“I'm sorry to do this to you. Avery called this morning. He's on his way to Chicago.” She shook her head. “He wants to talk and go see Ella. I know it's last-minute, but . . .”
Kai watched her speak and heard her words, but didn't know what to make of them. She was torn and he didn't know what he could do for her. “I'll handle my mom. Are you okay?”
“I think so. I just . . . I don't know. I didn't expect to see him again.”
Kai didn't want her to see him again. This man had left her alone. “You didn't need to come here to tell me.” He would've preferred if she hadn't. Hearing it was bad enough, but to see how conflicted she was made it worse. And there was nothing he could do about it. This was why he'd tried to keep his distance, keep things simple. Her complications tore at him.
“I wanted to let you know why I needed time off and . . .”
“And?”
She reached for his hand. Her fingers slid too easily through his. “I have to do this. You understand, right?”
“Yeah.” His rational brain understood. However, the primal part of him wanted to make her stay. He wasn't sure why. Jealousy? It was an emotion he'd refused to feel.
“That's not too convincing. I can't fight with you about this.” Her eyes spoke before the word came. “Please.”
He pulled her into his arms. “No fighting, remember?” As he held her, he knew why he didn't want to let her go. Protectiveness. That guy had the ability to hurt her and Kai wouldn't be able to stand by and watch.
She was someone who could get him to fight again. Not with her, or over her, but for her. And that was scarier than anything.
“I get it,” he said, trying to reassure her. “I don't like it. I think he's a bigger asshole than I am. But I understand.”
“Thank you,” she mumbled against his chest. She sighed and held him tight for a full minute before pulling away. “I'll be back later.”
“Take the day. Work out whatever you need to.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Her agreement irked him but he wasn't sure why. He wanted her with him in his house, which was exactly why he needed to let her go.
* * *
Norah circled into O'Hare to get Avery from the terminal. She saw him waving from the curb, a backpack slung over his shoulder. Looked like another one-day visit. Her conversation with Kai still nagged at her and she didn't think she was ready to see Ella. The overwhelming emotions pushed at her as Avery climbed into the car.
“Hey,” he said with a bright smile.
“Hey.”
“You sure it's okay for me to see Ella?”
Norah nodded. “I talked with Kim and she said we can stop by whenever.”
“You'll go with me?”
“That's why I'm here.”
He touched her cheek, a motion that once would've had her leaning in for a kiss. “Thank you.”
She shifted out of his reach and pulled back into traffic.
Avery twisted and bent to dig into his bag. He came up with a fluffy stuffed bunny. “I got her this. Do you think she'll like it?”
Norah smiled. “She's a month old. I think it's too early for her to have preferences. But she'll grow up knowing it came from you. That matters.”
He nodded and clutched the animal in his lap.
“Ready?”
“Yeah.”
They drove to Kim and Trevor's in silence. She couldn't remember things between them ever being awkward like this. Not even on their first date. They clicked. Maybe there was just too much stuff between them now. And of course, she had Kai.
Kim met them at the door holding Ella bundled in a blanket. “You have excellent timing. She just woke up from a nap.”
Kim reached out and gave Norah a one-armed hug. Then she did the same to Avery. “It's nice to finally meet you.”
She turned and led them into the living room where she had baby stuff everywhere. A bottle sat on the coffee table. She looked at Norah and Avery. “Would either of you like to feed her?”
Norah shook her head, but Avery stepped forward. Norah hadn't held Ella since the hospital. It was safer that way. Maybe one day she'd be able to do it without feeling the ache in her chest, but for now, she needed to keep her distance. She was afraid if she didn't, she'd long for her daughter and she didn't want that.
Avery sat on the edge of the couch and Kim placed Ella in his arms.
He thrust the bunny at Kim. “I got this for her.”
“Thank you.” She took the bunny and set it on a bookshelf.
Avery picked up the bottle and began feeding Ella.
Kim said, “Would you like me to take a picture?”
“That'd be great.” He looked up at Norah. “Take it with us?”
She wanted to scream no, but she knew she was being irrational. She sat beside Avery who angled Ella in one arm, still keeping the bottle propped in her mouth like a pro.
“Squeeze closer,” Kim said. Norah leaned in and smiled as Kim snapped the photo.
As soon as it was done, Norah jumped off the couch. She looked at Avery and Ella and a torrent of emotion ripped through her. Here was this man who she believed she might've loved, holding and caring for their child. She should want this. All she felt, however, was the need to escape.
