Unbroken (8 page)

They began to circle now, with Blake more wary about his approach.  All of a sudden, he threw a kick towards Joel's midsection which he barely dodged, but then followed it up with a quick jab that snapped his head back.  Blake moved forward, trying to catch Joel before he had a chance to recover but Joel was ready, throwing his own right handed punch. 

It was too slow, and Blake grabbed his extended arm with his left and pulled Joel off balance as he swung his other arm over Joel's shoulder, connecting both together into a kimura.  His right leg hooked behind Joel and he tripped him as both men fell to the ground.  Joel knew he was in trouble as Blake started to move the trapped arm sideways towards Joel's back.  The pain of the arm lock was excruciating, but Joel resisted tapping out and instead put all of his energy into yanking his leg out from under Blake's in one explosive movement.  As soon as it was free, he rolled forward, releasing his arm from the submission and dragging it out from under the bigger man.

He leapt on top of Blake, swinging his body around and into a full mount position, reversing the fortunes of the two men by giving himself the advantage now.  From that position, he started to unleash his fists against the other man's helmeted head.  In a typical fight, this would be pretty effective in quickly incapacitating an opponent, but between the gloves and the helmet he knew he wasn't really doing any real damage.

Blake then jerked his hips up, throwing Joel forward as his opponent slid out and brought his legs up, wrapping them around Joel who refused to be thrown off.  Their positions had changed again and Blake was now in full guard.  The two men spent the rest of the session in a stalemate until time was called by Kingston who was sitting out and watching.

Blake's legs loosened and Joel rolled out.  As he did, he heard the other man grunt.  "Better."

Joel didn't spar with Blake again for the rest of the day, instead spending most of his time working on submissions with Chris.  By the time he left, it was time for dinner and he headed back to the shelter.  With luck, he could get a quick meal there and then take a nap before his fight tonight.  He had suggested the submission work to Chris today on purpose, knowing that working on arm bars and leg locks wouldn't leave him quite as exhausted as he had been last night after training, and it had worked.  But he still wanted to rest so that he came to the fight ready to win.

Amber

"Hi
Nana," Amber said as she opened the door to her grandmother's room.  She had knocked but there was no answer.  The elderly woman was sitting on a blue, Victorian style chair in the corner and looking out of the window to the courtyard of the home.  There were some people out there, walking and talking.  A little girl was laughing as she clung to the fingers of what was probably her grandfather.

Amber's grandmother turned, a look of confusion on her face as her brow furrowed.  Some days she recognized her granddaughter and some days she didn't.

"Judy!  How are you dear!"  Today, it seemed as though she thought Amber was her mother again.  It was easier to just play along than to try to explain it.  Previous attempts had just left her heartbroken when she couldn't get through to her.

"I'm fine.  Do you have your hearing aid in?" 

"Oh, yes dear, it's right here."  Nana reached over to the table beside her chair and picked up the small piece of plastic, bringing it up to her head and fastening it on her ear.

"It's good to see you," Amber said, once her grandmother could hear her properly.

"You, too, dear.  Is Robert with you?"  Robert was Amber's uncle, or had been, until he had died of cancer last year.  It was another conversation she wasn't up for having yet again.  "No, he couldn't make it."

Nana looked disappointed, but Amber had seen what she would look like when she found out he had died for the 100th time, and a little disappointment was much better.  "Of course," the old woman said.  "He's probably busy with the little ones."

The little ones were older than Amber now, but she just nodded.

"How have you been feeling?" she asked.

"Not bad," her grandmother responded.  She always said the same thing.  Nana didn't like to complain.  She did look good, though.  Amber was happy to see that this home was taking care of her, she still felt guilty at having to put her here.

"I wish I could have helped you more," she said, walking over and sitting down on the little bench next to her.  Nana's hand was on the arm rest of her chair, so Amber reached over and placed hers on top, giving her grandmother a little squeeze.

"Of course, dear."  She said that whenever she wasn't sure what the other person was talking about.  It had started out when she was first diagnosed and trying to hide her deterioration from the family, but once it had taken hold the habit just stuck.  These days, that phrase often made up the majority of their conversations.

"Are you still with that man, what's his name?  Stanley?"  Nana was stuck far in the past this time, Amber wasn't even aware of a Stanley in her dating history.  But it was likely that Nana had latched on to the fact that Amber looked so young and her disease addled brain had placed her back 40 years or so, to when her own mother was young and dating.  Amber smiled, recognizing the opportunity.

"No, I've met someone new.  His name is Joel."

"Oh, that's nice dear.  Does he treat you well?"

"Usually," she nodded.  "But we're fighting at the moment."

"Oh, that's too bad.  Well, you know when your father and I would fight, I would find that if I just apologized, that would usually fix things right up.  Even if it was him that was in the wrong, which was most of the time."  Her grandmother gave her a conspiratorial smile that Amber hadn't seen in a long time and she grinned back. 

"It's a bit more complicated than that, I'm afraid.  He left, I don't even know where he is."

"Hmph.  Well, you know, if he's fool enough to leave a girl like you and not come back, then he's too big a fool for you."

