Authors: Anna Antonia
I waited outside the suite for Damian to come back. He’d been gone for almost two hours and it was two hours too long as far as I was concerned. I took Elaine’s suggestion and used that time to freshen up. I didn’t know what he’d expect his PA to dress or behave like, but Elaine had me covered as usual.
“Damian is extremely formal in his business dealings. Do not call him by his first name unless he gives you permission.”
There was no argument from me when I experienced that formality firsthand. “Of course.”
“Remember that Damian does not know about the accident’s details. He is not to know until he recuperates fully. No one outside this clinic knows and that’s the way it has to be.”
I didn’t understand the need for secrecy but Elaine assured me I would know when the time was right and only by Damian. It was frustrating now in a way it wasn’t then.
When Damian was in a coma, all I cared about was him coming out of it. I didn’t care how he got that way, I just wanted him awake and healthy.
All I knew was that he’d been shot, but I didn’t understand why. Was it really an accident like Elaine alluded? I didn’t think so. People typically didn’t get shot by accident.
Then that meant it was an assassination attempt. But why? Who would do such a thing to Damian? Was it about money? Did some fringe group attack him because of his corporate holdings?
Anger and fear licked at the edges of my control. How dare someone try to hurt Damian? I would’ve shot them dead if they stood before me. I didn’t doubt it one moment.
Keeping this secret and going through this charade required a level of trust I wasn’t used to giving, but I would do it for him. I would do anything for Damian.
Elaine appraised me. I could see her mind busily tallying my strong points against my weaker ones. “Wear dark colors like him. Your makeup should be soft. Nothing too strong. Your hair should be simple...maybe shorter.”
“No!” I flushed when she raised one brow. The perfect dark blond line chastised me for raising my voice unnecessarily. I’d listen to her directives but not on my hair. “Damian likes my hair long. I’m not going to cut it.”
Elaine shrugged. “Keep it pinned back then. Above all neat. These are things he expects of himself and as his PA you are a reflection on him.”
I am a reflection of Damian.
Those words intimidated and warmed me in equal measures. A voice inside me cautioned that perhaps I was losing myself in this plan too quickly.
I shut that voice down.
Nothing mattered to me but being here for Damian. Just as he was willing to break society’s laws for me, I would be willing to break my own laws for him.
Secrets. Lies. Would it all be worth it by the end?
I have to believe it will be. There’s no other way this can play out.
After giving me her advice and thoughts, Elaine left so I could get ready. I showered and groomed carefully after going to my personal suite on the family floor. Elaine left a black skirt, jacket, and ivory chemise with matching lace underthings that surely cost more than what I paid in rent every quarter. And the shoes were brand new Christian Louboutins pumps. I was growing quite a collection thanks to her.
I should’ve been surprised by how quickly she’d procured my work clothes, but Elaine was the mistress of getting things done. I didn’t doubt it was her influence that made Damian the same.
Although I hadn’t spent nearly the same amount of time with her husband, Thomas Black-Price, his intensity and commitment to Damian couldn’t be denied. He checked on his son once a week, but spent the rest of the time away on business. I assumed it was to help run his son’s empire but I wasn’t sure because I never asked.
The months I’d spent in this hospital trained me to respect boundaries. I was a stranger surrounded by people devoted to Damian. This gave me the courage to trust in them even when I didn’t always understand who they were and why they were there.
More than once I silently thanked Damian for teaching me how to interact with taciturn people like himself. Oddly, or not so oddly depending on the viewpoint, it soothed me to see so much of Damian reflected back at me.
It also proved to me how far my precious lover had extended himself for me.
If only I could’ve understood it then. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time otherwise. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.
It wouldn’t be wise for me to cry again after carefully applying mascara. I didn’t want Damian to mistake me for a raccoon. It was bad enough that I ran out on him earlier. I didn’t want to give him the impression that I never had control over my emotions.
Still, seeing Damian again was going to be such a challenge. To pretend that I was simply his employee and not the woman who’d worshipped at the altar of his perfect body was going to test me in ways I never expected.
I truly had to be careful.
It would be the little things that betrayed me. I’d grown so used to touching his face and hair that to keep my hands to myself was a punishment worse than any Damian had rained down on me when I was naughty.
Soon we’ll be playing those games again. I know it. I just have to be patient.
Waiting out in the hallway, I resisted the urge to fidget. I hadn’t worn work clothes in so long that the heels felt foreign after wearing flats for months. Still, my spine straightened when I heard numerous footsteps coming towards me.
It was time to play my part. No matter what happened from this moment on, I had to stay the course. I couldn’t allow anything to detract me from my goal.
Not fear. Not pride. Not doubt.
I was all in.
DAMIAN
My shoulders relaxed slightly when I saw Risa before stiffening again. I didn’t want to admit that I missed her presence and wanted her by my side for the past couple of hours.
She may have been my PA but if she was Leon’s then her first loyalty, her
true
loyalty, would be to him.
Not me.