Kim touched her arm. “I have coffee on in the kitchen. Would you like some?”
Norah nodded because she couldn't speak. In the kitchen, she was able to take a deep breath. She'd come today because she knew Avery needed her to guide the way. She knew Kim and Trevor and theoretically should've been able to ease the awkwardness.
Instead, she felt like she might fall apart.
This was why she hadn't visited. She wasn't ready for all of these emotions. She didn't know how to handle them.
Kim didn't say anything in the kitchen. It was as if she knew Norah might snap. She simply poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Norah. Then she left to check on Avery and Ella. Norah heard the quiet conversation in the other room, but she stayed rooted to her spot.
Believing she'd made the right choice, the best choice, was hard to do when she faced Ella. She didn't know how to hold her and then give her away again. She knew her baby was safe and loved and that's all she ever wanted for Ella.
She dumped the remainder of her coffee down the drain and walked through the house. Looking at Avery, she said, “I'll wait for you outside.”
The sun was warm, but a cool breeze blew. She sat on the steps and just breathed until her lungs were full.
The door opened and Avery came out. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I'm not ready for this. You don't have to cut your visit short. I'll wait.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.” She didn't want to take this from him.
He went back into the house and Norah walked a few houses down and then back, taking deep breaths of fresh air. Then she went to her car and sat behind the wheel. She didn't know how long it was until Avery came out, but it hadn't been long enough for her to get control of her emotions. He climbed in the passenger side and she lifted her forehead from the steering wheel.
Her throat was nearly closed and she wanted to kick herself for the tears clawing her.
“That was harder than I thought it would be,” he said. His voice was husky and she knew he was as messed up as she was.
She turned to face him as a few tears slid past her defenses. He reached out and pulled her into an awkward hug. It didn't offer her comfort. Not really. What she wanted was to be in Kai's arms. For whatever reason, when he held her, she felt safe and secure. She could open up and fall apart and he'd hold her.
Norah pushed back from Avery. “Can I drop you off at a hotel?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” He pulled out his phone and gave her the address. “My flight leaves in the morning, but if you want to hang out today or have breakfast tomorrow, we can.”
“I have work,” she lied. Being around Avery would be a reminder of how awful she felt right now.
She dropped him off at the hotel and then drove around. Dinnertime neared and she went to Kai's house. He'd be working, but Jaleesa would probably be grateful to be able to leave. She knocked and then used her key, calling out to Lani.
“Norah?”
“Yeah, it's me.”
“I thought Kai said you needed a few days.”
“He was wrong. I only needed a few hours.”
Jaleesa came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. “What are you doing here?”
“I had something to do today, but I figured Kai had you filling in and you might need to get home. I can stay with Lani.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Jaleesa tossed the towel in the kitchen and grabbed her purse. “I'll make it home in time for bedtime stories. Matt always makes a mess by telling them ghost stories. Thank you.”
“No problem.” She settled on the couch next to Lani. “So what's on TV tonight?”
“What's going on with you?”
“Nothing. If you don't pick a show, I will.”
Lani snatched the remote off the couch. Norah smiled. Coming back here leveled her out, righted her brain.
* * *
When Kai got home that night, he hadn't expected to see Norah's car parked in front of his house. She was supposed to be with Avery. Jaleesa hadn't called to tell him she was back. Unless Jaleesa didn't know. His mom would be asleep. A disgusting thought hit him and he hurried from the car. Norah wouldn't do that, would she? Bring her ex-boyfriend to his house?
He unlocked the door and rushed through as if he half expected to catch Norah in the act. What he found was her sound asleep on the couch just like the first night she'd worked for him. He sat on the table and smoothed her hair from her face. Her eyes popped open. “You're home.”
“You're not supposed to be here.”
She sat up, her eyes wary. “I was done early and figured Jaleesa would want to go home.”
“And?”
“And nothing.”
Her eyes said there damn well was something. “What happened?”
She bit her bottom lip and looked over his shoulder at the TV. “It was awful.”
Kai's muscles tensed. He'd told her to take the time because he thought she needed to be with Avery. He knew she should've stayed here. “What was?”
“Seeing Ella. I walked into this perfect house and Kim was there and asked if I wanted to hold her and feed her. But I didn't. I just wanted to run away. I wasn't ready to face her.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No. I
know
it was the best decision. I know she'll grow up happy and loved. But right now, holding her and then giving her back, it would be like being crushed under an avalanche of rocks.” She breathed deeply. “Avery fed her and Kim took a picture of us together. I almost lost it. So I left.”
