Unfinished Hero 04 Deacon (38 page)

“I—”

“I trusted you and you gave it to me
good.”

“Yes,” I agreed quietly.

“You trust me and I give it to you good.”

I pressed my lips together but nodded my head
once.

“You want more?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure what he meant, but even so, I
didn’t know if I could take more, whatever it was.

My head decided for me and nodded again.

“You got all of me, woman. You just took the
last I had to give. I’ve fucked your ass, and essentially, you just
fucked mine. Now I’m lyin’ on you, filled with the plug you drove
deep ’cause that’s what you wanted and I gave it to you. You got
off,
fuckin’ huge
. You got me off, arguably bigger. You
gonna want that again?”

Absolutely.

“Yes,” I breathed.

“Then I’ll give it to you. I’ll give it to
you and love every minute of it. No boundaries. That’s us, Cassidy.
That’s who we are. That’s what we were both searchin’ for. That’s
what you gave me. That’s what you wanted from me. That’s the way it
has to be
. That’s what started on your kitchen table.
Everything I was holding back came loose and I gave you Deacon on
that table and you wanted it. You wanted
me
. That’s why I
needed for you to call me Deacon ’cause I was holdin’ on to that,
holdin’ on to givin’ me to you, free of the garbage that was
suffocating me. Suddenly feeling clean with my Cassie. Then, the
next fuckin’ day, I fucked it up, settin’ boundaries. Now they’re
gone.”

Oh my God.

Was he saying…?

He lifted one of his big hands and rested it
at the side of my head as he dipped his face close to mine. “In
this bed, out of it. Naked or not. No boundaries. All in. Nothin’
held back.” He pressed his hips between my legs and I drew in a
sharp breath. “You’re all mine, Cassidy, every fuckin’ inch. And
I’m all yours, just the same. Do you understand me?”

This was too big, too amazing, too precious
to process, but it forced itself into my head and settled there all
the same.

Name’s Deacon Gates.

Gates.

Not John Priest.

He gave that to me.

And he gave it
to Milagros
.

All in.

Nothing held back.

No boundaries.

I understood him.

Completely.

“Yes,” I repeated.

“Do you agree with me?”

I felt tears sting my eyes as I replied,
“Yes, honey.”

“You’re mine.”

I nodded.

“I’m yours.”

I nodded again.

He pressed the pads of his fingers in and
dipped his face even closer. “It’s a beautiful war, baby.” He
dipped so close, the tips of our noses brushed but his eyes never
left mine. “And I…just…
won
.”

Looking into his eyes as he said those words,
that’s when I started crying.

He pulled away an inch and let me, his thumb
circling my temple, catching the tears because they were there, but
only because of that. Mostly, he just let them fall.

I did too.

Deacon let me cry for a while before he was
done with it.

And I knew he was done when he asked, “Can I
take that as your surrender?”

“Doesn’t feel much like surrendering,” I told
him quietly.

His lips quirked and he replied, “Then I’ll
take that as your surrender.”

My eyes slid to the side on my
“Whatever.”

“Cassie?”

I looked back to him.

“Baby, you got work to do,” he informed
me.

“Sorry?”

“Shocked as shit, it feels good, but it’s
gotta go, and I want your mouth wrapped around my cock when you
pull it out.”

His words made me squirm underneath him.

“Fuck, she likes it up the ass any way she
can get it.”

My eyes narrowed. “You said you liked it
too.”

He put pressure on my head with his hand
until it turned and then he put his lips to my ear.

“Let you plug me before I bind you and I’ll
work you full. You up for that?”

I squirmed again.

Deacon kissed my neck and said there, “She’s
up for that.”

“I’m really not in the mood for teasing,
Deacon,” I informed the pillow.

“Good,” he returned, releasing me so I could
right my head and catch his eyes. “’Cause I’m in the mood for my
Cassie to wrap her sweet mouth around my dick again, doin’ it this
time unplugging my ass, but want her to keep goin’ until she sucks
me off.”

My brows drew together. “You just came.”

“Then you got your work laid out, woman. But
I’ll make it worth it, you do that sittin’ on my face.”

