Unchained Memories (23 page)

Grateful to Julie and John for painting a more flattering picture of Clay than his teasing family had initially composed, Charlotte took in the incredible bond the Montgomery siblings had formed, and stored it away.

She liked Julie, and she had no intention of trespassing into territory Julie had allowed her to glimpse, but didn’t necessarily want her to dwell on. So Charlotte returned to Julie’s earlier question, forgoing the personal inquiries she’d much rather discuss.

“In starting at a new firm, you should befriend someone who’s been there for a while. Understanding office politics is just as important as doing well in your job. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Clay tells me you’re brilliant.”

Another blush rose to Julie’s cheeks, but the smile that came with it reminded her of Clay’s. For the next ten minutes they spoke amongst themselves, with Julie asking Charlotte about the practice of law and Charlotte giving her, her best advice. It occurred to Charlotte she’d been embraced by Clay’s family from the minute she’d walked into the yard, treating her with warmth and friendliness as if she’d been a part of their circle for more than a few hours. And it felt good.

Charlotte rarely dwelt on her nonexistent family. Yet, sharing this picnic with Clay’s family brought back the sweet memory of Sunday dinners and holiday gatherings at their old house in Princeton, complete with her parents, sister, and family friends, always talking, laughing, playing games. It eclipsed the present, if only for a moment. But no use dredging up the past, a past that would never, could never, be recreated.

Charlotte helped clear the table, and with everyone chipping in, it took no time at all. The sun was setting and John and Tara started gathering the multitude of baby paraphernalia they’d brought, just to keep their twins comfortable for an afternoon.

Clay pulled Charlotte around to the far side of the house before she could reach for another bowl to bring into the kitchen. A clandestine move meant to escape notice. “So, how are you?”

A laugh bubbled up and over. “I’m fine. Your family is wonderful. So friendly. Welcoming.”

He held her hands in his as he moved into her space, allowing only inches between them.

Her smile faded as she looked into his sea green eyes and saw hot desire in their depths. “I miss you.” His voice was husky, sensual.

“I’ve been right next to you.”

“But not alone. Like this.” His head curved down and his lips moved over hers, pliant, hungry, delicious.

She felt her inner sigh as she kissed him back, deep and hot, electric. She moved her hands up his muscled chest, feeling his nerves jump at her touch. He pulled her closer, into him, his hard body pressing against hers, awakening every pore, every erogenous zone. His tongue danced in her mouth, and she clung to him, feeling the heat spreading directly from him into her veins.

“Clay, Charlotte, where are you?” John’s voice rang through the air. “We’re leaving.”

Charlotte froze, but Clay didn’t immediately release her. Instead, he lightened the kiss without ending it abruptly. When he finally broke their connection, he sighed. “Damn. That was good.”

She swallowed, and nodded, knowing her voice would come out hoarse and unintelligible.

“We better go say good-bye.” Clay moved his arm around her shoulders and the two of them emerged from behind the house.

“There you are,” said Colleen, who had previously witnessed their affection. “I should have guessed.” She rolled her eyes, and Charlotte had to laugh at her knowing look.

Clay went over to the twins and kissed each of them on the forehead before slipping his finger into Diana’s, then Dylan’s hand, as if their secret handshake. Charlotte also said her good-byes, and was surprised when both John and Tara kissed her in parting.

“Hope to see you soon,” John said, giving her a wink. “Don’t let my big brother get away with his flimsy excuses. You’ve been warned.”

Charlotte nodded. “Thanks for the heads up.” She glanced at Clay to put him on notice.

“We should be going, too.” His gaze told Charlotte they had a long, erotic night ahead of them which sent tingly sensations spilling over her skin. She hoped no one else saw the goose bumps on her arms or the heat smoldering between them.

For as much as she enjoyed spending the day with Clay’s incredible family, she knew nothing would compare with spending the night with Clay.

Chapter Twenty-One

“Where are the kids?” Charlotte bounded through Renee’s front door as if she lived there. She was starting to feel a little too comfortable in her sister’s house, at home. Which would only make it that much more difficult to return to California when the time came.