Kai turned and sat next to her, but didn't touch her. He wanted to offer comfort, but she was so tense, he was afraid to make a move. “Can I see it?”
“What?”
“The picture of your daughter.” He knew it would be a mistake but he needed to see. She pulled out her phone and opened a photo.
Kai's gut clenched at the sight of her curled close to another man. A young guy wearing a suit. A fucking suit. He wore glasses and a hat making him look like a hipster wannabe. It was affirmation of everything Kai already knew. Norah would never be his.
She didn't belong with a guy like him. He wasn't convinced she belonged with a tool like this Avery guy either. But someone more like himâsleek, polished, educated, accomplished.
She eased back on the couch and reached for his hand. “When Avery came to the car, I was ready to fall apart. He hugged me.”
Kai flinched. He knew he shouldn't have, but he couldn't control it. If she noticed, she didn't comment.
“But it was like nothing. I didn't feel better in his arms. There was nothing there. All I could think about was . . .”
She drifted off and all Kai thought about was the fact that she felt nothing for her ex. Maybe he should've felt bad for her, or him, but he didn't. Satisfaction swelled in him. Then he realized she'd stopped. “What did you think about?”
“You.” She turned her body and straddled him. “I kept wishing you were holding me, making me feel better. I tried to ignore that impulse. I dropped Avery off and then drove around going nowhere, until I was back here. I know we're just having fun and this is over when you're mom is better, but today all I wanted was you. And I don't regret that.”
Kai ran his hands up her back and into her hair, pulling her down for a kiss. It was only a matter of time until she realized she didn't belong with him. Avery might not have been the right guy, and Kai was pretty sure he wasn't either. But she'd chosen him. He'd take that for as long as he could.
Chapter Fourteen
Friday night, Kai had texted Norah telling her he'd be late after the game. She tried not to be miffed that he chose to go out for drinks while she waited for him at home. When midnight rolled around, she started to get worried. She sat on the couch, watching
Friends
with her phone in her hand, trying to decide if she should call.
She heard his key in the door and she tossed her phone on the table. Kai came around the corner looking like shit. She jumped from the couch. “Oh my God. What happened? Are you okay?”
Dried blood stuck to his cheek, his hair matted down, and a bruise darkened the left side of his face around a bandage. He dropped his hockey gear and held up a hand. “I'm fine. A fight during the game got a little wild.”
“A little wild? You're covered in blood. Did you need stitches?”
“Yeah. Just a couple.”
“That's why you're so late?” Now she was mad. “Why the hell didn't you say something?”
“I didn't want you and my mom to get worked up. I'm fine. I need a shower.”
“You can't get your stitches wet.”
He grimaced. “I'm not going to walk around looking like this.”
“Didn't you listen to the instructions they gave you in the ER?”
“No. I just wanted to get out of there. I wouldn't have even gone if the coach didn't make me.”
“Men are such babies. Come here.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the kitchen. Pointing to a chair, she said, “Sit.”
She went to the bathroom and grabbed some soap, shampoo, and towels. When she got back to the kitchen, he'd shed his jacket and his shoes. “Drag the chair to the sink.”
He did as she said and when she had him situated, she pressed his shoulder for him to lean back. “I'll get your hair washed, but then you need to leave it alone for a couple of days. When do you get the stitches out?”
“Monday or Tuesday.”
She turned the water on and let it fall over his head, keeping it from spraying on his wound and wetting the gauze. “Brings back memories of working at the salon.”
“You worked at a salon?”
She looked down at him. His eyes were closed. “For a little while in high school. I was considering cosmetology school.”
When she reached the back of his head, he winced and she felt the lump. “What the hell happened here?”
“Hit the ice during the fight.”
“Did they check you for a concussion?”
“I'm fine.”
She noticed the lack of a real answer, but she didn't comment. She washed the blood from his hair and then wrapped him in a towel. When he sat up, she went to work cleaning the rest of his face. His cheek was swollen and bruised. With a washcloth, she wiped the area.
His hand traveled up the inside of her thigh.
“What are you doing?”
“Distracting myself from the pain.”
“Are you in pain? Did they give you anything?”
