t ease the pain.

It did fuck all.

Without a word, Taz started the engine and pulled out of the car park. Neither of us spoke on the journey despite the hundreds of questions whirling around inside my mind. I chose to ignore them, giving Tazia the time to herself she needed. She’d shared more than I expected sooner than I thought she would, and it hadn’t been easy. She kept sniffing and blinking, battling to keep her emotions at bay.

When we reached our building I rounded the car and pulled her under my arm immediately. Her body quivered against me.

Leading Taz out of the lift, I guided her into my flat and over to the sofa. I drew her down onto my lap, pulling off her jacket then cradling her against my chest.

“Do you hate me?” The words were barely audible. At first I thought I’d misheard, only the anguish in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.

“Of course not. Why would you even think that?”

“I killed my baby and Elora—”

I silenced her with a kiss. I barely grazed her lips, yet it was enough to cause her to melt into me and shut up.

I cradled her jaw. “No, babe. You’re nothing alike. What happened to you was an accident. What she did was intentional.”

“I can’t be trusted.”

I smoothed the creases on her face with a finger. “Where’s all of this coming from, Taz?”

She broke away from my scrutiny in an attempt to study the wall over my shoulder, but I refused to allow her to move her head completely.

“Let me in, Taz. What else is there?”

She heaved a sigh. “Max blamed me. He…” Tazia bit down on her lip and averted her gaze to hide her agony. “He left me. As soon as the hospital released me he gave me two weeks to recover then said he wanted me gone because he couldn’t stand to look at me after what I’d done. He called off our engagement and I didn’t fight it. It became unbearable living in the same house as him. He only ever looked at me with hatred, disgust, or accusation.”

Each revelation gutted me further. I didn’t think I had any organs left to rip out and then she revealed more and I lost another piece of me.

She’d been engaged to the wanker and he’d abandoned her when she needed him most. Tazia had lost her baby and her man.

What kind of person did that?

Yes, he probably fucking hurt too. It felt like someone had punched a hole in my chest when I found out what Elora had done. It didn’t mean you left.

“So I moved out. I packed up my stuff and left only my ring and the items he’d bought me behind. I forced him to drive me here so I could start afresh.”

“You were engaged?”

“He proposed when I told him I was pregnant. We’d been together for a few months but lived together throughout university with a few others.” She shrugged. “It wouldn’t have lasted. We both thought we were doing the right thing, though looking back we were being naive.”

Only one other question came to mind and I didn’t want to speak it. While she’d said they weren’t back together, it didn’t ease my worry or my anger. A powerful urge to seek him out and make sure he understood where I stood in Tazia’s life surged through me. I wanted him to know she was mine.

“Just say it, Dust. Your thoughts are written all over your face.” She sounded weary.

“Why did he come back?”

She settled against my chest, leaning into me and burying her nose in my neck. “To apologise and tell me he didn’t blame me.”

“Glad he realised it.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my voice.

“He’s not a bad guy, Dustin. We were both hurting and that’s how he dealt with it. I know it wasn’t right, but he isn’t a bad guy.”

“You’re a lot kinder than I would be.”

“Don’t mistake it for kindness. I haven’t got over how he acted or forgiven him, though I can see his point of view. It’s going to take time for us to be any kind of friends again.”

I placed a kiss on top of her head then rested my cheek on her. I had nothing left to say. There was nothing that would take her pain away or speed the process up so I settled for holding her. It seemed I made the right choice because Tazia quieted and finally calmed in my arms.

Chapter

Twenty-Five

Tazia

One Month Later

Since everything had come out, Dustin became less hesitant around me. However, even now, a month later, I kept waiting for any sign he wasn’t okay with what happened between me and Max. I expected him to doubt me, or finally decide it was too much to handle on top of everything he had going on, but so far there’d been nothing.

Surprisingly, he’d been my rock throughout everything.

I couldn’t begin to explain how much it meant that day I told him everything when he held me for hours, cooked me dinner, curled up with me to watch a movie, and then carried me to bed and held me all night. He didn’t try to tell me he knew what I was feeling, or to convince me I was wrong. Rather he allowed me to simply feel. Over the month he took on my problems like I had taken on his, and we worked through everything together, being the other’s strength in their moments of weakness.

