Uncharted (Unexpected Book 3) (38 page)

“I don’t know where to start.” I scratch the back of my head. “I’m sorry for every stupid thing I’ve done, and thankful that you’ve been there for me.”

“Both apply.” Matthew crosses his arms. “Don’t you think, Bradley?”

“I get it. A lot of sh
… bad things had happened to you,” Mason whispers, as he cradles Grace in his arms. My niece wears a tiny diaper, a hat on top of her head, a pair of booties, and oxygen tubes. Her lungs haven’t fully developed, but she’ll recover soon. “But you have a lot of great things going for you. What exactly happened yesterday that landed you in jail?”

“My turn to hold Miss Cutie.” Pria enters the room, wearing the scrubs, a mask, and even surgical gloves. “AJ’s awake.”

“I wish I could have both in the same room.” Mason closes his eyes for a brief moment, kissing Grace. “I love you, baby girl.”

Mason hands Grace to Pria. As I see her holding my niece, I hesitate leaving the room. A pain in the back of my throat develops. Anguish overtakes my body. I lost her while working hard to become a better man for her.

“Jacob.” Matthew touches my arm as he calls my attention. Pria lifts her gaze toward me, and sadness appears in those dark eyes. God I miss her. She’s never been a sexual object. I lied to myself all those months, believing were just using each other for release. She’s my truth, my light, the person who brought me back from the dead. “Time to go, buddy.”

Driven by my heart, I stride toward them, kiss Grace lightly on the top of her head. I pull down the mask that cover’s Pria’s mouth and press my lips to her before I leave.

Big gestures. Big words. Real feelings. No more hiding behind a tragedy that happened long ago. “Follow your heart,” my father once told Mason. My heart says to clean up my act for real. To make myself worthy of Pria Walker, I have to sweep away the debris I’ve been living under for all these years.

“Maybe someday I’ll ask for your shit, Matthew.” My brother pats my back as we continue our way to the elevator and down to the cafeteria for some food before he leaves the hospital and I stay for the night watch.

“Jacob.” I turn around to find Mason walking toward us. “We want to talk to you.”

“I’ll head to the cafeteria and order us food. Go ahead.” Matthew pokes the button for the elevator. “Look remorseful and maybe she won’t kill you.”

“Uh, yeah, whatever.” I hesitate on going back because now that she’s no longer worried about having a baby, my sister can get all bossy and nasty with me. “Are you armed, Bradley, or are you going to execute me with your two bare hands?”

He shakes his head and doesn’t utter a word.

“There you are, Jacob Christian.” AJ raises an eyebrow. “You should be scared, very scared. This is a standard procedure. We’re doing it because life happens and—”

“We want Grace to be protected.” Mason takes over, holding AJ’s hand. “In case something happens to both of us, we’re naming you her guardian.”

I shake my head, raise my palms, and wave them too. “No, you can’t possibly think I’m fit for that. What about our parents?”

“They’ll help because they’re the grandparents, but we want you to be our children’s guardian—their father in our absence,” AJ continues. “You’ve put yourself through hell for a kid that wasn’t yours, Jacob. I’m sure you’ll do the same and more for our Grace and any other baby we have.”

My heart swells and shrinks. This is a huge amount of trust, and I’m deeply touched by it. Scared that I would be in charge of their children, but happy that they know I would care for Grace.

“I’m honored. I swear I’ll be there for her.” I pause, swallowing the lump that forms in the base of my throat. My sister never ceases to surprise me, and to hit the exact spot when I need her to do so. She believes in me. “For all your children and for the two of you too. No more stupidities.”

“I know. The darkness is totally gone too.” She winks at me. “Now hush, I have to convince this man and the doctors that I’m healthy enough to jump on a chair and head next door to hold my baby.”

I embrace her and leave the room, wanting so many things that I can’t figure out where to start.

From not wanting to live, I’m now finding myself in a state where I want everything. By being afraid of losing my loved ones, I stopped living. Shutting the door to any outsiders, I closed the possibilities of discovering the world. This process should start from the beginning, the first thing I refused to do many years ago.

A detour on my way to the elevator is what I need. I stop in front of Grace’s room and only take one step in. Pria’s in the rocking chair with my niece—she’s so beautiful. Her gaze lifts and her face scrunches.

“I love you, Twinkle. Don’t give up on me.”

Not wanting to know her reaction, I pivot and leave the room.

Stinson agreed to sit down and try to resolve things outside the courtroom. He waits in the other room where Donovan, his lawyer, and a third person will witness our exchange. I’m hoping to convince him not to press charges for aggravated assault, but if he does, at least I’d have the opportunity to ask for forgiveness for my behavior in the past years. The pedophile charges are gone. Donovan recommended Stinson and his lawyer to stick to real facts or we’d be forced to use our resources to defend ourselves.

I fix my tie while crossing the threshold to what represents one of the steps toward my future. On top of the large rectangle table is a folder. At the head of the table sits an elderly woman whose look is anything but pleasant. She’s a little intimidating, actually. Her clear, astute eyes stare at me; they watch my every move. To her right sits Donovan, to her left another suit, younger than Donovan. The man leans toward Tyler Stinson; they glare at me and continue their discussion. I continue walking and take a seat next to Donovan, placing the manila envelope on top of the mahogany table.

“Good morning, everyone,” Donovan starts. “We’re here to have a friendly chat following the events of two days ago. Mrs. Russell is here as a witness. Mr. Decker, the floor is yours.”

I look at Tyler. “Norah appeared at a time when I thought my life was over.”

Tyler laughs. “
Her
life was over. You were a spoiled rock star pretending to give a shit about my wife.”

