more, not in the same way. You’re just a nuisance.’
There was a long silence. Chris looked at her as if he
didn’t know what to do next. After a while, he said in a low
voice, ‘I care, Judy. I care a lot. I’d like to look after you, and I wouldn’t leave you out of things.’
‘You wouldn’t be able to help it,’ she said. ‘Look at the
Suttons - they’re really kind, but they can’t help leaving me
out. They’ve got things to talk about - the farm, the war,
village things - they can’t just look at me all the time they’re talking. It’s the same with everyone. I don’t mean they don’t
care,’ she added, frowning as she tried to explain. ‘I don’t
mean they’re deliberately unkind. But they just can’t do it.
Nobody can. It’s just too difficult.’
Again, they were silent. Then Chris said, ‘But won’t you
let me try, Judy? Won’t you at least let me try? May I come
and see you sometimes - take you out? We could learn the
sign language - we could talk then.’
Judy hesitated. She looked at the fair, open face, the
anxious blue eyes, the mouth that could curl so easily into a
grin, the lips that had kissed hers. For a moment, she longed
to say yes, to see the face light up with joy, the eyes dance,
the mouth break into a laugh. She yearned to be in his arms
and to be kissed again as he had kissed her in the lift.
She took a deep breath and then shook her head.
‘No. Please, Chris, don’t ask me. I can’t see anyone, not in
that way. It’s too hard. All the repeating and the writing
down and the misunderstandings and the worry of it all. I
can’t do it. I just can’t.’ She pulled away and began to walk
quickly along the lane. ‘I’m sorry, Chris. I’m sorry we ever
met. I’m sorry we agreed to have a date. I’m sorry you’ve
come all this way. Please - just go away now. Forget me.
There are plenty of other girls — girls who can hear what you
say. Go and ask one of them out.’ She was aware that he was
close behind her and turned swiftly to face him. ‘Go away, Chris,’ she said, and pointed down the embankment towards the railway line. ‘Look. There’s a train “coming - you can
catch it now and go back to Portsmouth and forget you ever
saw me. Go on. Go away.”
He stood his ground. ‘Tell me that’s what you want me to
do,’ he said and then shouted at her in his frustration. ‘Tell
me! Tell me you want me to go away!’
Judy’s eyes filled with tears. She looked into his face and
said, ‘There, you see? That’s what it’s like. That’s what it would be like.’ And then she turned and walked away from him.
This time, Chris did not follow her. He knew there was
nothing more he could say. Burning with shame, his head
bowed, he walked back to the station where the train was
just pulling in. The station master stared at him.
‘Quick visit,’ he said. ‘Didn’t she want you, then?’
Chris gave him a furious glare and climbed aboard the
train without answering. He dropped into the seat and gazed
morosely out of the window. As the train pulled out of the
station, he could just see the lane and there, between the
froth of Queen Anne’s Lace, the figure of a young woman
walking slowly and doggedly up the sloping lane in the opposite direction.
Chris stared at her, willing her to turn. If she does, he
thought, I’ll get off the train at the next station and come
straight back. And this time I won’t take no for an answer.
But Judy did not turn. Not until the train was almost out
of sight and Chris had given up and slumped back into the
seat. At just that moment, as she came to the crest of the
slope, she paused and looked back and, as the train
disappeared round a bend and into a wood, she lifted her
hand and waved, even though her eyes were too full of tears
Chapter Thirty Joe came straight out to the Royal Beach to meet Polly from
work. She walked down the steps to see him standing on the
other side of the road, near the entrance to South Parade
Pier, and she paused for a moment, her heart skipping a
little. He was leaning on the railing, staring out to sea, and
she had a moment or two to observe him. She came slowly
down to the pavement.
There was nothing special about him, she though
nothing at all. He was just an ordinary man, a friend, con
to see her and take her for a cup of tea. Nothing more than
that. He was certainly not in the least like Johnny, the
laughing young sailor who had swept her off her feet and
married her and promised to spend the rest of his life with
her. He wasn’t tall or handsome, he probably wasn’t all that
clever - but then, neither was she. I don’t know what I’d do
with a man who was clever, she thought.
