Unforgettable (5 page)

More tears fell down my face. My lungs burned from the lack of air.

“This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Nothing could.”

“But you don’t understand…”

“Livia.” His voice was serious. “I’ve known the entire time we’ve been together.”

My heart raced. “What…?”

“Liam and I figured it out. You never take open drinks from anybody. Coupled with your obvious fear of men and hesitance of physical intimacy…I put it together.” He continued to stare at me, the depression heavy in his eyes.

I felt stupid. He knew the whole time? “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I know you, Livia. You would have pushed me away. I wanted you to tell me on your own terms, when you were ready. But I didn’t know it was the reason you didn’t want to be with me…I’m a little hurt you would think something like that would change my love for you.”

“But I’m disgusting—”

“Don’t say that again.” The anger sliced through the air, making me flinch. “Ever.” The threat was in his eyes. “You were the victim of a crime, Livia. That doesn’t make you lose value. It doesn’t change you. It doesn’t make me any less attracted to you.”

“But you don’t know the whole story…”

He didn’t lose his patience. “Some guy took something that didn’t belong to him—something that belongs to me, the man who loves you. That isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. I knew this from the beginning, and it never stopped me from falling head-over-heels in love with you.”

“It wasn’t just one guy…” I hated thinking about it. I hated it.

His face reddened slightly. “What do you mean?” The life left his eyes. His hands left my face, lowering to his sides.

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling small. “Roofies was put in my drink. I started to get confused…disoriented. I was pulled into a bedroom by one of them. He…held me down and did what he did. But then his friends did it too. I was tied up and gagged. I was too weak to fight—”

“Stop.” He raised his hand, silencing me. His eyes were closed.

My heart ached, knowing this would be too much for him.

A tear emerged from one eye then fell down his cheek. He took a deep breath then steadied his emotions. When he opened his eyes again, they were red and wet. “How many?”

“Five…”

He took another deep breath, like he was stabbed.

Seeing the pain on his face made more tears fall. “I’m sorry…”

He ran his hand through his hair, clearly flustered. Then he turned around, hiding his face from me. His chest rose and expanded with his heavy breathing. I’d never seen him lose his control like this.

I knew he wouldn’t be able to look past this. Who would? I was practically a communicable ashtray to a bunch of college students. Whenever I thought about it, I shook with pain.

Scotty turned back around, a little calmer. “Livia…”

Here it is. He’s going to walk away.

“I’m so sorry.” The sincerity was in his eyes. “That never should have happened.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

He wrapped his arm around my waist then pulled me to his chest, nuzzling his face into my neck. He breathed hard, just holding me. “I’m sorry.”

“I know…”

He squeezed me a little harder. “Now everything makes sense…”

I closed my eyes while he held me.

He pulled away then pressed his lips to my forehead. I inhaled deeply, loving the intimate touch we used to share. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Please don’t tell anyone else,” I begged.

“I won’t.”

I loosened my arms around his waist then stepped back. “I should go…”

Confusion spread across his face then he grabbed my hip, squeezing me. “This changes nothing, Livia.” The love burned in his eyes. “You are mine. And I am yours.”

“You…still want me?”

“Of course.” He pulled me back to his chest. “And not just now. But forever.”

I didn’t know what I did to get the love of one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met. He made me feel safe. He loved me even though I was broken. He didn’t judge me for what happened. He saw me as untarnished, unbroken. He brought me back to life every time he touched me.

Scotty scooped me into his arms and carried me into his house. Without asking, I knew where we were going. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he took me into his bedroom. Once he put me on the bed, he took off his shirt and his jeans, not bothering to put on sweatpants. He grabbed a shirt and handed it to me. “Put this on.” He walked out and shut the door.

Slowly, I took off my clothes, feeling numb. Scotty still wanted to be with me. He still loved me. He wasn’t turning his back on me. When he looked at me, he didn’t see them.

I got his shirt on then lay in his bed, letting the stress leave my body. Scotty returned then moved under the sheets. He wrapped his body around mine, caging me like a bird. He pulled me closer even though I was as close as I could get. His hand massaged my back through my shirt.

Nothing was said. Scotty stared at me, the sadness heavy in his eyes.

I stared back at him, memorizing the face I missed so much.

“Livia, you’re going to be okay.”

No one had ever said that to me. Everyone always asked what was wrong with me. They said I was a freak, a loser. They said I made bad decisions, that I deserved every bad thing that ever happened to me. “You think so?”

He gave me a firm look. “I know so.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Scotty

Livia dropped a bomb on me—a nuclear one.

I was devastated thinking one guy took advantage of her, but five? My head was about to explode. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this angry. I wanted to demolish the house. Shit, I wanted to destroy the whole fucking neighborhood.

I hid my anger from her. She only saw my sadness, which was just as prominent as the fury. My attraction to her never changed. I wanted to be inside her, I wanted to make love to her. That was something that couldn’t be denied. But now I understood how long it would take us to ever get there. And I didn’t blame her for that. I couldn’t even imagine how horrific that experience was. I didn’t want to.

