Authors: Unknown
"Yes."
"That's good, so you know what to expect."
"Do you clean off the machine between patients," I asked her.
"Certainly."
Janet had me take the gown off of one shoulder so a breast was exposed. I then had to bend one arm up in an impossible position and tilt my head back while they smashed one of my breasts between two pieces of glass. You just don't lay your breast down; you get it pressed like a clove of garlic, only it doesn't smell as good. After smashing one breast, I had to reproduce the position on the other side to get the other breast squashed. Finally, the tech told me to wait outside for more freezing time.
I looked through a magazine left over from the last millennium, trying to keep the gown closed. After a few minutes I got up and started pacing, and then I strolled around, peeking into rooms. Every few minutes I'd go back to the sitting area to see if I was called.
In one room I found a box of alcohol wipes, so I put a few in my pocket for cleaning up later. A good place would have had wipes in the changing room already.
In another room I found one of those hanging skeletons, which I played with awhile trying to get it into funny positions. I stuck latex gloves on its hands and a pair of forceps into one of the eye sockets.
In another room I spun down the doctor's chair so it was just a few inches from the floor, thinking how funny it will be when the doctor sat down. On the way out of that room I saw Julie's films up on a light box. I had the urge to write something on them, or make then disappear, but no matter how much I hated the bloodsucking tramp I couldn't do that to another woman.
"Brooke Castle?" I heard my name in the hallway.
"Here I am."
"We found some microcalcifications, which may be the forerunner of tumors. There are a few things that showed up in the previous shots that they couldn't see today. We'll need another set."
"That always happens. Can't you do with one set?"
"We really have to be thorough. It won't be bad." Sure, you're not the one having your breasts compressed.
They did three more sets of shots, and then some magnifications and an ultrasound. In all, I had more radiation than leaked out of Chernobyl.
"Have a seat until the doctor can look at them," Janet told me.
One thing I learned years ago is to make sure that a radiologist was actually in the office when I went for my shots. There were times when I waited a day or so until the pictures were actually looked at, only to have to go back for more shots. Making sure a doctor is there may extend my waiting time, but at least I get some results that same day. But sometimes, like today, it doesn't help.
I spent another 30 minutes freezing before Janet led me back to a room where a doctor was looking at films. He barely spoke English, and the first thing he said was, "Ah, I have not read a mammogram in at least ten years." Great confidence builder.
"So does that mean I'll have to come back?" I was ready for a fight.
"Oh no, let me look at these. Mmmm, you may need a biopsy."
"Excuse me?"
"I see something there. Look, I show you." He pointed to a spot that looked like a fingerprint to me, but what do I know?
"There," he pointed. "That did not appear in your other shots. You should have a biopsy."
In a daze, numb from the neck up, I went back to the changing room. The gown that I couldn't get to stay on now wouldn't come off. I pulled the tie but it didn't release, so I just ripped it off. I got dressed and stumbled out to the lobby.
"Can you help me?" I asked. "The doctor said I needed a biopsy. My name is Castle."
"Oh yes. He may have misread your film. Dr. Saw M. Off..."
"What did you say that doctor's name was?"
"Dr Saul M. Beloff, the head of radiology." What a relief. "Dr. Beloff will read them in the morning. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about."
A little numb, and almost in tears, I drove home, forgetting all about dinner with Adam. What do I do now? Do I call and tell anyone?
"How was your day?"
"Oh fine. I had a bagel for breakfast, may have to get a biopsy, and had tuna for lunch."
It's not the kind of thing that you want to talk about, but just the type of thing for which you need support. Then all of the worst thoughts entered my mind. What happens if it is cancer? Will Ryan still love me? Will he still find me attractive?
I showered and changed, crying, then sat down on the sofa to think. "Okay, Brooke, it’s probably nothing. You know your mammograms are always a problem. But what if something is wrong? You have people who love you, like Ryan and Adam."
Adam! I looked at the clock – 6:25 and I had to meet him in Ocean City at 6:38. I had forgotten all about it, and even cleaned the car and changed my clothes. I didn't want to do that. I had planned to go straight from work so I only needed to clean the car once and not dirty another outfit.
