Undescribable (58 page)

I want to wake her up and show her how gentle I can be. I want her to show me what it’s like to feel someone physically love you. I won’t, though. She is exhausted and I know she needs her sleep.

I undo her bra, then pull her panties off. I go to the bathroom get ready for bed then climb in bed next to her. I pull her body next to mine.

“Good night, Angel,” I whisper to her face. I place a soft kiss on her forehead and close my eyes.

“So…fill me in?” Courtney and I are in the truck on our way to the airport.

“I didn’t sleep with him. It that’s what you’re asking,” she laughs.

“What?” I ask, obviously surprised.

“We slept in the same bed.” She lays her head back, sighing. “I really like him. We stayed up all night talking. Well, I talked. He just listened,” she laughs.

“I bet he hated to say goodbye.” Slade had left for work this morning, but Josh went in late to spend some more time with Courtney.

“Yeah. I gave him my email, cell and home number.”

I laugh at her. “Well then, when you decide he’s boring you, you won’t be able to ignore him.”

“No, I really like him. He’s different. He wasn’t trying to get down my pants. We kissed. He’s such a good kisser, but other than that he was a perfect gentlemen. He even told me this morning he wants to come down to see me in Tulsa.”

I pull up to the airport where I have to drop her off. I turn to her. “I’m glad. I hope it turns into something. Josh is a good guy and deserves someone to treat him right and I know you would.”

We give each other a hug and shed a few tears. I tell her goodbye and head back to Slade’s house. My phone rings as I walk into Slade’s house. I dig it out of my purse and stare at the caller ID.

My heart stops.

Mom!

My mom is calling me. I’ve called her every month for five years and she has never answered a single call.

Now she’s calling me.

I let out a breath and answer. “Hello?” I whisper. I can’t manage much more than that.

“Samantha.”

My eyes well up in tears, hearing her say my name like she just called to discuss the weather.

“Yes, Mom.” My voice cracks.

“Oh, Samantha. It’s so good to hear your voice.”

I can’t speak. Tears fall down my cheeks, and there’s a silence that lingers between us before she speaks.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers.

I can’t say anything.

“Will you come home? Please?” she pleads.

“What?”

Can I come home? Of course I can. I’ve always thought about her. Always missed her.

“Honey, I want to see you. Can you come home? I…I really want to see you. I want to apologize for everything and do it the right way.”

“Yes,” I whisper, still not able to speak properly.

“I want to see you as soon as possible. It’s been too long.” She starts to cry.

I’m standing in the walkway of Slade’s house, crying on the phone while my mom cries on the other end.
What is happening?

“Okay. I’ll book a flight out for tomorrow.” I swallow hard.

“Are you going to come alone, or is Slade going to come with you?”

Slade? How does she know about Slade?

“I’ve heard things in town, honey. I know Courtney was just there and I’ve heard you’re beyond happy with a man who thinks you’re the world.”

What? What would have been said for her to think that?

“I don’t know.”

“You should bring him. I would love to meet him.” She sounds happy about that thought.

“Oh. Okay.”

“I have to go, honey. Call me tomorrow and let me know when your plane will arrive.”

“Okay. I love you, Mom,” I breathe out.

She takes in a deep breath. “Love you too, Samantha.” Her voice is shaky. “I can’t wait to see you.”

I sniff a few times, not able to speak past the lump in my throat.

“Be safe and I’ll see you tomorrow,” she whispers before she hangs up.

I still can’t move. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

She wants to see me.
Me!

She said she loved me. It’s been so long since I’ve heard those words from anyone. I don’t count Jax.

I stand there and close my eyes, remembering her dark hair that she kept long. She always wore it in big curls. That’s why I wear mine in curls. She would fix hers and then curl mine, either with the curling iron or hot rollers.

I remember her letting me play dress up in her makeup and clothes. Courtney was right when she said I was always grounded, but it was because I was always getting into trouble. I did what I wanted, when I wanted meaning I got grounded for pretty much everything I did.

I don’t know how it went so wrong.

Why does she want to see me?

With my eyes closed, I can hear her voice and picture her standing in front of me. Tears continue to run down my face.
What if I get there and all she wants from me is money?
It will break my heart all over again.

“Angel?”

I open my eyes slowly. Slade is standing in front of me with his hands on my hips. I didn’t even feel his hands on me.
How long has he been standing here?

“Why are you crying?’ He releases my hips to wipe away the tears that still flow freely.

“My mom called me,” I say shakily

He grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s sit down.” He pulls me to the living room and sits next to me on the couch. “What did she say?’ He pushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

“She wants us to come to Tulsa as soon as possible.”

“Us?” His brows draw together.

I shake my head. “I don’t understand what she wants. You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to.”

He shifts so he’s facing me and a smile forms on his lips as he takes my hands in his. “I wouldn’t let you go without me.” He smiles, but frowns when I don’t. “Talk to me, Angel. What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I’m nervous. She said she wants to apologize the right way, but I can’t help thinking she has an ulterior motive. Why would she want to see me all of a sudden? I’m going to jump on a plane tomorrow and drag you to Tulsa with me.” I look to the floor. “She asked me to come home. It hasn’t been my home for a long time.”