“Down for their naps.” Renee picked up a few stray toys. “I thought you’d be here sooner.”

“Sorry. I overslept.” Heat blazed on Charlotte’s cheeks at the reasons for her staying awake until well past midnight.

“Really. That’s not like you.” Renee looked at her pointedly, but Charlotte ignored Renee’s questioning stare and began helping her pick up, as she always did on Saturdays. “Okay. I give up. I’m just going to come out and ask. What’s going on with you and Clay?”

An uncontrollable smile took over Charlotte’s mouth, but she kept her head down as she moved some newspapers from the coffee table to the desk. Renee approached her and took the papers out of her hand, then drew her over to the couch and sat her down.

“Are you in love?”

Charlotte’s eyes shot open wide at her sister’s probing and intimately personal question.

“No. Of course not. Well...maybe.” Her smile returned with a vengeance.

“Does he feel the same way about you?”

“Yes. I think so. He acts like it.” Charlotte’s joy slipped a notch. “He did say he’s falling for me. That means he’s falling in love, right? I wish he would say it. To be clear.” She twisted her fingers. “I think he’s hesitant. He’s never wanted a long-term relationship. Hell, I never did either. Not that this is one. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few months.” She pondered her words. “This is never going to work out. I should just end it now before I get hurt.”

“Whoa. Charlotte, you just told me you’re in love with Clay. Why would you break up with him? You need to give it a chance. See if it’s the real thing.”

“He puts work before all else. He’s told me that a dozen times. And if I didn’t believe it, his family confirmed it when I was there yesterday.” Charlotte’s stomach knotted over the truth she dared to reveal in words.

“You put work ahead of everything, too. So you’re a lot alike in that respect.”

“He’s also very committed to his family. For years he’s been helping his brothers and sisters by paying for their education. It’s like his siblings are his kids and once they grow up, he’s done.” A pang of sadness shot through her. “I don’t really know how I fit into that.”

“Why are you trying to find reasons to break it off with Clay when it’s clear you love him?”

Charlotte shrugged, offering no immediate response. But she knew the reason. She didn’t want to get hurt. In order to avoid that traumatic emotion, she needed to distance herself from the person who could cause it.

Renee probed further. “Maybe he’s afraid to commit to someone who continually talks about returning to California.”

Charlotte considered Renee’s words. Was Charlotte really that vocal about her intention to move back to the West Coast?

Unfortunately, this was not a subject that would get resolved through discussions with Renee. “Let’s stop talking about me and my questionable relationship. What’s going on with you? Have you decided to dip your toe into the dating ocean?

A guilty smile curved Renee’s mouth. “Matt called me last night. He wanted to know if I’d meet him for coffee sometime.” She stared at Charlotte waiting for a reaction.

Charlotte measured her words, attempting to keep the vehemence out. “ You should stay away from him. He’s recently divorced and is only looking for a good time.”

Disappointment showed in Renee’s eyes. “I told him I couldn’t. But maybe I should. Do something fun, just for me. It’s been seven months since Jason died. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be wearing my mourning clothes or trying to move on. I don’t want people to think I’m moving too fast, that I didn’t love my husband. But I’m going stir-crazy hanging around this house, doing nothing but working and taking care of the kids. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and I hadn’t always been going places or doing things, but that was my life with him. And now I have nothing.”

Charlotte felt Renee’s conflict deep in her bones. Funny how they hadn’t been close for years, and now Renee relied on Charlotte for not only support but advice. And Charlotte found herself seeking the same from Renee. That was probably bad. When Charlotte did decide to leave, she’d miss her sister terribly. As well as the kids. But she didn’t want to think about that now.

Charlotte put her hands on Renee’s arms. “You should go out. Have some fun. My concern is Matt might not be the one to do it with. He’s a player. He dates around. I can’t imagine he’s going to want to include your kids in any invitation. Why would you want to get involved with someone like that?”

“Are you sure you’re not saying that because of your philosophical differences? You don’t like him. But you don’t like him because of his stance on medical malpractice. Not because he plays the field.”

“I’m trying to look out for you, Renee. And I don’t see what good could come from dating him. What if you fall for him? You’re only going to get hurt and you don’t need that in your life right now.”

