My Love Break
Authors: Anna Antonia
My Love Break
Anna Antonia
DelSin Publishing, LLC 2015
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All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from DelSin Publishing, LLC. DelSin Publishing, LLC and the author assume no liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Published by:
DelSin Publishing, LLC
www.delsinpublishing.com
Cover Credits: Konrad Bak
Cover Design: CGM Web Designs
Of
joys departed, not to return, how painful the remembrance. –Robert Blair
RISA
I couldn’t breathe.
I replayed Damian’s question over and over again in my mind.
“
Who
are you?”
My gaze, wide and filled with horror, stitched itself to his, valiantly lunging for threads of memory that were snapping with each second that passed. A frown settled on Damian’s beautiful, pale face.
It wasn’t the kind of frown he wore when I’d irritated him or disobeyed because I felt saucy. It was the frown that one wore when confronted with rudeness from a stranger.
The stranger that was me.
I tried to open my mouth but I could feel a scream erupt as soon as my lips parted. I clamped it down and backed out of the room. My legs were clumsy things but they did their job.
“Wait.”
I reacted to the command, obedient to his will, even if he couldn’t remember why I would be.
“Why are you upset? Were we already introduced?”
I shook my head. Damian’s face relaxed. “Very well. You are an employee then.”
Always the lord even when his brain was filled with scar tissue and apparently no memory or thoughts of me.
Pinching my top lip with my teeth, I swallowed the words that would betray my shattered heart. Words that screeched “How could you forget me? I thought you loved me, Damian!”
Those words were no good.
They weren’t even the worst of it. The worst part of it were the words I didn’t want to say out loud. Words that whispered “Was my body all you really liked? Was
I
not enough to stay for, to remember?”
What to do? What to do?
Damian’s mother came into the room, inadvertently making my decision for me. I slipped past her with a murmured apology. I heard her elegant voice call my name once but it wasn’t enough to keep me there.
I had no place anymore if Damian couldn’t remember me.
The person I’d become to fit with him, to make sense in his world, had no place. I was gone as if I never existed.
We loved each other. It was real, but that love is gone if he doesn’t remember.
Desolation crashed into me.
I took off in a run. I ran past Damian’s ever-present shadows, past the startled nurses and doctors making their rounds, past the faces that didn’t matter, and ran until I reached the front door.
Pushing through them, I ran down the steep and curving drive. I should’ve cared that I could fall and shred the tender skin of my palms and legs. I should’ve cared that today was the first time I’d left the clinic since Damian’s admittance over two months before.
I’d care later.
The only thing that mattered to me was how was I possibly going to live now that I had a ripped, smashed, and mutilated heart?
The only man I’d ever loved was gone, leaving a near-perfect facsimile in his place. I’d been keeping vigil for Damian and it never once occurred to me that I’d already lost him.
Dimly I noticed a rhythmic pounding punching through the ragged gasps pouring from my open mouth. If I ran far and long enough would Damian sense the missing piece of himself? Would he remember me then if I was gone completely? It wasn’t close to a real plan, but it was apparently all I had.
Lose me just so you can love me more.
It was insane, as insane as being chained up by the love of my life and then losing him to a night of violence that I still didn’t understand.
I sped up, pushing my body to the breaking point. The road blurred beneath the weight of my tears. How could this have happened? I’d prayed for so long, making 12
th
hour pleas with any listening gods if they’d only let Damian live. Never could I imagine during those sessions that any had listened.
Wicked, evil things making mischief with my life by granting my wish.
Feverish and maddened, I zoomed to those late night supplications. They circled through the drain of my mind. What went wrong? Did I not bargain well enough? Was promising my life, my career, my dreams not enough?
All I could reason was that a dark god came along to destroy my life on a whim because I didn’t know how to pray the right words. Because I didn’t know how to bargain well enough.
I already lost Damian and I didn’t even know it.
My emotions became a force of nature. Lost in the raging storm of grief, I wanted to die.
Pain I could live with. Abandonment I could not.
A strong hand grasped my upper arm while another arm slid across my waist. I was caught. Teetering on the brink of madness, I wished for it to be Damian. That somehow, someway he remembered me again and defied his body’s weakness to run me down.
“Miss Kelly, you must not do this thing.”
Of course it wasn’t my Damian who’d kept me from running clear across the country. That Damian was gone.
Instead, my newest captor was the leonine male with the name and coloring to match.
Leon Konstantinov.
I didn’t know who he was to Damian, but I’d seen the deference of the security detail towards him to know Leon was just as important as the CEO of Black-Price Holdings and Bridgewater National. Although we hadn’t spoken much, Leon had always treated me with respect. Some part of me appreciated his silent concern but I didn’t want concern.
