Under the Lights (25 page)

“All this can be answered later. Just do it. Please.”

“I'll try. Now come home.”

WILLA

A knock on the door broke into my studies, and I was grateful. I'd been sitting here for over four hours. This was boring. But it wasn't Catholic school.

I got up, went to the kitchen, and peeked through the window first. My mother's silver BMW was parked outside. I paused, unsure that was who I was seeing. Why would my mother be here . . . in her car?

Dropping the curtain back into place, I walked to the door slowly, trying my hardest not to panic. She had no reason to be here unannounced. I glanced at the phone and thought about calling Nonna. I wanted her here.

My mother knocked again. I had nothing to be scared
of. This wasn't my mother's house. She couldn't throw me out of here. If anything, she'd get thrown out.

Unlocking the door, I turned the brass knob with a sick knot in my stomach. I pulled it open and tried to breathe normally, but it was hard. I hadn't seen her since the day she kicked me out. I hadn't spoken to her either.

“Hello, Mom,” I said simply.

“Willa. Is Mother here?” was her businesslike response.

“She's at the big house.” I almost offered to call her but decided that my mother could do that herself.

“Can I come in?” she asked, and I really wanted to say
No, you can't. Leave.

But I stepped back so she could walk inside. Mother looked around the kitchen as if expecting to find something. “It's the same. She never changes anything,” Mom said, almost annoyed with that. I loved that Nonna's never changed. It was safe and familiar.

“Why are you here?” I asked, not waiting for her to get to the point. I didn't like her looking down her nose at Nonna's house. It was my home.

“To see you,” Mother finally replied. She put her hand on her stomach, and I glanced down for the first time to see the small bump starting to show.

“Chance told me you were expecting another one. Congrats on that.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

I hadn't actually been sincere, but she didn't catch that. Whatever.

“I came to tell you that myself and to discuss your future. I can't expect Mother to continue to take care of you.”

I hadn't planned on staying here after senior year. “Senior year is almost half over. I'll be going to college after that.”

Mom nodded. “About that . . .” She motioned toward the living room. “Why don't we sit down. My feet are tired, and my lower back is killing me.”

I wasn't surprised she was a dramatic pregnant woman. I doubted she had gotten to be that dramatic with me at fifteen. Now she had a husband to dote on her. She had to be eating that up. I felt sorry for Chance having to witness that daily.

I followed her into the living room, and we each took a place at opposite ends of the sofa. I tucked one leg underneath me as I turned toward her.

“Okay. Talk,” I said, wanting to get on with this. Suddenly my schoolwork was looking promising.

“I know you are expecting the savings account that Nonna helped me set up when you were born for your college. However, that's not going to be available. Times got
tight over the years, and I wasn't always able to put money away. Then, with the new baby, I need extra money for a nursery. You're almost eighteen, Willa. It's time you make a life on your own without my help or your nonna's. Get a job and pay bills. We can't be expected to let you freeload. That won't make you a hard worker.”

Nonna had put twenty thousand dollars from my grandfather's life insurance settlement into a savings account when I was born, for my college. It was supposed to have been accruing interest over the years. My mother had claimed a few times to be adding money to it, but I hadn't heard her say anything about it in years. I hadn't expected money from her, but that money Nonna had saved was going to get me through my first year while I worked and saved up for my next year. I was also going to apply for financial aid. I had this all figured out.

“Nonna put twenty grand into that account,” I said, not sure what she was saying.

Mother straightened her shoulders. “That was my father's life insurance money. You needed things over the years, and money was tight often.”

Wait? What? “Are you saying you spent my money?”

She glared at me. “It wasn't your money. It was my father's. He'd have wanted me to use it if I needed it. He didn't even know you.”

She had spent my college money. I sat there and repeated that over and over in my head. If this was a nightmare, I'd really like to wake up now. Thank you very much.

“You need to stop living off my mother and get a real job. Make money and find your own two feet. Mom has coddled you. You've had it too easy with her, and you were spoiled and selfish and made stupid decisions that lost a little girl her life.”

If she had taken a knife from the kitchen and shoved it through my chest, it wouldn't have hurt any worse right now. Being accused of Quinn's death was the most painful thing I'd ever face. Especially from my mother. I'd have never touched a drink or taken one smoke if I'd known Quinn was upstairs.

“That's not fair,” I managed to choke out through the tightness in my throat. Making it hard to breathe.

“Tell that to Quinn and Poppy's parents. To that town. Tell them it's not fair, Willa. What isn't fair is that since you came into this world you've been a problem. Just like your father. Useless.”

She stood up and again placed her hand on her stomach, as if protecting herself.

“I'm just glad I'm not like you,” I said as she walked toward the door.

“You never were,” she spit. “You even look like him.”

Anger was slowly replacing my pain, and I stood up with my gaze locked on hers. “Good. Guess I got lucky then,” I retorted.

She jerked her head back like I'd slapped her. “Don't you dare talk to me in such a way. I'm going to tell Mother to pack you up and send you on your way. Figure out what the real world is like. It's time you grew up, Willa.”

“The only person leaving this house will be you.” Nonna's voice filled the room in a loud commanding tone, and I had never been happier to hear anything in my life.

“Momma,” my mother began, but Nonna held up her hand to stop her.

“Get out of my house with that evil heart and mouth of yours. That girl don't deserve this from you. Go spew your venom elsewhere. If you come back, I'll call the cops. You hear me? Leave!” Nonna pointed to the door, just in case my mother wasn't sure on the exit.

She opened her mouth to speak again, and Nonna shook her head. “I've heard enough.”

“I'm pregnant! I came to tell you!” she yelled.

“I can see that. And you want money from me to support that baby. I know that, too. Leave my house now!”