“I’m not planning to fall for him. I just want to have a little fun. Maybe put on something sexy and go out once in a while. McDonald’s is getting old, and while I love my kids, staying in and watching the Disney Channel on Saturday nights is making for a very boring Renee.”

Charlotte laughed. “You’re not boring. You’re a great mother. And a fabulous comptroller. And maybe even a passable sister.” After the words slipped out, a pang of guilt passed through her gut.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Oh. Nothing. Just kidding.” Charlotte stood and began picking up toys. She should have kept her mouth shut. She and Renee had been forging a new relationship without dwelling on the past.

“No, you’re not. Stop cleaning up and look at me.”

Charlotte’s back stiffened and she turned slowly, biding time while she rearranged any telltale sign of blame on her face. But the past couldn’t just be swept away and forgotten. They needed to deal with it if they were going to move forward. “Well, you haven’t exactly been there for me all these years.”

It took a few moments for the words to sink in. “You didn’t need me.” Renee’s words came out angry, harsh.

“I didn’t need you? I was lying in a hospital bed after Mom and Dad died. I had no family around. What do you mean I didn’t need you?”

Tears welled up behind Renee’s eyes. “You...you were strong. I would have made you weak. We’d have been miserable together...just thinking about what had happened. How Mom and Dad had died.”

Charlotte shook her head. “Is that what kept you away? You were afraid we’d have to talk about it? Commiserate? Lean on each other?”

Charlotte’s questions definitely landed a blow as Renee struggled to respond

“I was young.”

“I was younger. I needed you.” Charlotte’s voice broke like a little girl’s. She had been strong for so many years, pushing aside the hurt and resentment and dealing with it in her own way. Now she was going to fall apart.

“Don’t.” Renee held up her hand, as if begging Charlotte not to come unglued. “You’ve been my rock. You pulled me out of the cave I lived in after Jason died. I need you to be strong.”

Renee stood and started pacing. “I can’t believe you’re dredging this up after all these years. I thought we’d gotten past it.”

“Past it! We never talked about it. I always kept it bottled up inside, afraid to rock the boat on our frail relationship. Then Jason died. I didn’t stay away. I didn’t use the excuse I had a great job, a boyfriend, an apartment. A life in San Francisco. You needed me. And I tossed my life aside and made a temporary one here. To help you through a difficult time.”

“If you resented me that much, why did you come here for me?”

“Because I’m your family. Even though you never did the same for me.”

Renee gasped in air. “Why can’t you understand I was scared?”

Charlotte inhaled to calm down. She lowered her voice. “I was scared too. I was only in high school. If something ever happens to you I hope Eva and Jake take care of each other. Stay together. Help each other.”

Tears streamed down Renee’s cheeks and she crumpled to her knees, sucking in air with heart wrenching sobs.

“Renee!” Charlotte ran over and crouched beside her, putting her arms around her, trying to pull her out of the precipice she was falling into. “Are you okay? Breathe slowly.” She counted to four. “That’s it. Again.”

Renee followed Charlotte’s instructions. As she did, her breathing became easier and her sobs subsided. Charlotte looked into Renee’s eyes, the same color as hers. Regret made them soft, beautiful.

“I’m so sorry, Charlotte.” Her voice was hoarse with emotion. “I didn’t know what to do back then. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to bury my sadness, and the only way I knew how was to stay away from you. I didn’t think about how you were feeling, what you needed. I only knew what I needed. I kept busy with my classes and relied on my friends to take up all my time so I couldn’t think about it.”

Her sister’s words demolished the last of the fortress Charlotte had built around her heart to keep Renee out. With her explanation came understanding, and with understanding, emotion. Tears flooded her eyes.

Renee shook her head. “I’m an awful person. I deserted you. I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I don’t know how I could have been so cold, so heartless.”

Charlotte pulled Renee up with her, while swiping at the tears soaking Charlotte’s cheeks, but the torrent continued. They’d been locked inside forever, waiting to get out. The same tears cascaded down Renee’s face. Charlotte reached over and touched her sister’s cheek, mingling their tears.