Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wise Up! (20 page)

Read Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wise Up! Online

Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute

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LAWYERS

•   Every 30 seconds, someone files a lawsuit in the United States.

•   More than 60 percent of the world’s lawyers live in the United States.

Uncommon in Common

Stephen Colbert, Vin Diesel, and Mike Myers all like to play Dungeons and Dragons.

Little Richard and MC Hammer are both ordained ministers.

Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp, and Russell Crowe play in bands.

Walter Matthau, Goldie Hawn, and Sylvester Stallone all released albums…that bombed.

Bob Dylan and Prince are both from Minnesota.

Real people on Pez dispensers: Betsy Ross, Daniel Boone, and Paul Revere.

The Sex Pistols covered songs by Frank Sinatra, Bill Haley, and the Monkees.

As a session musician, Jimmy Page played with the Kinks, Joe Cocker, and Engelbert Humperdinck.

B. B. King, Bill Haley, James Brown, and Ike Turner were former DJs.

What do Elvis Presley and Liberace have in common? Both had a twin who died at birth.

Frank Capra, Irving Berlin, Max Factor, and Bob Hope were immigrants processed through Ellis Island.

Winston Churchill, Benito Mussolini, and Pope John Paul II all wrote movie scripts.

Famous people from Arkansas: Maya Angelou, Johnny Cash, and Douglas MacArthur.

Nick Cave, David Lee Roth, Henry Rollins, and Sting are all published authors.

Laura Bush, J. Edgar Hoover, and Pope Pius XI were all librarians.

Google, Apple, and Amazon started in home garages.

Basic Feng Shui

WHAT IS IT?

Pronounced “fung shway,” it’s the ancient Chinese art of how things are placed in a home, business, or office in order to attract and circulate positive energy, or “chi.” Some unfavorable architectural details are impossible to change, so feng shui experts have come up with ways to “cure” them. Here are a few:

THE ENTRY.
The approach to your home should be unblocked and as clutter-free as possible. A curved path is okay, as long as it isn’t “too” curvy. A straight path can allow the chi to rush in. You’re looking for a nice, calm flow, outside and inside.

THE FRONT DOOR.
It should be easy to find. If it isn’t, make it obvious by adding an arbor, lining up plants along the walkway, or installing a sign that says “Welcome.”

INSIDE THE FRONT DOOR.
The space as you step inside the front door should be unblocked, and a blank wall facing the front door can stop the chi from entering. The cure: experts suggest putting up a mirror on that wall, even a small one.

THE LIVING ROOM.
Furniture should open toward you as you enter the room. The biggest piece, the sofa, is most important. Don’t let it block the entry into the room and try not to place it with its back facing the entry.

THE BATHROOM.
This is where the most dangerous fixture in feng shui resides: the toilet. Chi can go down the toilet, so keep the lid down and keep the door closed whether you’re in there or not.

THE BEDROOM.
Position the bed so that you have a full view of the room and the door. If windows and such make that impossible, put a mirror across from the bed and try to angle it so that you can
see the reflection of the door. Whatever you do, don’t put a bed directly in line with the door. That’s what feng shui experts call the “coffin” position—if you were dead, your pallbearers could pick you up and take you (feet first) straight out the door. Nightstands on both sides of the bed will encourage balance in relationships.

THE KITCHEN.
The stove, a symbol of prosperity, is the most important fixture in the kitchen. Very few stoves face the doorway to the kitchen, so cures abound. Experts suggest putting a mirror (or something shiny) on the wall behind the stove. You can also just put a shiny kettle or pot on one of the burners. Not only will this enable the cook to be aware of anyone entering the room, the reflection will increase the number of the burners—from four to seven or eight—thereby increasing prospects for wealth.

THE OFFICE.
In the office—at home or at work—position the desk so that you’re facing the entrance when you sit, closer to the wall behind you than the doorway. It puts you “in command” and takes away any prospect of your being startled by someone entering the room without your knowledge.

THE RELATIONSHIP AREA.
The far right corner of your home is the relationship corner. If you want to have a harmonious relationship, put something pink there and decorate with things like hearts that symbolize love.

FENG SHUI DON’TS

•   Dried flowers are a no-no because they’re dead. Plastic, silk, or real flowers are better. And when real flowers start to die, throw them out.

•   Knives on display in the kitchen can create conflict. Stow them in a drawer or in a wooden block.

•   Overhead beams—especially in a bedroom—are considered bad for chi flow and can upset a couple’s relationship. The higher the beams, the better. But either way, try to paint them a light color, cover them up, or have them removed.

For the Birds

The first bird mentioned in the Bible is a raven (Genesis 8:7). Second is a dove, in verse 8:8.

The queen is the only person in Britain who is legally allowed to eat swan.

Time needed to hard-boil an ostrich egg: two hours.

The Baltimore Ravens have three mascots: Edgar, Allan, and Poe.

The Pacific island of Nauru’s economy is based almost entirely on harvested bird droppings.

Florence Nightingale had a pet owl named Athena.

The shortest word ending in “ology” (meaning “the study of”) is oology—the study of eggs.

The left drumstick of a chicken is more tender than the right one.

During one insanity attack, King George III of England ended every sentence with “peacock.”

At the 1900 Olympics, the archery competition used live pigeons as targets.

If you actually ate “like a bird,” you’d eat about 28 pounds of food per day.

The rock band the Eagles once sued the American Eagle Foundation for name infringement. (The band later dropped the suit.)

