Authors: Joanne Schwehm
Mark jogged over to me. “Wait, do you need a ride?”
“Thanks, Mark, but stay and have fun.” I knew that Alex was
behind me, but I didn’t care. I felt nothing but confusion and hurt. It wasn’t
supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be research. He was supposed to be
research. Why did I feel this way?
“No, really, I was just leaving, and Julie told me she drove
here.”
“Okay, if you’re sure, that would be great.”
Alex spoke up. “I’ll take her home.”
I looked at Alex. “No, thank you. You should stay here and
service your customers.” I made sure to sarcastically emphasize the word
“service.”
I turned away from him and looked at Mark. “Ready?”
There’d been no word from Alex.
So much for my
research. Oh well.
I had nothing to add to my journal about him. I didn’t
think his dismissing my feelings toward Leah was a romantic gesture, nor was
not contacting me at all. Julie was going strong with Brett. I didn’t bother to
ask her about Alex, and she didn’t volunteer any information. She knew me well
enough to know that if I didn’t ask she shouldn’t tell.
Maybe I’ll ask Mark
what he thinks is romantic or see if Brett does anything like that for Julie.
I couldn’t deny that my heart felt broken. To say that I was disappointed would
have been the understatement of the year . . . no, the century!
I’d been at Walker-Stone two weeks now, and I’d settled into my chair
and drowned myself in work. Brian was pleased with our new clients marketing
requests and then told Julie that there was another marketing event for The White
Orchid. Julie and I just looked at each other. I wasn’t sure how I felt. On one
hand, I was excited, but on the other, I was apprehensive. What if he acted
distant with me? Did I misinterpret everything? I doubted everything: his
feelings for me and mine for him. Was there even an “us”?
Brian was going through the papers on his desk and handed some to
Julie. “Julie, you’re the lead on this account. I want you to meet with Mr.
Logan at ten tomorrow morning, see what he has in mind, and have him review the
updated contract terms. Aubrey, you’re to accompany Julie. I want you to see
our marketing approach firsthand, and this is one of our largest accounts. Mr.
Logan asked for you by name; apparently, he’s heard of you. He spends a lot of
money on marketing, so we give him the red carpet treatment.” I looked at Julie
and then to Mark, who took notes.
Back at my desk, I put my head in my hands. I hadn’t stopped
thinking about Alex, and I couldn’t let my personal life interfere with my new
job. I was also thinking about my writing. I kept repeating the word “research”
over and over in my head. I decided to text Alex.
Me: 3:45 p.m.—Hey, Alex.
Well, that said a lot. I was a dumb ass. Could I have written
less? I suppose I could have omitted his name. I suck at this relationship
stuff. My phone dinged.
Alex: 3:51 p.m.—Surprised to hear from you. Can we talk?
He wants to talk? Where has he been?
I really missed him. I
shouldn’t, but I did.
Me: 3:52 p.m.—I guess so.
I was waiting for another text, but instead, my phone rang. I
looked and saw that it was Alex.
“Hi.” My heartbeat raced.
“Aubrey, it’s really good to hear your voice. I wanted to know if
you were busy after work today. May I come and pick you up and take you to
dinner?”
I really wanted to go with him. I realized that I missed him. “Sure,
I guess that would be okay. Thank you.”
Could he hear my smile over the phone?
I didn’t want to sound overly anxious or excited about it.
“I’ll see you at five. I’ll pick you up outside.”
“Okay, see you then.”
I went to Julie’s desk to tell her I didn’t need a ride home—that
Alex had called and we were going to dinner.
“How did that come up?”
“I texted him.” Julie raised her eyebrows and just looked at me. “I
know. I know. I just couldn’t help it. I miss him, Jules. I also still need to
compile more research.” Yup, that was going to be my excuse.
Julie offered some advice. “I know that Alex’s reputation has
made you skeptical. Hell, it made me skeptical. I didn’t want to mention it
before because I wasn’t sure how you felt about him, but the expression on your
face tells me he is more than research.” I instinctively nodded. “I think you
should know that I haven’t seen him with anyone at the club, not the way I used
to. I still say he may be the real deal. Think about ditching the book and just
enjoy him. Tell him about it. Just ask for his insight.”