And it happened again.

I squirmed.

Deacon grinned.

At the sight of it, I couldn’t help it.

I missed it.

And there it was, back.

I wrapped him in all four limbs.

He knew w8hat that meant. He told me with his
eyes. Then he dipped his head and took my mouth, giving my tongue a
light stroke with his before he lifted his head again.

“Like you wrapped around me, baby. But want
your mouth and your pussy, so get a move on, yeah?”

I stared into his beautiful, tawny eyes,
taking them in, knowing I’d never forget the look in them, and
knowing right then from what was shining out of them, I’d never
have to.

Then I said, “Whatever.”

“Cassidy?”

“What?” I snapped, but my heart wasn’t in it.
I was just being ornery.

“Heart and soul, gut and balls, I love you.
There’s no one I’d rather hold. Not until I’m eighty. Not until the
day I die.”

I kept staring at him a beat before I burst
out crying again, (though the last time I didn’t burst, this time I
definitely did).

Deacon rolled off me, gathering me in his
arms and holding my face in his throat while I did it.

When the tears quieted, but didn’t subside, I
felt his words stir the top of my hair.

“Do you love me too, my Cassie?”

My Cassie.

“Heart and soul, belly and womb, I love you
too, Deacon.”

His hand at my head and arm around me got so
tight, they caused pain.

I didn’t protest.

I’d missed that too.

Daddy Was Home

It was after our session upstairs, our shower
together, we’d dressed and I’d told Deacon I needed to call
Milagros to let her know I was okay. He’d told me he’d keep himself
occupied in order to give me privacy while I did that.

We went downstairs together and it was me who
opened the door to the kitchen to let Bossy free. She immediately
saw Deacon and started growling. Then she must have caught his
scent because she stopped, began whimpering, dropped her head, and
nearly crawled to him.

My nose started stinging with tears
again.

Deacon instantly crouched and slowly lifted a
hand her way, murmuring, “Yo, Boss Lady.”

She sniffed his hand, her tail started
wagging violently, and she jumped up on him, licking his face.

Daddy was home.

Apparently dogs didn’t forget.

Boss Lady was
so
like me.

I hurried into the kitchen to give them their
moment.

Okay, I did it so I wouldn’t bawl like a baby
again.

Once there, I set about making Deacon a
snack.

Because, of course, he’d told me he’d made
his decision to return to me, didn’t waste time, so on his way, he
didn’t eat.

* * * * *

“So is his name John Priest or Deacon Gates?”
Milagros demanded to know through the phone at my ear.

While Deacon was eating and bonding with
Bossy, I’d put on a jacket, scarf, and gloves, took my throw out to
the porch, wrapped it around my legs, and called Milagros.

Milagros wasn’t very happy with my
explanation that I was fine, mostly because it came with the
inclusion of the fact that Deacon and I were talking (amongst other
things that I didn’t tell her) and working it out.

“His name is Deacon Gates,” I said into the
phone.

“And how is that, Cassidy?”

“Can I explain that part later?” I requested,
buying time because I knew that explanation would be uncomfortable.
I just hoped it wouldn’t end in me losing a friend who was
important to me because I’d lied to her. “And I will, I
promise.”

She was silent a moment before she said, “I
had a bad feeling about him and I didn’t say anything when he left
you. I didn’t remind you of that. I didn’t because you didn’t need
reminding because he took all the life out of you and I didn’t want
to hurt you further. But now, his returning out of nowhere having a
different name doesn’t make me feel any better, even if I hear it
in your voice that you have that life back.”

Well, that was good to know.

I decided to go for it.

“I knew his name was Deacon before,” I
admitted hesitantly.

This just brought silence.

“I’m sorry. I really am,” I continued
quickly. “But he was it for me and he came with boundaries. Now
there are no boundaries, at least that’s what he says anyway. But
we haven’t gotten into that and we need to get into it. The only
thing I can tell you now is that I had him, the real him, and you,
Manuel, and the kids did too. He just used a different name.”

I heard her sigh before she said, “People do
many things for many reasons, and those reasons are the right
reasons even if another person might think they’re wrong. That
other person, they do not live in those shoes.”