“Ex-wife,” I murmur. “Making assumptions based on my line of work is judgmental. I cared about her and your child. For me, they were a godsend when I believed my life was over. Yes, I was a child and I couldn’t see past my pain. My pain increased when I lost her and Hunter.”

I take the list of things I had promised Norah.

1. Become Hunter’s caregiver

2. Never fall in love again

3. Never kiss again

4. Only have anonymous sex

5. Keep my memory alive

Then I slide across details of the trust fund I set for Hunter when Norah died. I used the little money I had back then in an attempt to provide for him, to ensure if I died he was taken care of.

“She said that when she died, Hunter would be alone.” I loosen my tie, and take several sips of water. I resist disclosing the shit about him being a crappy parent, or an abusive asshole. Norah liked to play with the reality, and hurting him isn’t in my plans. “Back then I believed they were my only chance for having a family. I never meant to hurt anyone with my actions, only to protect Hunter, and keep my promise to Norah. My intentions were in the right place, but I failed to think about the perception of my actions for the past years, and for that and any inconvenience, I apologize.”

Tyler’s angry eyes stare at me, and his look of contempt leaves me chilled. I scratch my neck and lecture myself to stay quiet. The silence is killing me, but I have to fight the need to break it with some stupid comment.

“She left me for a boy eleven years younger than me—you. Norah’s last days belonged to me. Instead, she chose you. After she died, you fought me for custody of my boy.
My
son, not yours. Maybe it’s hard for you to understand, but what you were trying to do was fucked up—I’m a good father and I provide for him. I did what my lawyer suggested to keep you away, but you kept coming around. Going to the cemetery, watching Hunter play football from afar… I’ve seen you throughout the years, but I couldn’t report you when you stayed three hundred feet away from us. This won’t absolve you from what you did to me.” He points at his face. “You think you’re the only person that suffered with her death?” He stands up and slams the table and taps his chest lightly. “You were an irresponsible kid then, and you’re still the same irresponsible man that thinks everything is solved with money. One way or another, you’ll serve jail time for the years I’ve had to watch my back, fearing you’d come and snatch my son.”

“I’m here to promise that you’ll never hear from me.” I close my eyes and think about Pria, her soft voice even when she’s boiling inside. “
Reflect what you want others to see,
” she said once. I want them to see a mature person taking charge of his life and not snapping like a brat. I push the letters Norah left for Hunter and hand them to him. “I’ve come back from the nightmare I’ve been living since I was eighteen years old. This is the beginning of a new life. I’m sorry for any pain I caused to you, Hunter, and your family. You’re free to decide whatever you want, and I appreciate the opportunity you granted by listening to my side.”

Leaving the room with less weight than I carried in doesn’t erase the sour taste the encounter left. My fathers, who came to support me, walk behind me as I head out of the building. Their presence is a reminder that no matter what I do or how much I fuck up, I have a family that loves me and supports me.

The sky is clear; millions of stars shine, but I only spot a few. The city lights prevent me from seeing all of them, but my heart knows it’s full and that from my parents’ home, she can watch more than I can. Pria is leaving tomorrow. She’s avoiding my calls, not responding to my texts, and avoiding me when I’m around. I can’t find a way to convince her to stay with me. To show her I’ve changed. Things are shifting and everything is because of her. Tyler Stinson didn’t press charges against me. Because of my clean record, the judge let me go with a slap on the wrist, but ordered me to sign up for anger management classes.

Almost three weeks after our meeting, Tyler sent me a note with Donovan that read,
I forgive you.
Nothing more, nothing less. Per Donovan, he’s returning the trust fund I created for Hunter, suggesting I donate it to some charity.

Mae called me today. She wanted to know if I had a plan. I told her that I’ve repaired my heart, liberated myself from the guilt, and accepted that life will happen with or without me. That my attitude toward the future doesn’t shield me from anything, and only hurts my loved ones.

I tap my chest; my heart is out of whack again.

“Soon.” I blow a kiss toward the sky. “You’ll be by my side to tune it. We’ll make music together. This time forever.” I stare at my right forearm tracing the words,
Music Never Fails to Speak For Me.

It’ll happen. The solo song I released is playing on the radio. Hopefully she’ll listen to it soon.

I shut the door of my car and make it through the cemetery. This time there’s no alcohol involved, only the flowers Norah loved.

“Hi, Norah.” I place a bouquet of daisies on top of her headstone. I kneel, take my Swiss Army knife out of my pocket, and dig a hole deep enough. I take off my stud earring, place it there, and cover it with the pile of dirt. “I tried to do everything you asked for, but I failed. You asked so much from a kid that had too little to give. There was a different story behind what you said, but none of that matters anymore.”

I read her tombstone, and for the first time, I realize that maybe we were meant to be in each other’s lives for a mere moment. That her sudden loss didn’t allow for me to grasp the reason why we crossed paths. It wasn’t a constant. I wasn’t supposed to be a permanent part of who she was or how everyone remembers her.

Norah Renee Stinson
Daughter, Wife, Mother.

“I think what I’m trying to say here, is that when you died, I should have taken the best of our relationship with me and cherished our time together. Not lived with the grief that losing you created, the guilt of not loving you the same way I love my girl. I did love you, Norah, but not the way you expected me to. I’m sorry.”

Kissing the tips of my fingers and touching her headstone, I prepare myself to say the final goodbye.

“It is time for me to let you go, to start living. Thank you for being a part of my life.”

It’s done. She was really only a momentary inclusion in my heart and life. A few, short months. When I think back, they weren’t as easy as I thought. She had lied to me. But I don’t need to hold on to that anymore. It’s time to focus on my future. Pria. My Twinkle. She is my heart, my soul, my future. It’s time.