I had a lot of questions about that night. But she was too emotional and I was too upset to ask. I just needed to hold her. I couldn’t understand how a guy would take advantage of something beautiful in that way. If they couldn’t get laid, they should just use their hand to get their fix. I never, ever wanted to have a daughter. It was already painful enough with Livia, but I couldn’t imagine how bad it would feel if it were my little girl.

“I’m sorry about everything,” she whispered.

“It’s okay. Water under the bridge, babe.”

“But I know I hurt you…”

“It’s irrelevant now.” My hand moved to her neck and touched the strands of her soft hair. “Livia, I want you to know you’re safe with me. No one will ever hurt you again—I’ll see to it.”

The emotion burned in her eyes. “I already knew that, Scotty.”

“Just making sure.” I stroked her hair until her eyes fell heavy. I watched her face as sleep took over. When her lips parted slightly and her breathing became even, I knew she was gone. I stared at her, organizing all my thoughts and emotions.

Now I had five people to murder. I couldn’t tell Liam the truth so how would this work? I guess I’d have to chase down the remaining five guys on my own. And murder them in cold blood.

Livia finally confessed the truth, so this made my life a little easier. Now I could just ask her for the names. I could kill them off like flies. They would search for the bodies but never find them.

My hands started to shake from thinking about it.

I couldn’t sleep. I knew nightmares would take me. Instead, I stayed awake, watching Livia sleep.

“Come over tonight and I’ll cook dinner,” I said as I walked her to her car.

“You can cook more than breakfast?” she teased.

“A lot more.” I gave her a smile even though I was dying inside.

“Then count me in.”

I opened the door for her. “Sounds good.”

She put her purse down then turned back to me. “Can I…spend the night too?”

Did she really need to ask? “Livia, you’re welcome here anytime. If you wanted to move in, I wouldn’t mind.” I really wouldn’t. Then I could keep an eye on her at all times. No psychos would come after her because they would know she lived with a damn grizzly.

She smiled slightly. “Okay.”

I kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you later, babe.”

“Bye.” She got inside her car then drove away.

I wasn’t going to school today.
No. Fuck no
.

Liam opened the door with a confused look on his face. “Don’t you have class right now?”

“Forget school.” I came in uninvited.

“Please come in,” he said sarcastically.

I gripped my skull while I paced across his living room.

“What’s on your mind?” Liam asked.

“Livia came to my house last night.”

“And?” Hope was in his eyes.

“She told me the real reason why she ended it.”

He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Since she was raped she assumed I would be disgusted with her and want nothing to do with her.”

He sighed. “I was wondering if that was it.”

“She thought she was doing the right thing.”

“Then why are you upset?”

“Because…she told me what really happened.”

Silence stretched while Liam watched me.

“It’s a lot worse than I initially thought.”

“Meaning…?”

“I can’t tell you…but it’s bad, Liam.”

He nodded. “I understand. How can I help?”

“I still need to rip that guy’s head off. You need to hold his shoulders while I snap his spine.” The hatred spewed out of my mouth.

“Are you going to ask her for a name?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to do it yesterday because she was too upset. I’ll need to wait a while.”

“Good idea.”

“But when I get that name, we’re going to war.” I gave him a firm look. “I’m not letting up on this. I will kill him. So you shouldn’t get yourself involved if you aren’t ready for this.”

“What will killing him do?” He remained calm.

“He would get what he deserves.”
Was that a serious question?

“If you’re intending to actually murder him, there will be consequences. If you get caught, it could end your life.”

“So be it.” I was too angry to think straight.

“And how will that help Livia?” Liam asked. “She needs you to help her get through this, to be okay again. Her confidence is shaken and her trust is broken. Work on that, not this asshole.”

“What if it were Keira?” That was a cheap shot but whatever.

He was silent for a long time. “I spent a year cultivating a relationship with her. In that time, I taught her to trust me. I taught her self-defense. And I repaired all that damage that fucker did. With me, she became whole. And when he came after her, she didn’t cower away and become the victim again. She killed him. And that was the greatest peace she would ever find. Honestly, I’m glad it turned out that way. It wouldn’t have helped her if I killed him. It made all the difference in the world.”

For a fighter, he was strangely peaceful. I expected his aggression to come out but he held it in check. “You used to be angry all the time. What happened?”

He gave me a serious look. “Keira happened.”

I was jealous he and Keira had survived all the turmoil and found pure happiness. Livia and I had just begun our journey. I wanted the trust they had, the implicit understanding of one another’s thoughts and feelings. I wanted to be happy. But how could I be when the woman I loved was suffering?

Liam watched me. “You’ll get through it. I know you will.”

“I still want to kill him.”

He was quiet for a long time. “You know I’ll do anything for you, and not just because I’m going to be related to you. You’re a good friend, the best one I got, actually. But think it through first.”

“I don’t want to think,” I said darkly.

“Just put Livia first. That will steer you in the right direction.”

She arrived at my house just when I finished cooking dinner. “Why weren’t you in class today?”

