Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (40 page)

Breathing in deeply, I stare at the truck, my 1976 Ford F150 I bought when I was seventeen with my own money.

Raven notices my anxiety for the situation and the consequences I’m facing. She runs her hand over the stubble on my head. “I miss the hair I can pull.”

She’s trying to distract me and it works. I lean in, my body pressing to hers. With my hand on her hip, I run it up her spine to the base of her neck. Taking a handful of her hair in my fist, I grip it and tug. “I miss pulling yours while you’re wrapped around my body,” I whisper in her ear. I’m hard instantly and I know she feels it.

“Stop it, Ty.” She breathes out unevenly. She can’t stop her body from reacting to me. “If you keep this up, I’m leaving and you can go to dinner by yourself.”

I drop my hand immediately and take a step back. She stares at me and I want to kiss her so fucking badly, but I know it might push her away. “You started that,” I point out.

She nods and takes my hand, walking toward her car. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

VALENTINO’S IS THE only Italian restaurant in Lebanon, and quite frankly, the best in the state. It’s owned by Nevaeh’s father, Tony Valentino, and we’re frequent visitors here. I’d say I eat here at least once a week.

I’m not sure what I’m expecting to happen when my parents arrive and we’re all sitting together. It’s the first time in nearly a year I’ve sat at a table with them and I hold back a frustrated sigh, but underneath my annoyance, I’m glad Raven’s here with me.

“I’m glad you could make it too,” Mom says, hugging Raven before she sits down. Her hand finds mine on the table. “You look better, Ty.”

Taking the glass of water already on the table, I take a slow drink before saying, “I’m feeling better.”

“I hear you’re going to University of Oregon. What are you majoring in, Raven?” My dad asks, breaking the ice with her.

“Accounting. Numbers are my thing.” Her eyes drop to the glass and the water condensation pooling beneath the glass. Taking her napkin, she wipes it away before taking a drink herself.

I know Raven’s a numbers girl. She’s very black or white. There’s no gray. There can’t be. In her mind, there’s always an answer. In numbers, you always have an answer, something, a conclusion to a problem.

Maybe that’s why she had to have a definition to us for so long. She couldn’t handle the gray.

Dad smiles at Raven. He’s always liked her. It’s then, right then I notice this is a look they never gave Berkley. Maybe they knew from the beginning that the love I felt for her was never going to be the forever kind. The kind I feel for Raven.

We make small talk around the table as we order, the topic of why I ignored my parents for so long never surfaces and I’m glad. I don’t want to talk about it.

Raven excuses herself to the bathroom and immediately my mom is asking if we’re dating.

“We kinda are,” I tell her, not knowing how else to put it. “We’re definitely not dating anyone else.”

Mom smiles tenderly. “I’ve always loved her. She’s great for you.”

I know I didn’t need my mom’s approval to date Raven, or anyone else’s for that matter, but strangely, it’s reassuring because they never liked Berkley and certainly never told me they liked her.

I look at my dad. “How’s work?”

With a heavy sigh, he runs his hand over his clean shaved jaw. “It’s going pretty well. Slow this time of year but it’ll pick up.” My dad’s a custom-home builder and I think in some ways, he was bent by me choosing cars over construction.

Mom leans forward in her chair. “Tyler, we both just wanted to let you know again how sorry we are about everything.”

“I know you are and I’ll admit, it’s going to take me some time,” I tell them honestly. It’s not something that’s going to change for me overnight. But I also want them to know this, me being here is me trying.

They seem relieved by my words and both smile.

When Raven returns, Tony makes his way over to the table. “How’s the Hemming family doing tonight?”

Mom smiles. “We’re good.”

Scooting her chair in, Raven points over her shoulder at a drawing on the wall near the restrooms. I can’t make it out clearly, but it looks like three people holding hands and a woman in the clouds. Then beside the little girl is what appears to be a baby. “Is that from Nova?”

Tony smiles at the picture he tells us Nova drew last week. “Lenny and her came in the other day. I just adore Lenny. Such a nice girl for Red, but yeah, Nova apparently asked Nevaeh to send her a baby.”

Everywhere you look in the restaurant are reminders that Nevaeh held a special place in everyone’s lives and though she’s gone and Red’s now with Lenny, nothing will ever completely stop the pain inside of Red, Nova, and Tony. It wasn’t easy seeing Red lose Nevaeh. I tried so hard to help him through it but there wasn’t much I could do to help him.

