Leaving the pack chasing each other, baying loudly, she followed Buoy back inside, kneeling down to put her arms around him. He licked her ear.
‘Buoy,’ she said. ‘I’m not altogether sure what I’ve done. Any ideas?’
Buoy threw her a baleful look, and then glanced meaningfully at the kitchen worktop, where the sandwiches that had been laid out for the sewing circle were sitting under pretty mesh domes, no doubt the only thing that had prevented him from making off with a few of them already.
‘OK, fair enough: you’re only going to give me the benefit of your wisdom if I cross your paw with food, I get it,’ Tamsyn said, grabbing a couple of sandwiches of the roast beef variety and throwing them under the table. ‘But don’t tell anyone.’
Buoy batted at the back door with his paw.
‘Good point,’ Tamsyn said, closing it just before any of the rest of the animals got a whiff of the treasure within and robbed the old dog of his bounty. Tamsyn ruffled his ears until he shook her off and turned his back on her, in a clear signal that their conversation was over and it was the sandwiches he was giving his full attention to now.
Buoy was right, she decided, as she went to check on the progress of the bridesmaids’ dresses. The thing to do, she told herself, was not to worry about the catastrophe that was her life right now. No, it was time to focus on the things that mattered: Mo, and Ruan’s wedding. And Ruan.
She had barely seen her brother since she’d arrived, and there was still so much for them to say to each other, especially if, as it turned out, they might be about to become neighbours again. Tamsyn laughed out loud at the absurdity of it, rolling her eyes at a suit of armour as she passed. For most of her life she had done everything she could to get away from Poldore. She’d been back for just a few days and now she found herself not wanting to leave again. There were many people she needed to see, to talk to and many feelings and impulses that she had to at least attempt to understand. But not now: now was all about making dresses. That was one thing that she knew how to do.
‘Oh there you are, thank goodness. Come with me,’ Sue said, grabbing her and dragging her through the great hall and towards Rory’s office, where a collection of the people still staying at Castle House had gathered outside the door.
‘What’s happened?’ Tamsyn broke into a trot as she followed Sue. ‘Is Mo OK?’
‘She’s fine. Except that Tess wants to take her away.’
‘What? But I thought we agreed?’ Tamsyn looked at the social worker, who was standing in Rory’s office with Mo in her arms. Jed was standing by the fireplace, his face turned away from her and towards the window. Jeff Dangerfield was there too, unable to meet her eye.
‘What’s happened?’ Tamsyn asked. ‘Have you found Mo’s mum?’
Tess shook her head. ‘As you know, when I agreed that you and Reverend Hayward be authorised as temporary carers for Baby, I had to run checks on both of you for suitability,’ Tess said. ‘It has come to light that Reverend Hayward is not a suitable guardian for a minor. He was discharged from the army, with certain issues pending that mean he requires further investigation. And in the best interests of Baby’s safety, I feel that I have to rescind my original decision and take her into the custody of social services.’
‘Wait, what?’ Tamsyn shook her head in disbelief. ‘What are you talking about? You’ve got this wrong.’
She turned to Jed, but he avoided her gaze, the brief connection they had shared seeming to have evaporated into thin air.
‘Wait, you don’t mean him,’ she said. ‘You mean me. I got picked up for shoplifting lipstick when I fifteen, kicked the security guard in the shins and tried to do a runner, but it was only a warning and I was just a kid, that’s what you mean, isn’t it? Or something like that, right? You’ve got him mixed up with me.’
‘I’m afraid not,’ Jeff Dangerfield said. ‘I knew about Reverend Hayward’s problem, that he is doing his utmost to conquer, prior to recent events, and I should have declared them. However, I have to admit to not feeling that they were pertinent.’
‘Which is a serious oversight on your part,’ Tess said. ‘We don’t make up these rules for fun, you know; we are trying to protect the vulnerable.’
‘But he hasn’t done anything wrong,’ Tamsyn insisted. ‘He’s been a victim of circumstance, but that doesn’t mean he can’t look after a child.’
‘Tamsyn, it’s fine,’ Jed said. ‘Tess is only trying to do what’s best for Mo. She has to be sure about me, and she can’t be …’ He paused, and Tamsyn, unable to see him looking so vulnerable for a moment longer, went to him, taking his hand in hers. Their eyes met, his hand tugging slightly away before it relaxed and his fingers gripped hers. ‘PTSD and its effects can be unpredictable, as we realised last night. I’m sorry. I’ve let you and Mo down.’
