I was never able to hide my feelings from Kai – he could wheedle his way through my defences with consummate ease. All it took was him to say something like,
What’s up, pickle?
and I would be spilling my guts in no time. (If anyone else on this planet ever called me pickle I would break their face. Kai had special dispensation to use bizarre terms of endearment.)
We were hanging out in my room one day when he asked what was wrong. And I told him (mumbling and blushing) and he was great about it, of course. He reassured me that there was nothing to worry about – that I was still his very bestest friend in the whole wide world – and then he distracted me so perfectly I didn’t even realize it was happening. ‘Oh, I have news! Very interesting news too. Except you might not find it all that appealing. Hear me out though, OK?’
Kai always prefaced announcements like that – building things up to be bigger than they were. He couldn’t help himself. I nodded. We were lying on my
bed, side by side, staring at the ceiling. We used to do that a lot.
‘So . . . there’s this party. At Max’s place. And we’re invited.’
‘
What?
’ I understood all the words Kai was saying, but there was a crucial one missing, surely. A ‘not’ between ‘we’re’ and ‘invited’.
‘I know! So anyway, it’s this Saturday and everyone’s going and his parents are away and his house is massive . . . according to Lol anyway.’ He was speaking super-fast, which was something he only ever did when he was excited.
I hauled myself up into a sitting position and prodded his stomach with my finger, harder than was strictly necessary. ‘Define “everyone”.’
‘Ow! Look, I know my washboard stomach is pretty hard to resist, but please be gentle!’ He sat up rubbing his stomach. He lifted up his shirt and inspected his belly as if I’d poked him hard enough to leave a mark. The sight of his stomach made
my
stomach flip and I was relieved when he covered it up again.
‘Everyone . . . is everyone. You know, the usual.’
I didn’t know, and clearly he didn’t either. ‘You mean
them
? Team Popular?’
‘Yeah, I suppose. Not just them though – that
would be a pretty rubbish party, wouldn’t it? I think Max’s brother is home from uni with a bunch of his friends or something. Anyway, haven’t you heard people talking about it at school?’
I hadn’t. In order for that to happen, I’d have had to talk to someone who was not Kai. And I tried to avoid doing that because it was mostly unrewarding. Kai
did
talk to other people though, because Kai was a friendly sort of person. He was my link to the real world. I didn’t feel the need to participate in it so long as he was there to do it for me.
‘I’m not being funny, Kai, but are you sure we’re invited? I mean, have you ever even spoken to Max?’
‘He is going out with my sister,
remember
? But it was Lol who invited us. She’s practically co-hosting it.’
‘And she told you to invite
me
? Who are you trying to kid?’
‘OK, maybe she didn’t say that in so many words. But she knows we come as a package, so inviting me is practically the same thing as inviting you – like we’re married or something. God, imagine! It doesn’t bear thinking about! But I digress . . . anyway, Lol doesn’t
mind
you; she just doesn’t get you like I do. No one gets you like I do. That’s the problem.’ He got up to change the music.
‘Sorry, I suppose I’ve never really thought of myself as a
problem
before.’ I suddenly thought I might cry. I didn’t like crying in front of him. Crying was something to be done at home – alone.
He smiled over at me. ‘Don’t go twisting my words, you little minx. All I’m saying is that I think we should go. You never know, it might actually be . . . gasp . . . fun! A little drinking, a little dancing . . . maybe we could hook up with a couple of tall, dark, handsome strangers.’
The idea filled me with horror. The kind of party he was talking about was pretty much my exact worst nightmare. And he knew it. He knew how anxious I got and he was normally really good about it. But he obviously really, really wanted to go to this particular party.
Why?
‘Why would your sister suddenly invite you to something like this? It’s like cross-pollination or something. It’s messing with the natural order of the universe! It’s not right!’
Kai sighed. ‘I thought we’d agreed that
I’m
the drama queen in this relationship. Besides, how do you know Lol doesn’t invite me to parties ALL the time?’
‘Because you tell me
everything
, idiot.’
He jumped onto the bed, clasped my hands between his and gave me his very best puppy-dog eyes.
‘Pleasecomewithmepleasecomewithmepleaseplease-please?’ Kai’s puppy-dog eyes were a truly effective weapon. They never failed on me. But this was different; he was asking too much.
