Molly was holding her lynx-sized black cat. But she was looking at him, too. So was the damn cat.
“You really need to back off of her, Meg.”
“I can’t,” Meg said. “Why don’t you tell me what went on between you two? I really think you’re the reason she left.”
Christ almighty. She wouldn’t have told her family about the weekend, would she? Because if anyone in this room found out he’d slept with her there wouldn’t be any way to escape and he’d have some serious explaining to do.
As long as someone didn’t kill him. Then, Mrs. Rossi snapped at her older daughter. “Megan,
stop.
” That got Meg’s attention. “She didn’t leave because of you, Joshua. Meg was giving Caroline a hard time about you and her having dinner on Friday. It was very nice of you to look out for her.”
Look out for her? He hadn’t watched out for her, he’d done her every way he could think of without hurting her physically. The woman was like a drug and Josh had to get her out of his system.
Meg wanted him to stay away from Caroline and he got that. He wasn’t the type of guy to trust in a relationship with her sister. He’d earned his asshole reputation.
There wasn’t much he could do about that. In the long run, it was better if Caroline didn’t get involved with him. The more he thought about it, though, the more he realized he liked her way too much. She made him lose his mind, and the last thing he needed was a woman who drove him to distraction. Caroline, and his reaction to her, was a dangerous, dangerous thing.
He’d figured that out when they talked last night.
Something drew him to her. She wasn’t his usual type, and he wondered if that was part of it. She was different. She was sweet, natural, and smarter than anyone he ever met. She also didn’t take his crap.
An ache developed in his chest when he thought about the fact that he wouldn’t be able to bury himself in her, that he wouldn’t wake up wrapped around her, and that even talking to her would be difficult. But Josh knew this was safer. For him. For her. For everyone.
Meg was still seething, and he didn’t know if it was because of Caroline or her mother. It’s possible it was both, but seeing his sister-in-law slamming kitchen drawers, Josh was pretty sure it was about
him
.
“Meg, we had pizza on Friday. Did she tell you she was getting hit on by that guy from her office?”
Meg nodded, but didn’t look up as she examined different knives in the butcher-block holder.
“She’s having a tough time at the firm. If nothing else, I gave her a break.”
“A break?”
“Yeah, a break. Have you met her boss? He creeps her out and her one
friend
was pushing her to go out with him.” He ran his hands through his hair and paced around the kitchen. “She didn’t want to go, and my being there gave her an easy out. It looked like she had a date, so maybe the asshole will leave her alone.”
Jason had grabbed two beers from the fridge, took off the tops, and handed one bottle to Josh. He took a long pull and let the grainy taste of the brew slide down his throat.
“Should she be worried about him?” his brother asked.
“He’s already sabotaging her at work. The firm she works for is doing the consulting for that property Dad wants to buy and develop. She asked to be put on the project, but since she’s been turning this guy down, and he’s in charge, he picked someone else.”
“She told you this?” Meg had stopped playing with the knives. Always a good thing in his book.
“The other night. Over pizza.” Josh took another sip of his beer and leaned his hip into the wall. “She’s not helpless, Meg. Not by a long shot. And the writing thing? You guys have to cut her some slack there. Why shouldn’t she do what she loves to do?”
Meg kicked her foot lightly against the cabinet. “I know, but she’s so naïve about some things. She may never get published and if she’s spending all her time doing that, what kind of life is she having? She’s never had a serious boyfriend. Hell, I don’t think she’s ever had sex.”
She said it right as Josh took a drink, and he inhaled part of what was in his mouth, and ended up choking on it. Jesus. If they only knew. He was coughing, violently, trying to get the last of his beer out of his lungs, all while thinking of what he could say in response to that. Mrs. Rossi had moved to his side and while he was bent forward with his hands on his knees, she patted his back. Always the mom.
The mom of the woman whose virginity he took. Shit. He was never going to forgive himself. Never.
“Are you okay, Josh?” She was so damned nice. She was always nice to him.
