In a panic, Gwen screamed. Jacie's meltdown was a hundred times worse than she'd expected and it scared her to the core.
When there wasn't enough phone left in her hand to smash, Jacie let it drop and leaned against the phone booth. She wanted to die. Her back to the glass, her knees gave out and she slid down until her bottom hit the dirty floor and she began to openly sob.
Astonished, Gwen didn't know what to say. "You really love her?" She finally asked, her breath coming fast as the true amount of damage she'd just done to Jacie began to hit home. "Not just some crush or friendship? But really love?"
Jacie wrapped her arms around herself in mute comfort. "Always," was all she could get out between sobs.
"Oh, God. The way I love Malcolm?" Gwen couldn't conceive it could be true. Not between two women. "But, Jacie," she gently said with one hundred percent sincerity, "that's not even possible, is it?"
Jacie didn't bother to answer. She was about to throw up, and talking to Gwen was the last thing she wanted. "Get the hell away from me," she spat, her face contorted in pain.
Awkwardly, Gwen got down on one knee, not at all sure that she could get back up from that position. "It'll be okay," the words tumbled out so quickly she could barely understand them herself. "I want to help you. I love you like a sister! You won't have to quit school. I'll–" Her mind raced for a solution. "I'll give you the money that your parents were giving you." Malcolm would understand and if he didn't, she would sell the car he'd just bought her. She reached out for one of Jacie's hands, but Jacie knocked hers away
Bleakly, and with bloodshot eyes, Jacie glanced up at Gwen's desperate face.
For a split second Gwen thought she might tell Jacie everything. That she'd tricked her. That Nina didn't even know that Victor was coming to dinner tonight. However, indecision caused her to hold her tongue.
"Hey, what's going on?" Wearing a dingy green apron, a skinny clerk with a buzz haircut and a cigarette perched between his lips came out of the convenience store. "What are you girls doing?" He glanced at what was left at the phone: a black chunk of hard plastic that swung from the silver cord in the breeze. "My phone!" He began to hurry towards them.
"C'mon, Jacie." Gwen hoisted herself to her feet and reached out for her friend. "We need to go. He might call the police. Hurry!"
Mutely, Jacie allowed Gwen to help her up and guide her over to the BMW. Then when they were a few feet from the car, she bolted for Katy's car, the ignition roaring to life after a few faltering tries.
"Jacie!" Gwen screamed after her, her eyes wide with fear. "Stop! Please!"
Through a haze of tears, Jacie navigated around the BMW and did a speeding U-turn in the parking lot, shooting over the curb and onto a dirt road that ran behind the store. A cloud of dust erupted behind her.
"Jacie!" Gwen tried again.
Falling apart at the seams, and with another surge of gasoline and the stench of burning rubber, Jacie Priest drove out of all their lives.
And never came back.
T
HEY'D NEARLY MADE their way back to the B&B, the autumn sun had almost set, and a blanket of stars was beginning to peek out from behind the thinning clouds. They sat in the forest on a stone bench that was not 30 yards from the resort's large back lawn, taking a break from their walk. The glow from the kitchen window was barely visible through the trees and the smell of the river and wet foliage seemed stronger now, in the waning light, where their eyes were spared the sensory overload of orange, red and bright yellow leaves.
Jacie's hands were stuffed deeply into her pockets as she stared into space. The haunted expression on her face was starting to scare Nina.
"Hey," Nina began gently. "Are you okay?"
Jacie just stared at her with anguished eyes, not wanting to believe the words but knowing they were true simply by the way Nina had said them. "How," she stopped and cleared her dry throat. "How do you know this? About Gwen, about me, about what happened that last day?"
Sympathy shone in Nina's eyes. She hadn't wanted to hurt Jacie, but Jacie deserved to know the truth. "Gwen came by the house after you stormed off in Katy's car. She was beside herself and she pulled me into the bathroom and spilled her guts. I was–" Nina glanced down at her hands. "I was devastated that you thought so little of me that you'd believe I would sleep with you one night and hope to strike up a romance with some strange guy the next."