I smiled, remembering his kindness as I piped chocolate on the freshly cooled éclairs. It was a relief to be busy and making cakes for someone other than myself and Dustin again. I’d returned to work weeks ago, and walking into the bakery every morning still never became old. I loved creating the cakes and seeing them pile up in the display case in an appetising arrangement.

Casey, one of the other employees I was closest to, bumped my shoulder with hers, causing me to squirt chocolate over the counter and mess up three éclairs in the process.

“Bitch,” I griped, though she showed no concern.

“If I was you I’d get my ass out front pronto. Your man is talking to Heather. Something about you having the weekend off?”

I dropped the piping bag and wiped my hands on my apron. Hurrying out to the front of the shop I spotted Dustin leaning on the counter in front of Heather, the owner.

“Heather, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know anything about this. I wouldn’t expect you to give me holiday after the weeks I’ve had off.” I glowered at Dustin, which he chose to ignore and went on like I hadn’t interrupted his conversation.

“How about I do a magic trick? If I can guess your card correctly, you let Tazia have the weekend off.”

I groaned. “Why the hell would you offer that? Now we’re definitely screwed.”

I’d seen Dustin’s skill when it came to magic…it was non-existent.

“I’ve been practising. And thanks for the vote of confidence. Some girlfriend you are.”

I stared at him dubiously and mouthed. “We are so screwed.”

Heather interrupted our little quarrel by stepping forward and resting her arms on the counter. “All right, you get one shot.”

Dustin reached around to his back pocket, pulling out the deck of cards he always carried with him. His reliance on them lessened every day, but I noticed he still liked to have them available at any moment.

Shuffling the deck, he fanned the cards out like I’d seen him do on numerous occasions. “Pick a card.”

Heather took a card and held it close to her chest. We were starting to draw the attention of the other customers around.

“Now remember what it is and place it back in the deck.” Dustin closed his eyes while she slipped her card near the middle of the pile.

He gave them a quick shuffle then proceeded to flick through them. “Ace of diamonds.”

One corner of Heather’s mouth pulled up in regret. “Nope, sorry.”

“Told you so,” I mumbled.

Dustin held up a finger. “Give me one more shot. Is it the ace of clubs?”

“It’s not an ace at all.”

He glanced down at the cards in frustration. “Okay, let me try another trick.”

When Heather shook her head he lowered the deck and spun to the customer behind him. “How about you? Pick a card.”

The elderly man gazed at him warily, although he reached out with a frail hand to take a card. Dustin went through the trick again only to fail for a second time.

“Best out of three!” he called, moving on to the next customer.

Heather sidled up beside me. “Tazia, if you get him out of here now, and stop him scaring away my customers, I’ll let you have the days off this once. Just keep him away. He’s bad for business,” she teased.

“Thank you. I promise I won’t ask for time off again.”

“How can I say no to a guy like that really?”

“I ask myself that daily.” Seeing Dustin about to move onto his next victim, I dashed from behind the counter to stop him. Gripping his arm, I guided him from the building. “You won, you can stop scaring everyone now.”

“See? I told you I could get you the day off.”

“You’re going to get me fired.”

Dustin stepped closer, holding me loosely around my waist. “Nah, Heather loves me. She’d never fire you or she wouldn’t get to see my beautiful face any longer.”

I scoffed. “You’re not
that
irresistible.”

He tugged me flush against him, dropping his lips to mine. “You seem to think I am. And anyway, if she fires you, I’ll buy you your own place. Deal?”

“
What?
”

He shrugged. “I’ll be able to afford it once I start Formula One and you mentioned wanting to own your own bakery.”

I pursed my lips. “You’re not buying me a bakery.”

He gave me his best cocky grin. “We’ll see.”

“Dustin, promise me.”

He kissed me, making it hard for me to form any kind of reason on why I was protesting.

“Please, Dust. Promise me you won’t spend that kind of money on me.”

His breath swept over my forehead with his sigh. He smelt like coffee. “Okay, fine. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Reluctantly, I parted, needing to get back to work. “I’ll meet you back at the flat. I guess I have to pack some stuff now.”

He gave me another quick kiss and dropped his arms. “We need to leave by six.”

* * *

I couldn’t believe what Dustin had done, but I couldn’t deny the excitement I felt over being able to see him race for the first time. Although he’d already won the Driver’s Championship, it didn’t lessen his enthusiasm for his final GP2 race. I couldn’t think of a better way to finish this segment of his career than adding a final trophy to his collection.