I decided that whining was my best defence. ‘But whyyyyyyy? Why would you want to hang out with those people? They’re all shiny and fake and —’
‘And nothing, Little Miss Judgemental! It’s about time we did something different, don’t you think? Something WILD . . . not that this is a massively wild thing to do, but it’s a start, right? Say you’ll come! If you come, I’ll love you forever.’
‘You’ll love me forever
anyway
, doofus.’ I was on the verge of giving in, mostly just to shut him up.
He could tell victory was near, but was equally aware that anything he might say could mess it up. So he just looked at me, waiting.
‘OK, OK, I’ll go. But there are conditions. One: there will be no dancing. I do not dance. Two: don’t expect me to have a good time. Three: don’t expect me to be nice to people. Four: I’m allowed to leave whenever I want and you’re banned from using your pouty face to get me to stay. Five: you have to buy the booze. There is no way I can face this thing sober. Six: um . . . there is no six. Just stop grinning like the bloody Cheshire Cat, OK?’
Kai did a terrible job of stifling his grin. ‘I solemnly accept the aforementioned conditions in relation to the forthcoming gathering at Maxwell Miller’s abode. Miss Halliday, you’ve got yourself a deal.’ He held out his hand for me to shake.
‘This is a terrible idea.’ A wave of nausea crashed over me. I wondered what kind of impression a slick of vomit down Max’s front door would make.
Kai hooked his arm into mine and leaned into me. ‘It’s going to be great, I promise. Don’t forget . . . I’m wearing my lucky shirt. When has the Shirt of Good Fortune ever let us down?’ He smelled
so
good. I breathed in the scent of him and it calmed me a little. That ‘lucky shirt’ chat was utter bollocks, but everything would be OK as long as I was with Kai. This would be over soon. I could go home at any point. I’d been reminding myself of these things all day, but it hadn’t done anything to ease my anxiety.
Max opened the door and smiled broadly. His teeth were incredibly straight and regimented – like little soldiers. ‘Hey! Come on in! Quick, Bugs is threatening to chuck Stu on the bonfire.’ Unsurprisingly, Max’s
greeting was aimed at Kai, with barely a first glance (let alone a second) at me.
Kai led the way through the house towards the sound of some terrible bass-heavy music. We stopped by the fridge to drop off our beer. I grabbed a bottle and looked around for a bottle opener. Max was there, quick as a flash, brandishing one like he’d just pulled a rabbit from a hat.
‘Um . . . thanks.’
‘You’re Jem, right? Sorry, we haven’t officially met. I’m Max.’ He held out his hand.
‘Yeah, nice to . . . um . . . meet you.’ His handshake was firm but not overly macho.
Kai nudged me as we followed Max into the garden. ‘See? Told you it’d be fine!’ he whispered. Slightly prematurely, I couldn’t help thinking.
There were flaming torches dotted around the garden, and a massive bonfire smack bang in the middle. I wondered if Max’s parents would be pissed off when they came back to find a big scorch mark in the centre of their pristine lawn.
It helped to focus on the garden, the torches and the bonfire. It stopped me focusing on the people; the people really freaked me out. It wasn’t the number of them that bothered me so much, even though there were a
lot
of them. It was seeing people from school
away from their normal environment. Everyone looked different . . . dangerous somehow.
I kept my thoughts to myself; Kai wouldn’t have got it. He would have nodded and been all understanding and stuff, but he wouldn’t have
really
understood. No one did.
Louise came rushing up and coiled her arms around Max. She wasn’t wearing a coat. In fact, most of the girls weren’t wearing coats, despite the fact that the temperature wasn’t exactly tropical. She kissed Max as if he’d just returned from a six-month voyage at sea. Why would you do something like that in front of your
brother
?
Max pulled away and said, ‘Easy, tiger!’
Louise pouted and it was almost exactly like Kai’s pout, but somehow a lot less attractive. For the first time she turned and looked at us. ‘Hey, brother dear. And hey, brother dear’s special sidekick.’ Her eyes looked weird – the pupils were massive. She must have been on something.
‘Be nice, sister dear. You
promised
,’ said Kai.
Louise shrugged, made a ‘W’ with her hands and said, ‘What
ever
,’ in a stupid Valley girl accent. She grabbed Max’s hand and dragged him towards the bonfire. I imagined her stumbling and falling face first into the fire.