My mother balled her hands into fists and stormed out of the house. Nonna slammed the door behind her. I watched as she touched the door with one hand and took a
deep breath. That had to be hard on her. Nonna loved my mother. She wasn't a mother like mine was. She was loving. She wanted the best.

“I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner,” Nonna finally said as she turned around to face me. “That girl is mean. Always has been. Can't for the life of me figure out where her meanness comes from. Her daddy was a good man.”

“She used all my college money,” I told her. That was the one thing that was said I couldn't shake loose. It affected everything.

Nonna nodded. “I know. I checked on it over the years and saw she was taking some a little at a time. I began to do the same. I ended up saving about seven thousand of it. I added it to my savings account that has the rest of your grandfather's life insurance money in it, and that is more than enough to get you through college. You'll need a job of course to pay for your food and extras, but the classes will be paid for and the dorm.”

“She doesn't know you took some?” I asked, still in a daze going from being told I had no college money to being told I had enough for all of my college.

“Your mother isn't smart with money. She can't afford a new baby, yet she's driving around in a flashy foreign car. I figured I needed to take care of your future, because she's only worried about hers.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I didn't hold them back. I let them freely roll down my face as I closed the distance between me and my nonna. Having a mother like mine was hard. But I had my nonna.

Gunner didn't even have that.

Nonna pulled me into her arms and held me tightly. I sobbed against her chest for the mother I didn't have, the grandmother I did have, and the life Gunner had been given.

GUNNER

I walked back into my house after several hours on the road with a plan. This was my home, and I was making it somewhere I wanted to come back to. I headed to the office, where I'd last spoken to the man who wasn't my father.

Without knocking, I walked inside and faced him. I didn't give him time to speak. “Next month after my birthday, you'll need to find another house to live in. You can take Mother with you. Your allowance will end. Prepare to get a job.” I turned and started to walk out of the office.

“You can't do that! You have no idea how to run the Lawton holdings. You've not been trained.”

“I'll hire help. I don't need you.”

“You can't do this!”

“You have no Lawton blood. Yes, I can,” I reminded him. “Now go quietly, or I'll make sure the town knows exactly how fucked-up this family tree is.”

“You would have to tell them that you're a bastard too! It would ruin your name as much as mine.”

I laughed then because he seriously thought that mattered. “They already think I'm a bastard. I'm not worried about giving them proof.”

“Your mother thinks she can tell you all this and get away with it. I'll fight you on this. I won't go down easy.”

“Don't really care,” I replied, then walked out on his ranting. I was going to turn his office into a gym. I'd like having a good gym in the house. We should really already have had one of those.

My mother was walking inside with her designer clothes and new hairstyle as I came back down the stairs. “Hello, son. How have things been since I've been gone?”

“Fantastic, Mother,” I replied, just as haughty as her.

“Ms. Ames left a message for me at the spa. Something about you not coming home. My flight was this morning so I didn't bother calling back. I would be here soon enough.”

I nodded as if that was completely understandable. “Of course. One doesn't need to be bothered by a missing child. If you'll excuse me.”

She gave me a confused look, and I realized she was just that shallow. I wasn't sure she had even been raped. It sounded more like a story to make her look better. She'd have slept with whoever she needed to in order to live this Lawton lifestyle.

“Has Rhett left?” she called after me.

“If there is a God,” I replied.

Then I walked into the hallway leading to the kitchen. The smells of dinner were wafting from the door, and I was ready for real food. My fast-food lifestyle the past two days had been rough.

“Ms. Ames, I'm home,” I said as I entered the kitchen. Her head snapped up, and a relieved smile touched her lips as if she was truly glad to see me.

“Thank the good Lord. I've been worried sick about you.”

“I heard you called to tell Mother, but she couldn't be bothered calling back. She told me as much out in the entryway just now. She's home too,” I explained, trying to sound as casual about the whole thing as possible.

Ms. Ames's immediate frown made me feel even more cared about. She didn't want me to feel unwanted by my parents.

“Is Willa home?” I asked.

She continued to frown. “She is. But she's homeschooling right now and can't take visitors.”

“Visitors? Or just me?” I pushed.

Ms. Ames put the knife down that she'd been using to chop the vegetables. “Willa is much like you. Her mother isn't a mother to her. She's been hurt just like you have. Teenage girls go looking for love in places that end badly for them. She has a future ahead of her and getting stuck in Lawton as a single mom is not in those plans. I'll protect her from that even if I have to send her off to an all-girls Catholic school to do it.”

Whoa. Whoa. Wait up. No sending her off. “I know that. I'd never do anything to hurt her. I love her.” The words had come out so easily I had surprised myself.

“Sex and love ain't the same thing, Gunner Lawton,” she said to me, wagging her finger.

I nodded. “I agree. Seeing as how I've never had sex with Willa. Friday night she was at the tree house with me because my mother had just told me not only am I my grandfather's son but he raped her and my pretend father was a bastard kid too and wasn't even a damn Lawton. I had a lot unloaded on me and needed someone I could trust to listen to me. That was why I asked Willa to sneak out and go to the tree house with me.”

Ms. Ames's face went slightly pale. “Mr. Lawton ain't a Lawton? Good Lord. That's not stuff a boy needs to hear.”

It was obvious Brady had never told Ms. Ames what I'd asked him to. She was just now hearing all this for the first time.

I disagreed. “I'll be eighteen next month, and this will all be mine. He and my mother will be moving out and finding a place of their own. Things are changing. But more importantly . . . Willa. I need to see her.”

Ms. Ames sat down in the chair closest to her. “Good Lord, good Lord,” she repeated, shaking her head.

The good Lord wasn't going to swoop down and change anything. The sex had been had and the babies had been made many years ago. It was all a done deal.