Unjustified anger lit a nasty fuse inside of me. I was like a spoiled child with a toy. I didn’t want to share. I wanted her to be there for me, to think solely of me. I wanted the whole of her attention and loyalty. I didn’t like how quickly I’d come to depend on this woman who I didn’t remember.
It was dangerous.
I couldn’t allow myself to become attached to an employee, especially one who I’d apparently hired as a PA. That action was completely out of character because there were parts of my life that couldn’t be shared.
Ever.
A PA would inadvertently wander into territory she had no business being in. So why in the world would I have hired Risa?
Do I really have to ask myself that question? Look at how strongly she affects me. I would’ve been intrigued by my reaction alone.
Risa smiled brightly as soon as I came within a few feet of her. “Good afternoon, Mr. Black-Price.”
I didn’t say anything but I gave her the small courtesy of a nod. It was singularly not a good afternoon after she bolted from my room. It still rankled and I wasn’t quite ready to forgive her for leaving. Especially while keeping company with Leon.
If Risa was mine I would’ve shown my displeasure with punishment by sliding her skirt off and settling her on my lap…
She followed me into my suite and waited while I was helped onto the bed. While this hadn’t bothered me before, having Risa see me in a weakened state bothered the hell out of me now. The oddity of it didn’t escape my attention. I suspected I’d been developing inappropriate feelings for her before the unfortunate accident that led me here.
Which, if judging by the continued silence from the Konstantinovs, was going to be eradicated sooner than later. Bringing me to a Swiss clinic, keeping me under 24 hour protection, and more importantly, keeping Leon here was proof enough to me that I was
helped
along in having my accident.
The time would come to discover exactly what had happened two months before. Vengeance would be mine and the Konstantinovs would provide all the firepower I needed.
I could be patient. I could be thorough. I could be methodical.
What I couldn’t be was indifferent to the mystery of Risa.
Why
did she affect me this way? My thoughts should have been fixated on my girlfriend. Gretchen I could remember. This one…I didn’t even know her last name.
I studied her discreetly. Although she stood perfectly still I could sense a nervous vibration emanating from Risa. I wondered what she wanted to say to me. I was eager in fact.
Once the room cleared out Risa approached my bedside. “I want to apologize for earlier, Sir.”
That one beautiful word rolled off her tongue so sweetly. My cock stiffened in response. While it was an awkward time to reassert my lust, I was grateful in knowing that part of me hadn’t fled along with a six-month block of my memory.
She stood there with an expectant look on her lovely face. Risa really needed to learn how to hide her emotions lest I be tempted to take advantage of them. And I wanted to take advantage of them.
Badly.
“What for, Risa? Specifically if you please.”
I watched as she swallowed hard. She bit her lip in apparent nervousness before catching herself. She smiled again, brighter than before if it was possible and said, “I’m sorry for losing control of my emotions earlier today, Mr. Black-Price. I was overcome because I...we...were so scared that you’d be affected by your accident. I panicked when I realized you’d lost part of your memory. I couldn’t help myself, but I’m better now.”
Risa smiled again as if she were proud of herself. I wondered why that would be.
It all sounded neat and plausible, but I trusted my instincts. Risa was hiding something from me. Was it fear of losing her position because I couldn’t remember her? Was it vanity? Or was it worse? Was it her relationship with my brother?
I didn’t like my hesitation in asking. I didn’t want to suffer it one more moment.
“You were crying outside.”
Risa’s cheeks reddened. She tangled her fingers together. “I’m sorry you saw that. It won’t happen again—”
I brushed her assurances aside with one slash of my hand. Risa’s voice died out immediately.
“I don’t care about that, Risa. Are you fucking Leon Konstantinov?”
Risa’s face paled before turning bright red. I couldn’t stomach or deny my disappointment. I had my answer but I wanted her to say the words to me. Anything less would keep me fixated on her.
“Why would you think that?” Risa’s voice trembled. I could only assume it was embarrassment over being discovered.
“Answer the question.”
“No, I’m not! How dare you think that of me? Do you have any idea of how I feel about—”
“Risa.”
We both turned our heads to see my guardian come into the room. Elaine addressed Risa with her normal, cool efficiency. “A copy of today’s results are waiting for me on the second floor. Please bring them to the suite and wait until you are called down again.”
Risa’s luscious mouth pressed into a tight line. She obeyed after a moment’s hesitation. “Of course, Mrs. Black-Price. Excuse me.”
I watched her turn away from me without a backwards glance. Her small, exact steps betrayed her. I may not have remembered her, but knowing my personality I’d probably nicked her more than once with my tongue.
Unless I had tried to get her into bed. Then I was undoubtedly a silver-tongued bastard.
But I wouldn’t have done that, would I? I never mixed business with pleasure. I never got involved with an employee.
I suddenly felt remorse for angering and insulting her.
“Risa?”
She turned around. “What...” Risa cleared her throat. Her dark gaze met mine before darting away. It was glassy. The pain twisted in my gut at the sight. “Pardon me, Sir. What can I do for you?”
“I apologize for my earlier question. It is clearly none of my business. I stepped over the line.” I meant every word even though they scraped against my throat.