He grinned and she knew he was feeling fine. She tilted his head and looked at his pupils. They looked normal and equal. “Did you lose consciousness?”
“No.”
“Do you remember everything that happened?”
“I went over all this at the hospital,” he snapped.
She bit back her sigh. She wasn't a doctor and he wasn't her patient. Climbing on his lap, she straddled him and held his jaw. “A concussion is serious. Not something to blow off.”
“I'm fine. I'm beat up and tired with a killer headache.”
“I'll get you some ibuprofen. Did the doctor say someone should wake you every few hours?”
“How do you know this shit?”
“I was studying to be a nurse.” She climbed off him and tugged his hand to get him to stand.
When he did, he suddenly seemed wobbly. Before she could say anything he said, “I'm tired. Let me go to bed.”
He skirted around her and yanked off his T-shirt as he left the room. A large purple bruise was forming on his shoulder blade, but she knew better than to comment. She was torn about what to do. They'd planned on spending the night together. Regardless of his flirtation, he was in no shape to be doing anything. But she didn't want to leave him. What if he slipped into a coma?
He got to the hallway and asked, “You coming?”
That made the decision for her. She followed and when he headed to the bathroom, he said, “I'm taking a shower. I won't get my head wet.”
She nodded and lingered by his bedroom door. “I'll change the bandage when you're done.”
He took two steps and crowded her. His hand went to her jaw, his thumb stroking her cheek. “You're sexy when you're bossy.”
She laughed. “That's a new one. Usually guys just tell me how annoying I am when I'm bossy.”
“Doesn't count if those guys are your brothers.”
He had a point, but it slipped from her mind when his lips touched hers. The kiss was gentle and intoxicating, but not driven. It was one of those kisses that when he pulled away, she wondered what they were to each other.
Kai took a fast shower and allowed her to change the dressing on his forehead with little complaint. He looked exhausted. In his bedroom, he dropped his towel and crawled into bed naked. Norah's stomach fluttered and she reminded herself that sex was
not
on the table.
“Stop staring at me and get your ass in bed.”
She climbed in from the foot of the bed since Kai had lain on the edge closest to the door. When her head hit the pillow beside his, he kissed her temple and wrapped an arm around her. It felt possessive and comfy and Norah knewâjust knewâshe was reading more into his actions than she should. Just because he actually wanted her to spend the night without pouncing on her didn't mean they were more than friends, that this was a lasting relationship, that she should be falling in love with him.
Oh crap.
The panic hit her hard. She hadn't even really had sex with him and she was falling for him. How the hell did she do this to herself? Kai's breath fluttered her hair and his arm flinched on her waist as his sleep deepened.
Two hours later, she was still awake. Torturing herself over her emotional fuckups was something she was good at. She'd done this with Avery and look how that turned out. She didn't know how to be objective when she was with a guy. Her brain turned everything into fucking rainbows and unicorns. She'd thought for sure it would be different with Kai. He wasn't the kind of guy to inspire thoughts of rainbows.
She shook Kai's shoulder to check on him. “Kai.”
“Ugh.”
“Kai, wake up.”
One eye glared at her.
“What's your name?”
“Kai Ellis.”
“Where do you live?”
“Chicago.”
“Who's your mom?”
“Lani. And if you don't stop asking me stupid questions, I'm going to duct tape you to the bed.”
His threat flashed some enticing images in her head. “Just making sure you're okay.”
“Mmm-hmm.” Then he was snoring again.
Norah tried to sleep, but her own nagging thoughts wouldn't allow it.
* * *
Kai got home late Saturday night and wished Norah had been there. He'd gotten used to her being part of his routine. Then he reminded himself she wasn't supposed to be part of his life. He'd hired her to be with his mom. Being with him was nothing more than a bout of fun. But no matter how many times he'd said it to himself, he didn't believe it. Waking Sunday morning without her hadn't been any better.
It didn't help that his mom talked about her all damn day on Sunday. It was as if she was going through the same Norah withdrawal he was. He'd gotten ready for the poker game and planned on cleaning the house, but Norah had everything done. He'd been taking all of that for granted. Food in the refrigerator, meals left over for fast lunch, a clean freaking toilet. She'd been doing way more than keeping his mom company.
Norah had taken over running their household and he hadn't even noticed. The tight grip he'd held on his life had slipped. The problem was, it wasn't bothering him nearly as much as it should. He found himself watching the clock after dinner.
