Unforgettable Embrace (13 page)

“
I know, she's a gas girl, I can see so much of her in me, aren't you dolly?” Holly smiled over at her daughter, who rewarded her with a devastating smile and a wave.

“
Hiya,” Mia suddenly decided she would condescend to speak to her aunt.

“
Hiya, darling,” Rachel responded in delight.

“
Hiya,” Mia said again, with a chuckle.

“
She'll be saying “hiya” all night now,” Holly said, “it's her favourite word at the moment.” The little girl crawled over to her toy phone and banged a few buttons on it. A recorded voice started repeating “hello, hello,” from the phone, poor little Mia must have said “hiya” a hundred times in her efforts to keep up with the hellos. Her aunt, mom and brother couldn't stop laughing at the determination on the baby's face.

“
She's mad for the h
ellos,” her mother continued. “She's a torment on the bus. If anybody gets on board she says “hiya” to them but God help them if they don't reply, she starts yelling a barrage of “hiyas” at them in a very aggressive way, it's very funny.”

The sisters were up long after the children went to bed, catching up on each other's lives and having their usual laugh at life, like only sisters can.

Simon woke Rachel at the ungodly hour of half past five the following morning, looking for “'toons” i.e. cartoons to be switched on the TV. She crawled downstairs in a fog of sleepiness and stuck the TV on for her nephew who made himself cosy on the couch. Then she curled up in one of the large armchairs and wrapped her blanket tightly around herself. She dozed lightly, being woken intermittently by Simon's enthusiastic recommendations that Scooby Doo or Spiderman or some such cartoon was about to come on. Mia and Holly didn't surface til almost ten o' clock.

“
It's well for some,” Rachel greeted Holly as she stuck her head around the sitting room door. “I know, she's the best baby ever,” Holly agreed, kissing Mia's chubby cheek.

“
She's so good; she'd make anyone want to pop out at least three or four more kids.”

“
Hmm, I dunno about that,” Rachel said dubiously, a bit grumpy from her nephew's early wake-up call.

“
So, what's the plan for the day then, aunt?” Holly called from the kitchen, where she was busy preparing breakfast.

“
I was thinking we should head into town and go to the English Market, see what new food they're selling, hopefully buy something delicious for dinner.”

“
Oh, yeah, that sounds like good fun, auntie,” Simon piped up, managing to distract himself from cartoons for two minutes.

****

“
Do you have enough change for the bus?” Holly asked Rachel as they all clambered on board the bus into Cork city, which was only ten minutes away.

“
I sure do,” she replied, handing her money to the driver, while struggling to maintain her balance as the bus went lurching down the road.

Simon climbed into the seat which was especially reserved for the elderly; it was his favourite spot on the bus. Mia was parked in her buggy at the front and Holly and Rachel squashed in beside each other. Mia spent her time on the bus waving and smiling at everyone and yelling rather exuberant “hiyas” at anyone who didn't make direct eye contact with her.

She was so cute and hilariously funny.

“
She won't have any problems making friends anyway,” Rachel laughed.

“
That's for sure,” Holly grinned, “she'll just bully them into being her friend, whether they want to or not, she'll just “hiya” them into submission, won't you goose?”

Mia reached over to hold her mom's hand. Rachel felt a pang at the close bond mother and daughter had with each other. She wondered if she'd ever find anyone with whom she'd ever want to have children. She hoped so, some day. She was shaken out of her maudlin episode when the bus screeched to an abrupt halt in the city centre.

“
We're here, auntie,” Simon announced from the front of the bus.

“
Thanks Simon,” Rachel smiled at her nephew, as she helped her sister put the buggy on the footpath.

The city was busy with Saturday morning shoppers. Several shops had sale discounts in their windows, but all Rachel could focus on was making her way to the food heaven that is the English Market. It's a foodie’s paradise. She could smell it before she could see it. A veritable medley of aroma and colour greeted her as she made her way inside. She breathed in deeply, savouring the heady atmosphere. Whenever she went travelling, the first thing she always did whenever she returned to Cork was to go and visit the English Market, then she truly knew she was home.

The English Market is one of the oldest markets in the world, trading began there in 1788. It has survived The Famine, wars and fires to serve the people of Cork. There is stall after stall of the very best local and international produce, catering for a wide and eclectic taste. The market has adapted over the years to cater for the diverse tastes of the city's citizens and visitors alike. The range of stalls is almost mind-boggling to the visitor, but not to Rachel, who spent many happy hours strolling through the market, tasting and sampling all that the stalls had to offer. There are stuffed olives from “The Real Olive Company” as well as
chillies, feta cheese, pickles, sun-dried tomatoes, vine leaves, olive oil and dried fruits. She remembered encountering her first olive in 1993, when the stall initially set up. She remembered wondering what those peculiar looking grapes tasted like. The olives were an interesting awakening to her taste buds and she soon became addicted to their unique flavour.

“
The Chocolate Shop” was one of Rachel's favourite stalls, and of course was Simon's favourite too. It has over one hundred different types of chocolate to choose from, ranging from Belgian pralines, truffles to chocolate liqueurs and the classics of milk, white and dark chocolate. Rachel was developing a taste for their chocolate ginger and Simon adored their chocolate marzipan. Holly wasn't a big fan of chocolate, preferring instead cakes, and she was spoilt for choice in The English Market.

“
The Old Mill” cake and confectionery stall provides a mouth-watering array of cakes and pastries. The apple turnovers were Holly's favourite, bursting with the freshest cream and the juiciest apple sauce. She was known to not being able to resist enjoying up to three of these little bites of heaven in one sitting. She often said that looking at them caused her to gain a few pounds, of course the eating had nothing to do with it, her sister would tease.