Amber smiled.  There was truth to that.  She had only really known Joel for a couple of weeks, and as Simon had pointed out, she didn't even really
know
him.  Why was she so smitten with him, anyway?

Her grandmother started to cough and Amber stood up, grabbing a tissue and holding it in front of her mouth.  "Thank you, dear," Nana said. 

"Nana, have you been eating?" Amber asked, noticing a tray of uneaten food on the dresser at the other end of the room.

"Of course, dear," she said.  Amber frowned, unsure what that meant.  Nana would often forget to eat when she had been taking care of her, and it got to the point where she would have to literally sometimes put the food right in her mouth to get her to remember that she was hungry. But once she could get her to put something in her mouth, it usually sparked her appetite.

She bent down and picked up the bag she had brought.  "I brought you some things," Amber said, opening it up.  Inside were mostly just an assortment of pictures, but there were also a few chocolates that her grandmother had always been fond of but rarely indulged in.  She opened one up and gave it to her.

"My, what a treat," she said, popping the candy into her mouth.  Amber smiled.  At least she was eating something.  The way Amber figured it, at 80 years old you were entitled to dessert first.

"Now, tell me about this boy," her grandmother said, smiling at her.

Amber laughed, happy that Nana was so interactive today.  "Well, let's see.  He's very handsome..." she began.

***

She stayed long enough to make sure that Nana ate her next meal and then Amber made her way to the bar for work.  At the end of the night, she declined Simon's offer of a repeat of the previous nights festivities and raced home, anxious to see if Joel had returned again.  Her heart felt heavy when she opened the door to an empty apartment.

He was obviously still upset.  She felt sick to her stomach when she thought about some of the things he'd said, what he'd gone through.  An abusive and alcoholic father, being kicked out by both parents and left with nothing and no one.  No wonder he hadn't wanted to talk about his past.  He was ashamed of it.  But it made her sad to think that he felt that way.  If only he had trusted her enough to confide in her, she could have told him it was nothing to be ashamed of, none of that was his fault. 

But now it might be too late. 

He taught me that no one can be trusted.  That's one lesson I should have paid more attention to.
 

Joel's words echoed in Amber's head.  Was he ever coming back?

As if in response, she could hear her grandmother's voice reply.

If he's fool enough to leave a girl like you and not come back, then he's too big a fool for you.

Maybe Nana was right.

Joel

Joel decided to walk to the fight.  The night was cool, and he had time to kill after not being able to nap for very long.  The shelter had been noisy tonight, and he had too much on his mind to relax. 

His father was dead.  That thought spun around his brain, confusing him with the range of emotions it dislodged with each revolution.
  He was happy.  Elated even, that he would never have to see Darryl's twisted scowl again.  But there was also a deep rooted tension within him, bubbling beneath the surface.  A dark rage whose source eluded him. 

When Amber had told him about it, he hadn't been surprised, especially to know he'd been driving drunk.  Darryl had done that all the time, and it was more amazing that it had taken this long for it to catch up with him.  But the next thing that had gone through his head was that his death was too quick.  Too easy.  For all the pain and suffering he had inflicted on him and his mother, he would have preferred to hear about how Darryl had suffered a bit first. 

Growing up, Joel had often fantasized about being the cause of that suffering.  When he'd first started taking secret martial art training at school, the original goal had been to be able to defend himself and his mother.  As time went on and he showed an aptitude for it, he started to imagine really laying into his father.  He'd have dreams where he would pound the older man's face until it was barely recognizable and then wake up, his heart pounding.  Not out of terror or fear, but excitement. 

But he never acted on it.  His mother would always defend Darryl, and then when she didn't stop the man from kicking Joel out, he realized that she probably still loved him in some sick and twisted way.  He'd grown up trying to protect her from that monster, loving her and often placing himself in danger to protect her.  When she sided with her husband in sending Joel out on his own with absolutely nothing, it had broken his heart and steeled his resolve that he was on his own in this world and could never really trust anyone else.  Eventually, he came to appreciate that he owed his parents nothing, and he resolved to keep his relationships with others just as simple.  If you didn't owe anything to anyone, then they had no power over you.  He could leave whenever he wanted with nothing holding him back.

When it comes time to stick your neck out emotionally, you run away scared.

He let out a deep breath, trying to release some of the tension he was feeling as he thought about those words.  Amber's interpretation of the way he lived his life was accurate.  He had no problem with physical pain, but he really was trying to shelter himself from feeling anything emotionally.   With physical pain you could figure out the cause and heal it.  You could often fight back.  Emotional pain stayed with you. 

Just get out!
  He could still hear his mother's voice, as if she were right there beside him.

Amber was right in another way, too.  He was living in the shadow of his past, unable to get on with his life.  She was offering him a lifeline, trying to pull him in from an ocean of loneliness and he was throwing it back, telling her to let him drown. 

Sounds of a crowd pulled his attention back and he realized he'd already arrived at the fight.  The little parking lot behind the abandoned warehouse where they were fighting tonight was packed, and he saw Randy smile as soon as he saw Joel pushing his way through.