I grabbed my keys and bag, and headed out. Ocean City is just south of Longport but across the channel. From Longport, there were two ways to get there. There was a toll bridge off of the Longport causeway, which is the most direct route, but that bridge was closed for reconstruction. Instead, I had to drive back through Somers Point, around the traffic circle, and over a free bridge that went into Ninth Street. I didn't get there until 6:45 and I found Adam sitting in the hotel lobby.
"Sorry I'm late, Uncle Adam. I..."
"That's fine. I was just sitting here looking at the ocean. How was work?"
"Fine. I got off early for my mammogram."
"How'd that go?"
"Let's sit down in the restaurant, first, and we can talk."
The Port-o-Call's restaurant faced the boardwalk and ocean. During daylight, the views are magnificent. At night, if the moon isn't full, all you can see are a few scattered lights along the boardwalk, but it is usually very peaceful and calming.
"They might have found something on the mammogram. I'll find out for sure in the morning."
"What does that mean?" he asked.
"Well, there's something in my breast that shouldn't be there. It may be nothing, just a benign lump, or it could be..." I started crying. "It could be cancer. The doctor will look at the films in the morning and let me know if I need a biopsy.""
Adam took my hand from across the table. "Why do you have to wait?"
"Oh, the doctor there wasn't too sure. The head of the department will be in tomorrow."
"So what's next?"
"Well, if I need a biopsy, I go in as an outpatient. They test what's in there and let me know. If it is cancer...." I started crying more. "If it is cancer, maybe I'll need an operation."
"I know, Brooke. I learned all about that when it happened to your mother. I waited while she had the biopsy, and I waited while she had the operation. You were there, too. I took her for her treatments."
"I'm sorry, Uncle Adam. I know how much you loved her."
"She was a strong woman, your mother. She fought it every day and she kept living her life to the end. But you're stronger. You can take whatever happens, I know you can."
We ate dinner in silence, and I thought about Uncle Adam and my mom. I never really thought that much before about their relationship, Adam was just always around. He spent a lot of time at our house and with me. One year he went with me to Father-Daughter Night at school and we giggled because we were pulling something over on them.
He was very devoted to my mother, and somehow always turned up when she needed something. He was there to fix things that broke, wait for packages to be delivered while mom was at work, take me to places after school. I could tell they loved each other like brother and sister; I never saw anything romantic between them.
"Do you want me to do anything?" he asked after dinner.
"That's okay, Adam. I'll be fine. It was really good that we had dinner and talked. I feel much better."
"Well, call me tomorrow, as soon as you find out anything. Okay?"
"I promise."
******
Later that night, after cleaning, showering and changing again, I swallowed my pride and called Ryan.
"Hi Ryan, it's me."
"Hi Brooke. Listen, I'm sorry about the other day. I should have been more understanding."
"That's okay. Maybe I did overreact a little."
"Are you okay? You don't sound right."
"I had my mammogram today."
"I know how you hate them."
It was very difficult not to cry, but my voice was cracking. "They might have found something. I won't know for certain until tomorrow."
"What did they say?"
"The doctor that read them when I was there said I might need a biopsy. But then they said he wasn't sure and another doctor will read them tomorrow."
"So they scare the hell out of you and then tell you to call in the morning?"
"That's par for the course. If I were the First Lady or some movie star, they'd move their asses to get it done immediately. But I'm only me. Listen, Ryan, what if...what if they find something, and I need..."
"Brooke, stop. Don’t think about the what-ifs."
"But what if it is cancer?"
"You won’t know if you need a biopsy until tomorrow. Right?"
"Right. But...if I need an operation...my body...you love my body."
"Brooke, I love you, warts and all. Your body is just the case, the real treasure is inside."
"You say that now, but what happens if...you know?"
"I'll love you no matter what happens. Do you think any of that will make a difference?"
"No...not really. But, you know..."
"I know that I love you. I love looking at you, and touching you, and making love with you, for who you are."
"But will I be the same...will you still love to look at me...to love me?"
"I will, no matter what. Listen, do you want me to drive down and stay the night? I could keep you company."
"No, that's all right. I don't think I'd be good company. I just like talking with you." We talked about twenty minutes more, than I got off because I was feeling too tired and ready to cry.
Chapter 25
I called the radiologist, even before going to work in the morning. Dr. Beloff wasn't in yet, so I left a message with my lab phone number.
I didn't feel very good, so I skipped earrings altogether and went to work without eating anything. I smiled and tried to look happy, but couldn't keep from being worried.