And yet — there was something about him that quickened
her heart. Something that reached out to her, something to
which she responded. And when he turned and saw her
standing there, the way his face lit up told her that he felt it too. And that what they shared - or could share - was not at
all ordinary.
‘Polly!’ He crossed the road swiftly, limping a little, and
she ran towards him. They met in the middle and hesitated,
neither knowing quite which way to go next. A trolley-bus
coming towards them sounded its horn and Joe gripped her
arm and hurried her back to the pavement on the pier side,
and then they stood looking into each other’s eyes and laughing.
‘Blimey, I thought he was going to run us down!’ Joe
said. ‘I bet he felt like it, an’ all! How are you, Polly? It’s good to see you again, by golly it is.’
‘It’s good to see you too, Joe.’ She smiled at him, and saw
the warmth in his dark brown eyes. This is what’s special
about him, she thought. He’s so warm, so good-hearted.
You can see it in his face. It wraps itself around you, like a
lovely blanket. Impulsively, she put both hands on his
shoulders, stood on tiptoe and kissed him.
Joe looked startled and she saw his skin colour. ‘Blimey,
Poll, I didn’t expect that. That’s a real welcome, that is.
Thanks.’ He tucked her hand into his arm and turned to
walk her along the promenade. ‘Where’s a good place for
tea?’
‘There’s a cafe a bit further on.’ They strolled along the
top of the beach, arm in arm, lifting their faces to the
sunshine. Once again, Polly had that sensation of being at
home. ‘How long are you down here for, Joe?’
‘Just a day or two.’ He hesitated. ‘I’ve got summat to tell
you, Poll. That’s why I came. I wanted to see you - to tell
you face to face, like. Then I’m going on down to Devon to
see my boys.’
‘What?’ She stopped and looked at him, pierced by
sudden anxiety. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’
‘Don’t look like that, love. It’s nothing bad - at least, I
don’t think it is.’ He grinned at her. ‘But there’s summat I
want to ask you as well. I meant to leave it till later on, but now I’ve started I might as well come out with the lot.’
They stopped and she felt him take a deep breath. ‘D’you
reckon you could get a day or two off, Poll? I mean, right
now? Day after tomorrow, perhaps?’
‘A day or two off?’ she repeated in bewilderment. ‘I
might be able to. Now that all the new ration books have
been issued we’re not quite so pushed, though there’s
always a lot of work to do. But why? What do you want me to do? You’re not asking me to go to Devon with you, are
you?’
‘That’s right,’ he said. ‘I want you to meet my nippers. I:
want them to meet you.’ He sighed and rubbed a hand over
his face. ‘I’m doing this all the wrong way round Look,
what I want to tell you is, I’m being moved. My bloke, the
one I’ve been batman to, is going overseas with the
regiment, I can’t go - I’ve asked enough, I’ve told him a tin
foot’s as good as any other for polishing up his kit, and
better if it comes to being shot again - but it’s not on. So
I’m coming down to Pompey - well, Gosport really - to St
George’s Barracks. Looks like I’ll be there permanent. And
that mean’s we’ll be able to see a bit of each other. If that’s what you want,’ he added anxiously.
‘You’re coming down to Gosport? You’ll be just across
the harbour!’ A flicker of excitement ran through her. ‘Joe,
that’s lovely! Of course we’ll be able to see each other.
But—’
‘It’s more than that,’ he interrupted, taking her hands and
gripping them tightly. ‘See, it’s like this. I’ve never been
what they call a ladies’ man. Even when I was a youngster, I
was never one for clicking with the girls. I met my Rosie and
that was it, we both knew straight off we were right for each
other, and I never bothered with no one else.’ He looked
down into her eyes. ‘I felt the same when I first saw you,
Polly. That first time on the train, I felt it then. I didn’t
think it would ever come to anything, of course, ‘cause I
didn’t think I’d ever see you again. But I just knew that you
were someone I could get along with. I knew you could be
special.’