God, she got it.

I felt extreme relief.

Then, unfortunately, she kept going.

“But with that,
mi amiga
, you do those
things and you don’t hurt people along the way. If you do, then
they’re not right. They’re just wrong.”

“I hear you.”

“I hope he did what he had to do for the
right reasons.”

“His wife died an ugly death, Milagros.” I
heard her soft gasp at this news but went on, “And he feels guilt
he didn’t save her. He was working through that. My understanding
so far is, he worked through it and came back to me.”

“
Dios mio,
” she said softly.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Now, I hate to cut this
short because I know you’re worried but I need to get back to him.
He’s bonding with Bossy, and a lot has happened since he showed up,
but there’s a lot left to be said. We’ll have a good gab soon.”

“Okay, Cassidy. But I must leave you with
this: the most important person in the world is you. Whatever you
decide, do it taking care of
you
.”

She was totally the bomb.

“I am. I will. I promise,” I told her.

“Okay,
querida
. I believe you. See you
soon.”

“Later, Milagros.”

I hit the button on the screen and put my
phone down, training my eyes to the snow-gilded trees.

Now that the intensity of Deacon coming back
was over and I was sitting in the cold on my porch—something I’d
done alone for six months, something I didn’t enjoy doing alone for
six months, far from it— all that had happened, all that he’d given
me, as mammoth as it was, was wearing off.

Because I was right.

There was still a lot left to be said.

I took a page out of Deacon’s book when I
heard the door open and I didn’t turn to look. I heard his boots on
the deck, as well as Bossy’s claws. Then I saw a steaming mug put
down on the arm of the chair as Bossy came to me and nosed my
hand.

I gave her some pets and scratches, looking
at the mug.

It was cocoa. Cocoa with marshmallow fluff
melting on top.

I had not forgotten how Deacon could surprise
me with little snatches of sweetness, like being a badass and
putting marshmallow on hot cocoa (or making it at all). But I
couldn’t deny it felt crazy-good having it back.

“Bed, baby,” I ordered Bossy, lifting up the
cup.

She loped to the big dog bed I had out on the
porch by the railing in front of the chairs that I’d thrown an old
flannel blanket over. Her place in the cold when I was outside so
she could be with me.

“She’s trained.” I heard Deacon say, knowing
he was sitting beside me.

I took a sip of cocoa, the fluff tipping my
lip. I took the cup away and licked it off.

“She knows ‘sit,’ ‘down,’ ‘stay,’ ‘bed,’
‘come,’ ‘quiet,’ ‘be good,’ ‘downstairs,’ ‘upstairs,’ ‘play dead,’
and ‘fetch,’” I shared. “She’s great at fetch. She loves
Frisbees.”

He said nothing but I felt the heaviness that
came from him, my guess, this due to the fact he wasn’t there to
teach her all that with me.

I drew in a breath.

Before I could ask for it, Deacon gave it to
me.

“Grew up on a farm in Iowa.”

I closed my eyes tight, those seven words
washing over me, beating back the January chill.

“Granddad was an attorney,” he went on and I
opened my eyes. “Pissed as shit my dad didn’t follow in his
footsteps. But Dad wanted to be a farmer so he bought a farm and
became a farmer. Found a woman who wanted him however he came, but
regardless, she loved the life.”

I took another sip of cocoa while Deacon
paused and I held my cup in front of me in both my gloved hands as
he carried on.

“I didn’t want to be a farmer. Got a younger
sister, she wasn’t into that shit either. Dad was disappointed but
he’d been a son who went his own way. He was also a man who
wouldn’t push his son to go his way because he’d been the
same.”

He had a sister.

I said nothing. Just took another sip.

“I played football in high school. That was
back in the day when you didn’t pick one sport and train all year
for it, so I also threw discus and javelin in track and field. When
I was sixteen, got a job roofing during the summer. Did it when I
was seventeen too. Liked it. Liked being a part of building
something. Fixing something. Seein’ my work laid out in front of me
at the end of the day. Understood it was my calling even if, at the
same time, I didn’t really understand what a calling was.”