Authors: Jettie Woodruff
lawn, and then again at my stack of mail on the table.
Dawson was still taking care of me even though I had been
a fucked up mess around him over the last couple of
months. No. I had always been a mess around him, from
day one, and he was always there for me. I opened the
sliding glass door, went around and opened windows, and
sprayed a can of Lysol around the house. I guess the
humidity from the hot days and the closed up house caused
the musty smell.
I soaked in a hot bath and ran my hand over my
belly. I swear I could see a bump already.
“Oh, little baby, what a mess you are coming into,”
I said out loud.
I smiled, and got out of the tub when I heard
Dawson.
“Ry?” he called.
I pulled on my robe from the hook behind the
bathroom door which I also noticed the musty smell on. I
made a mental note to throw it in the wash.
I’m such an idiot. I walked right into the man’s
arms. I had serious problems.
Dawson placed his hands on my back and pulled
me to him with a smile and a kiss. I think maybe my vagina
was on break, pissed off, or just not interested in making
love to Dawson. It wasn’t giving me fits like normal when
one of these men touched me. I know it was because it
wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone to understand me,
someone to confide in without being judged. Was Dawson
that someone? I was about to find out. He had just as much
right to know about the baby as Drew did.
“I’m going to get dressed. I’ll be right back,” I
said, pulling away from him. I couldn’t help but notice
how our fingers seemed to linger as he let me go.
“Do you want a beer?” he called.
Hmmm. No alcohol for a while. “No, I think I’m
just going to have tea,” I called out.
Dawson had the tea kettle on the stove when I
came out.
“I didn’t think you would be back this soon. How
was the funeral?”
I didn’t think I would be either. I shrugged my
shoulders. “Fine, I guess. There weren’t many people
there, but it was nice.”
“Do you want to sit outside?” he asked, pouring
hot water over the teabag.
“Yes.”
I watched Dawson put the teaspoon of honey in my
cup. I’d bet that Drew didn’t even know how I liked my
tea. Dawson got himself a beer and carried my cup. I slid
the door open for him, and he paused. He moved his head
and kissed me lightly with a smile. I smiled back. I could
tell that he was happy to see me, and he had missed me.
We sat at the table. Dawson didn’t sit across from
me. He slid his chair around so that we were both looking
out to the endless sea.
“How did you know that I was home?” I asked.
He smiled. “Lauren text me.”
I smiled too.
“You okay, Ry?” he asked, and for the life of me I
don’t know what happened. My guess was the hormones
were a little wacky, but I started crying. I don’t mean a
tear escaped. I bawled like a baby. He held his arm
around me, not speaking. I’m sure he had no idea what to
say. He held me, kissed my head, and rubbed circles
around my back.
Once I was able to stop sobbing like some sort of
lunatic, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and
smiled up at him.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
Dawson walked into the house and came back with
a box of tissues. I pulled one from the box and blew my
nose.
“What’s going on, Ry?” he asked, taking my hand. I
ran my hand over his light blue t-shirt where the blue was
darker from my wet tears. He looked down.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time you
cried in my shirt,” he said.
“Why are you so good to me?” I asked. I didn’t
deserve him any more than a child molester deserved to
keep their private parts. I had been so rotten to him, but
could I really help it. I still didn’t know what the hell to
do. I loved Drew. There was no doubt in my mind. I loved
Dawson too, and now I had to go and throw a baby in the
middle. Fucked up, that’s what it was.
“Because I love you,” he quietly said.
“I’m pregnant, Daw.” There, I said it. It was out. I
was afraid to look at him. I was afraid that he was going to
get up and walk out of my life, for good this time. It was
really stupid of me. Dawson wasn’t that man. Dawson
would be right there for as long as I would let him. I knew
he would. I heard him take a deep breath and looked down
at his hand caressing mine.
“Is it mine, Ry?”
I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu. I had already had
this conversation.
“I don’t know, Dawson.” I was honest with him. I
was done lying to Dawson Bade. Whether we were
together or not, I was telling him everything.
I spent the next two hours, pouring my heart out to
him. He knew that I was worth more than Bill Gates. I told
him about Drew and Derik’s plan to dispose of me once
Mr. Callaway had passed, and how they hadn’t expected
him to live but a few months. I told him about him being
forced to marry me or be cut out of his will. He knew
about my mother being paid off too. I told him everything,
even the demand from Drew that I have this paternity test.
“I can’t understand how you can love this guy, Ry.
And don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not trying to be a
dick. I just don’t understand. I want to go dig his grave
right now.”
I snorted and traced his fingers with mine. “He
wanted me to have an abortion if the baby turns out to be
yours.”
“I’m afraid if you let him talk you into that, I would
dig his grave.”
I picked my ringing cellphone up from the table. I
answered it. I wasn’t hiding anything from either one of
them anymore. If that sent them both running to the hills
then so be it.
“I just wanted to make sure that you made it home
okay,” Drew said on the other end.
“Yes. I’m home.” That’s all I said. I didn’t know
what to say to him.
“Are you flying back to North Carolina or do you
want me to send for your car?”
“I’m staying here for a while, but you don’t have to
send someone to drive my car. I have my Honda. My mom
said that it was fine there.”
