Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) (177 page)

He’s my man, bitch!
I want to scream at her.

“I thought we could celebrate,” she continues. “The way we used to.” She glances at me. “Send the whore away.
I’m
your present, baby. Tonight…” She tosses her hair back. “…I want you to ravish me.”

James stands still. I can see the temptation in his eyes. What man wouldn’t be?

For a frightening moment, I think he’s going to tell me to go.

But then he breaks away from us both and turns his back. “Put your dress on,” he says gruffly. “Do
not
enter my home uninvited again.”

“But baby…”

“I said NOW, Angela!” he roars.

She jumps back, shocked. My heart starts hammering.

Suddenly her features twist in an expression of rage.

“Fine,” she screams. “Fine, you want your slut? Have her! See what I think, James. See if I care.” She rips her dress from the ground shoves her legs through. She pushes by him.

“See you in court,” she spits, just before slamming the door.

A deafening silence follows.

“Christ,” James mutters. “Can you believe that? The woman found another way to let herself in. I swear to God, your friend Summer might have the right idea changing the locks.”

I scoff. “Don’t tell her that.”

He looks at me. “I’m surprised you two didn’t claw each other’s eyes out.”

“Trust me,” I say. “We came close.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he tells me. “How long were you two in here together?”

“Not long,” I assure him. “Maybe ten minutes. She was upstairs when I came in. I don’t notice her right away. Where’d she get the key?”

“She still has one,” James says. He shakes his head. “Fuck, Celeste, I’m sorry. I do
not
want you to deal with her.”

“You shouldn’t have to, either,” I tell him earnestly. “Get that restraining order. Make it a crime for her to return.”

He smiles sadly. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” I persist. “I saw you with her twice. It’s clear the two of you despise each other. Her about-face just now made that clear.”

“I don’t… despise her,” James tells me. “I feel bad for her, really. She’s manipulative, but it comes from a deep insecurity.”

“Yeah, I figured as much,” I say.

“When we split,” he explains, “like the very month of, she got it in her head that she’ll convince me to take her back.” He makes a displeased sound deep in his throat. “She only wants to do it so she can have the satisfaction of leaving
again,
but next time, on her own terms. I was the one who called things off first.”

“Smart of you,” I say.

He shrugs, then glances toward the kitchen. “I guess. Enough about her. I’m starving. How about you? You want something to eat?”

“I could do with a good meal, yeah.” I tell him.
It might be the last I keep down
.

Once chemo starts—and I’ve experienced this before—not only will my appetite wither away to nothing, but most food will taste like ash.

“I’m no cook, though,” he admits. “Are you?”

“James Landon.” I put my hands on my hips. “Are you asking me to cook for you? That seems like a very ‘wifely’ duty for me. Far outside the realm of our agreement.”

He laughs. “No, no.”

“And I’m a horrible chef, by the way,” I add. “I even manage to screw up scrambled eggs.”

He reaches for his cell. “So take out?”

“Take out it is,” I confirm.

37.

We have dinner and surprise, surprise, I have…
fun
.

I’ve had male friends before. But they were never guys I fucked. Spending so much time with a man who I
have
slept with makes the experience entirely new.

Toward the end, though, a bit of melancholy sets in. As James puts the plates away and we chat in between generous goblets of wine, I think,
This is an illusion. This is all so fake.

I have no future with James. Hell, I barely have a future with
myself
. Just like the doctor said: fifty-fifty odds.

If I survive, great. And if I don’t? Well, it’s been a hell of a run.

James picks up the shift in mood. “Hey, Celeste,” he asks, “are you all right? You look a little glum there.”

I shake my head quickly and plaster on a fake smile. “Not glum,” I say. “Contemplative.”

“Oh?” James leans forward. “What of?”

I screw my face up. “Nothing significant.”

“Come now,” he coaxes. “You’re an intelligent girl. Tell me what’s on your mind. I’m sure it’ll be fascinating.”

I look at him, waiting for his face to break out in a grin that shows me he’s just teasing… but the moment doesn’t come. He just watches me, rapt and curious.

I feel my heart breaking from its self-imposed cage and expanding. It takes over all my senses.