I wanted Damian.
Leon let go of my waist, but kept his hand on my arm. He was right to do so because I would’ve taken off like a shot otherwise. Trapped, I sucked in air, snot, and tears while keeping my face turned away. I didn’t want him to see me like that. I didn’t want anyone but Damian to see me so low.
It was quickly apparent Leon didn’t want to see me that way either.
He stood by my side stiffly. His hand remained a manacle on my arm. The sensation was nothing like Damian’s touch, but it was an unnecessary reminder of all I’d lost.
What if Damian never remembered me? Then I’d be gone like starlight at the dawn. Returned at night, but never the same.
All the tears I refused to shed while my love was in a coma poured out. I pressed my free hand against my mouth, but it did no good. I moaned like a wounded animal. I’d only been able to survive because it never occurred to me that I’d lose his heart.
Oh my God. Damian doesn’t love me anymore.
My legs refused to support me any longer. Leon’s grip loosened so I could sink to my knees.
I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know what I could possibly do to change this, to make Damian remember me, to make him love me again.
How would I win him over?
Replaying the politeness in his gaze, the question that passed his beloved lips, all of it made me bow my back and let out another scream.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair that we’d made it so far, come so close to starting a new life, and then this happened.
***
“Because I want forever with you, Risa.”
“Forever?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not exaggerating?”
“No.”
Silence.
“Are you asking me to—”
***
What was he going to say to me next? Would I ever find out?
My sobs eventually quieted down. I drew my knees up to chest. Helpless, I thought back for the millionth time if somehow I caused this.
What if I hadn’t snuck out of his apartment instead of facing my fears like an adult? Would Damian have never been shot? Would he be in New York now, doing whatever it was that he did while overseeing his multinational conglomerate?
I’ll never know but I’ll always wonder. I wish I could’ve done it all differently…
Collapsed there on the immaculately manicured lawn, I saw myself as the ultimate in selfishness. Not that long ago all I had wanted was for Damian to survive.
Then to wake up.
Then to be okay.
I got all that and more. The fact that he seemed to have all his facilities and mobility should’ve been enough for me. Instead I was wailing as if Damian was dead all because he couldn’t remember me.
But what if he never remembers me? What if he never falls back in love with me?
Past the shock of being forgotten, that was the crux of my grief.
I hadn’t even known Damian felt anything for me beyond lust until that fateful weekend. He’d broken the law to show me what he felt for me. My fingers touched my ankle. Even now I still felt the weight of the chain there.
That
was our love. Unbreakable. Profane. Beautiful.
I wiped my face with the back of my hands and let out a shuddering breath. It wasn’t that big of a surprise to see I still suffered from insecurity.
Just two months ago I’d been so afraid that Damian couldn’t possibly love me and so I’d run away from him before he could reject me. It would seem that I did it again, except this time I knew for a fact Damian didn’t love me because he couldn’t even remember me.
What was I going to do? Was I going to run away yet again or was I going to stay and fight?
Dropping my head back, I looked up at the sky. It was the blue of spring. The blue of rebirth. The blue of hope.
Have you learned nothing yet? You can’t run when emotional things get hard.
I didn’t generally see myself as a coward, but I couldn’t deny how cowardly I was when it came to Damian.
I wanted him so much that the very thought of losing him made me lose my sense. I saw forever with him early on, even when I didn’t think I had the right to. I wanted what my parents had except with my own kinky twist.
I wanted to be under Damian’s hand for the rest of my life.
I wanted to play our games until I couldn’t move. I needed his fingers in my hair and his cock deep inside me while he took me hard. I craved the crash of our bodies working in sync to chase a bliss we could only give each other.
Damian intoxicated me with his body, but it wasn’t just that. I wanted his lips to belong to me and his heart to carry only my name.
Forever. Marriage. Babies. A house. A life.
Together.
Damian and Risa.
Determination pushed black grief off to the side. There was no time for me to be crying like a little fool. Damian needed me whether he realized it or not.
Letting out one final watery sigh, I got back up on my feet. Leon reached out to steady me. “Are you okay?”
“I am now. Thank you.”
Leon nodded. “We’re going now.”
“Yes.”
Our walk back took longer than my flight away, but it gave me time to compose myself. I reacted badly, but I was determined more than ever to be there for Damian and trust that either he’d remember me or fall back in love with me.
It would be one way or another.
Nothing else could happen. We loved each other too much for it to disappear like this forever. And it wouldn’t—not as long as I drew breath.
Looking up, I zeroed my gaze on the windows of Damian’s suite. Giddy surprise rolled through me when I saw him staring down at me.