This time it was Jacie's turn to look away. "But you said–"
"I said I needed time, Jacie. And it didn't take long for me to figure out that you were what I wanted," Nina said in a firm, but gentle voice. "I just never got the chance to tell you."
Jacie closed her eyes. "Jesus Christ," was all she could think to say. The direction of her entire life had changed because of a lie? How do you respond to someone telling you that you threw away happiness with both hands?
Nina could see that Jacie was at a loss for words, but that was all right. She was content to carry the conversation for a while. "When your uncle called Katy the next day and said he had her car, I thought there was a chance." She let out a sigh. "But you'd already gone and he swore he didn't know where. He said he'd come by later that week and box up your stuff."
Jacie covered her face with her hands.
"I never spoke to Gwen again after that day." Nina shook her head a little and sighed. "I-I was a mess for a long time. I told Audrey and Katy about Gwen going to your parents, but not what happened between you and me. I think they figured there was more to the story, but I just couldn't talk about it."
Jacie laid a comforting hand over Nina's, and Nina smiled, weaving their fingers together.
"When Katy heard what Gwen had done, that was enough for her. She told Gwen to go to hell and never wanted to hear her name again. I think she was a little lost without you, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she missed Gwen, too. Later that spring she moved in with some guy who lived across the city.
"Audrey was pissed at Gwen for betraying you, and hurt that you didn't feel like you could trust us enough to tell us that you were gay. She hurt for me having lost my best friend and she hurt for Gwen, too, saying that Gwen didn't really understand what she'd done. Audrey tried to get Katy and me to mend our fences with Gwen, but that never got very far and I think that only served to push us all farther apart. Maybe… I think she and Gwen stayed in touch for a while, but I'm not sure."
Nina shrugged one shoulder. "We moved out of the house and for the first time started leading separate lives. That first year after everything happened I ran into Audrey on campus a few times. And we'd stop and say hello. But…" She made a face. "I dunno. It wasn't the same. The closeness was still there, but it was buried so deep. Things were awkward. I'd totally lost track of Katy by the time I graduated and then I left Missouri all together to get my Masters in Museum Studies."
"My leaving split you all apart?" Jacie asked, mortified. Her stomach had already been churning, but this news threatened to make it rebel outright. Especially during those first years on her own, she had enviously pictured the Mayflower Club as steadfast friends, having barbecues at each other's houses, even their children playing together.
"No." Tenderly, Nina squeezed their joined hands. "That wasn't your fault,' she insisted, trying to make Jacie understand. "It's true that things were never the same after you left. But," she searched for the right words. "I couldn't really see this then, but we were all growing apart little by little. It was gradually happening before you left and probably would have continued even if you'd stayed."
"Still," Jacie whispered bleakly. "God, I'm so sorry."
Nina's throat constricted at the emotion in Jacie's voice. "I wanted you to know the truth about what happened." She sniffed. "And now you know. I didn't tell you to make you sad."
It was fully dark now and the air had taken on more of a chill, their breaths sending clouds of vapor from their lips as they spoke.
Nina shivered and Jacie's arms ached from the want of holding her, but she still wasn't totally confident that a hug would be welcomed. "If I'd known that Gwen was lying… Things would have been different, Nina. I swear." She gritted her teeth together. "I can't say I'm sorry enough."
Nina shook her head slowly. "That's not true. Yes, you can. I accept your apology, Jacie." She drew in a deep breath, her heart rate picking up a little. "And now I hope that you'll accept mine."
Jacie blinked.
Nina tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her stomach tightening at what she was about to say. "I figured you'd headed to your uncle's farm that night." She smiled sadly. "We… all of us always had so much fun there, swimming and sunning like summer would never end."
"But you didn't know for sure or you could have–"
"I knew."
Jacie's eyes widened.
"I called and spoke to your aunt. She said you'd been sitting in Katy's car in front of the farmhouse for the past four hours. She wasn't sure what to do."
"But if you knew–"
Nina's chilled fingers pressed against her lips stopping her. "If I knew, then why didn't I do something?"
Jacie just nodded.