He really does care, I think in wonder.

“Celeste.” James draws out my name as one long sound. “Tell me what’s behind those clever, beautiful eyes of yours.”

I blink at him. “You think,” I say softly, “my eyes are beautiful?”

James smiles and takes my hand. “I think every part of you is beautiful. From the moment I saw you on my yacht, I thought you might be special.”

Alarm ripples through me. “Special?” I whisper.

James tightens his grip on my hand. “Yes. The special girl I’ve been looking for my whole life.”

The room spins. For a second, I see double. Next comes a hollow ringing in my ears, and a horrible sensation of falling. Back, back, back…

“Celeste!” James’s voice breaks through. “Celeste, are you okay?”

I come to myself. I’m on the floor. James is at my side.

I fell?

There’s a piercing pain above my right ear.

“What happened?”

“You tumbled off your seat. Your eyes went blank. You blacked out for a moment.” James’s voice is fast and urgent. “What’s going on with you, Celeste?”

“It’s nothing,” I shake my head. “You just… overwhelmed me. That’s all.”

“Like hell I did,” he growls. He grips me tighter. “You’re going to tell me what they told you at the hospital. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your aversions. Are you sick?”

“No,” I lie.

He searches my face. I feel the scrutiny behind his eyes.

Then he turns back and slams his fist against the floor. “That’s not true!” he exclaims. “Dammit, Celeste! Why don’t you trust me? I’m here for you. I
want
to know.”

“There’s nothing wrong,” I insist.

“Liar!” James surges up. I watch him pace across the large, empty floor.

“You’re not like the others,” he tells me. “Celeste, when I’m with you, I
feel
different. I feel protective. I become aggressive. I feel like I need to stop any bad thing that can happen to you. But if you don’t tell me what’s wrong—“ he points at me,” –then how the hell am I supposed to help you? Tell me that, Celeste. Tell me how.”

“You’re
not
,” I say. “You’re
not
supposed to help me, James. I don’t need your help. I don’t want your help. I didn’t ask for your help.”

“And when you needed a place to stay? Who did you call then?”

“That’s different!”

“The fuck it is,” he growls. “Celeste, I don’t think you’ve noticed, but hey, guess what? I care about what happens to you. I
care
about what you go through. I’ve had a hell of a time admitting it to myself, but it’s true. And I don’t know what it is—I fucking don’t—but you’re the first woman in years to make me feel that way.”

My insides seize up. That type of admission, from
James
? I didn’t think it’d be possible. Everything I know about him points to his being a massive playboy.

“You’re serious?” I whisper.

“Yes,” he says. “Very.”

“I can’t…” I shake my head. “I can’t stay.” I stand up. I’m shaky, but I manage to do it.

I give him a wide berth and steer straight for the door.

“Hey!” he calls out.

I ignore him. I reach the exit and have my hand on the handle when he grabs me.

James spins me around. “Where do you think you’re going?” he demands.

“Out,” I say. I rip my arm from his grip. “You can’t make me stay.”

“You’re running again?” He peers into my eyes. “You are, aren’t you?”

For a moment, I feel like he can see down into my very soul. Ridiculous, of course. But with his eyes piercing mine with such unabashed intensity, I’m frightened that he’ll discover my deepest secrets.

I turn away, and without answering his question, leave the apartment.

38.

Once I’m outside the building I realize I have no place to go.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being outside, alone, at night?

I remember seeing a hotel nearby from the inside of James’s car. I start briskly for it.

James’s admission frightened me. He wants something I cannot give. Maybe in another life, under different circumstances…

But not this life. I shake my head angrily. I can’t think about what things would be like if they were
different
. If they were different, I’d still have my mom. I’d know my dad. I wouldn’t have a shitty heart, or cancer, or—

I stop those thoughts cold. I hate
what ifs
. There is no such thing: They don’t exist. You deal with the cards handed to you. If you spend your days longing for the
what if,
your whole life will pass by in a blur of pity and regret.

And for someone like me? Someone who probably doesn’t have all that long to live? I can’t afford to live even a single day in regret.