"Everything okay, Brooke?"
"Sure, Joan. I'm just tired."
"How did the mammogram go yesterday?"
"The same as usual. The doctor has to read the results and let me know this morning."
"God, don’t they have any idea what it feels like to wait for something like that? I wish men needed mammograms. Try squashing their penis between two pieces of glass."
I thought about Rossini's penis between the pages of his phonebook and smiled.
"See, that would be justice," she said. "Don’t you know they'd invent something else if men had to go though that."
At 9:30 and 10:30, I called the radiologist but he was still out. The nurse assured me that he would call as soon as he read the films, and I made sure she had my lab number.
About two hours after lunch I still hadn't heard from the doctor, and Joan came running onto my lab. "Did you hear the news? About Rossini?"
"No. What news?"
"He's out."
"What?"
"There was an emergency meeting of the board this morning, and Rossini has officially retired. I didn't get a lot of details. My friend Laura, over at pediatrics, heard it from Vickie in emergency, who heard it from Erica in personnel. She heard it from Alice who works with her. The board met, and when it was all over, Rossini decided to retire from the hospital."
"What happened? You mean he's gone?"
"Well, it's hard to tell, but it seems that for some reason the police were called on Tuesday. Nobody seems to know for sure, but Peter Buchanan, the board chairman, had to pick up Rossini from the police station."
"He was arrested? What for?"
"We don't know. All we know is that Buchanan called an emergency meeting for early this morning. When the meeting was over, personnel got a call to process Rossini's retirement immediately. Jesus, I'd like to find out happened. You saw Rossini on Tuesday, didn't you? With those results."
"That's right, I almost forgot. I went over there and dropped them off. I only saw him for a minute or two, and then I left. Gee, I wonder what happened."
"I don't know Brooke, but it sounds like you know something."
"Me? I'm just a tech; I don't get involved in hospital politics. What's all that laughing out there?" I heard a lot of laughing and noise coming from the lobby.
"I don't know," Joan said. "Gert's usually not one to let it get loud out there. Go take a look. I'll be out in a minute."
Out in the lobby, standing on one of the low tables where they usually keep magazines, was a guy in a complete Elvis costume. He had a thick black wig with long sideburns attached to it, and he was wearing dark sunglasses. The collar of his white top was folded up behind his neck, and both the jacket and bell-bottomed pants were decorated with gold jewels and braid. The suite fit him well, and he looked tall with a good figure.
Then in a voice that was an Elvis impression, he said, "Hello, my little darling Brooke," then he pulled off his sunglasses and I saw Ryan.
"Ryan, what are you doing?" I could have just died of embarrassment.
He held up his hands like he was going to bless the staff and patients. "My friends, my name is not Ryan. I am Relvis, the king of rock and roll. I am here to bring a little cheer to my darling's heart. You know that love makes the world go round, well," pointing to me, "that's the little lady that just makes Relvis go round and round."
"Ryan! Get down from there!"
"So to show my little darling how much she means to me, and will always mean to me, I'm gonna sing something from the heart, the Wonder of You."
He started singing in a deep Elvis voice, and then he got down from the table and walked over to me. Before he reached me, though, he spun around and faced the crowd.
"This little lady here is the sweetest little thing there is, a real darling." He turned toward me, put his arms around me and bent me back a little. He finished singing, and then he kissed me to the applause and laughter of the staff and patients.
I never realized Ryan could be so much of a ham. In that deep, slurred Elvis voice, he said, "Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much."
"Ryan, what the hell was that all about? I'm so touched, it was lovely, but I'm so embarrassed."
"Oh, don’t be. If anyone should be embarrassed, it should be me."
"You look great. Why did you do this?"
"I just wanted to make you laugh, show you how much I love you."
"Well, it worked. That was the funniest thing I ever saw, you standing on the table dressed like Elvis. But you missed work?" I was really so touched, I just held onto him.
"I took the day off. I found a costume store in Cherry Hill that had this to rent. It was just my size."
"But you didn't clean it before putting it, I'll bet. And the wig, you don’t know who had it on before you."
"They said that everything was cleaned since it was last rented. Anyway, it's all worth it if it made you laugh."
All the while, people are walking by. "Great job Elvis!" "Really funny." "I think that was sweet." "Elvis lives!" "Elvis rocks." "What a dork."