Nina licked her lips and blew out a long breath. "I don't have a good answer for that question. The truth is that I was hurt and angry that you didn't trust me or trust what I was so sure we had together." Nina squeezed her eyes shut, a tear snaking down her cheek, glistening in the starlight. "I knew you were there suffering, thinking that I was waffling on my sexuality and that I was willing to start dating someone else, and a big part of me thought that's exactly what you deserved."
Jacie didn't say anything, but she snuggled a little closer to Nina, offering her silent support.
"I guess… I guess I thought you'd lick your wounds at your uncle's farm and then come back home the next morning and I could explain the whole thing to you. I shouldn't have taken a chance on losing you, Jacie. But I was so angry! I never imagined that you'd actually," she sighed, "well, that you'd never…." Her voice trailed off.
Jacie looked hard into eyes gone violet in the twilight. She shifted on the bench until she was facing Nina and lifted one hand, gently caressing Nina's cheek with the knuckles. "I didn't think I had anything to stay for. But you've got to believe me," she insisted, her words brimming with conviction. "I'd give my whole life to be able to turn back the clock and change everything about that day. I'd have talked with you the morning after we'd made love instead of allowing my insecurities free rein. I would have believed in us more than anything else. And most importantly, Nina, I wouldn't have let you go. Not for anything. "
Nina sniffed, her vision blurring. "I'm sorry I didn't fight for us. I could have stopped you from leaving, but I didn't."
Jacie shook head and her voice cracked as she spoke. "You don't have anything to apologize for." Nina gave her a doubtful look, but she repeated firmly, "You don't. But I'm sorry I didn't strangle Gwen when I had the chance."
Nina snorted, glad at the humor, black though it was. "I nearly did. Audrey and Katy heard me yelling at her in the bathroom after she told me what she'd done and how she'd lied to you. They stormed in and barely kept me from doing something crazy. I felt like I'd lost my mind."
"I know the feeling," Jacie murmured wryly. "It's scary as hell."
Nina allowed a small smile to ease across her face. "You're more open than you used to be." She only just stopped herself from tuning her head to kiss the warm palm that cupped her cheek. "The Jacie I knew never admitted to being afraid of anything." She thought for a few seconds. "I like the change."
"I finally grew up."
Nina's heart ached for not being there to see that, for not sharing all those glorious and heartbreaking moments between then and now. But she was tired of hurting for the past.
"Jacie–"
"Nina," the auburn-haired woman said at the same time.
They both stopped and smiled.
Jacie cocked her head to the side. "Me first, okay?"
Nina's stomach fluttered nervously. "Okay."
"Do you…" Inexplicably, Jacie found herself blushing.
Oh, God.
"Do you like women?" she asked in a rush, suddenly feeling like an insecure 16-year-old who didn't know how to talk to a pretty girl.
Nina looked at her blankly.
"I mean, do you think you could have a romantic relationship with a woman?"
"Nina! Jacie!"
Both women's heads snapped sideways. It was Audrey's voice in the distance.
"Where are you two?" Katherine called out, as she walked alongside her cousin, her eyes scanning the B&B's large back lawn.
"Should we hide?" Nina asked earnestly. Their conversation was just getting to where she'd prayed it would go.
"Are you kidding?" Jacie responded in a hushed voice. "Those two have noses like bloodhounds. They'd find us soon enough."
The women stood up, each shifting from foot to foot, increasing the blood flow to their cold legs and bottoms.
"Did you just ask me if I was a lesbian?" Nina said quickly, hoping she understood the question correctly and that she'd get her answer to the question she asked Jacie before they were interrupted.
"Uh huh. Sort of. But I need to do something before you answer." Jacie threaded her fingers into Nina's soft hair and pressed their mouths together in a quick, but passionate display of affection. Each woman was instantly flooded with warm memories of their first kiss. Hot tongues collided and a low moan tore from Nina's throat as she was literally kissed senseless, the wave of raw want coursing through her veins as powerful as anything she'd ever experienced.
When the sound of footsteps and calling voices got too loud to ignore, Jacie pulled away and looked into Nina's dazed eyes. Then she gave Nina's lips another kiss, this time tender and whisper soft, just because her mouth was so near and too inviting to resist.