Lenny, she helps him in ways no one else could, gives him hope at a future, like Raven does with me.

Raven laughs at the drawing and the baby. “I wonder how Red feels about it?”

Tony grins. “Knowing Red, he’s probably okay with that.” Tony glances at me and shows me a bottle of wine. “You look like you need a drink.”

I’d love one…
but then my truck flashes in my head and the tarp covering it.

“Nah.” I lean back in the chair, shaking Tony’s hand. “I’m good.” It’s rude to pass up the wine, but I’m not giving in. I might not ever drink again after the accident.

Raven stares at the bottle, then me. “You can still have a drink or two.”

With my arm around her chair, I shake my head. “I don’t need one.”

“You’re not drinking anymore?” Dad asks, watching Tony pour him a glass of wine.

“No.” I didn’t tell my parents I had been drinking that night. I actually assumed they knew. It wasn’t that I was trying to keep it from them.

I look at Raven, and then my parents. “I had been drinking the night of the accident. I think it’s best I don’t anymore.”

My dad, being a man of very few words most of the time, stirs uneasily in his chair. “Did you get a DWI?”

“No. I was under the legal limit and it didn’t cause the accident.” Raven’s hand finds mine under the table. Awkwardly, I clear my throat. “It was the seizure that caused me to crash.”

I’m sure they were aware of what happened since they’d been at the hospital, but I felt the need for them to hear it from me.

“Tyler,” Dad begins and I take in another deep breath trying to relax. “We all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

The double meaning doesn’t go unnoticed by anyone. I remember when I was eight years old, I threw a stick at a girl and it hit her eye. I didn’t mean to but for a month she had to wear an eye patch and sleep sitting up because of the damage to her eye. I felt like a complete asshole and my mom sat me down and said: Remember that the greatest lessons in life are usually learned at the worst times from the worst mistakes.

At eight, I had no clue what she was talking about but thinking about it now I finally understand the meaning of what she was trying to tell me.

Yeah, I made a huge mistake driving drunk and not taking my medicine but it didn’t mean I had to stop.

WE TAKE OUR time with dinner and talk with Tony for hours. The sky is black, stars out and glimmering above as Raven and I walk up the street to the car. She’s staring straight ahead, her focus contained to the pavement. I choose then to finally speak. “Can I hold your hand?”

She watches me warily. “That feels like dating.”

“But you let me hold your boobs the other night when we were watching the movie.” I’m desperate to hold her close and let her know how much I appreciated her being there for me tonight.

“Oh hell, why not.” Her sense of humor surfaces and she smiles. “But don’t you dare kiss me on the cheek or open the door for me.”

“Got it.” I chuckle. “No acting like a gentleman.”

It takes me a moment, but I slide my hand out of my pocket and reach for hers. A warm smile tugs at the corner of her lips. I wonder then if she likes the feel of my hand in hers as much as I do.

I can’t help it. I want her closer so I pull on her hand, then wrap my arm around her shoulders.

“You’re pushing it, Ty.”

“I know I am.” Drawing in a deep breath, I don’t let her go. I can’t. “Want me to whisper something dirty?”

“No.” She sighs, her eyes on the pavement. “Though you’re extremely good at it, I think it’ll make it worse, Tyler. I really need us to take it slow. I don’t want us to fall back into friends who fuck.”

As frustrated as I am that I can’t have her now, and the noticeable way the word fuck hits my groin, I understand
why
, partly. There’s a big part of me that just wants her to see I want to be with her and there shouldn’t be anything stopping us. But she’s right. There’s a lot about us that we haven’t worked out.

Instead of being serious, I pop off with, “We’re not fucking so… it’s not anything like what we had before.”

She elbows me. “You know what I mean.”

I stop walking and look over at her, turning her so we’re facing one another. Cupping her cheeks, my thumb touches to her bottom lip and I want so badly to part her lips against mine, but I don’t. Because of her. “We’re different, Raven,” I whisper, my voice carrying with the wind. She closes her eyes as if my words hit her suddenly like a heavy weight. “I don’t want friends with benefits, so when you decide you want more, I’m all in.”

When her eyes open, her smile is patient, tender, and fucking beautiful. “I’m not going anywhere, Tyler. I love you and you don’t know how much it means to me that you’re willing to wait for the both of us.”

She probably doesn’t understand how torturous this is for me, but I’ll take whatever she’s going to give me.