It certainly wasn’t easy taking things slow with Tyler once his intentions were clear, but I think we both knew for it to work between us, we had to. Even though it was a mutual decision to not define what we have between us, I know we’re both on the same page with our commitment. And considering my personality, I’m surprisingly okay with that. I’m relaxed with where Tyler and I are in our lives, and it only assures me he’s the right person, because contentment sits in my chest.
We talked endlessly about what the future held for us as a couple and separately. I think both of us wanted everything out in the open so there wasn’t anything like, “Well, I don’t want the same things as you,” conversation later.
We’d both been burned by that already.
We even talked about what happens when I graduate in two years. All my life I’ve been raised at Walker Automotive and my intention has always been to have a career there. My dreams were my families and not because they had to be, but because I wanted them to be. My plan was to get my degree in accounting and use it by making sure Walker Automotive always ran as a successful business. Red had the shop under control but Mom couldn’t do everything in the office. That’s where I came in.
Tyler, well, he’d always seen himself working with Red. My dad and Colt started Walker Automotive together and originally wanted Red and Rawley running it when he passed away. We all knew Rawley had no interest in working there so that left Red and Tyler, two people who shared the same vision and level head. Well, for the most part.
Tyler’s biggest fear about our relationship, and the reason for us taking it slow, was me eventually wanting a child of my own. He wanted to know without a shred of a doubt, I wanted a future with him regardless of us having a family together or not.
And like I explained to him, carrying his child inside of me wasn’t what was most important. Being with him was. And he understood that, in part.
“I get that you want to knock me up, but there’s more than one way for us to make a baby,” I would tell him.
It was months of discussion that finally led us to today.
I’m finally out of school for the summer and I’m running on Tyler time, which means I’m about an hour late returning from the grocery store. We’re not living together, but I’d say I spend more time at his apartment than I do home.
We’re heading over to my mom’s house this afternoon for our annual Fourth of July party but I had to run to the store to pick up the salad dressing I forgot earlier.
As I pull up to the shop, Tyler’s new F250 truck is parked outside but he’s yet to drive it. Technically Tyler should have had his driver’s license back but when the judge read the toxicology report, they made him attend drug and alcohol classes and be seizure free for three months before he could apply to get his driver’s license reinstated.
Unfortunately, he was just about at the three month mark when he had one while we were watching a movie. Scariest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Up until then, I hadn’t seen one, just the aftermath.
While it was scary, I think in some ways, it brought Tyler and me closer together. To witness him so vulnerable and out of control of his own body was scary as shit, but it still managed to bring us closer together because it allowed me to see that side of him he desperately tried to hide from me.
I’m upstairs cooking the pasta for my salad when Tyler comes out of the bathroom having just gotten dressed. He watches me preparing the salad, his hands on the counter as if he’s preparing himself for something.
I stop what I’m doing and stare at him. “What’s wrong?”
“As long as you’re in my future, having a baby doesn’t matter,” he tells me right away, as if he’s been holding those words in for months. “I just want you to be happy.”
His meaning hits me, my heartbeat thumping in my ear. He truly does want me to be happy. All along, it’s what he’s wanted out of this despite his own hesitations.
I’m not shocked by the conversation because like I said, we’ve been having these talks a lot. Only I’m not okay with that statement because to me, he’s settling and what if we tried in vitro or something where we used someone else’s sperm. It all seemed silly to discuss now but in reality, we had to.
He was visibly upset the first time in vitro was mentioned by me, because the idea of another man’s baby inside of me was upsetting to him. That’s when I realized the severity of this for Tyler. Most women want babies. It’s in our DNA to nurture and want children.
Men, they can go either way. Some want them, others don’t.
Tyler, coming from a small family of his own, wanted lots of kids. Imagine when he’s told he can’t. And then on top of that, a man, a possessive man, would need to allow his wife to carry a child that wasn’t his. He’d never look into our child’s eyes and see himself.
Leaning into the kitchen island, he watches me as I continue with making my salad. “I’m okay with adoption, or that thing where we use a donor”—he waves his hand around—“should you, you know, want that someday.”
I want to both laugh and cry at his expression it’s that adorable.
Though we haven’t declared a relationship, all our talks are based on us being together.
I stop what I’m doing and look up at him. His brow creases. He’s waiting for me to say something. “So you’re okay with another man’s baby in me?”
He groans, shaking his head as he drops it forward. “Don’t say it like that, but yeah, if you decide you want to carry the babies, then yeah. But we should use someone we don’t know. I might punch the dude if we know him.”
Moving around the kitchen island, I stand in front of him. “They have professional services for that, Tyler.”
“Well good.” Twisting, he moves his hands to my hips. “He can’t be a part of our lives.”
“You do realize we’re like five years from that, right? You have to date me first, marry me, and then we’ll get to kids.”
He smiles. “I know… and I’d like to mention here I’d like to start having sex with you again. I’ve got a constant hard-on around you. It’s frustrating. It’s been five months.” In case I didn’t hear him right, he holds up his hand, fingers spread apart to indicate the number five, and then repeats it again, silently moving his lips around the word.
I step back away from him. “I have to finish the pasta salad.”
He knows this is me pulling back, but only because I need a couple minutes to think of how I want to approach this.
Well those couple minutes turn into like two hours, and Tyler’s moving about his bedroom in a pair of gray cargo shorts and a white Hurley T-shirt that clings to his muscles in the most delicious of ways, I’m reminded of how sexy he is and that I know what I want. Not to mention I’m in his room, sitting on his bed. There’s that reminder.