Eventually I stumble upon the hotel. It doesn’t look very expensive, thank God. Perfect for me. I don’t have much disposable income to my name.

I check in and get my keycard. It’s a non-smoking room but smells of ash.

I’m too tired to demand a room change. I just collapse in bed, fully clothed, and succumb to an uneasy sleep.

***

Early the next morning, I’m awakened by angry banging on the door.

I shoot up. My heart starts thundering against my ribcage. Fear grips me.

I’m paralyzed by indecision until I hear his voice.

“Celeste! Celeste, open the fucking door. I know you’re there, dammit!”

It’s James.

I gather my wits. “Go away!” I yell.

“Fuck no,” he growls. “Open the door and talk to me! I want to know what the hell is going on with you. Why did you run again?”

“Leave me alone!” I scream.

“
No
.”

I look around the room for an escape. There is none. The tenth story window doesn’t exactly lend itself to sneaking out.

“How did you find me?” I demand. “Did you follow me here last night, James?”

“Dammit, Celeste. I am
not
screaming at you through this door.” Another startling bang. “Open it, and we can talk like adults.”

“No,” I say.

“Celeste…!”

“No, James! I have nothing to say to you.”

I’m afraid if I see you I’ll crumble and actually fall in love.

“Like hell you don’t. I want an explanation, Celeste. For everything. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!”

“You keep yelling and security’s going to get called up!”

I hear his harsh laugh. “Like I fucking care. Open the damn door. Open it and TALK, Celeste! I’m not leaving until you do. You’ll have to face me eventually.”

“Fine, fine!” I spit. I stand up. My legs are shaking. The lingering smell of smoke makes me gag.

“CELESTE!”

“Coming!” I tell him. “Wait. I need to get dressed.”

Another lie.

I go to the window first and slide it open. I lean out a little, catching the fresh morning air. Below me, far below, I see people streaming to work.

“Celeste!”

“YES!” I say. I turn toward the door and steady myself. I put on my best
unimpressed-bitch
face and slide the chain off.

The minute I turn the handle, James barges in. He bursts through the door so fast it slams against the wall.

Whoa
, is all I can think when I see him.

He looks… so intense. His eyes are stormy and dark. His hair is messy, his shirt unbuttoned half down his chest, and the sleeves are rolled up to reveal glorious forearms.

He reminds me of a hulking animal.

“Celeste,” he growls. He advances on me. I’m too slow to slip away. I’m lost in his presence and angered magnificence.

He grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him. Then he steps us forward so my back hits the wall.

“
Lover
,” he rasps, and his mouth crashes over mine.

He kisses me furiously. All the pent-up passion and aggression I heard in his voice is unleashed now. He devours my mouth as if I’m the last woman he’ll ever kiss.

I don’t even try to resist. I open to him and swallow his greedy need. He pushes his hips into me. I moan. He grabs my hands and pins them above my head. I arch into his body. His hard cock presses into me.

I purr and kiss him deeper. I lift one of my legs so it’s wrapped around his waist.

Suddenly he lets go. His head moves back, and his eyes sear into mine.

“Never… run… again,” he grates. His hand strokes the side of my face, then wraps around my neck. He urges my chin up. “Do you hear me?” He stares into my eyes. His are narrowed and unwavering. “Never. Again.
You are mine.
”

I’m dizzy with passion and consumed by need. The kiss was spectacular. His body on mine feels spectacular. The ownership in his voice, the possession I see in his eyes, it’s all brand new. I’ve never experienced anything like this with anyone before.

It’s addicting.

“K,” I say, in a shuddery breath.

He steps back and drops me. I stumble before catching myself.

He looks around the room. “This is where you spent the night?” Disdain fills his voice. “No, Celeste. No, this is not acceptable. You are not doing this again.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “If you do, I’ll get angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

Hulk, SMASH!
I think and giggle.

His eyes narrow. “Is that humorous?”

“No,” I say quickly. I shake my head. “No, it’s just… the kiss. I feel giddy.”

He nods. “Good. I like you happy.”

Both of us eye the bed at the same time. “You know what would make me
really
happy?”