“You’re not driving my baby around in that jalopy
you call a car.”
“My car is fine until I go out there. I promised
Caroline I would come back before school started.”
“I promised her I would go sea glass hunting with
her next week. We were supposed to go spend a couple of
days there, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” I didn’t say any more than
that again. He picked up on it. He knew.
“He’s there, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“That didn’t take two minutes. I’ll talk to you later,
Morgan.”
I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. My phone
was blinking, call ended, two minutes, twelve seconds in
my hand.
“You know what, Riley?” Dawson said, taking my
hand and holding my knuckles to his lips.
Oh, boy. Here it comes.
“Hmm?”
“I think that you have been through enough shit for
ten life times. I think you should divorce
him
, marry me
and let me take care of you and my baby for the rest of
your life.”
Shit, maybe I should just do the paternity test. I had
a feeling that I would be hearing this from both fathers for
nine months. I didn’t respond and only smiled.
Dawson never left me that night. He didn’t try
anything that involved being naked, and I was glad. I think
my vagina was on strike anyway, I never heard a peep.
Dawson held me close all night, caressing my back and
planting soft, sweet kisses on my forehead. I knew that
Dawson made the most sense. I knew that Dawson would
be the simpler of the two solutions if there were a simple
solution.
I woke late to an empty bed. Dawson had left for
work. I lay in bed reviewing my options for a long time.
For whatever reason, I decided at the moment that I was
going to stop fretting over any of it. I wasn’t going to try
and decide anything. Whatever happened, happened. I
really needed to clean the ceiling fan.
I got up, started coffee and did just that. I cleaned
the ceiling fan, drank coffee on my deck while listening to
Lauren and Levi. I even laughed when Lauren told a caller
that she was a black, Jewish girl from Kentucky. I went to
town and had lunch at Millie’s, stopped and visited with
Star, and then walked along the beach.
I was slowly settling back into my life in Maine. I
had a man that adored me, friends that loved me, a house
that I treasured, and an ocean for solitude. Drew did have
my car driven to me, but I didn’t drive it. I drove my old
Honda. The BMW was a little out of place there, and I felt
more like me in the Honda. I wasn’t some rich girl that
doted on the finer things of life, well technically I was a
rich girl, but I didn’t feel like one.
I hadn’t heard from Drew for almost two weeks. I
felt in my heart that I was doing the right thing. Dawson
loved me, and I loved him. I had fun with Dawson, and yes
we were having sex. It wasn’t anything like Drew, and I
had, not even close. Dawson was in it for the love making
which was fine by me. He made sure that my needs were
met, and took his sweet, slow time. I didn’t need the
fucked up sex life that Drew and I shared. This was what I
needed, right here in nowhere Maine, where life was
simple.
Lauren took a week’s vacation about a month after
I was home and she and I spent a week with my mom on
the beach. Lauren loved it. She was a bigger kid than
Caroline was and spent her days hunting sea glass, playing
dumb little girl games, sitting on the beach with binoculars
searching for dolphins and shopping. Caroline loved her
just as much as Lauren loved Caroline. It was funny. I
never pictured Lauren being good around little girls. She
was.
My mom made sure that Lauren and I had a room
so that we didn’t have to bunk with Caroline although
Caroline camped with us all but two of the six nights we
were there. It was mid-August, and one night Caroline
insisted that we sleep on the beach and watch the meteor
shower. It was the perfect night for it. We all lay out on
the beach, including my mom, on top of sleeping bags and
watched the fireball sky. The last count that we had was
somewhere in the ballpark of a hundred. Some of them
were quick and small, and some of them felt like they
were coming right at us. I had never watched a meteor
shower before. It was amazing, and Caroline had so many
wishes. It was comical. I myself made only one wish. I
wished that the baby growing inside of me would be
Dawson’s.
On the fifth day that we were there Drew called.
We were eating breakfast on the private deck, goofing off
with Caroline. My heart sank when I saw his name. What
the fuck. I needed him not to call. I needed to stay as far
away from him as possible, and I sure as hell didn’t need
to hear his voice right now.
“Hello,” I cautiously answered.
“Hey, where are you?” he asked, no hey beautiful,
I miss you, nothing just a cold tone. I should have been
happy that he wasn’t being nice. It should have made it
easier, but it didn’t. I wanted him to want me. It was
dumb, but none the less, it was what I wanted.
“I’m at my mom’s with Lauren. Why?”
“I’m flying there so that you can sign a power of
attorney,” he said.
“For what?”
“So that I can work. I have a stack of shit on my
desk that needs your signature. I need you to sign a power
of attorney so that I don’t have to rely on you to take care
of it.”
“Okay,” I replied. I didn’t care about that. I
wouldn’t know what I was signing anyway. “When are you
coming?”
“I should be there by three.”
“Today?!?” I asked shocked. I didn’t mean to
sound so surprised. It just came out that way.
“Is that a problem?”
“No. That will be fine,” I answered. It wasn’t fine.
I didn’t want to see Drew. I couldn’t see Drew.
“See ya later then,” he replied and hung up.
I called Dawson and told him that he was coming.
I wasn’t going to feel guilty for him being there and hiding