The guys started showing up in the basement and Kai joined them. When Rooster walked in he took one look at Kai's bandage and said, “Thought you didn't fight anymore.”
“Anything goes on the ice.”
“Damn. That's a good one. Bet the other guy looks worse.”
“You know it.” He popped the top on a beer and sat at the table.
As they were dealing the first hand, footsteps on the stairs drew his attention. Norah paused on the last step, clearly intimidated to intrude. Weird, since she'd intruded in most areas of his life.
“Uh, just wanted to let you know I'm here.”
He spun in his chair to get a good look at her. Something was off in her voice and he figured if he saw her, he'd know. But he didn't get a chance because she rushed at him. “Oh my God. Is that the same bandage I put on Friday night?”
How the hell could she know? “Yeah. You said keep it dry.”
“I also said you needed to clean it out and take the bandage off. Ugh. You're such a guy. Come here.” She yanked on his shirt.
Rooster started hooting and Kai recoiled from her touch. Her eyes widened and she released him. Her fingers flinched. “Sorry. Take the bandage off and let the wound breathe.”
She turned and hustled up the steps. Kai tossed his cards on the table. “I'll be right back.”
He caught her in the kitchen, pouring a glass of water. Without saying anything, he dragged a chair to the sink and sat. “Have at it.”
“What?”
“Do whatever you planned to do before I scared you off.”
“You didn't scare me.”
She looked skittish and he hated he'd done that to her, but he still wasn't prepared for her to be around those guys. Not as his . . . girlfriend? Is that what she was?
Setting her glass on the counter, she edged closer. She picked at the tape holding the gauze. His hands landed on her hips and he moved a leg between hers. As she worked, her body brushed against him, but he could tell it was unintentional. She was distancing herself.
She cleaned the cut and eased back. “All set.”
He gripped her hips tighter and moved to make her straddle him like she had the other night. When she was on his lap, tight to his body, his hands skimmed up her back. He stared into her light blue eyes and tried to figure out what she was thinking.
“I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friends,” she said.
“What?”
“Downstairs. Sometimes I forgetâ”
He didn't know what she'd planned to say, but he cut her off with a kiss. The taste of her settled the restlessness he'd been feeling all day. When they separated, he said, “You didn't embarrass me. I don't like you being around them.”
“Why? They're your friends.”
“You don't belong there.”
She angled her head, waiting for more.
“I don't like the way Rooster looks at you.”
This brought a smile and she threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling it from his ponytail. “Guess that means I'm not invited to play.”
“Nope.” He nipped at her bottom lip. “I missed you yesterday.”
“You sent Jaleesa over for your mom. I went home.” No emotion, no accusation, just facts.
“You were exhausted from waking me up all night.”
“Someone had to make sure you didn't fall into a coma.” A slight smile tugged at her lips. Her humor returned.
“Will you stay tonight?”
“What about your game?”
“They'll only be here a few hours. Then I'm all yours.” The truth of the statement hit him hard. For however long she'd have him, he was hers.
A harsh whistle came from the basement as a reminder that his night wasn't supposed to be about Norah. She climbed off his lap and he missed her welcome weight.
“You better go before Rooster comes looking.”
“Yeah.” He heard the regret in his voice and felt stupid for it. “Will you be here when I'm done?”
“We'll see.” She gave him one of her teasing looks, but there was something different in her eyes. Something bothered her.
He moved to the basement door before he totally lost his mind and took her to his bed. As soon as his foot hit the bottom step, Rooster started in with, “Bow-chicka-bow-wow,” doing his best bad porn imitation.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Done playing doctor?” Dean asked, pointing at Kai's hair.
Kai quickly scooped it back into a ponytail.
“Nurse,” Kai clarified. “She's studying to be a nurse.” He didn't know why it was important for them to know that, but he didn't want them to think she was some random chick bossing him around.
Carlos tossed a quarter into the pot. “She looks good on you.”
Kai checked his cards and added his own quarter. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means she makes you happy. We can see it on your face, man. It's about damn time. We were ready to do an intervention and shit.”
“You make no fucking sense.”
Carlos leaned over while the other guys put in their bets. “You haven't had a woman around since what? Cindy? Eric, what the hell was that last chick's name Kai was into?”
“My memory ain't
that
good.”
They all laughed and Kai knew it was at him and not with him. Carlos smacked his arm. “Thing is, man, we're all settled with our livesâexcept Rooster and he ain't about to change.”