Under the Lights (31 page)

Stop being so nervous. Ally's your best friend, and she loves you. No matter what.

Another text follows a few seconds later.

I'm the one who should be nervous. I have to pass the best friend test. Which means you need to save me some of whatever alcohol Josh Chester has poured down your throat in preparation.

I laugh as I type back,
Do you have a camera on me or something?

Yes
, she responds immediately.
And your legs look great in that dress.

Nice try—jeans.

I tried. Willing to bet your legs still look great.

A cloud of butterflies takes flight in my stomach, and I think,
Ally will love you. She has to. Because I'm pretty sure I do.

All I actually write back is,
Cute.

This time her response takes a minute, and I crane my neck to look for my best friend's familiar auburn waves to no avail. Then my phone buzzes again.

I am, aren't I?

The text is accompanied by a picture of Bri perched on her bed, wearing a little Nirvana T-shirt and even littler shorts, her black-framed glasses, and a pair of headphones. She's not wearing any makeup, and she's childishly sticking out her tongue, and she looks so beautiful I have to curl my toes in my sneakers to keep myself from running to the limo and demanding it take me straight to her.

God, yes, you really are
.

“Van?” I look up, and there's Ally, looking ten shades paler and somehow five years more sophisticated than when she left. I slip my phone in my back pocket, drop the sign, and accept a hug that nearly tackles me to the ground while both of us crack up. “What are you doing here? I thought my parents were getting me.”

“I asked if I could,” I say, readjusting my cap and drawing her away from the crowd. “I needed to talk to you about something, and I really couldn't wait.”

“Is everything okay?”

“That…is a really, really good question.” I can't help breaking into a laugh, which makes her cock her head
like I might be crazy. “Yes, it's more than okay. I'm hoping it'll stay that way.”

“You're kind of freaking me out. Whatever it is, just say it.”

I still haven't said the actual words aloud to another person; I think I've been waiting for Ally to be the first to hear them. But now that the time has come, I can't even get them out. Instead, a single word emerges from my lips. “Ukelele.”

The bag she'd been carrying hits the floor. “Vanessa Hyun-Jung Park,” she whispers fiercely, yanking me even closer. “You had sex? With Zander?”

I shake my head.

“Please, please do not tell me you had sex with Josh Chester.”

And just like that, any fear I have of telling Ally about Bri lifts from my shoulders. Because after that, there's really nowhere to go but up. “I did not, nor will I ever, have sex with Josh Chester,” I assure her.

“Then—”

“Bri, Ally.” My eyes dart around to make sure no one's listening, but no one cares about two teenage girls standing in the corner of crazed LAX the night before Thanksgiving. “I had sex with Bri. I'm
with
Bri. That's what I had to tell you.” I swallow hard. “So… yeah. I'm gay. In case you didn't catch that.”

For a moment, there is dead silence. Just…nothing. And my stomach drops into my toes as I wonder what the hell is going through her mind right now. What—

Ally flings her arms around my neck and squeezes so tightly I can barely breathe. “I have about a bajillion questions for you, but I thought a hug seemed like the right place to start. Is that okay?”

“It's the okay-est thing in the world,” I assure her, squeezing my eyes to blink away the tears gathering
there. I feel so light right now, I could actually float out to the curb.

“How about you? Are
you
okay? God, no wonder you sounded so freaked out on the phone. This must have been so terrifying and confusing and…I don't even know what.”

“It was all that, and still is,” I admit. “Trust me when I say I didn't see it coming either. But it just feels
right
, finally.”

“I wish you could see the smile on your face right now. Is that what I looked like when I started dating Liam? You're gonna blind half of LAX.” She squeezes my hand. “Seriously, I'm so happy to see you this happy, Vanny.”

“I'd be happier if you never called me Vanny again.”

“I know, but that's unlikely, so you should just keep enjoying this whole relationship thing.”

“Remind me why you're my best friend again?”

“Because I'm always the one to order the fries so the calories don't count for you. Duh.”

“Oh, right.” My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I realize we've been lingering in the airport for a while now. “We should get going—Liam and Josh are waiting for us in the limo, and I wouldn't tell Liam anything until I told you.”

“Josh knows?”

“Josh…may have seen us kissing,” I confide, heat rushing to my cheeks.

Ally just shakes her head as she hauls her bag back up on her shoulder and we start for the doors. “And he didn't alert the media? I don't even know who this non-asshole version of Josh Chester
is.
”

“It's weird, I know. But we're kinda friends now.”

“After all the crap you gave me—”

“I
know
. Trust me, I know.”

“So when do I get to meet the girlfriend? Please tell me she's in the limo too. I'm dying of curiosity.”

“Not until tomorrow,” I tell her with a smile, “but trust me, she's antsy to meet you, too.”

“Fine. I suppose I can wait one day,” she grumbles. “
If
you provide me with details until then. Like…
how? When?
I know you decided not to do the purity pledge thing, but what happened with Zander? And did you tell your parents? And—”

“One thing at a time, A.” I push open the doors into the balmy LA air. “I broke up with Zander, but I haven't told him about Bri, nor have I told my parents. I'm hoping to do that as soon as we drop you off. And I'm pretty sure neither one is going to go very well.”

She squeezes my hand. “I'm here if you need me, you know. I'm sorry I haven't been so present this semester. College and a long-distance relationship are way harder adjustments than I thought they'd be. I'm glad you've had Bri to make up for my being a crappy best friend.”