And then I scan his face. His hair has grown back about an inch and he just shaved the sides, a reminder of his previous hair cut where I had hair to pull on top. Okay, maybe I’m just missing sex with him. Have I mentioned since the accident we haven’t had sex?
It’s fucking torture.
“I’d like to start having sex with you again. I’ve got a constant hard-on around you. It’s frustrating.”
I should just give in. There’s no real reason
why
we shouldn’t be.
“You look deep in thought,” he says, sitting beside me.
I smile at him. “When did you know you were in love with me, Tyler?”
With his eyes on our hands, he nods. “Thanksgiving. I was watching you eat mashed potatoes.” His eyes find mine, humor dancing in them. “Then you mouthed the words ‘fuck off’ and I fell, right then with gravy drippling down your chin.”
Laughing, I shake my head. I knew he wouldn’t take it seriously but maybe after the teasing I might get some truth.
Tyler’s quiet and I’m nervous as to what he might say next. His head drops forward and he shakes it back and forth like he’s gathering courage. “I met a girl when I was fourteen,” he says warmly, taking my hand in his and squeezing it. “But she was a little sister, someone I couldn’t love because of an age difference. And then life got in the way and shit changed.” His lids lower and he sighs, his focus on the ground leaving me nothing but lashes. “Nothing you can say or do would ever make me stop loving you.” His eyes find mine again. “I’m forever. Yeah, I didn’t fall in love with you like I should have. I staggered my way into it and tried like hell to avoid it, but when it happened, I knew there was no going back from there.”
As much as I wanted to pinpoint a day, I couldn’t even tell you when I fell completely in love with Tyler. It happened slowly like opening a shaken bottle of soda pop. One tiny movement at a time and then before I knew it, I was so far gone there was also no coming back from it.
I know now what these past five months have taught me. Tyler and I are good at friends, but we’re even better at lovers.
“I have to ask you something.”
He stares at me, shifting on the bed to face me. “What?
Drawing in a deep breath, my fucking voice shakes when I ask, “Does your D want to go steady with my V?”
Tyler fucking bursts out laughing. He has to hold his stomach even. I didn’t think it was that funny, but then he straightens up, eyes me carefully and asks, “Is your muff finally asking my wang to be a family?”
Groaning, I flop myself back on his bed. “Yes or no already?”
Suddenly his body covers mine and waits for me to look at him. When I do, he kisses my lips, once, twice, three times. “It’s definitely a
yes
.”
Opening my eyes, I watch him though his are closed. He said yes. My heart races at the thought of us finally being together.
“What time do we have to be at your mom’s house for the barbeque?” he asks between kisses.
“She said four.”
“Plenty of time then.”
I laugh. “Tyler, it’s like three thirty. We should be leaving.”
He shakes his head. “It’s been five months. Five seconds would be plenty of time with how badly I need this.”
Without hesitation, his mouth crashes to mine and I eagerly oblige. Sucking his bottom lip between my teeth, I bite down slowly and then pull him into me by his broad tattooed shoulders. He moves closer, his mouth firmer and then his tongue eagerly seeks entrance, rushing desire through my entire body.
The kiss could set his apartment on fire. Never has he kissed me like this.
“Please,” he whispers. “Please.”
Oh, Jesus, it sounds like he’s begging me.
The tip of his nose glides up the side of my throat.
“Please what?”
He places his hands beside my head, supporting his weight as he looks down at me. “Let me be with you. All of you.”
His fingers trace the curve of my side until they’re at the waistband of my jeans. We both stop, just for a second. I’m already aching for this and he knows it. His mouth goes to my ear and his fingers to the skin above my jeans making me shiver.
“Is this okay?” His body tenses, eyebrows squeezing together because he knows I may say no. Just because V was going steady with D didn’t mean D could come in yet.
Shut the fuck up, Raven.
“I think you should just take these off,” he says, his heart thumping heavily against my chest.
I laugh a little. He’s smiling, sure of himself, and I take his bottom lip between mine just to taste before shimmying out of my jeans. Tyler helps, skimming one broad palm down the side of my thigh until I kick them the rest of the way off.
“So fucking sexy….” He trails off, his voice thick with need as he separates himself from me.
Standing, Tyler lowers the band of his shorts, freeing his himself for me at the edge of the bed.
Wanting to taste him, I move to my knees taking his hardness between my palms. Running my hands from the base to the tip, I repeat the motions.
Finally, I lower my mouth to him.
“Jesus Christ….” Tyler groans, the intensity in his eyes can only be described as raw hunger. He makes a lot of noises, soft grunts and moans, with one hand tangling in my hair, guiding and encouraging me to continue. All the talk, all the messages and wishing we could be together these last few months have led to this, something neither of us can slow down even if we wanted to.
My body throbs for him, the need so strong I start to shake.
Tyler seems to be on the same page when he stops me, dragging my mouth from him and gently laying me down on the bed.
He hovers at my entrance and then pushes forward an inch. He looks down at me with this intensity, but his smile is playful. “You want my tongue on your pussy, Raven?”
Jesus, I love the way pussy rolls off his tongue.
It’s fucking erotic and needs to be said daily.
“Yes.” I moan, my breath escaping in a whoosh when my lips part.
“Yes what?” His eyes level with mine, tattered breathing making his chest shake, seeming to enjoy my struggle to control my composure. Of course he’s enjoying this. The last time we had sex was back in December. “Never be afraid to say what you want.”
“I’m not, with you.” I breathe out slowly. “I want your tongue on my pussy.”
He laughs, once. “Say pussy once more.”