Polly stared at him. Her heart was beating fast. She
whispered, ‘I think I felt it too, Joe. But I couldn’t - it was too soon after Johnny.’
‘I know. And I hadn’t long lost my Rosie neither. It just
seemed too soon, like you say. But when we met again, well,
I reckoned maybe there was summat in it. Summat meant.
And then, when I come down and you were in all that
trouble, I thought, Better back off a bit, Joe Turner, she
don’t want you muddling things up. So that’s what I did. I
just wrote to you like a pal, just to try to keep the door open.
But now, seeing you again, I don’t reckon I want to back off
any more. And if I’m going to be down here permanent, I
want to know if you feel the same. If there’s any hope.
‘Cause I don’t think I could manage to see you regular just
as a friend. I know I’d want more than that, and if it’s never
going to be, well, we’d be better not to start. Sorry,’ he
finished, ‘I haven’t put any of that the way I wanted to, and
if you want to tell me to go to hell you’d better say so. I
know I’m not the bloke your hubby was, nor ever will be.’
‘No, you won’t,’ Polly said quietly, looking down at his
hands. ‘But you don’t have to be, Joe. You’re you - and
that’s all that matters now.’ She lifted her eyes. ‘I can’t say for sure what’s going to happen to us, but I’m willing to give
it a try. Can you take it like that, Joe? No promises - just
hope?’
‘Hope,’ he said, smiling at her. ‘I like that, Polly. Hope.
And will you come down with me to see the boys? It’s
important, see. They’re mine, and if I’m going to be seeing
someone regular …’
‘You might be putting someone else into their mother’s
place,’ Polly nodded. ‘It’s a test, isn’t it? If they don’t like me, or I don’t like them …’
‘I didn’t think of it like that,’ he said. ‘I just wanted you
to see them, and I wanted them to see you. It’s not a test.’
‘But you’ll feel better about it if we all like each other,’
Polly said. She thought for a moment, and then nodded. ‘All
right. I’ll ask the Mayoress tomorrow if I can have time off.
I’m sure it will be all right. And now,’ she looked at him
with a teasing smile, ‘what about that cup of tea you
promised me?’
‘Tea?’ he exclaimed, and she saw with a little leap of
delight that his face had suddenly lost its creases, the lines of worry had gone from his brow and he looked almost like a
boy again, the boy he had been when he first met his Rosie,
and as laughing and merry as Johnny had been when she
first knew him. ‘Tea? It’s not tea we oughter be having now
- it’s bloody champagne! Pardon my French,’ he added with
a guilty look, and Polly laughed and took his arm again,
leading him across the road.
‘Tea will do for now, Joe. And the way I’m feeling, I
think it will taste like champagne anyway. Oh Joe,’ she drew
him to a stop, right in the middle of the road, ‘I am glad we
met that day on the train!’
A honking noise made them both jump and they looked
round to see a trolley-bus approaching, its driver glaring
down at them. Joe pulled her quickly out of its way and they
scurried across to the pavement, almost convulsed with
giggles.
‘It was the same flipping driver!’ he panted as they
reached the kerb. ‘Blimey, he must think we’re a couple of
lunatics!’
‘I feel like one,’ Polly said, laughing up at him. ‘I don’t
know what it is about you, Joe, but when I’m with you,
that’s exactly how I feel!’
Jean was growing bigger and heavier by the day. She still
did as much as possible in the house, but Mrs Hazelwood
insisted that she rest. ‘Are you sure this baby’s not due until September?’ she asked worriedly, looking at Jean’s bulging
stomach. ‘You couldn’t have got your dates wrong?’
Jean shook her head. ‘It can’t be. It was just after
Christmas we -‘ she blushed ‘- well, it was only the once
anyway. I’ve never — it was the first time I ever …’
‘All right, Jean, I understand. But I think it would be a I
good idea to get the midwife in to have a look at you, just
the same. She’d be coming in a week or two anyway.’