Jed let go of Tamsyn’s hand and walked out into the hall to face his parishioners, who had gathered outside the door. ‘I’m sorry,’ he told them. ‘I should have told you everything about me when I arrived in Poldore. I’ve failed you, I’ve kept things from you, I haven’t been honest. I’m not the person you think I am and, in this job, there is no excuse for that. I’ll officiate over the wedding tomorrow, and then I will ask the Diocese to find a replacement for me.’
‘Jed, wait …’ Tamsyn watched as the crowd parted and Jed walked away, leaving them all silent and shocked.
‘No, this isn’t right.’ She turned back to Tess. ‘He’s not dangerous. He’s suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Because he was working as a padre in Afghanistan and witnessed something terrible, and he’s going through stuff. But he’s getting help, he’s dealing with it, and it doesn’t mean he isn’t a suitable carer for Mo. She loves him, and he’s great with children, much more experienced than me. He taught me how to dress and change her. He’s a good man, a strong man.’ She looked at the concerned group of Poldore residents outside the door. ‘We don’t condemn a person for having lived a difficult life, do we? We don’t abandon them because they’ve been through things that change them, do we? He is still the person we all think of him as. He’s still at the heart of your community. He’s still one of the finest men I’ve ever met!’
‘ ’Course he is.’ Heads turned towards the sound of Eddie’s voice. ‘Jed Hayward cares about this town, and us, even the heathens. And the people, including the heathens, care about him.’ He looked at his fellow townsfolk. ‘We’re not going to let him leave thinking he’s let us down, are we?’
He was answered with nods and murmurs of agreement.
‘In fact,’ Eddie continued, ‘we’re not going to let him leave at all. We need to show him that he has the support of each and every one of us. I’m going down to the church to tell him that right now. Who’s with me?’
The murmurs became something of a cheer, and Eddie left, his people, or perhaps more accurately, his regulars, in his wake.
Tamsyn turned back to Tess, who was still holding Mo in her arms.
‘You’re holding her all wrong,’ Tamsyn said. ‘She likes to be able to see, and it’s better on her tummy if you hold her more upright. Here, let me have her.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Tess moved a step away from Tamsyn’s open arms. ‘But there are some rules that I cannot bend. It’s the sort of issue that takes time to clarify. We’d need to assess Jed for suitability, and I had no choice but to step in.’
‘Fine, I get it, you’ve got a job to do, and I think the choice you’ve made is the wrong one, but perhaps you have to make it, because perhaps the next time in a similar situation it would be the right one. I understand that. But it’s done now. Let me take her. I’ve got a lot to do.’
Tamsyn stretched out her arms, but still Tess did not budge.
‘You don’t understand. I can’t leave her with you if Reverend Hayward is also going to be in the building.’
‘But … of course he’s going to be in the building,’ Tamsyn looked at Jeff Dangerfield, who looked at his feet. ‘He’s officiating at my brother’s wedding tomorrow, not to mention that there’s a massive great big hole in the ceiling of his house.’
Sue put a calming arm on Tamsyn’s shoulder. ‘He’s not here now, is he?’ she said to Tess. ‘Look, it gives me no pleasure to say this about a man I admire, but if I have a word with Jed, I know he will willingly stay away from Castle House and from Mo, if that’s what is best for the baby. She will be safe here with us at Castle House. We have ramparts; we even have a cannon that still works, if things get really bad.’
Tess looked at Mo, who had begun to squirm in her arms, her face twisting as she built up to a cry of protest about something, and this time Tamsyn did not wait for the baby to be passed to her, she simply took her, holding her so that Mo’s eyes peered over her shoulder, a vantage point that seemed to soothe her at once.
‘It was Jed who found out how she likes to be carried,’ she told Tess. ‘Don’t take her, I don’t agree with it, but Sue is right. What’s best for Mo now is the same as what was best for her yesterday, and that’s to be with people she knows until you find either her mother or a proper home for her.’
Tess sighed and looked at Jeff Dangerfield.
‘She’s right,’ he said. ‘Sometimes, Tess, you’ve got to trust your gut.’
‘And Jeff’s got a lot of gut to trust,’ Sue pointed out.
‘Twenty-four more hours,’ Tess said. ‘I might be able to stretch out this highly irregular situation for that much longer, and I will be doing everything I can during that time to find a place for Mo where you can be reassured she will be happy. That’s the best I can do, Tamsyn, I’m sorry. I wanted to be able to bend the rules for you and for Mo, but I need to put that baby first, which is what I am doing, even if you don’t feel like that is the case.’
