Unbreak My Heart (24 page)

B
oone slept in
my bed all night. Not entwined with me but I’d just been happy to wake up and find him still there.

Although it’d been a late night, I wasn’t one for sleeping in.

Before I tiptoed out of my bedroom, I tucked the covers around Boone’s shoulders. I wanted to smooth my hand over the nape of his neck and kiss his forehead, but I wouldn’t chance waking him.

I grabbed my exercise clothes. I used a corner of the extra family room for a workout space—I’d never be a toned gym-rat, but I did feel healthier if I worked up a sweat. After setting the program on the elliptical for forty-five minutes, I hit shuffle on my iPod and did my time in hell.

Most people I knew could multi-task while churning away on an exercise machine. Not me. Music was the only thing that distracted me enough not to say
fuck this
and hop off the machine to do something productive that I actually enjoyed.

After I finished, I poked my head into my bedroom and saw Boone still sprawled in the same position. I smirked at seeing the scratch on his shoulder blade, knowing he bore my marks in other places, as I bore his. I left the door cracked open and headed to the kitchen. Without the music from my iPod blasting in my ears, the events from the past twelve hours raced through my mind.

Last night had been a revelation.

Okay, a night filled with a bunch of revelations.

We’d hit that explosive physical stage, where sex is everything; a drug, a tonic, a crutch, a relief, a necessity, more vital than food or sleep. I’d never experienced that combustion or that type of obsession. Neither had Boone. It hadn’t surprised either of us we experienced it together.

While the physical connection had been astounding, the emotional upheaval it’d brought with it…that’d been a total shocker. To both of us. To Boone, because he actually spoke of things he’d kept shoved down deep. To me, because I had no idea how much those things had affected him.

No fucking idea and it cut me to the quick.

I paused in front of the refrigerator and pressed my forehead against the cool metal door, needing a moment to let the truths about his childhood slowly wash over me before my distress swamped me entirely.

The indifference to his existence.

The complete lack of any affection.

My heart ached for him.

Ached.

From the moment I’d met Boone and we’d become friends, I’d wished for more from him. Until last night I hadn’t realized how much of himself he had given me. Just me. He’d let down his guard during the times we’d spent together. He’d gotten to be a cocky, sweet eighteen-year-old-boy, flirting with a girl he liked, talking about everything and nothing. I loved those times with him.

But he treasured them because they were the only ones he’d had.

God.

To think that back then, and all this time, he’d held me up as his ideal? He wanted what no one before me had bothered to give him? I almost told him he was mistaken to put that much value in me. But he felt the way he felt and I’d never discount that. Never.

It seemed everyone in his life had discounted him.

Except me.

The tears I’d held back since last night fell in silence.

When the alarm for the patio door had gone off, I’d experienced fear and a feeling of loss. I’d sent the universe a silent plea.
Don’t let this be the end. Don’t let him have regrets.
After I mustered the guts to crawl out of the bed that smelled like him—like us—to reset the alarm, that’s when I’d noticed him in the pool.

I’d watched him from the shadows, submerging himself and surfacing as if he’d been practicing drowning. But that had been Boone’s way of reasserting control…and reminding himself to breathe.

So after I’d gained control, warning myself not to fucking cry because it’d send him running, I’d strolled out, alerting him to my presence. Hoping he’d open up to me, even if that meant dealing with his regrets about cramming as much sex as we could into as short a time as possible and his need to walk away or even cool it.

That’s the conversation I’d expected.

Not Boone telling me he didn’t know how to love.

I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop my anguish from spilling out. My anguish and heartbreak and horror and fury that he didn’t know how to love someone because he’d never had love. Or affection. Or any of the normal exasperation and elation that came with loving someone and them loving you back.

So he’d focused on having a purpose. Did he think only then would he be worthy of affection and love?

No, no goddammit, he’d been worthy all along. How strong his will had to be to withstand a life without casual touches, without spontaneous hugs, without that comfort in knowing you were loved.