“I had to take care of something.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a quick kiss.

“What?” she asked.

Stop asking questions
. “I needed to talk to Liam.”

“Oh.” She placed her bag on the couch. “Everything okay?”

In so many words…
“Yeah.”

She glanced at the kitchen. “Something smells good.”

“I made pretzel chicken and rice.”

“Pretzel chicken?” She raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of that.”

“It’s my secret recipe.”

“Are you a fighter or a chef?” she teased.

“Neither.” I gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I’m a lover.”

She melted right before my eyes.

“Sit down and let’s eat. I’m starving.”

“Okay.” Her cheeks had a rosy color to them.

I pulled the chair out for her then sat across from her. “How was your day?”

“It was fine. I was bummed when I didn’t see you in class.”

“I just would have distracted you anyway.” I winked at her. It was important to make her comfortable again, to show her that nothing had changed between us. What happened to her wouldn’t affect my love for her. She was still the girl of my dreams, the only woman I wanted. Her image wasn’t tarnished, and my obsession  remained the same.

“You have a point.” She took a bite of her food. “Wow, this is really good.”

“Why are you surprised?”

“You just continue to amaze me.”

“I’m an amazing guy.” I winked again.

“Here comes that cockiness again…” A smile was on her lips and she was on the verge of laughing.

I’m glad I was making her loosen up again. “I’m surprised you aren’t cocky too. Join the fun.”

“I have nothing to be cocky about.”

I laughed. “You’re just the most beautiful girl in the world…no big deal.”

“No, I’m not,” she said seriously.

“Then you don’t see what I see.” I drank my water then returned it to the table.

“I don’t know what you see in me…you are way hotter.”

I cocked an eyebrow. I’d never heard her compliment my appearance in a vulgar way. I caught her staring at me a few times, but that was the most of it. “You think I’m hot?”

The redness that appeared on her face told me she realized her mistake. “I just meant you have a really nice body…I mean…you’re really cute.” She panicked and tried to rectify the statement.

I smirked. “I like knowing you think I’m hot…and have a nice body.”

She wouldn’t look at me because she was so embarrassed.

I let her crawl into her hole and gather herself again. Honestly, it was kinda fun. I always wondered if she thought of me in that way. Every other girl did, but I thought Livia was immune. But I guess not.

I don’t think she’s always felt that way. In the beginning, I think she wasn’t affected by it, at least not like the other girls. She didn’t start to notice my physical attributes until she noticed my soul. And that’s how I wanted it. I was over cheap and superficial sex. I wanted to be loved for who I was, not my appearance. She and I had that in common. “Want to watch
Gone with the Wind
?”

Her eyes moved back to me, surprised by the subject change. “Sorry?”

“It was my mom’s favorite movie. She used to force me to watch it with her. By the fifth time I saw it, I didn’t hate it so much.”

“Sure…I love that movie.”

I cleared the plates and put them in the sink.

“Let me wash them. You always do all the work.”

My hand moved to her arm. “No, you’re my guest.”

“Just let me—”

I silenced her with the threat in my eyes.

“Nevermind…”

Good choice.

We cuddled on the couch and watched the movie. Certain things reminded me of my parents. Music, TV, paintings…they were everywhere. While it pained me, I didn’t want to forget their memory. I kept them alive by doing things just like I used to, like watching this movie.

“I’m sorry about your parents,” she whispered. Her head was on my chest and her arm was around my stomach.

“I know.” My hand glided through her hair.

“I won’t leave you again…as long as you want me.”

That reassurance was what my heart desired most. “I’ll always want you. So it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

“I like being stuck with you.”

When the movie was over, it was bedtime.

“Such a classic,” she said.

“Yeah. My mom watched it about a hundred times.” I scooped her up and carried her into my room, just like tradition. When I set her on my bed, she glanced at my bare walls. “Did you…throw away my painting?”

It was still in Keira’s room. I hadn’t returned it to the living room. It was too painful. “No. I still have it.”

“Oh.”

“It was just too hard to look at. I already missed you like crazy and it just made me depressed.”

“I understand…”

I got ready for bed then got under the covers. She changed in the bathroom then joined me under the sheets. Her slight form barely made a dip in the bed. Her smell dispersed everywhere, filling my nostrils and making me relax. She only wore one of my shirts, no bottoms.

Her hand rested on my chest, right over my heart. “Can I ask you something?”

“What I said still stands; you can ask me anything.”

“What happened with that girl…?”

“The one at the party?” I knew this would come up eventually. When she was running from me, I didn’t have a chance to explain anything.

“Yeah.” Her voice was weak, barely audible.

“I was drinking at the bar with the guys. Then they left and she moved in. I wasn’t thinking clearly and she wanted to hook up. It was clear we would never get back together so I thought it would make me feel better.” I didn’t sugarcoat it for her. I didn’t believe in lying. “When we got back to my place, we got naked. She kneeled at the bed and gave me head. It felt good for a second and then I thought about you. I couldn’t go through with it so I asked her to leave.”