“I don’t know. I’ll think about it. You’re right, though. I do
have feelings for him, but right now, they aren’t very trusting. I believe what
you said and what Brett told you, but from what I’ve seen, I just don’t know.” Saying
that out loud broke my heart.
“Hopefully, you’ll get some answers tonight.”
“Yeah, maybe, who knows? I need to finish up some work before I
leave.”
Back at my desk, I felt as though the last hour of my day had
just dragged on. Julie had already left to go meet Brett. I packed up my laptop
and files and headed outside.
My heart stopped when I saw Alex leaning up against his car. He
smiled as soon as he saw me, and my heart sped up. There was no denying it to
myself. Book or no book, romance or not, I was falling for him. How did the saying
go? “You had me at hello?” Well, he had me with a smile.
My legs trembled as I walked up to him. He opened the passenger
side door, took my laptop bag, put it in the back, and before I could get in,
he hugged me. He whispered I’m sorry in my ear. I smiled, but I wasn’t exactly
sure what he was sorry for.
I sat in the passenger seat and watched him walk around the front
of the car. He was amazing. His walk was effortless, and his looks were
stunning. I noticed he had a different look in his eyes. I wasn’t sure what it
was, but it was almost as if he were afraid of something. He slid into his seat
and turned to look at me. He took my breath away. His dark hair seemed longer,
and his blue eyes were deeper, but they didn’t have the spark I was used to
seeing.
“I am really sorry.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it.
“What are you sorry for?” All of a sudden, I was full of fear. Did
he do something with Leah or another woman? If so, did I have a right to be
upset about that? No, plain and simple, I didn’t, but I knew I would be upset
if that was it.
“I feel like I let you down. I should have texted or called you
before you texted me today. I was confused. I knew you were mad about Leah, but
I’m not used to anyone really caring about what I do or who I do it with.”
“I’m sorry too. I really had no right to be upset. It’s not as if
you’re my boyfriend. We just hung out. That’s all.” I shrugged my shoulders. I
knew that wasn’t the truth. That wasn’t it, at least not for me. I found that I
cared for Alex a lot. I was scared.
He pulled out into traffic and got on the highway. The car was
really quiet. It was as if we were strangers or afraid to say anything for fear
that we would offend the other.
What do I do? Should I start the
conversation?
Then I thought about my research. I looked over, and he had a
pensive look on his face. “Penny for your thoughts?”
He glanced over, and then his eyes went back on the road. “I want
to get to know you, Aubrey. Will you give me that chance, give us that chance? I
know I’ll fuck up along the way, and I hope you’ll have patience with me. In my
line of work, obstacles are always there.”
“Obstacles such as late nights and women?” I didn’t notice that
we pulled up in front of a restaurant named
Bisous
. I smiled when I saw
the name of the restaurant. I didn’t speak French, but I knew “
bisous
”
meant kisses, thanks to my mom’s emails.
Alex came around and opened my door and held his hand out. I took
it, feeling that same tingle I felt the first time he touched me. He pulled me
to him and held me. I felt my eyes start to well up with tears. He released me
and put his hands on my cheeks, tilting my head up so our eyes met. “Yes,
Aubrey, obstacles such as late nights and women. I need you to know that I
don’t want any other woman but you. I feel something with you that I’ve never
felt before. It scares me, but I need you to know what I’m feeling. I want you
and just you.”
A tear slid down my cheek, which he wiped away with the pad of
his thumb. Could he be any better? I was melting on the spot. “Alex, do you
know what ‘
bisous
’ means?”
Smiling, he said, “Yes, do you?”
“I do.” With my face still in his hands, I looked from his eyes
to his lips. He grinned and brought his lips to mine. My hands rested on his
biceps. His tongue ran across the seam of my lips. I opened up as an
invitation, which he accepted. We kissed as if we were all alone, not realizing
we were standing on a public sidewalk.
I gently pulled away and brought my hands to his cheeks. Looking
into his eyes, which were now sparkling, I said, “I want you too, Alex.” That
was the scary truth. I wanted this man more than I wanted anything in my life. My
heart raced when I was with him and hurt when I wasn’t.