“Yeah. That was just a little too much information.” He didn’t let on how fucking pissed he was. Pissed on Caroline’s behalf. Even when she wasn’t there, they were talking about her like she was a misguided teenager. “Meg, I know you love your sister, but you have got to stop thinking she doesn’t know what she’s doing. And what you just said? That’s no one’s business but Caroline’s.”
“But...” she sputtered.
“Meg,” Mrs. Rossi said. “Joshua is right.” She was still the only one who called him Joshua. And for some reason she seemed to like him. Go figure.
“I just know Caroline,” Meg said. “She may be all analytical, but she’s as emotional as I am; she just doesn’t show it.”
Josh looked down and then trained his eyes on his sister-in-law. There was no doubt in his mind that Meg adored Caroline, but she didn’t understand her. And she showed her emotions; she showed them to him. “Well, she showed you today. You have to trust her, Meg. You just do.”
“Crap. Why do I always do this?” She walked to Jason, who folded her in his arms.
“You care about her, but Josh is right. You have to trust her. She didn’t go home with some random guy in a bar. She went home with Josh. Hell, he’s practically like a brother to her.”
That made Josh cringe a little. He’d been thinking about Caroline all day and his thoughts were anything but brotherly. No, his twitching dick wasn’t the result of brotherly thoughts at all. It was all about the other night and the hot sex scene she was writing when he startled her last night.
***
Caroline decided to walk the half mile from Penn Station to her apartment. It was a gorgeous day, sunny and a bit warm, and it was still early, barely four o’clock. So much for a day with her family.
Caroline wished she hadn’t run off, but once Josh walked in that pretty much sealed it for her. She was pissed at her sister, but she couldn’t bear to look at him. Not the way he treated her. She was such a wimp.
If she was ever going to have a relationship, she had to stop letting every little thing scare her off. Josh never promised anything. Yet she acted like she’d been jilted at the altar. Awesome. In truth, she was embarrassed. Embarrassed about the way she acted with him, about her writing...
She hated that he was right. No one would take her work seriously unless she did. Why didn’t she tell the world what she was doing? Why did she care what people thought?
She stopped in her favorite Starbucks, the one with the adorable barista named Zack, who worked full time while he was going to NYU to get his MFA. He was nice and always took time to chat while he made her drink. He’d asked her out a couple of times in the past, but she’d been too nervous, so she always said no.
But when she walked in, Caroline didn’t see him and her heart sank a little. She loved talking to Zack and was hoping that seeing him today might help her feel better. Like she wasn’t a complete failure at life. She walked to the counter to order and figured a mocha frappucino with lots of whipped cream could only improve her mood. When her drink was ready she took it to one of the tables outside and figured it was as good a time as any to start reading the book she’d just downloaded.
Maybe this feeling of failure with Josh was what Caroline had been avoiding all these years. She hated that she didn’t know how to separate her feelings from her actions. That she’d let Josh get to her.
“Caroline?”
She looked up and there stood cute Zack. The sun was behind him and he looked like an angel sent to mend her wounded heart. Then a pretty red-haired woman stepped next to him, and Caroline faced the fact that even in her daydreams, life had pretty much hit the skids.
They conversed for a few more minutes and she found out the woman was his new girlfriend and that she had just sold a series of three young adult novels to a big publisher. The buzz was that one was going to be optioned for a movie.
Of course it was
. The woman had a genuinely nice guy, she looked like a super model, and her career was soaring. Caroline couldn’t get assigned to a decent consulting project because of stalker Mark. And she was so turned around by a guy she couldn’t think straight.
Pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes, Caroline wondered when she was going to get her break.
“Hey! I thought you were on Long Island today!”
When she opened her eyes she saw Tessa approaching. She was weighed down with shopping bags, which meant one of two things was at play. Either she over-bought and half of the haul would go back, or she’d gotten a bonus at work and was splurging for a reason. She saw at least three shoe boxes among what Tessa was carrying, and it made her wonder how many shoes a woman really needed.