*
One hour later and I was ready to bail. I’d necked two beers already, which was a lot for someone who didn’t really drink. Kai and I had managed to find a couple of non-awful people to talk to. Well, he was doing most of the talking. I was mostly nodding and sipping my drink and smiling at what I thought were appropriate points in the conversation. He kept giving me these looks whenever the talk strayed into a topic I would normally be interested in. I kept ignoring the looks.
My attention strayed towards the bonfire every few seconds. The strict social hierarchy from school was firmly in place. It would almost have been funny if it wasn’t so tragic. The most popular people were closest to the fire, bathed in its orange glow, which made them look extra-beautiful (except for Bugs . . . no one but a mother could ever describe Bugs as beautiful). Some of them were dancing. Sasha was grinding against Lucas in a way that gave me far too much insight into their relationship.
Bugs had Stu in a headlock, rubbing his knuckles across Stu’s shaved head. They didn’t have girlfriends as far as I knew. Stu was a bit like Louise in that respect, except he was considered to be a stud rather than a slut. It made perfect sense that those two had done the nasty last year. At school I couldn’t help noticing
the way Stu looked at girls as they walked past, like he was grading them in his head. Calculating if it was worth his time to try to make them laugh. Everyone (including Kai) seemed to think he was harmless, but I saw something in him . . . something predatory and not remotely funny. Not that I’d ever talked to him, of course.
I saw Max and Louise standing a little bit away from the others. From the look of things, Louise was
not
a happy bunny (snake). Her arms were flailing around and her chin jutted out aggressively. Max’s hands were raised in a gesture of surrender. I wished the music wasn’t so loud – this was better than watching TV.
I was about to tune back into the conversation Kai was having with Bland Boy A and Bland Girl B, but Louise chose that very moment to storm off into the house. Max didn’t go after her, and you could tell she’d expected him to, because she looked over her shoulder when she reached the kitchen door. He wasn’t even watching her; he’d stormed off to the other end of the garden. Interesting.
The next thing I knew, Kai grabbed my arm and said, ‘Excuse us for a second, would you? I need to get another drink.’ But he wasn’t talking to me – he was talking to the Blands.
‘Would you mind letting go of my arm?’ I said when we were nearly at the house.
‘Could you be any more rude? I mean, God! The least you could do is
pretend
to engage with people!’ He was serious. He was
actually
being serious.
‘Come off it, Kai. They’re so boring my eyes have now got double glazing . . . no wait,
triple
glazing.’ I giggled.
‘Are you drunk? Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re drunk. You’ve only had two beers! How is that even possible?’
‘I’m not drunk! Get me another beer this instant, my good man!’
Kai rolled his eyes and opened the door to the kitchen. The room was now packed with people and we had to squeeze our way through towards the fridge, which was almost empty of anything a normal person would choose to drink. Our beers were gone so Kai grabbed us a couple of bottles of WKD.
We clinked our bottles together and Kai said, ‘That’s your lot, OK? You’re on the soft drinks after that one.’
I saluted and nearly elbowed someone in the face. ‘Aye aye, cap’n.’
Kai sighed. ‘I definitely prefer you sober. Now . . .
what do you say we split up for a while . . . I’ve always fancied myself a bit of a lone wolf.’
That made me laugh. Kai was SO not a wolf, but if he wanted to tell himself that . . .
‘OK, whatever. Go do your wolfy thing. I’ll be fine. Me and my alarmingly blue drink will be just fine.’
‘Promise me you’ll talk to someone new. How about that guy over there? He looks normal. And he definitely doesn’t go to our school, which has got to be a bonus.’
I looked to where Kai was not so subtly pointing. The boy in question did indeed look normal, friendly even. ‘If it’ll make you happy, I’ll talk to him. Now fly away, you little social butterfly!’
Kai kissed me on the cheek and threaded his way through the crowd. I took another look at the boy Kai had picked out and he turned and saw me looking.
Awkward
. I concentrated on taking a swig of my drink. When I looked back he was still looking.
Mega-awkward
. He smiled a little bit and I turned away. There was no way I could talk to him. What would I say? ‘Do you come here often?’ or ‘Great party, shame about the people,’ or ‘I like your shirt. It fits really well’. His shirt
did
fit really well, but somehow it didn’t look try-hard on him, not like
Lucas, showing off every muscle in his tight white T-shirt.