He took my hand, interlacing our fingers, and walked me into the
restaurant. We were greeted by an older gentleman with a heavy accent, who must
have been born in France. Thankfully, he spoke English.
I asked Alex if he spoke French. “As a matter of fact, yes, I do.
I studied it in high school and college, where I studied abroad in Paris for a semester.
You said your parents were in Paris, right?” I nodded. “Do you speak French?”
“No, unfortunately, I don’t. My parents took some courses before
they started traveling abroad, and they would talk to each other. I picked up
some words here and there, but that’s it.”
The waiter brought us the wine list and handed it to Alex, who selected
the wine and ordered an appetizer for us. I was thinking how happy I was that
we had a waiter and not a waitress. I didn’t realize I was smiling about that
fact until Alex called me on it. “What’s the smile for? The cheese tray I just
ordered?”
“No, although I do love a good cheese tray.” I couldn’t help but
laugh. “If you really want to know, I was happy we had a male and not a female
server.”
He narrowed his eyes and looked at me. “Oh? Why?”
Was he serious? I exhaled and started twisting my fingers in my
lap. “Really, Alex, do you not see how women react to you? The way they look at
you when you walk into a room?”
He shrugged. “Not really. How do they react?” He was grinning. He
totally knew.
“They look at you as if you could be their next and last meal, as
if they want to rip your clothes off and run their fingers and lips all over
your body.”
There—blunt enough?
His eyes went wide and then dark—sexy dark. “I only care how you react.
What’s your reaction? Do you want to rip my clothes off and run your fingers
and lips all over me?”
I leaned over the table to get closer to him and crooked my
finger to draw him closer. He leaned in and I whispered, “Yes, but I want more.
I want your fingers and lips all over my body too. I want you to want to rip
off my clothes. I want to be the woman who does it to you and for you to be the
man that does it to me, but that will take some time. I’m not easy.” I smiled,
leaned back in my seat, and took a sip of water. I lifted my menu and started
to peruse it as if I’d never said anything to him.
He sat there stunned. He definitely hadn’t expected that. I was
mentally patting myself on the back.
Let’s see what his reaction to that
will be.
I wanted him to know that I did want him but that I wasn’t like
the other women who just spread their legs for him. Would his reaction be a
Neanderthal one or a romantic one? I knew which one I wanted—romance. I wanted
my hero.
“Well, that was not the answer I expected.” He sipped his water.
I set the menu down on the table. “What did you expect?”
“I don’t know, but that wasn’t it.” He was smiling, but had a
serious look about him. “I do want to be the one who does those things to you;
I want that more than you know. I’m glad to hear that you aren’t easy. I think
I already knew that, and that’s why I am drawn to you. I want to date you—just
you—and for you to just date me. I haven’t been with anyone since I met you and
really have no desire to. I just want to know you: what makes you happy and
sad, what turns you on, and what turns you off. I want you to be the one I talk
to about my day, and I want to hear about yours.”
He put his hand out as a gesture for me to bring mine to his,
which I did. “So will you date me? Will you be mine?”
He was rubbing my fingers with his thumb. I opened my mouth to
answer when our wine and appetizer arrived. Once the waiter served us and Alex
agreed on the wine, he asked for our order. I had no idea; my mind was a blank
slate. All I could think about was Alex and me dating and my being his. What
would that be like for me to be his and for him to be mine? He wants to know me—Aubrey.
How did this happen? This never happens to me . . . ever.
The waiter brought me out of my thoughts when he cleared his throat.
I ordered the Chicken Provencal, and Alex ordered a Filet Mignon. The waiter
nodded and left us.
Alex looked nervous. “So what do you think? Will you date me? Can
I call you mine?
I stared at him. I looked for any sign of insincerity; there
wasn’t any. “I think, yes, I’d like to date you too. I want to be yours and for
you to be mine. I want to hear about your day, and I want to tell you about
mine. I want to know what makes you happy and what makes you sad.” I looked
away and then back at him. “I want to be the one to make you happy.”