Tamsyn nodded, resting her cheek against Mo’s. Exhaustion dragged at her, as if filling her limbs with lead, and in an instant the adrenaline that had kept her on such an artificial high for so long was gone.
‘Well, you know your way out,’ Sue said to Tess, her tone brisk. ‘Through the kitchen’s quicker, although I can’t promise you won’t get mauled by animals or children. Or both. You remember the raptors in
Jurassic Park
? Very similar scenario to that happened to the postman last week.’
Sue waited until Tess had gone and the sound of dogs baying could be heard in the courtyard.
‘Go after Jed, Tamsyn,’ she said. ‘I know Eddie and the others have gone down to the church, but he won’t be there. Before Tess arrived he told me he was worried that Catriona still wasn’t improving like the others. He’ll probably be with her, trying to persuade her to go to A&E before he leaves here.’
‘But … me? Why me?’ Tamsyn said. ‘And the dresses …’
‘The dresses are wonderful,’ Sue said. ‘They are perfectly on schedule. I know, I’m overseeing them myself. And why you? Because he’s the finest man you have ever met, Tamsyn, and you are in danger of letting him walk out of your life.’
‘I don’t know what to say to him.’ Tamsyn held Mo a little closer. ‘I feel like he was having a perfectly nice, ordered life until I turned up and dragged him into a world of chaos.’
‘You’ll think of something better than that,’ Sue said, nodding at the doorway.
How strange it was, Tamsyn thought, as she began what seemed like the longest walk of her life, with Mo resting against her shoulder, how easy and simple it had seemed to throw her life away in an instant, only recently. How she’d made a commitment to a new life before she was even certain of what that commitment might be. But now the simple act of walking down a corridor to say hello to a friend seemed terrifying. Which should not be surprising, she supposed. After all, falling in love was a rather terrifying thing to do.
‘There you are.’ Kirsten appeared in the corridor. ‘I found hats, but you weren’t there, no one was, and no one knew where you were.’
‘Kirsten,’ Tamsyn stopped, suddenly realising exactly how to make everything better. ‘You are the answer to all of this. you know.’
‘Answer to all of what?’ Kirsten looked perplexed. ‘What are you talking about? I went to get hats for you.’
‘I know it’s scary, and so massive, and you are so young and you haven’t had a chance to think it through, and I’ve tried, I really have tried, not to force the issue, but don’t you see. It’s going to be too late soon. They want to take her away, and you are the only one who can stop it. So you have to come forward, face it, face what you did and speak up. I’ll help you, I promise I will.’
‘Wait, what?’ Kirsten’s face clouded. ‘What exactly is it you think I’ve done?’
‘You … you have to tell someone that you are Mo’s mother,’ Tamsyn said. ‘Now, before they take her away from you! Look at her, Kirsten, really look at her. She needs you so much; don’t pretend you don’t see her.’
‘What?’ Whatever traces of a smile had been left on the young woman’s face vanished in an instant. ‘Oh my God,’ she said quietly. ‘I thought you were actually interested in
me
, I thought you liked
me
. But all this, this has just been about the baby. You think I’m the one who left her out there in that storm?’
‘But … well, yes,’ Tamsyn said. ‘You said you’d been having a secret thing with that boy from the hostel, and you looked so upset, so …’
‘Sad,’ Kirsten said. ‘I’m very, very fucking sad, because my life is very, very fucking sad, and lonely and loveless and hard, much harder than life should be for someone my age. But you … I was starting to like you. Shit, I told you about my mum leaving me. I would never, ever do that to a child of mine, not ever. She’s not my baby, and you …’ Tears filled Kirsten’s eyes. ‘You are just the same as the rest of them. I thought you were my friend.’
‘Kirsten, wait!’ Tamsyn watched dismayed as the girl ran out of the front door. How could she have got that so wrong, so very wrong on all levels, pushing away a fragile friendship in the blink of an eye? And if Kirsten wasn’t Mo’s mother, then who was?
Hurrying after Kirsten, she walked out into the courtyard and found the girl sitting on the stone steps, sobbing angrily into her hands.
‘You didn’t run away very far,’ Tamsyn said, sitting down next to her.
‘That’s the most depressing thing about my life,’ Kirsten told her bitterly. ‘I’ve run out of places to run away to.’