Right then I resolved to give him that every day. He would know my touch, even just in passing. He would know his value to me in every possible way so he’d never have to wonder again.

I crossed to the sink to wash away the evidence of my tears. I’d never want Boone to think I pitied him—I didn’t, but I knew that’s what he’d think if he saw me bawling. The last thing I wanted was for him to retreat. I wanted him here, where I could be what he needed.

After I made a pot of coffee, I tossed all the ingredients for banana bread into a bowl. While the oven heated, I mixed the batter, greased the pans and shoved them in the oven, all while slurping down my first cup of coffee. When I turned around from putting the dishes by the sink, I noticed Boone leaning against the doorjamb watching me, looking adorable with his hair sticking up and dark scruff on his face. “Hey.”

I didn’t wait for him to come to me. I nearly had a skip in my step as I skirted the center island and circled my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his chest above his heart. “Morning, sleepyhead.”

Immediately Boone’s arms closed around me.

His heart pounded beneath my ear. And the hand running up and down my arm felt clammy—almost like he was nervous.

Of course he’s nervous. He told you things last night that he’s never told anyone else. Things often look different in the light of day.

But for me everything was much clearer.

We held onto each other for a long time.

When Boone tipped my head back and smiled into my face, I puckered my lips for a good morning peck. But he devoured me. He didn’t caress my cheek or my throat or my breast. His entire focus was my mouth, my lips, my tongue, my breath. After ending the kiss, he smiled into my face again. “Good morning, gorgeous.”

I had to reach back for the counter because my legs were as mushy as banana skins.

“Thanks for letting me sleep in. That bed of yours is awesome.”

“It’s even more awesome when you’re in it.” I snagged a cup off the shelf. “Coffee?”

“Sure. What are you making that smells so good?”

“Banana bread.”

“The same kind you used to make?”

I slid the coffee in front of him. “I made banana bread for you before?”

“Once.” He wrapped his hands around his cup. “It had pineapple and chocolate chips in it.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“You made a lot of good stuff for me. And you used me as a guinea pig, so maybe that’s why you don’t remember.”

“All of that?” I waved dismissively. “An attempt to impress the hot, brooding senior I had a major, major crush on.”

“It worked. The sandwich you made me that first day?” He sipped his coffee. “Still the best one I’ve ever had.”

“I don’t remember what it was. I do remember thinking, ‘Boone West is in my house. I’m having lunch with Boone West. Do not be a dork.’”

He smiled. “But you were a dork and that’s why I liked you.”

I liked we could look back. “So do you have to work today?”

“No. Do you?”

“I have a few things to do later, but I can do them from here. I don’t have to go in to the office.”

Boone set down his cup and began to stalk me. “So we have the whole day to do whatever we want?”

“Mmm-hmmm. Got any ideas?”

Then he was right there. He hoisted me onto the counter. “I’ll need to fuck you at least twice more.”

“Our parts were getting chafed last night and we decided to give it a rest, remember?”

He scooted in until we were groin to groin. “My part is ready to say good morning to your part.”

I kissed him. “Let’s have breakfast first.”

“Then what?”

“Are you antsy?”
Are you hinting around that you want to leave?

Of course he read the anxiety in my eyes. “Hey. Not trying to bail on you. It’s just…” His quick smile was just short of sheepish. “Now that I’m your man, am I supposed to clean out your gutters or some other ‘honey do’ list stuff?”

“Dude. I don’t know any more about this weekend couple stuff than you do. I thought we’d probably just…hang out by the pool, or watch football, or spend the afternoon in bed, then eat something.”

He curled his hands around my face. “This
all fucking in
stuff is awesome.”

I almost laughed it off, but his intensity…holy shit.

Boone got closer yet, peering even more deeply into my eyes. “That wasn’t a flip response because you suggested sports, sex and food.”

“I get that.”

“Does it scare you?” He stroked my cheekbones with his thumbs.

“It doesn’t scare me.” I flattened my hand over his heart. “It excites me. It humbles me.”