I look up to him as he stares at me, still holding my hands. “I left everything, Slade. Everything. All I took with me were two suitcases of clothes, a bag of bathroom stuff, and one photograph of the three of us. I left everything else. She probably trashed it all.”

“I doubt she did that, Angel.”

“Why would she keep stuff to remind her of a child she couldn’t stand?” I shake my head as I feel my chest get heavy.

“I’m actually going to
see
her tomorrow, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I’ve wanted to talk to her for so long, but now that it’s happening I want to turn her down. I want to be strong enough to reject her. Let her feel the pain I’ve felt for so long. I can’t do that, though. I’m too weak to do that. She’s my mom and I love her,” I whisper.

Slade leans over and pulls me onto his lap. “Angel.” He pulls my face out of his shirt to look at him. “You are the strongest person I have ever met. There is nothing weak about you. Remember that. You’re not going alone, I’m going with you. She obviously needs you for something. You’re the better person for going to her when she needs you.”

I nod.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed. I have a feeling you’re going to need your rest.”

“It’s only six o’clock, and I still need to get online and get our tickets.” I go to get off his lap, but he holds me tighter.

“I’ll get them. Don’t worry about it.” I go to say no, but he leans down and kisses me. “I’ll get them,” he repeats softly when he pulls his lips away from mine.

“Okay. Thank you, baby.” I bury my face in his chest as he stands up and cradles me like a child, taking me to bed. As I undress, I can hear him on the phone getting our tickets.

He crawls in next to me once he undresses. “We leave at six in the morning. We need to be at the airport by four thirty.”

I nod. “Thank you, baby.” I lean over and set my alarm for three. As I lay down, I cuddle up with him.

Tomorrow is probably going to be the longest day of my life.

My hands are sweaty, my heart is racing and I keep bouncing my knee up and down as I sit in the passenger seat of our rental car. Slade is driving us to my old home and I’m a nervous wreck.

As we pull up to the circle gravel drive, I start to have trouble breathing. Slade parks the car in the driveway and turns to me. “Wait here for a second and let me get our bags, okay?”

I reach out for his arm. “No,” I almost shout. “Leave them in here. Just in case….I don’t know. In case we decide to leave. We can always come get them later.” I have a death grip on his arm as I ramble.

He nods slowly. “Okay.” he takes my face in his hands. “I’m here for you, Angel. You’re not here alone. I’m here.”

“Thank you,” I whisper as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

“Come on.” He lets go of me and gets out of the car. I watch him walk around the front of the car and open my door for me. He helps me out and doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk to the door. I take a few breaths before I decide to knock instead of just walking in.

This is not my home anymore.

I hold my breath as I hear the door unlock. I can’t move. Mom was always small, but she seems to look even smaller. I don’t know, it’s hard to tell with the baggy man’s t-shirt she is wearing and black baggy sweatpants. She’s wearing a white ball cap with her hair pulled through the back. I notice her hair is a darker brown and shorter than she used to keep it.

She seems like my mother. The same woman. Yet different in a way I can’t explain.

“Hello, Samantha.” She smiles at me, but I don’t return it. “Slade.” She reaches out her hand.

He shakes it. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Bennett.”

“Please, call me Marie. Please, come inside.” She slowly steps aside to allow us in. Slade has to nudge me through the doorway.

Once inside, she shuts the door and turns to us. “Can I get you two anything to drink?” she asks as she walks away from the door down the hallway.

“No thank you,” Slade answers. I just shake my head. I’m afraid to speak. I may start yelling at her and cussing, or I may run to her and cry like a baby. Neither one would be good, so I keep my mouth shut.

“Come. Let’s go sit in the living room.”

I notice nothing has changed. Everything is the same, except I don’t see any pictures of Gary. Husband number four.

Slade sits down on the couch and I walk over to the fireplace. I look up and stare at my father’s urn that sits on her mantel. I never understood why he had in his will that he wanted to be cremated, and I found it odd that my mother wanted his ashes.

I walk over to the couch and sit down next to Slade and stare down at the floor. I don’t want to be here. It just feels so wrong; like a lie. I raise my head when Slade squeezes my hand as my mom comes back to join us.

“I need to give you this before I forget.” She hands me an envelope. I raise my eyebrows as I look up at her and take it from her hand. She sits down slowly in the recliner and looks at me.

I remove my hand from Slade’s and open it up. I stare at a check for four hundred and eighty thousand dollars. I continue to stare at it as I shake my head. “I don’t understand,” I rasp out.

“It’s every dollar you ever sent me,” my mom explains.

“What? Why?” I can’t take my eyes off of it.

My mother sighs, pulling my eyes away from the check to hers. “I need to tell you something. And I need you to listen to everything before you speak, okay?” She slides a look to Slade who is sitting so close to me that I can feel his body stiffen as she looks at him.

I nod my head.

“Samantha, I’ve been trying to save you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I still think it was the right thing.” She puts her head down as if this is killing her to admit. She lifts it up to look at me again. “Your Dad and I had a wonderful relationship and a perfect marriage. Well, the first couple of years of it anyways. It was my fault that it didn’t stay that way.” She looks down to the floor and takes in a deep breath. “A few months before you turned two, I had an affair.”