Her beautiful rose lips tightened. Although her voice was soft, I could clearly hear the hurt pulsing through each syllable. “Thank you, Sir. I will return as soon as you need me to.” Risa nodded to Elaine and then left the room.
I missed her already.
I had to put Risa from my mind. She wasn’t mine and never would be.
Although she’d yet to confirm her relationship with Leon, the fact that he cared enough to follow her out of the clinic was proof enough for me. Regardless of our lack of childhood history, Leon was my brother and I would never get personally involved with someone who’d been with him.
It was a matter of respect and loyalty.
Although how they could’ve developed a relationship in the first place wasn’t that much of a mystery the more I thought of it. Close quarters and all that.
Damn fate for being such a bitch. If I hadn’t been injured, Risa and I would’ve been back in the States. I was confident that our close quarters would’ve been close enough to develop into much more.
Even if I wouldn’t cross that line. Just knowing I was first in her thoughts would be enough for me.
“Things aren’t going well with your PA?”
This was unexpected. Elaine typically kept out of my affairs. “Why do you ask?”
“She was obviously upset with you, Damian. It wouldn’t do to damage your working relationship with her.”
“I’ll replace her if it comes to that,” I stated evenly even though the idea irked me. I had absolutely no memory of Risa from the time before first seeing her by my side. For all I knew she was a terrible PA, lazy, undisciplined, and more trouble than she was worth. But the feeling I had when with her didn’t care about her performance.
I just wanted Risa with me. Possession. Pure and simple.
Elaine picked up a pitcher and poured me a glass of water. I could see she was itching to say something more. I didn’t push, knowing from long-standing experience that she’d tell me sooner than later.
She brought me the glass and set it on my tray. I thanked her for it and took a sip to appease her into speaking.
“I overheard your question.”
I set the glass down carefully and waited with a raised brow.
“Risa is not involved with Leon.”
Fierce satisfaction rushed through me so quickly I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I barely managed to look uninterested.
“How can you be so sure?”
“She has been devoted to being by your side during these past months. She’s barely left it to eat, much less engage in sexual relations with Leon.”
“Is that so? She’s devoted to her position then. I must pay her well.”
“She’s very loyal.”
I voiced the question in my head. “Why did Leon run after her? There is something more there between them.”
My guardian’s lips turned upwards into a tiny smile. “I ordered him to.”
The tension eased out of me by slow degrees. “I see.”
“You don’t remember hiring her, but you shared her importance to making your life easier. Considering your refusal to hire an assistant until Risa, I assume it would behoove you to keep this one.”
I looked at Elaine directly. I heard everything that went unsaid.
“You approve of her.”
“Of course. She is the one you chose.”
“And you’re warning me not to run her off.”
“I am giving you advice based on what I know.”
I couldn’t deny the pleasure coursing through my veins. I didn’t have to deny my desire regarding Risa. No broken loyalty. Nothing to stop me.
Nothing except my relationship with Gretchen.
Disappointment wilted my triumph. I never let my relationships overlap. I wouldn’t start now. I needed to end things with Gretchen and I needed to do it in person.
It would be unpleasant but not unexpected.
We’d been circling down the drain for too long as it was. I’d hoped, once, for something more but it wasn’t meant to be. Gretchen was a mirage. I thought I could remake her into something beautiful, pure, and mine.
I was wrong.
Considering how quickly I’d fixated on Risa, I knew without a doubt I had to let Gretchen go. She deserved much more than a lover who couldn’t wait to be done with his commitment.
“Thank you for your counsel, Elaine. You never fail me.”
She didn’t deny it. Instead, she took a seat by my side to keep me company. I appreciated it, but selfishly wanted a tiny curvy brunette to fill my ears with harmless chatter.
I didn’t like Risa being out of my sight. I wanted her back.
“Elaine?”
“Yes?”
“Do you know the extent of my relationship with Risa?”
She tilted her head just so. I remember seeing her do it a thousand times while growing up. I couldn’t remember it once during the winter. A small reminder, but one to demonstrate how much I’d lost during that time I went to sleep somewhere far from here. The hole in my head was a nasty beast, but I’d tame it like I did everything else.
“Clarification.”
“Am I involved with her?”
Elaine switched to Russian. “You ask this because you are attached to her, yes?”
I seamlessly followed suit. “I am.”
“What do you want to know that I can tell you?”
“Does she know about us?” I didn’t have to clarify that last word. It was code for Konstantinov.
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
This much put me at ease. Risa only knew of my legitimate business and nothing of my secret life. I’d keep it that way.
“Who does she think Leon is?” Perhaps my jealousy would take longer to dominate into submission.
“She hasn’t asked. She’s been very well-behaved. Discreet and easy to manage. I think you have had a hand in this?”
I wish I could say I did. I didn’t know for sure, but I imagined she hadn’t quit for a reason.
Maybe we worked well together or she was naturally docile.
The possibilities were endless…if only I could remember.
I didn’t answer Elaine’s question.
“Is she in danger if her position changes from PA?”