"Are you going to introduce me to Elvis?"
"Oh, Joan. Sure. Joan, this is Ryan. Ryan, Joan. Joan's the head tech, and a great gal."
"Glad to meet you. Brooke's talked about you a lot."
"That was really funny, the Elvis thing."
"Thank you very much, ma'am. Thank you very much." Again in the deep Elvis voice that I started finding so sexy.
"Is this some special occasion or something?"
"Not really," I said.
"I just wanted to make Brooke smile, after the mammogram and all."
I couldn't help myself, I kissed him. Joan looked at Ryan, then back at me. She understood. "Brooke, why don't you take off early? I'll cover."
"Are you sure? I really didn't plan this."
"That's fine. I can handle everything, and most of the people are here for x-ray, anyway. Take Elvis and go home. But first, go next door to in-vitro and show Gail and Eileen."
We walked through the connecting door to the in-vitro lab. There were a few women sitting in the waiting room.
"Hey Elvis, I'll have your baby!"
"Elvis has entered the building."
Gail and Eileen must have heard the commotion and they came out of their lab.
"What do we have here?" Gail.
"Hey Elvis, here to give a sperm donation?" Eileen.
"Watch your hands girls, this guy's sperm is all mine."
"Oh, so this belongs to you?"
"Gail and Eileen, this is Ryan, my man."
"Nice to meet you, Elvis. Why the getup?"
"Just a little surprise for Brooke, that's all."
We chatted and laughed with Gail and Eileen for a few minutes, all the while I was holding onto Ryan, then we drove back to my place in our own cars. Ryan left first while I collected my stuff. I should have reminded him that the Somers Point and Longport police have been pretty active lately against speeders, but I forgot. The Longport police sit right at the end of Longport Bridge, catching speeders that don’t slow down to the town’s 25 mile per hour speed limit.
Ryan traveled the legal 40 miles per hour on the causeway when he entered the bridge. Instead of slowing down on the bridge, however, he shot off the other end still going 40 and a Longport patrol car flagged him down.
By the time I got there, Ryan was standing on the sidewalk, in his Elvis costume, arguing with the policeman. They looked pretty animated, so I pulled over behind the patrol car and got out to calm Ryan down. That’s when I saw that it was Officer Luke who stopped him. They both spotted me, so it was too late to get back in my car and turn around.
Almost simultaneously, Ryan yelled, "I’m glad you’re here" and Luke yelled "Brooke, I’ll be with you in a second." Then they both looked at each other, and again almost simultaneously turned to each other and said, "Do you know her?"
"Yes, I know her," Ryan said.
"Luke, what happened?" I asked.
"So this is the strong storm trooper that carries girls to the hospital?" Ryan asked.
I could tell this wasn’t going to be fun.
"Watch your mouth Elvis or you’ll be singing the jailhouse blues."
"On what charges, Kojak?"
"Speeding, resisting an officer, and badly impersonating the King."
I could see that the two bucks were lining up to knock antlers. "Ryan, stay calm. Luke is just doing his job."
"I'm glad you’re on a first name basis with this cop."
"Ever since the panties," Luke smiled.
"Panties? Brooke..."
"It’s just a joke." I looked at Luke with pleading eyes.
"Yeah, just a little joke, that’s all,” he said. “How do you know this clown?"
"We’re dating."
"And I thought you had good taste."
"Luke, please."
"Brooke, don’t interfere here. This gentleman was driving 40 miles per hour in a 25 mile zone."
"I just came off the bridge and was slowing down. Don't you give anybody a break around here?" Ryan protested.
"Then he started arguing with me, refusing to cooperate."
"I did not refuse. You're..."
"Then where is your license and registration?"
"I told you. I left my wallet at home when I put on this costume."
"And you’re driving around as Elvis because?"
"Because it’s none of your business."
"Okay, so we can add driving without a license and registration to the speeding ticket, as well as not having your seatbelt on."
"Anything else you want to throw in?"
"Yes, I want to throw your sorry Elvis ass into jail until the real Elvis comes back to life, that’s what."
I interrupted. "Luke, can we talk a minute? Please, I’m not trying to interfere."
"Okay. Elvis, you sit in your car, in the passenger’s seat. If I see you get into the driver’s seat, you’ll be visiting Colonel Parker in heaven."