“You could never be a crappy best friend, A. This is the stuff that matters.” I squeeze her hand back. “Plus, you're around for the most important part—like, a kind-of-crazy thing I'm planning on doing tomorrow.”

“I'm in. Whatever it is.”

“I know you are,” I say, squeezing her hand one last time as Liam jumps out of the limo. It looks like it's requiring every ounce of restraint he has not to pounce on her, and I laugh and let go of her hand. “She's all yours, Holloway,” I declare, relieving her of her bag so we can stash it in the trunk. His name isn't even fully out of my mouth before he practically attacks hers.

I roll my eyes and get back in the limo.

“I take it that went well?” Josh asks as I slip my phone back out of my pocket.

“Not as well as
that's
going.” I jerk my thumb toward the window. “But, yes, all good.”

“You ready for the rest of it?”

“Not even a little.” Checking my texts, I see I'd gotten a response from Bri to my last one, followed by,
I'm guessing you're with Ally now—lemme know how it goes.
And then, sent fifteen minutes after that,
I promise I will always do my best to be worth all this, Park. I hope you know that.

My heart squeezes inside my chest, and I write back,
She can't wait to meet you
, as Ally and Liam finally join us inside the limo.
And you already are.

But by the next morning, I'm not so sure anything is worth this. The Duncans were as easy as I knew they would be; the Parks…not so much. I managed one hour of their reaction of alternating silence with suggestions of therapy before begging Ally to pick me up and bring me to Zander's so I could get this night over with. My conversation with him lasted less than five minutes and ended with him telling me that I really should see someone about being Saved.

Then I spent the entire night tossing and turning, wanting to call Bri to make me feel better and resisting because I didn't want her to know how badly everything was going.

And now, as I pull on jeans and my favorite comfy Union Jack sweater in preparation of introducing my two favorite people, I really just want to puke.

“You can do this,” I pep-talk myself in the mirror as I slather lotion on my face and concealer under my
eyes. It comes out more like a grumble, though, and I'm silent as I draw on eyeliner. I can't make myself bother with anything else but mascara, and it's just as well, since the doorbell rings as soon as I toss the tube back on the bathroom counter.

I know it's Bri at the door, coming to pick me up, and that I should be excited about that, but right now, all I want is to be left alone. I don't want her to see how lousy I look. And I really don't want the tiny bit of regret that's beginning to seep in to show on my face.

But when I open the door, my mind goes completely blank.

“Too much?” she asks.

I shake my head, my throat suddenly feeling dryer than the Valley in August. I have just learned three things about Brianna Harris: 1) she owns leather pants; 2) she possesses no shame in wearing an “I Heart My Girlfriend” T-shirt in public; and 3) she looks otherworldly hot in both.

Worth. Everything.

“Excellent—then let's go. I have an important good first impression to make.” She tries to tug me out the door, her silver bangles jangling, but I laugh and point out that I'm not wearing shoes yet. Sighing, she follows me inside, closing the door behind us as I hunt down my shoes and a bag.

It takes me a couple of minutes, but I finally reemerge. “Now I'm ready.”

She looks up from where she'd been examining the framed picture of the two of us on my end table. “Are you?” she asks, putting the frame down and walking over. “You know, you haven't said how things went last night.”

I shrug. “They went.”

“They went badly.” She indicates the table. “The picture of you with your parents isn't there anymore.” It's true. When I got home last night, I shoved the frame in a drawer. “I wish you would've told me.”

“I didn't want to upset you. And anyway, we didn't think it would go well,” I remind her, although I think a part of me kind of believed it would, or at least hoped enough to believe. My heart pings, thinking about the conversation and about how many more will be ahead for the next few days, weeks, months.

“That doesn't make it easier.” She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, her fingertips lingering on my neck. “My mom's entire response when I came out was, ‘Good—stick with girls and don't get pregnant.' Candice and a few of our mutual friends, though…they sucked. That whole thing sucked. I hate that you're going through this now. But promise me you'll stop trying to go through it alone, okay? I'm here. That's sort of the point.”

I take a deep breath and inhale the now-familiar scent of her apple shampoo. “Okay,” I promise softly, sliding a hand just under the hem of the “I Heart My Girlfriend” T-shirt. I love how smooth her skin is underneath, inked with what I now know to be a hibiscus flower. “Thank you.”

“Thank
you
for being sure enough about me—about us—to go through all this,” she says, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear and touching her lips gently to mine. “You're pretty fucking great, Vanessa Park.”

“You're not too bad either.” I pinch her tiny tummy, and she laughs and swats me away.

“I take it back—you suck,” she says, but she's grinning, and then she kisses me again. “Are you ready?”

“As I'll ever be. Let's do this.” I tap her on the butt with my bag and lead the way out of my apartment, off to the LGBT Youth Center where Ally, Josh, and Liam are meeting us to serve early Thanksgiving dinner—and to put me in front of the cameras and into our future.

I break out one last bottle of champagne—this one for the Duncans, to serve with Thanksgiving dinner. They invited all of us to come back after we spent the afternoon at the LGBT Youth Center, slinging turkey and mashed sweet potatoes while “journalists” went all vulture on us. Of course, that was kinda the point—bringing attention to the center—but it didn't exactly make me sorry to leave this shit behind.

“I'm so glad you could all make it,” says Ally's mom, wrapping one arm around Ally's shoulders, the other around Vanessa's. “And I'm honored you're spending such an important day with us, sweetie,” she adds, kissing the top of Vanessa's head. “We're so proud of you. And happy for you.”