They made their way upstairs to the renowned “Farmgate Café” which sold a luscious array of food and hot drinks. The sisters couldn't last long without a cuppa before they started to experience withdrawal symptoms. It wasn't long until they were all seated in the balcony area with their mugs of tea and cakes in front of them. They had a superb view over the whole of the market below. Rachel loved people-watching. She could sit for hours watching the world go by.

She found people very interesting, all the different shapes and sizes, hairstyles and colours. She picked up some good fashion tips observing people, both on how to dress and also on how not to dress. She wondered sometimes what people were thinking as they walked by. Some people looked deep in thought, like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders, others were full of joy. It was amazing what you could observe from people simply by how they carried themselves.

“
So, what’s your plan then, Rach?” Holly asked her sister, “I hope you're going to spend some decent time with us. We haven't seen you in ages.”

“
Oh, definitely,” Rachel replied, “I'd like to stay for a few weeks at least, if that's OK with you?”

“
Of course, you can move in forever if you'd like.”

“
Well, I dunno about forever, but a while would be lovely.”

“
So, do you have any idea what you might do next, job-wise, life-wise?” Holly continued her interrogation.

“
No idea whatsoever, girl,” Rachel said. “All I know is that I need to recharge my batteries.” “Yeah, you look a bit peaky alright,” Holly agreed.

“
I was thinking of travelling for a few months, just around Ireland mostly, drive along the coast, total change of scene.”

“
Wow, that

sounds cool, auntie,” Simon piped up with his face covered in chocolate cake, “can I come?” “You can come travelling with me for sure Simon,” Rachel smiled at her nephew.

“
Sounds like fun,” Holly agreed, “are you thinking of staying in various bed and breakfasts around the country?”

“
Yeah, I'll pack the mini with my clothes etc. and if you don't mind I'll store the rest at your house.”

“
No worries at all, girl. So when are you thinking of starting your trip?”

“
I want to hang out with you guys for a while, and spend some time with mom, then I'll probably set off.”

Their conversation was suddenly and rudely interrupted by little Mia throwing her half-eaten chocolate cake at her aunt, and promptly dissolving into giggles. Rachel wiped the cake remnants from her face and gently scolded her niece.

“
Hey, munchkin woman, we'll have no more cake-throwing at your old auntie, OK?”

Mia looked at her and kept giggling.

“
She's a cheeky little monster,” her mother said.

“
Just like her mom,” Rachel said, grinning.

They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering happily around the shops. The sisters checked out all the clothes and book shops and when Simon and Mia had had enough of shopping they took them to the toy shop. “The biggest toy shop in the world,” as Simon called it.

Rachel declared herself cook for the evening, wanting to treat Holly to a night off. She decided to cook a chicken curry followed by a delicious lemon cheesecake, all produce bought in The English Market. It was rare that Rachel cooked anything these days; it wasn't the same cooking for one. She usually just had beans on toast or grabbed a takeaway. She was enjoying her time in the kitchen that evening, savouring the smells and taking her time chopping and mixing and stirring. It was therapeutic. She loved the simple pleasure of cooking, especially for people she loved. It was such a reward to see their faces as they tasted the food she'd cooked for them. Simon rewarded her efforts with “you're the best cooker in the world, auntie”.

He promptly got a loud “excuse me” from his mother, which made him amend his statement to “the best cooker in the world after my mom”. He munched down a big plateful of chicken curry and lay down on the couch with a big, round belly. Mia seemed to enjoy her dinner too, most of it was all over her face, but she made lots of “yummy” noises, so she must have liked it.

Rachel really enjoyed spending time with her niece and nephew. She loved to watch them playing and talking to each other. They were so consumed with what they were doing, completely absorbed in the moment. She was amazed at their utter focus and deep concentration at the task in hand. Mia was consumed with trying to stuff bricks into her mother's handbag. She was having a great time investigating all the nooks and crannies.

“
We could all learn a lot from children,” Holly said, noticing Rachel observing the children. “They are so happy and accepting.”

“
I know,” Rachel agreed, “even the simplest thing makes them happy.”

Chapter 19

Rachel was slowly starting to get to know herself. It was a daunting but fascinating journey in self-discovery, from the very fundamental to the noblest heights of principle and dreams. She was starting at her very foundations and gradually working her way up and out. At the moment she was trying to discover her basics. She realised that she hardly knew herself at all. She wondered if she would even recognise herself in a line-up, she sincerely doubted it, and that thought was quite unnerving.

What was it people said? Admitting you had a problem was the first step to recovery. She bought herself a large mirror, into which she found herself talking quite frequently.

“
Hello, I'm Rachel, and my problem is that I don't know myself at all.”

She looked deep into her own eyes in the reflection as she said it. The enormity of what she had just revealed to herself in the mirror shocked her deeply. All she had ever wanted was someone to tell her everything was going to be OK, that she was OK, that they loved her just as she was and ever would be.

She'd never found anyone who she believed completely when they told her she was OK, not even Tony, who used to compliment her all the time. Something always niggled at her, wondering if he truly meant it. She realised that the problem was that
she
didn't believe she was OK She didn't accept herself. So, how could I possibly expect or believe acceptance from anyone else, she thought. She was starting to realise, gradually, that the only acceptance and approval she would ever need was her own.

She needed to stop searching for the approval of others and start approving and accepting herself, and therein lay her epiphany. She knew she had a long journey ahead of her, possibly a life time's journey but she was determined and committed to discover herself and uncover the life she truly wanted. It was several days before she felt brave enough to face her own reflection in the mirror again. She felt a bit of a mentalist talking to her own reflection, but it was the only way she was able to connect honestly with herself.