Dropping my keys into the bowl by my door, I shuffled through the post I had collected on my way upstairs.

Bill, bill, flyer, leaflet, advert, coupon…

I paused at the final envelope in the pile. My heart pounded against my ribcage like a whole timpani section had set up camp in my chest.

The envelope was blank; obviously hand delivered again.

I had forgotten all about the first note still tucked away in my drawer. Nothing had come of it up until now so I’d brushed it off. I’d even ruled out Max after his well-wishes for me and Dustin.

I collapsed on my sofa. IKEA delivered it weeks ago and my flat finally felt like home. With shaking hands I unfolded the envelope. A part of me wanted to put it straight in the bin and save myself the torment, yet I knew I wouldn’t be able to push it from my mind.

I slid the card out with a bated breath to see the same design as the first. When I flicked it open no picture fell out this time, but the words leaped off the page.

You can’t keep him.

It’s better not to get attached.

I dropped the card like it had burned me. My hand shot to mouth to stifle my gasp.

What the hell did it mean?

Who was sending them?

I didn’t know how much time had passed when Dustin knocked and let himself into my flat. I’d given him a key not long ago and I’d kept his since I looked after Michael and Ralf. He took one look at me, dropped the duffle bag he held, and hurried to my side.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He knelt in front of me, taking my still trembling hands in his.

“Under your foot.”

Dustin swivelled, lifting one leg and then the other to reveal the back of the card. He glanced between me and it in confusion. He reached out for it, picking it up by the corner. Only my breathing interrupted the silence as he studied it and flipped it open.

A low growl came from the back of his throat, a deep crimson filling his cheeks. “What the fuck is this?”

I whimpered, “I don’t know, it had been delivered before I got home like the first.”

He snapped his head up from where he’d been scrutinizing the paper and I realised my mistake. “The first?”

I attempted to slide past him when he grabbed my thighs. “Where are you going?”

“To get the other one,” I snapped and he dropped his hands immediately. I pulled the envelope from the drawer, returned to the living room, and handed it to him. I held my breath while he opened it, preparing myself for the outburst when he saw the photo as well.

His fist clenched around the envelope, squeezing it into a mangled ball. “When did you get this?”

“Uh…the weekend you were in Monza.”

Disbelief radiated off him. “You’ve had this over
a month
and didn’t think to show me?”

“It didn’t seem important. I assumed it was only a twisted joke.”

Dustin picked up both cards in one hand and grabbed my wrist with the other. “Have you finished packing?”

I shook my head and he pushed me into my bedroom. “Go and grab some stuff.”

I paused, unsure as to whether I should leave him.

“Quickly, Tazia. We have to get on the road,” he ground out through a clenched jaw while pulling his mobile from his pocket.

I hurried to obey, throwing a few outfits blindly into my suitcase. Zipping it up, I wheeled it out behind me to find Dustin locked in a hushed conversation with Anthony. I couldn’t make out what they were saying and they shut up the instant I approached.

“Ready?” Dustin’s shoulders had lost some of their tension, though his smile hadn’t.

“I guess so. What’s happening with those?” I pointed to the cards Anthony now held in a plastic bag.

“He’s going to send them to a friend on the force and get them fingerprinted.”

“Is that
really
necessary? It’s probably an enraged fan or something, nothing serious.”

Dustin cupped my jaw, forcing me to focus on him. “Did you think that when you opened it? Because it sure as hell didn’t look like it from my point of view.”

“Well, no, but—”

“Then I’m not taking the chance. I’ve seen things like this before, Tazia. I’ve seen people I love get hurt because of careers like mine. There is nothing you can say to convince me to take any kind of risk with you.”

I gulped at the intensity in his gaze. It bore into me, daring me to challenge him.

“Okay,” I whispered anxiously.

A throat cleared behind us. “We have to get a move on, Dustin. I can’t get a plane delayed for you.”

Dustin took the suitcase from my hand and threw an arm around my shoulder. Anthony picked up Dustin’s bag and we followed a few steps behind him.

“Dustin?”

“Hmm?”

“You don’t think Elora’s behind this do you? I mean, she isn’t
this
crazy, right?”

He squeezed me. “I don’t know, Taz. That’s what I’m worried about. She is exactly the type of crazy to do something like this.”