There’s no such thing as a Cornish game hen—they’re just young chickens of two pounds or less.

Rule at Yellowknife Golf Club in Canada: “No penalty assessed when ball carried off by raven.”

In the 12th century, many Europeans believed that trees gave birth to birds.

Behave in Public

It’s against the law to run out of gas in Youngstown, Ohio.

In Los Angeles, it’s against the law for infants to dance in public halls.

If you’ve just eaten garlic in Gary, Indiana, you must wait at least four hours before you can attend a theater or ride on a public streetcar.

In Rochester, Michigan, anyone swimming in public must have their suit inspected by a police officer.

In Massachusetts, it is illegal for a mourner at a funeral to eat more than three sandwiches.

In Elkhart, Indiana, it’s against the law for a barber to threaten to cut off a child’s ears.

In Xenia, Ohio, it’s a crime to spit on a salad bar.

It’s illegal to drive without a steering wheel in Decatur, Illinois.

By law, all Washington, D.C., taxis must carry a broom and a shovel.

In Louisiana, it is illegal to gargle in public.

It’s against the law in Jefferson City, Missouri, to tie a boat to the railroad tracks.

In Winchester, Massachusetts, it is illegal for a woman to dance on a tight-rope…unless she’s in a church.

In Florida, you may not pass gas in a public place after 6:00 p.m.

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“Speak softly and wear a loud shirt.”

—Hawaiian proverb

Mr. President

8 P
RESIDENTS FROM
V
IRGINIA

1.
George Washington

2.
Thomas Jefferson

3.
James Madison

4.
James Monroe

5.
William Henry Harrison

6.
John Tyler

7.
Zachary Taylor

8.
Woodrow Wilson

6 P
RESIDENTS
W
HO
O
WNED
S
LAVES

1.
George Washington

2.
Thomas Jefferson

3.
James Madison

4.
Andrew Jackson

5.
James Polk

6.
Zachary Taylor

5 P
RESIDENTS
W
HO
W
ERE
N
EVER
E
LECTED

1.
John Tyler

2.
Millard Fillmore

3.
Andrew Johnson

4.
Chester Arthur

5.
Gerald Ford

3 P
RESIDENTS
W
HO
L
OST THE
P
OPULAR
V
OTE BUT
W
ON
A
NYWAY

1.
Rutherford B. Hayes

2.
Benjamin Harrison

3.
George W. Bush

2 M
USICAL
P
IECES
P
LAYED
W
HEN THE
P
RESIDENT
E
NTERS A
R
OOM

1.
“Ruffles and Flourishes”

2.
“Hail to the Chief”

3 R
EQUIREMENTS
TO B
E
E
LECTED

1.
Must be at least 35 years old.

2.
Must be a natural-born citizen.

3.
Must have lived in the United States as a permanent resident for at least 14 years.

6 J
OBS
B
EFORE
T
HEY
W
ERE
P
RESIDENT

1.
Sheriff: Grover Cleveland

2.
Elevator operator: Lyndon B. Johnson

3.
Janitor: James Garfield

4.
Lifeguard: Ronald Reagan

5.
Male model: Gerald Ford

6.
Tavern worker: Martin Van Buren

Military Miscellany

When Saigon fell during the Vietnam War, the radio alert for Americans to evacuate was the song “White Christmas.”

Pope John XXIII was a sergeant in the Italian army during World War I.

The range of a medieval longbow was about 220 yards—more than two football fields.

First people to wear T-shirts: sailors in the U.S. Navy.

Annie Oakley taught soldiers marksmanship during World War I.

Humphrey Bogart’s lisp was the result of a navy injury—a prisoner punched him in the mouth.

Early guns took so long to load and fire that a bow and arrow was often more efficient.

Jimmy Stewart was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross and the Croix de Guerre in World War II.

The groove around the rim of a bullet is called the cannelure.

There’s a G.I. Joe action figure modeled after General Colin Powell.

Hollywood Prop-erty

Fifty gallons of fake blood were used during the filming of
Scream
. But combined, the
Kill Bill
movies used more than 450 gallons.

The famous “horse’s head” in
The Godfather
was real—the producers got it from a dog-food company.

The battered hat worn by Henry Fonda in
On Golden Pond
once belonged to Spencer Tracy.

The original Godzilla weighed 220 pounds. It was made of urethane and bamboo.

Groucho Marx’s mustache was often painted on.

The stage crew added milk to the rain in
Singin’ in the Rain
so it would show up better on film.

An actual barn was built during the barn-raising scene in
Witness
(1985), but it was torn down shortly afterward.

The fit-all jeans in
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
(2005) were Levi’s.

In the brain scene in
Hannibal
(2001), the brain is dark chicken meat.

Dustin Hoffman’s four-pound silicone breasts in
Tootsie
(1982) cost $175 each.

For the 2002 film
Spider-Man
, the props department created Spider-Man several costumes at about $100,000 each. Four were stolen from the set and eventually recovered—a security guard and his accomplice had taken them.

John Wayne’s silver-and-leather hatband in
True Grit
was originally Gary Cooper’s.

In
Seabiscuit
(2003), most of the “spectators” at the Pimlico racetrack were inflatable mannequins.

Cost to make the alien puppet in
E.T.
: $1 million.

Mailbag

The junk mail Americans receive in one day could provide enough fuel to heat 250,000 homes.

In 1893, Queen Isabella of Spain was the first woman to appear on a U.S. postage stamp.

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