Caroline loved shoes, but it was a religious experience for Tessa. Fortunately, their apartment had two big bedrooms with big closets. Tessa had one entire closet in her room for shoes.
Standing and tossing her cup in the trash, Caroline took one of her friend’s packages.
“So why are you sitting at a Starbucks on this lovely day looking like you lost your best friend? Weren’t you having dinner at your sister’s house?”
“I was, but Meg decided I don’t need to run my own life. It was ugly, then Josh came in and I came back to the city. I just didn’t need it, you know?”
Tessa’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of Josh’s name. Unlike Caroline’s family, Tessa knew the whole story about Josh. The
whole
story. She’d heard all of it over banana pancakes.
“I hear you. Sounds like you had a very Maneri afternoon. It wouldn’t be a Sunday if someone wasn’t pissed off.”
Of course, Tessa was exaggerating. She had this big, amazing, loud Italian family that Caroline always dreamed of. It wasn’t the fighting. She could handle a fight. It was being made to feel like a second-class citizen, like she was their responsibility. Or worse, being treated like a child.
“I don’t know. I really don’t want to see them for a while.”
“You don’t mean that.”
It wouldn’t be forever, but Caroline was done with the fights and the judgments. She really just wanted to be left alone.
The sunlight was a bit of natural happiness as the rays danced through the trees, dappling the sidewalk around them. Her neighborhood really was perfect for her. At least something was.
“What happened with Josh?”
She told Tessa about being scared to death when he’d come in the night before and she told her about Summer. “I get that we’re not anything to each other, but I don’t know. It bothered me when I saw him with her, and then later there he was, reading over my shoulder.”
“So he went out with someone else and then got to read some of your hot stuff?”
“Pretty much. That’s it in a nutshell.” Caroline stopped and turned. “But he was so sweet, you know. He was sorry and then he touched me...”
“Uh-oh. And today he was protective and understanding?”
“Yup. The bastard.”
Tessa giggled. “I could not get over the picture you showed me. He’s the hottest man I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Good Lord.”
“Well gorgeous or not, it’s all in the past.”
“It sucks.”
“Does it ever get easier?” Caroline asked.
“I’ll let you know.”
***
Today had been a disaster. As Josh sat in his office, he kept seeing Caroline’s face as she raged at her mother and sister, at him, and he couldn’t help thinking about his role in the mess. Logically, he knew this had been brewing among the Rossi women for a while, but he felt responsible, like the catalyst.
What was supposed to be a nice, quiet afternoon had turned into power struggle between people he really cared about.
Josh stared at the site report he and Caroline had talked about the day before. He’d written some notes in the margin and left a voice mail for his secretary, telling her that he needed a meeting with his father and the investors about the property. Then he’d talk to the engineering firm about doing additional tests. That meant he would probably be in the same room with Mark the asshole. He hoped he had the opportunity to make Mark as uncomfortable as he had made Caroline.
Caroline.
He’d found the business card she’d left for him. On the back she’d written a simple message.
I’m sorry. I will always help you. Call if you need me. C.
It made Josh see that he wasn’t nearly as mad as he thought he was. Watching her walk out of the house today triggered some revelations about himself. Revelations about how he treated women and the unspoken expectations he might have. Looking at his cell phone contact list, he knew exactly which name to press if he wanted sex. Sure, he always included a concert, some pretentious gallery opening or dinner at the latest hot restaurant, but he knew who to call. Who would be ready and willing. He’d give the woman a reason to dress up, the opportunity to be seen, and Josh knew she’d be very happy to take him to her bed to their mutual satisfaction.
Just like Summer expected when they’d gone out.
He’d never promised a relationship with any woman he dated, and over the last ten years he never even had to ask for sex. Ever. The expectation was understood on both sides. Without a doubt, his partners were always happy when he called again.
And now Josh felt like the biggest shit on planet Earth. Fucking perfect.
His guitar sat on a stand in the corner and, grabbing it, he sat on the couch, right where Caroline had been the morning before. Picking at the strings, he hoped the music would drown out the noise in his head, but so far it wasn’t doing him any good.