“Humbles you? Why?” The intensity in those dark brown eyes didn’t lessen. “Even after everything I told you last night?”

“
Especially
after everything you told me. And here you are, owning up to how you feel first thing this morning. No backtracking. No excuses.”

“You thought I might say, ‘Sorry, babe. I said some stuff last night that I didn’t mean’?”

“I don’t want to piss you off by saying I didn’t know how you would react. Or what would happen this morning.”

Boone rested his forehead to mine.

Although he held me gently, his entire body vibrated with tension. “But I know what I wanted to happen,” I said softly.

“What?”

“This.”

“Can you be more specific?”

I tipped my head back to look at him. “That there is an ‘us’ and it’s a new beginning, not just closure from our past. That we’re both
all fucking in.
”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re my past and my future. We
are
gonna figure this couple communication shit out, Sierra.”

“I know. So let’s get the big stuff out of the way first.”

“Big stuff…like?”

“Like I want you to move in with me.” I laughed at his utter look of shock. “Not expecting that one, were you?”

“No, ma’am. But you’ve got my attention.”

I busied myself refilling our coffee before I laid out my plan. I looked at him. “You want logical or emotional first?”

“Logical.”

“You’ve been looking for a place to live. I have a six-bedroom house.”

“So I’d rent from you.”

I sighed. “Okay, it doesn’t appear that we can separate logic and emotion. You’re probably going to be over all the time because we’re
all fucking in
. I have a kick-ass house with a pool and a big garage. You need a place to live. Logically you should live here.”

“Lu pays rent?” he asks.

“Yes. She does yard maintenance and I pay the utilities.”

“Even if we share a bedroom I’ll pay to live here.”

I hated talking about money. “You could pay for part of the utilities.”

Boone crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s that run a month?”

“In the summer months when it’s brutally hot it’s about twelve hundred bucks. The rest of the year, half that.”

“So you’re happy getting the short end of the stick and paying more than your fair share? In your own damn house?”

I slapped my hands on the counter. “Keep that in mind, West. It
is
my house. If I want to give Lu a break on rent because I trust her and like having her live with me? I can. Same with you. I’m not going to take extra money from you that I don’t want or need to run this house because you feel you owe me. I don’t think you’re a charity case, either. I own this house. No mortgage payment. I knew when I bought it I didn’t need this much space. But it was one of those real estate deals I couldn’t pass up. The price was ridiculously low and I had capital gains I had to invest in something. So the only payments I have on it are utilities, insurance and property taxes. You don’t want to live here without paying something? Fine. But I don’t expect you and Lu to foot the bill so
I
can live here free and clear.”

He walked around the center island and stopped behind me, bracing his palms on the edge of the counter, caging me in. “Jesus, you’re stubborn.” He rubbed his lips across the top of my ear. “I’ll pay the utilities. We’ll talk about the grocery bill later. For right now…” He dragged an openmouthed kiss from the hollow below my ear, down the side of my neck, making sure to hit every blasted hot spot he’d discovered last night. “I’m ready for my breakfast.”

My body was a mass of goose bumps even when my skin went hot and tight. My vision turned hazy. My brain veered offline when he peeled my yoga pants down my legs. Next he stripped off my T-shirt. He licked up my spine, starting at the small of my back. By the time his tongue reached the band of my bra, his hands had it undone and he tossed it aside.

“Boone—”

“Turn around.”

I did and his mouth was on mine as his hands cupped my breasts, then followed the outline of my body, stopping at my hips.

He eased up on the kiss to say, “Hop up on the counter.”

But he needn’t have bothered telling me as he lifted me up without any effort.

The hunger in his eyes sent another shiver through me.

As did the possessive growl when he put his hands on the inside of my thighs and pressed them open, baring me to him completely.

Boone didn’t say another word. He just lowered his head and feasted on me.

My initial worry about being naked in my kitchen with the morning sun streaming through the windows and highlighting my private parts…vanished with each flick of his tongue, with every long lick, with every sucking kiss.